After a long night with barely any sleep and lots of nightmares, I managed to get on the plane in time.
Flying to Madrid only took two hours and to Jerez it was another hour. Tom managed to get me connecting flights. So I was there in no time.
"Juul", I hear a voice I desperately needed to hear. I rush to Tom as fast as possible. My luggage falling next to me, so I can hug him tight.
"I'm so happy to see you", I tell him a few tears making their way down my face.
"Well, I'm really happy you are here as well. Much better than alone in your apartment", he wipes away my tears. "Come, let's get to the car"
Tom takes my luggage and walks in front of me. The car is close to the exit and of course it's a sports car. A fast car with lots of options.
"I should've known", Tom smiles at my remark.
Inside the car, Tom tells me we're going to the circuit right away.
"You'll sleep in my room in the motorhome and I'll sleep with Mathilde. We didn't want you alone in some hotel room", he explains.
I nod, one day and night alone in an hotel room was enough for me. "Are you busy today?", I don't want to keep him from his job.
"No, Fabio is golfing with Riccardo today. I only have some preparations tonight", he smiles, "Mathilde is away with some friends. So I'm here for you"
"Thank you. Maybe we can talk a bit, somewhere private", I need to tell Tom everything that happened.
"Yeah, let's get you settled in first"
He rides to the circuit, through security and parks the car nearby the motorhome. He takes my luggage and we get inside. I've never been inside one, but it's like a little house. It has all the rooms a house has. And it's more spacious than I thought.
Tom makes me a cup of tea and we sit in the living room.
"Okay, so I'm gonna tell you everything, but please be patient. Let me finish first", I ask. Taking a deep breath before I start.
"I'm not okay. I won't be okay for a long time I think. After what happened, I quit my job. They didn't allow my sick leave, so I just quit. I can't work, at least I don't think I can. I can't really handle the touching part. I don't trust men anymore. You touching my arm, makes me flinch. And I trust you with my life. It's the unexpected touches", I tell him.
Taking another deep breath, I continue. "I feel empty and I feel numb. But at the same time, I feel like it's my fault", I see Tom getting angry. "Let me finish, please.. I saw Alex yesterday. I was doing good, I felt a little better and then I ran into him. He called me.. a.. a.. w-whore. And told me it was my fault with my tight clothes. I led him on, I teased him. And and h-he told me, he'd came back last night and would finish. He wasn't done with me.. and after I would b-be begging for more, like a little dirty w-whore", I'm full on crying right now.
Tom is speechless, I can see. He doesn't know how to deal with this. "You don't have to say anything. But you can hug me, if you want"
He carefully sits down next to me and hugs me. "I'm so sorry, Juul. I'm so sorry I wasn't there yesterday"
"It's not your fault. I took my most important belongings and slept in an hotel", Tom has tears in his eyes.
"I'm so sorry you went through this", Tom whispers.
We sit here quietly crying for God knows how long.
"You know.. I don't know what to do now. And I feel so embarrassed. My whole life is a mess", I speak when my tears are dry.
"It sounds like a cliché, but it's going to be okay. And you will get better and stronger", Tom tells me, drying his eyes.
"I've thought about going to my parents in Belgium.. Or starting over in Italy.. I just don't want to go back to Nice", it feels good to talk about these things.
"Maybe that's something we can think about after this weekend? You need to rest right now. You don't need to figure everything out right this second. You'll stay with me, with us, till you know how to continue", Tom tells me, at the same moment Fabio walks in.
"Oh, um hey. Am I interrupting?", he asks, standing in the doorway.
"No, no. I'm gonna lie down for a bit. Thank you for letting me stay here. I really appreciate it", I tell Fabio, "Tom can you help me one second?"
I walk to his room, waiting for Tom to follow. When he's inside, I start "Can you please not tell him about Alex? You can tell him about my apartment, my job, even that I have trouble with an ex. But not the raping and threads? I don't want to distract him, nor do I want to be pitied..". Tom raises his hands, "It's your story to tell, if you want to". He walks back out and joins Fabio.