Hi!
It's been a week and I'm not finished with all the previous chapters. But I wanted to give you an update anyway. Know updates are slow till I'm finished with correcting the other chapters, but I hope you'll enjoy this one in the meantime.
Thank you for being so understanding!!
xx
--------------
Night work it was. I slept on my treatment table for an hour. The rest of the night I spent comparing riding styles.
I freshened up in the clinica mobile motorhome and ran into Matteo, who wanted to let me know I looked like shit. Well after that, I kinda lost it. I got really angry at him and he even was a little scared.
It was a few minutes for eleven and I went to the pits, to atleast watch the start of the Moto3. Fabio already stood there and I quickly wrapped my arms around him from behind. He was surprised but pulled me in front of him wrapping his arms around me. He put his head against mine and we watched the start together. The first few corners we watched on the monitor, before I kissed him hard and jogged to the right pitbox.
The meeting was terrible. They didn't even really ask me any questions. Only Marc asked some things through facetime.
I eventually interrupted them all and just told them my thoughts about the riders and told them I would leave. Alberto got a little angry about my behaviour, because we weren't at the point about riders and riding style. But the Moto2 race was almost over and I just wanted to quickly see Fabio, before he had to get ready. The meeting already went on for almost two hours, so I told them I had another appointment and really needed to go. Eventually I was free to go.
I ran to the other pitbox as quickly as possible. They were sitting there all watching the last few laps. A few engineers, Fabio, Tom, Riccardo. I ruffle Ricardo's freshly showered hair and lay a hand on Fabio's shoulder. I see Jake's doing a pretty good job. Tony is nowhere to be found. Vietti also nowhere.
Fabio pulls me on his lap, holding me close.
"So?", I ask Riccardo. He doesn't look too happy, but you never know.
"19th", he shakes his head, shrugging.
"Next one will be better, I promise", I pat his knee, before focusing on the race.
"Meeting's over?", Fabio whispers in my ear. I immediately feel goosebumps in my neck.
I shake my head at his question, "walked out", I whisper back.
"Everything okay?", he asks, his lips against my ear, whispering.
I nod, not really answering. I don't want to do this now. And not before his own race. I want to tell him about this stupid, frustrating meeting. But it's better after the race.
The last corner, Jake overtakes and finishes second. Fabio cheers and pulls me as close as possible.
"You joining me?", Fabio nibbles on my earlobe for a few seconds, surprising me. I bite hard on my lip to control myself and not moan out. I stand and he is right behind me, grabbing my hand and walking to the door.
"I'm gonna get ready", he announces. Tom looks at him for a few seconds, "you don't need Julie for that..". I look up at his words, but he isn't joking or smiling or anything. It's serious and harsh and his eyes are on me. If looks could kill..
Fabio doesn't say anything, but pulls me along to his motorhome. He sits on the bed, pulls me on his lap and kisses me all over my face.
Suddenly tears start to stream down and I can't stop them.
"Hey.. hey.. don't cry", Fabio softly brushes my tears away, but they just keep streaming.
I climb off his lap and stand with my back to Fabio.
"I'm sorry.. it's my fault Tom's acting like this. And you shouldn't have to deal with it. It's my mess..", I apologise. A knock on the door interrupts me and the door opens. I don't have to look to know it's Tom.
"I thought you would've been ready by now. You need to focus Fabio. The race is more important", he keeps standing there.
I turn around and peck him on the cheek. "He's right, go focus and get ready", I tell him, "be safe, have fun. I love you", I whisper in his ear, before slipping past Tom and getting out.
Why does it all have to be so messed up. I don't even know how to fix it. I walk towards the track but am stopped by Tony.
"Julie, what's wrong?", he asks, holding me by my shoulders. I didn't realise I was crying again.
"Come.. before the fans or photographers see you like this", he guides me through the motorhomes and team trailers, until we are at his. It's smaller than Fabio's, but it's cosy. He sits me down on the couch and grabs a glass of water for me.
"Julie, why don't you hand me your phone", Tony asks. I take it out of my pocket, not even realising it was ringing. Tony takes it and answers it.
"It's Tony. She's with me. She's okay"
"Did something happen?"
"Okay"
"Yeah, we're gonna watch together. It's gonna be fine"
"Good luck"
He ends the call again and lays my phone on the table.
We sit like this for a while. Until I decide to say something.
"I'm sorry Tony. I should go back to the clinica mobile", I stand and adjust my clothes. I wanted to wear something cute and sexy today. I dressed myself for Fabio today, stupid idea. Like that would fix any of this. Any of the things I am putting him through. It's his best friend. And I'm getting in between their friendship. That can never happen.
"You shouldn't. You are going to watch the race with me, in here. And you are going to tell me why you are so upset", Tony orders, gently pushing me back down.
"I need to go to the clinica mobile. I'm fine, I'm not upset anymore", I tell him, lying through my teeth.
"First off all, you don't need to go to the clinica mobile. You are off today. They told me when I was there, just an hour again. Second, you are not fine. You are upset. You don't have to tell me. But you are staying here", his voice is full of concern but also firm.
"Look, you are a good friend to Fabio. But please, I think I need to be alone. To figure some things out. And I'm sure, if you are a good friend to Tom. You would let me go and leave me. He doesn't want me to bother any more people with my mess. He just wants me gone. So let me", I try to convince him.
