Hi everyone,
This contains a sexual part. If you don't feel comfortable then please skip it. I don't really know if I feel very comfortable with writing something like that. So please let me know what you think.
xx
---------
Margaux called me all panicking that night. She had a fight with her parents and didn't know where to go. She keeps seeing her ex everywhere and is not in a good place. We talked for over an hour before I convinced her to just come here. I don't know if Tom and Fabio sleep in the paddock this weekend or at my house, but they can always take one bed together and I share another with Margaux if needed.
After the phone call I stayed at the table. My head in my hands. I don't have a hangover, like the boys had, but I have a bad headache.
It doesn't take long for Fabio to come back down and sit next to me.
"You coming to bed?", He asks quietly.
I shake my head, "Margaux will be here in 4 to 5 hours. She's staying here for a few weeks"
"Why don't you go to bed in the meantime? We'll set an alarm to be awake for when she arrives"
I slowly look up, his eyes are sad. He carefully watches me like I could break at any time.
"I can't sleep", I tell him.
"Maybe you can tell me what happened last night?", Fabio pulls a hand through his messy hair. It looks so soft and I feel an urge to do the same, but I don't.
"Come on, Julie. I know something did happen. We had the best time Sunday and now I can't even touch you"
"I can't say I liked the drunken version of you. But they say drunken men tell the truth. So what you said must be true", I whisper slowly. I stand and turn to Fabio, "maybe we should go to bed, like you suggested"
"I want to know what you're talking about. And if you don't want to say it, maybe you should tell me why you suddenly want us to have sex? Why we 'should just get it over with'? I think it's something special. Not something we have to check off a box and move on", Fabio's voice gets louder and stronger. He's getting upset.
"You want to right? You jerk yourself off in the shower and I see the looks you give me and the bulges in your boxers. So maybe we shouldn't make a big deal out of it and just do it. That's what you did with Clarisse"
"Is this about what happened in Mugello and Monaco?", Fabio asks a little confused. We already talked about that, so he probably doesn't understand why I bring it up.
"No.. but you think I'm a tease, right? I get you all excited with what I say, what I wear and then don't do anything about it", my voice is hard, I'm getting angry with him, while he has no idea what's going on. I know it's not fair, but I can't stop. And maybe deep down, he knows exactly what I'm talking about. Because he really thinks it.
"I don't think that, I would never think that", Fabio says shocked.
"You know, I don't even know if I can believe that", I don't know what's the truth anymore. "You told me I'm a tease. Right after you put my hand on your dick and told me I needed to finish what I started. And after I said no, you tried again", tears start to fall again and I stand by the window again. It's dark, so there's nothing to see, but it's better than looking at Fabio now. I can't look at him.
"I.. I don't remember ", he finally speaks.
"It's okay. Nothing happened and it's just words right. I'm just glad I know what you really think. And if Alex says it and you say it, it must be true", I dry my eyes, turning back around, "so maybe we should finish what I started"
"I don't think that. I don't want to have sex", he screams at me. He has tears in his eyes as well.
"Okay, that's clear too. I'm gonna go for a walk", I say calmer than I feel.
Tom runs down the stairs as fast as he can. He stands still, taking it all in, "What's going on?"
"Nothing. I'm just gonna go for a walk. You can go back to sleep", I say quietly, I put my shoes back on.
"It's not nothing", Fabio says, anger still in his voice.
"Look, I was perfectly happy with how things were before last night. I didn't say or do those things. So don't get mad at me. I'm trying not to make a big deal out of it and not get stressed out. I have enough stress as it is", I walk towards the door, ready to walk away.
"Don't walk away now", Fabio says sternly, "I'm done with chasing you"
"Well, then I don't know what we're doing here anymore. You think I'm a tease, you don't want to have sex with me and you're done chasing me. I think this was a pretty short relationship", I bite my lip to stop the tears. I don't want to cry right now.
"Okay, this is going nowhere. You both are going upstairs and talk in your bedroom", Tom says, shutting us both up.
"Julie, please. Just talk to each other", Tom sees the look on my face.
What is there to talk about? Why are we even together? He doesn't want to have sex. And while I'm not ready and don't really want it right now, I want it some day, maybe some day soon. But he doesn't, isn't that a thing you should want to do, to even start a relationship? Isn't that a big deal?
Well maybe I am a tease. Maybe they like to chase me and have me but then they lose interest.
I eventually nod. When Tom's like this, you can't go against it.
I walk up the stairs and sit down on the bed. Fabio closes the door and stands close to it.
"I'm truly really sorry for what I did and said. I don't remember anything", he begins.
"Yes, I know. You've been saying that all day. I just don't know what we're even doing here anymore", I pull my hair up in a messy bun.
"What do you mean?", He sighs. He's exhausted and it's freaking race week. He can't be exhausted. Not because of me. I don't want to be the reason he's not doing well.
"Why are we even together? You're apparently not really into me. So is this just pity?", my voice cracks. I'm trying hard not to cry, but the tears build up in my eyes.
"I really like you. I am into you", he defends. He leans against the door and he looks so exhausted, all I really want to do is put him in bed and take care of him. I don't care if he doesn't like or love me like I love him. I can handle the hurt, I just need to take care of him.
