11 Back of My Mind

My breathing becomes deeper and ragged as I dial my mother’s number. It always takes a few seconds to connect an international call, but once it’s connected there is no lag or anything.

“Moore-Hill residence,” chirps a happy voice from the line.

I can’t stop the smile that spreads on my face, “Good morning, Angela. You sound lovely.”

“Damian!” she shouts with excitement. I have to hold the phone a little away from my face as to not rupture an eardrum. “How are you doing?”

“I’m just fine. How are you, shrimp?”

Angie is seven years younger than me, but I’ve always adored her. She’s the best little sister in the world. Usually when there is such a big gap there is distance in the relationship, but not with us. I love the little shrimp.

“Ugh, don’t call me that. I’m almost 16; I’m not a kid anymore,” she lectures me.

I turn to lie on my side facing Toph who’s now lying flat on his back above the covers with his arms behind his head. I tuck the arm that’s not holding the phone under my head, “You’ll always be a kid to me.”

“What do you want, Damian?” I know she means it threateningly, but I can hear the contentment in her voice. She loves when she gets to talk to me.

“Pushy,” I chuckle. “I would like to talk to mum. Is she around?”

“She cooking up breakfast,” my sister tells me. “I’ll go grab her, hang on.”

My mum still has a corded phone in her lounge.

After a few minutes, my favorite voice comes over the line, “Damian? Is that you?”

“Hey mum!” I feel like a kid every time we talk. She’s just so motherly.

“I’ve been trying to call you for the last two day. Where have you been, Ducky?” she calls me by my childhood nickname, still.

Looking up into my best friend’s blue eyes, I see that he’s staring at me, “I’ve been with Topher.”

“Oh my, how is he doing?” she asks politely.

I chuckle, “He’s good. He sends his best.”

“Hello, Mrs. Moore-Hill,” Toph shouts from next to me.

She giggles and answers him, “Hello, Christopher.”

Moving the phone from my face a little, I address my best friend, “She says ‘hello Christopher’. And she giggled.”

“I like the sound of that,” he whispers loud enough for me to hear, but not my mother.

“Hang on, mum,” I tell her and cover the mouth piece before looking back at Toph. “You like my mother’s giggle? That’s just wrong.”

“No, weirdo,” he laughs. “I like how you say Christopher.”

“Oh,” I give him a questioning look as I pull the phone back to my face. Shaking my head, I turn my attention back to the woman who gave birth to me, “Sorry, Christopher had to ask me a question.” I smile knowingly at his pleased look.

“It’s very late there. You’re still at his flat?” she asks me.

“Yea, we have some stuff to take care of for the movie tomorrow,” I lie to her.  “It was easier to stay on his sofa and leave in the morning together.”

“That’s nice, Ducky. I’ve been worried about you,” she can make me feel guilty faster than anyone.

Swallowing and taking a deep breath, I start to turn so I’m not looking at my new husband. He stops me before I get all the way over and pulls me to him.

The thing is I don’t want to look at him while I tell my mum that we got married. Without thinking about it, I lay my head on his toned chest.

His heartbeat is calming as is the hand that he runs through my unruly brown hair.

“Mum, I have something to tell you,” I murmur into the phone.

It’s silent for a few beats before she says, “Are you okay, Damian?”

“No, no I’m fine. It’s just- I did something a bit out of character and I thought I would tell you before you read it in the news,” my stomach turns as I pick at Topher’s pajama bottoms with my free-hand.

“Are you in some kind of trouble?” her voice comes out worried as mother’s do.

Drawing in a deep breath, I try to settle my nerves, “No, I just- well. I guess, I, um…”

“Do get on with it. I’m about to have a heart-attack,” my mother all but demands.

“I got married,” I shut my eyes as if that will protect me from whatever she’s about to say.

She quiet for a few seconds, then, “That’s different. To whom and why were we not invited?”

“It was kind of on a whim,” I tell her avoiding the first question.

“To whom, Damian?” she reiterates probably sensing my hesitation.

Turning over, I leave my head in the same spot, but I look up at Topher’s face, “Christopher.”

He smiles, which oddly, makes my heart calm a little. His hand continues to run through my hair, but he doesn’t break eye contact.

“Christopher?” It sounds like she’s just making sure.

I nod, even though I know she can’t see me, “Yea. As in Topher Ashton; my best mate.”

“I didn’t know you were gay, Ducky,” she tells me, but I can’t depict any emotions in her voice.

It’s killing me really. I want to know what she thinks. I know we’re getting a divorce or whatever, but for some reason I really want her approval.

“Me neither,” I confess. I don’t add that I’m pretty sure I’m not.

“How did this come about?”

This one I don’t know how to answer. I can’t really tell my mum that I got pissed and married him. I can’t tell her that we thought it was funny because we had been drinking all night. This was my mum for goodness sake.