"Well, I'm trying to be a good friend to you. Not to any of them. If you want to be alone, take the guestroom, it's empty. Or just tell me. I won't judge"
If I can't leave, I take the guestroom. I take my phone with me and close the door behind me.
I lay down on the mattress, looking up. How can I fix this? What do I do?
Without really realising, I scream out in frustration. Tony comes barging through the door, "Okay, and now you are gonna talk"
I probably look a little surprised at him, I didn't expect him to be so firm and demanding.
"Okay, okay, I will. I'm sorry", I slowly nod. I turn on my side, leaning against the wall to give him space to sit down.
"Is it your health?", Tony asks softly, he looks concerned and it's the opposite from how he looked just a few seconds ago.
"No, really, it's not. It's Tom", I start. "Tom and I are fighting?", I question more than tell him.
"What? Why? What happened", Tony is completely surprised by this, making me realise he doesn't know what happened the last few weeks.
"Well um, just before Greece, Fabio and I broke up. I had mental health problems and we didn't tell Tom any of this. I've talked to him after Silverstone. Fabio and I got back together after Silverstone and now he is pissed and hurt. But he takes it out on Fabio", I shortly fill him in.
"What do you mean, he takes it out on Fabio?", he has confusion and worry written all over his face.
"I was with them in the box during the last few laps of your race. Fabio wanted to get ready and took me with him and Tom immediately said 'You don't need Julie for that'. And five minutes later he came in, talking about how Fabio should focus, how the race is more important. He was scolding at Fabio. All because of me", I tell him. "And I don't know how to fix that"
I really need to fix that. I can't handle it and I'm sure Fabio isn't going to like that much longer as well. And then he's gonna choose between his best friend and me. Well that's a pretty easy decision.
"Okay. So talk to him?", Tony suggests.
"I would want to try, but he doesn't even want to be in the same room with me", I sigh, "you know, I shouldn't talk to you about this. You are friends with both of them, now I'm only bad talking Tom. I'll fix this on my own", I say, getting up from the bed. "Thanks for everything Tony. I'm gonna leave. If Fabio asks where I am, just tell him I need some time"
"Leave? Where?", Tony asks, standing as well.
"I'm gonna try to talk to Tom and then I think I'm going home. I still need to book a flight, so I just take the first one available", I say, I think I need that therapy session now instead of Wednesday.
"You need to tell Fabio you are leaving himself. If you leave and he doesn't know, he's gonna be worried sick. And you two are in a good place right? So please don't mess that up", he places a hand on my shoulder comforting.
I nod, "yeah, okay. I will. Did the race already start?"
"No it's just 13.40. So if you are lucky he didn't even ride his motor to the grid yet", Tony takes his phone and walks towards the door, "I'll go with you"
I don't want to tell him, I'm leaving just before the race. But I want him to know I'm fine, so he doesn't worry about anything.
I wipe my eyes and ruffle my hair, before following him.
We walk towards the Yamaha garage together, walking in. Fabio sits in his seat while Tom's standing next to him. The mechanics make the bike ready for the out lap.
"Fratello", Tony calls, getting Fabio's attention. Fabio stands and walks over, just seeing me when he's in front of Tony.
"Hey! Good luck on your race", I tell him softly.
"You okay? I called you", he asks concerned.
"Yeah. I'm okay. I just needed a few minutes. Don't worry, okay?", I smile up to him. I am better than I was, back in the room. But I still need to clear my mind, so I really think it's best if I'm going home for a therapy session. But we can discuss that after the race.
Fabio nods at my words, kissing my cheek, "see you in the Parc Fermé", he says confident.
I nod as well. I don't really want to stand there next to Tom, but if he gets a podium today, I need to congratulate him.
The mechanics wave him over and he pulls on his helmet, ready to ride off. Tom wants to walk to the grid, but Tony stops him.
"I think we need to talk for a bit", he says, his hand on Tom's shoulder, guiding him towards me.
"What are you doing here? Are you going to distract him again?", He asks, seeing me standing there. I was behind a little wall, so he didn't see me before.
"Can you just stop?", I ask getting exhausted with him. "I know you hate me, you make that very clear. And I will try to stay away from you as much as possible. But just stop. Fabio doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve all those things you say. And I don't get it. Because if he has to choose, he will always choose you, instead of me. So why do you feel so threatened? You will always choose him over me and he will always choose you over me. So let us enjoy this for the time being. You will get your way eventually", I say. I say everything I think. I mean, he will eventually get his way.
I'm just so done with his comments. He doesn't say anything, he just turns around and hurries to the grid, to Fabio.
I turn around and walk back out.
"Don't you want to watch the race in here?", Tony asks, following me.
I shake my head, "you go ahead. I have some things to take care of"
"Did you mean it?", He asks, his voice much softer. "What you said about Fabio choosing Tom instead of you?"
I turn around and look at him for a second before talking.
"Yes, they are more important to each other. When I was in the hospital, Tom texted me a lot. All those messages were about Fabio and how he couldn't handle, seeing him hurt. I shared my thoughts with Fabio once. He thought I was wrong because Tom always said I was like a little sister. But look at him now, this is prove enough. And Fabio won't be able to handle his best friend and girlfriend fighting very long. And he'll choose his best friend and right hand, always", I try to explain. It hurts so much to know that we have an expiration date. But it's true. So I'm just trying to make the most of the time we spend together, although that's harder with Tom around than I thought.