Chapter 61: A Man’s Conviction

I spent the day in a state of bliss and serenity, taking in the sight, sounds, and smells of my two newest daughters—they were perfect in every way, as beautiful as their mothers. Indeed, Daisy’s daughter, Bonnibelle, almost looked like a little clone of her.

They looked like babies. Normally that would be a crazy thing to feel like I needed to mention, but given how my kids with Bonny were only three months old and somehow looked like they were maybe five or six years old, it bore mentioning. What was a bit weird about them was that they were born with full heads of hair and little nubs on the side of their heads where their horns would soon come in.

One of the first rituals after a monster girl was born, I learned, was cutting the hair. Daisy fashioned Bonnibelle’s hair after her own, in a golden brown ponytail, while May Belle kept her daughter’s long and worn down, but Vale had made an earthy green headband that we tied around her head.

They were so cute it blew my mind. The novelty of them was intense—but the novelty of my other daughters hadn’t died down in the least. I played with the bunny girls and took tremendous pride and joy in introducing them to their brand new half-sisters.

“They’re so little,” Flopsy noted. “When can we play with them?”

“Well,” I said, “I think you can probably play with them pretty soon, but don’t expect them to run around and chase you for a while.” I was grinning the whole time, imagining my little girls playing together happily, running through Tater Town, causing all kinds of little fusses.

“Can I hold her?” Flopsy asked, pointing at Lily, May Belle’s daughter.

I shrugged. “I don’t know, can you? Can you lift her? How about you sit down and May Belle can put her in your lap. Is that all right, babe?” I asked.

May Belle, who looked utterly knackered, nodded with a serene smile as she studied her baby and placed it in the bunny girl’s lap.

“She smells like Aunt May Belle,” Flopsy grinned.

May Belle laughed at that. “Okay? Thanks, I guess?”

“It’s a nice smell,” the bunny girl nodded, smiling down at her half-sister. “Lily is gonna be my best friend.”

Tears stung the corners of my eyes, and I had to excuse myself lest I be entirely overwhelmed by the scene. “I’m going to go get some blankets for the babies. It’s getting cold out here,” I noted.

“Sounds good, honey,” Daisy said, looking up at me for a moment, but today her eyes were all for Bonnibelle.

I grinned and headed inside, giving myself some space. I was… happy. So happy, so proud and full of purpose that it overwhelmed me. I needed some space from the kids, just for a second, to give my brain some time to reprogram itself, letting my little girls occupy the appropriate amount of space in my heart.

I saw Autumn back in the room, gathering up sheets and pillows, apparently having the same idea as me.

“Oh, Bucky!” she said, smiling softly at me. “Congratulations!”

“Thank you,” I replied. We paused, just staring at each other. She was sad. I could tell. There wasn’t any hiding it, though she tried.

“I was just, umm, grabbing some stuff for the babies. They’ll be sleeping in Etherea’s cottage tonight—it’s too crowded here for their first night.”

I nodded, my eyes fixed on hers. I opened my mouth to say something, but then let it hang for a few seconds before ultimately working up the courage. “Autumn, I need to let you in on something.”

Her cat eyes went wide with curiosity. “Yes?”

“I’m leaving tonight,” I said. “I’m going east, to the woods you spoke of.”

She shook her head, almost laughing at the ridiculousness of it. “You’re not even close to ready, Bucky.”

“I don’t care,” I said. “I’m not sitting on my ass waiting for danger to come to me. I’ll wear armor.”

Autumn studied me with eyes half-closed. “By the gods, you’re serious aren’t you? Hell, if I knew that all it would take to get you to take the mission seriously was to get you some kids, I would’ve made you knock me up ages ago.”

I didn’t crack a smile—though I’d chuckle about it later. There was truth in that observation.

“Autumn, I’m telling you because I need to tell someone. The others wouldn’t be able to handle knowing I was doing this.”

“And I can?” she asked.

“You’re the one who’s on the same page with me about the importance of the mission.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Sounds like you’re finally getting on the same page as me.” Autumn paused, considering me. “This is a bad idea, Bucky. You’ll get hurt. And no one will be there to save you and drag you home this time.”

“I’ll keep Blue close,” I shrugged.

Autumn shook her head forcefully. “Take Etherea. She can heal you and she can keep a secret.”

My eyes went wide, and I let out a sigh of relief. “So you agree with me.”

“No, but I can’t stop you. It’s not my place. And I’m not going to betray your trust and tell the others. But you are putting me in a tight spot, knowing this. If people ask where you are, I’ll have to lie for you.”

She was right. I frowned at that. “Make yourself scarce. I’ll try to return before anyone notices I’ve left.”

“When are you leaving?”

“As soon as the babies are asleep,” I shrugged. “Soon.”

She nodded with her eyes closed. “Talk to Etherea.”

“I will,” I said. “I promise.”

She said nothing, just staring at me sadly, and that permanent downcast look ripped at me.

“You sacrificed so much for me.”

Autumn’s eyes flooded instantly with tears. “I don’t regret it. I saved you, but—I can’t sleep. Every time I sleep, I have nightmares. I’ve lost my connection to my sisters and cousins—I’ve even lost my connection to the gods. Winter will have to take you to see them in my place. I’m… I’m useless now.”

I stepped toward her and pulled her in tight. “Fuck, Autumn, don’t say that. You’re everything.”

“No, I—”

“I’d be dead without you. And I know that you’ve still got some fight left in you. But…” I took a deep breath. “I wish you told me about the nightmares earlier.”

“You haven’t been back long,” she shrugged. “I’m sorry—”

“Don’t ever apologize to me,” I said, kissing her on the forehead, letting her melt and sob into my arms. “You’re everything. I've got you. I’m going to make this right for you as soon as I can, I promise.”