"It's okay. You aren't attracted enough to want to have sex with me. I think that's one of the things you need in a relationship. Maybe that's why you did what you did in Monaco. But please don't lie to me", I say calmly. I feel calm. Really sad and devastated, but calm.
"I want to have sex, but I want it to mean something. Not the checking of a box like you suggest. That's just a fuck and I can get that everywhere", he sighs again, his eyes closed. "I am attracted to you, very attracted. I barely can contain myself when I'm with you. But I want to do this the good way, the right way.", he pulls both hands through his hair. He almost pulls his hair out.
"I don't want a meaningless fuck. I've had enough of those. I want to make love to you. That's special and I've never done that. And maybe I'm not ready for that yet", my tears fall down. And not just one or two, but they stream down. I can't even stop them. Make love?
"Yes, I get horny when I'm drunk and I shouldn't have been drunk and I should contain myself. But I don't think that you are a tease. You are the first girl that can turn me on with just walking in a room. With just a few words. And when you walk around in those nightgowns, I want nothing more than take it off. See you naked again. Your beautiful body, but that doesn't make you a tease"
I blush through my tears. When he says stuff like this I instantly believe him. This is how he really feels.
"What now?", I ask after a few minutes of silence.
"I hope I didn't screw things up yesterday. Because I really don't want this to stop", he looks at me with sad eyes.
"Me neither", I stand and walk to him slowly and carefully, watching his reaction. I pull my hand through his hair and he closes his eyes, sighing softly, I press my lips against his in a slow passionate kiss. I pull him away from the door and walk backwards to the bed. Fabio guides me down and crawls on top of me. Our lips stay connected. I slowly pull his shirt up and we break apart, so he can pull it off completely.
He places kisses on the side of my neck to the front when I slowly stop him.
"Skip that part, the skin is still burning from this morning", I mumble. I want to continue but the skin there is so sensitive and the little stubble he has scratches against it.
He nods, looking deep in my eyes. I pull his lips to mine again. This kiss is a little shorter. I pull away to take off my shirt. Fabio's hands are underneath and I really want it gone.
Fabio looks a little unsure when I take the bottom of my shirt in my hands, but I nod smiling. He then helps me pull it off. Leaving me in my bra and jeans. Fabio is only in his boxers and he looks at me with adoration. His hands are still at my sides and he's quiet. I blush a little and slowly let my hands go over his body. He shutters at the touch.
I put one hand on his boxers, a little unsure of what to do next. I feel him harden against my hand. My other hand is on his neck and I pull him down for a soft kiss. My other hand is still on his boxers when I break the kiss.
"I want to make you feel good, please help me", I mumble a little shy. I really don't know what to do.
"You don't have to", Fabio strokes a few hairs out of my face.
"I want to, if you want to", I say, rubbing my hand against him slowly.
Fabio nods, letting out a small moan, "please don't do that. Or I'll finish in seconds"
He shifts so he's laying next to me on his side. "Do you want them off?", He asks, I nod.
His boxers go off and I see his erection standing with pride. It's a little wet already and I let my fingers go over the tip. Fabio jerks and moans at the contact. He takes my hand in his and guides it the right way.
I slowly move up and down and he groans, his eyes briefly close.
"This feels so good", when he opens his eyes, his pupils are a little dilated.
I continue my movements and go a little faster. Fabio is breathing heavy and moaning. He pulls me closer and connects our lips in a heated kiss.
"I'm gonna cum soon", he says against my lips. I go a little faster and before I know it, I feel his sticky, warm sperm on my abdomen.
Fabio moans and jerks and I continue the movement slowly, till his hand stops mine.
He sighs, laying back and closing his eyes for a few seconds.
"I've never finished so fast. That was amazing", he lazily smiles. It looks like he's in some kind of bliss.
He pecks my lips a few times, before getting up.
"I'll be right back", he says before going to the bathroom.
I sigh, looking at the ceiling. I've done this once with Alex, but it took forever and he didn't really seem into it. But Fabio looked like he was in another world. And the sound of his moans and groans..
He walks back in with a wet cloth and a towel. He cleans my belly and hand and cleans himself, before getting a clean pair of boxers and putting it on. Laying back down, next to me.
"You okay?", He asks quietly.
"Yes, I am", I don't know what to do now, I feel embarrassed for not knowing what to do. "I should put some clothes on"
Fabio lays a hand on my arm to stop me, "You don't have to be embarrassed"
I look up surprised, how does he know I feel embarrassed?
"I notice more about you than you think. If you feel uncomfortable, please wear a shirt. But come lay back down. I want to cuddle with you and enjoy this moment"
I decide against a shirt and lay down on his chest instead. "I wish I knew how to do this", I whisper.
"How to do what?", He caresses my hair and softly kisses the top of my head.
"This. It's all new to me. I don't even know what I just did. Let alone how to act. Do I do this again? Do I need to use my mouth? Do I ask for the same? Do I need to expect the same? Do I need to undress myself further or put my clothes back on?", I ramble. My voice is quiet, almost a whisper, but the thoughts in my mind are hard. I almost don't hear anything else.
"You don't need to do anything. You don't need to act a certain way. I just want you to do what you feel like, what you want to do", Fabio tells me, shutting up all my thoughts. "And as for what we just did. I think it was amazing. And I gladly make you feel just as good. But only if you want it"
It's quiet, quiet in the room and quiet in my mind.