“It just did. It felt right,” I bite my lip as I await her reaction.

“Hmm,” she sounds like she’s thinking about it. “Let me talk to Christopher.”

“What? Why?” I question scrunching my brows together.

She voice is stern when she says, “Because I am your mother and I want to talk to him.”

“Yes ma’am,” I grumble as I sit up. Offering him the phone, I tell him, “She wants to speak with you.”

“Am I in trouble?” he asks as he takes it from me and sits as well.

I shrug and lay back down so that my head is in his lap and I can stare up at him, “She wouldn’t tell me.”

My husband puts the small device to his ear as he straightens his legs out and leans back against the couch so that my neck is more comfortable, “Hello, Mrs. Moore-Hill. How are you today?” There’s a pause, “I’m fine, thank you.” A few more seconds of tense silence he says, “Yes ma’am.” He nods his head, but continues to listen a minute before visibly relaxing, “Of course; very much.” His smile seems genuine as he pays attention to one of the most important women in my life. It makes my breathing a little easier.

Well, that and the hand that keeps running through my hair.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Toph says into the phone. “Yes, I’ll be there.” He chuckles, “That sounds like a great idea. I’m sure he would like that a lot.” There’s another minutes or so where his smile turns to a grin and he looks down at me, “I completely agree.” His smile appears again, “I can do that.”

“Right now?” he asks a second later. He shrugs, then leans over and pulls my head to his planting our lips together quickly. When he puts the phone back to his ear, he says, “Done.” He laughs again, then, “Alright, Mrs. Moore-Hill, it was nice talking to you too.”

His smile is addictive. Or at least that why I tell myself I’m smiling and not because he just kissed me.

“Can I call you ‘mom’ instead of ‘mum’? I am American after all,” I hear Toph ask her with a chuckle. “Alright Mom, I’ll talk to you soon. Did you want to talk to Day?” He smiles as he leans the phone down in my direction, “She wants to say goodbye.”

I arch my eyebrow at him before snatching the phone, but not moving my body, “Mum?”

“Yes, Ducky,” she confirms.

“What was that?” I ask her more than a little confused.

She giggles and it makes my heart sore. Giggles mean acceptance, “I had to make sure your husband was a good guy, now didn’t I?”

“I suppose,” I narrow my eyes at Toph.

“I approve. Plus he’s so handsome, how could I not?”

“Thanks Mum,” this is more and more confusing by the second. “But that was a long conversation for you just to tell him he’s handsome.”

My mother and husband both laugh as my smile grows. What a lovely sound.

“You can ask him about the conversation later, Ducky. I have to go so I don’t burn the sticky buns. Give him a kiss for me,” she tells me in a very motherly tone.

My brown eyes don’t leave my best friend’s blue ones as I agree with her.

“Go on,” she urges.

My brow scrunches, “Now?”

“Yes Ducky, I have to go,” she tells me as if it’s obvious that every mother wants their son to kiss his new husband for them. “Make it a good one. He’s very attractive.”

“Mother,” I scold her.

She chuckles as I blush, “Go on then, I don’t have all day.”

Putting my hand at the back of his neck and sitting up a little, I put my mouth to my husband’s. Unlike his sweet peck, I mold my lips to his and linger for just a second; closing my eyes before letting myself gently disconnect and lay back down.

“Done,” my response is a little more breathless than I meant it to be.

“That’s my boy,” apparently she noticed my panting voice. “I presume you’re actually living together now.”

My eyebrows shoot up, not having thought about that before, “Uh, yea, well I guess.”

She makes a noise of approval, “Be good, you two. I’m not old enough for grandkids.”

“Really, Mum? Not even possible,” I’m sure my cheeks are bright pink as I avoid eye-contact.

She chuckles before, “Both of you give me a call tomorrow, will you?”

“Yes, Mum,” I swallow and shut my eyes, not wanting to see Topher’s expression.

“Goodbye, Ducky.”

“Bye, Mum,” I open my eyes to press the end button and hand Toph his phone.

He takes it without taking his eyes off of mine. My best friend doesn’t break the connection as he discards the phone and lifts my head slightly. In one swift move, he moves his legs out from under my head and lies down next to me. In the next, he’s hovering over me with so much passion in his gaze that I have to literally swallow back my nervousness.

He lowers himself slowly, giving me time to move or tell him no. Instead, I wrap my hands around the back of his neck and pull him the rest of the way.

In the back of my mind, I know that this kiss is closely rooted to the one I gave him while I was still on the phone with my mother. In the back of my mind, I know that we agreed to get a divorce. In the back of my mind, I know that I pulled away from him earlier and I shouldn’t give him the wrong impression. But in the front of my mind, I have this amazing, handsome, talented, and accepted husband that seems to love me and actually wants this to work.

Needless to say, I listen to the front of my mind on this one.