I expected her to make excuses for me, to tell me that I didn’t need to do that. Autumn was strong, so I knew—I thought, anyway—she would try to deflect and dodge my attempts to help her. But she didn’t, and it broke my heart.

She looked into my eyes, a pleading look on her face, and said, “Please hurry.”

***

The beautiful busty moon elf glared at me with an open-mouthed look of confusion. “Just tell me why, hero.”

I sighed. We were seated by the campfire. My holstaurs went to bed, sleeping with the babies, and I would not be needed with them tonight as the first night was an important bonding ritual that fathers typically weren’t expected to be a part of. In other circumstances, that might have annoyed me, but it kept the girls occupied and off my tail, so tonight I welcomed it.

“I know it might seem foolhardy and irrational,” I confessed, scratching the scars on my arm. “But I—I feel like half a man right now. I can’t hold my own kids without feeling pain. If the nymph’s tears will accelerate my healing, and remove the curse from my dragon scars, then I can be strong enough to be a father.”

She smirked. “A sweet notion. You’re a good man, and you’ll be a wonderful father.”

I shrugged. “I’ll be an okay dad.”

“Many breeders are okay dads. Some are good fathers, even. I’ve seen several such men over the years who had a passion for rearing their children and took parenting seriously, even though monster girl culture expects little from fathers due to the standard lifestyles of breeders and heroes. But, Bucky, you’ll be a wonderful father. I can tell. But—”

I waited for that 'but.' I knew it was coming.

“—At this rate, you’ll be a dead father. And your children will have no father at all.”

She had a point. “I know it's rash,” I admitted. “I don’t expect you to understand—”

A pained look caused her to flinch at that choice of words, and I instantly realized I’d said something wrong. I stopped what I was saying dead in my tracks and just waited.

“I had a daughter once,” Etherea said.  “I do understand. Nothing comes before them.”

I closed my eyes, instantly sensing the direction this conversation was headed. The secondhand pain I was already feeling was so intense. That look in her eyes—the look of a woman who’d lost a child.

“Etherea, I’m so sorry. I had no idea—” but she held up a hand to silence me.

“You don’t know because I made a point not to talk about my past. I’ve lived through much in the last three centuries. The death of the man I thought would care for me forever. The death of a child. The deaths of my sisters—all at the hands of demons and their dark elven worshipers.

I could say nothing. I just looked at her, her arms still crossed, her posture still guarded, but the feeling behind it was different now. She wasn’t crossing her arms out of anger anymore, but out of vulnerability.

“Anyway,” she continued, wiping her eyes. “I do understand. You’re a good man, Bucky, and although I think you’re a fool for risking yourself, I respect your motivation. I will go with you and act as support, keeping your pain to a minimum and healed as much as I can.”

“Thank you.” It’s all I could manage. The stone I felt in my throat threatened to choke me. “I’m so sorry, Etherea.”

She smiled. “I’ve moved on,” she lied. “I’m thankful I have a man like you as the father of my own child.”

I winced at that, looking at her belly. She was showing, but only slightly. “Is it safe for you to come with me?”

She smiled. “Elves are resilient and long-lived, and our pregnancies are tougher than that of humans or even most monster girls. As long as I’m fine, our baby will be fine.”

I shook my head. It was too insane. “No. This is wrong,” I said. “Never mind. I can’t ask you to do this.”

“Well, then I won’t let you go,” she shrugged, and before I could say anything else she added, “Try me.”

I smirked. “You hang back, then. Don’t put yourself in front of me, no matter what.”

Etherea agreed to that with an affirmative nod of her head.

When the rest of Tater Town was indoors, I summoned Blue out in the field with a whistle. Etherea and I got onto his back and ascended together into the sky, wrapping her arms around my waist as we flew.

We headed east. Most of the journey was spent in utter silence as we traveled throughout the night. Blue was much faster now than he was when I first got him, so a journey which might have taken twelve hours a few months ago now took perhaps half of that. If we were damn lucky, we could find a nymph within a few hours of landing and then head back in time for lunch before people noticed I was gone. They would figure I was out on patrol—or they would notice Etherea was gone and assume we were out together.

It was definitely a bit fucked up that we didn’t offer more of an explanation, but I was hopeful we wouldn’t need to. I was hopeful we’d return to Tater Town with no one any the wiser for our absence.

The journey was still long, though, and sitting in one position for six hours was brutal. We passed over mountains, a river, plains, and more on the way to our destination. The sight of those trees on the horizon was quite a rush, just knowing that the journey had finally come to a close.

But we were in another land now. This was outside the Goblin Queen’s area of control. According to Autumn’s geography and history lessons, this was Demon Queen territory, and I’d do well to remember it. We started our descent, slowly at first, as the thick brambly trees of the Darkwood grew larger and nearer with each passing minute. Somehow, I wasn’t surprised when I saw large, horned bat-like creatures charging toward us, descending from the clouds.

“Well, fuck,” I grunted, pointing them out to Etherea. “Guess it’s time for my first aerial battle.”

“Be careful, hero,” Etherea said, squeezing my waist in a show of nerves.

I groaned. I wasn’t sure how to be careful with three demons flying directly at me, but I would definitely need to heed her suggestion. With the bandage still across my chest, I wasn’t in any condition to suffer additional damage.

“Careful,” I repeated. “Right. Sexy System Voice, what are my Qualities again?”

“Inseminator, Lancer, Dragoner, and Work-Horse.”

I recoiled every time she said ‘inseminator,’ but right now Lancer and Dragoner sounded pretty good. Well, the voice told me before that the ticket to unlocking a greater understanding of these powers was experimentation.

So… Guess it’s time to experiment.