The past few days were amazing. During the day, Fabio was busy training with Borja.
Sometimes I joined in for a bit. The training methods he uses are interesting and different, but it really works.
And when he was done, we had time together. Really together. Nobody stayed over or came by. It was the two of us. Walking around, eating out, cuddling on the couch, just quality time together. Without a fight and with complete honesty. No holding back.
"Good morning, baby", I hear Fabio's hoarse morning voice in my ear. A kiss is placed on my neck.
"Baby?", I ask in my own morning voice. I stretch a little and turn on my back, looking up at Fabio.
"Yeah, I wanted to try something else", he smiles, "you slept well?"
"Amazing. I'm gonna miss this place", I close my eyes again, I'm not ready to get up yet. Tomorrow I fly to Italy. And although I'm really excited and looking forward to two days at the ranch, I would've rather stayed with Fabio. Somehow our days together were nothing special but so perfect and good together. I could spend the rest of my life like that.
"What time are you leaving for Borja today?", I ask, my eyes still closed. I wanna enjoy this moment as long as I can.
"Well.. I'm not actually", Fabio tells me, and I open my eyes surprised, "I wanted to spend today with you. I'm going back to training tomorrow"
"Really?", a big smile and blush on my face. "I'd love that. Although I'm fine if you want to go train. I mean it when I say, I've had amazing days"
"I'm glad. I was a little nervous I was away too much", Fabio says, I still hear a little doubt in his voice. "So, what do you want to do?"
What do I want to do? I actually don't really know. I mean I don't really have to do anything specific.
"I don't know. Did you have anything in mind?", I ask, but I see Fabio shaking his head.
"I thought about going somewhere, but I don't really feel like it at the same time. I wanted to cook or get a delivery?", He asks, he pulls me in his arms again and sighs content.
"Can't we stay in bed?", He asks after a few minutes of relaxing in each others arms.
"We can", I kiss his lips. "How about", I say thinking about something, "we invite some of your friends for dinner? And we get some caterer to bring us some delicious food? That way we can stay in bed till four if we want to. And you can still see some of your friends", I try, leaning in my elbow, looking at his reaction to my idea. Fabio isn't smiling, but thinking really hard.
"I can see my friends another time..", is all he tells me.
"Fabio, come on. You skipped a party, motocross and a dinner because of me this week. And I am really happy to spend every minute together. But we have the entire morning and afternoon. Why don't you invite them, just for dinner. Nothing more. I know you cleared your schedule for after Misano as well, so then you won't see them much either"
A small smile plays on his lips, "are you sure?", He asks me. I nod and a grin breaks on his face.
"I can't wait to introduce my girlfriend to my friends", is all he says, while he kisses my head and sends a few messages.
"Do we need to find a caterer?", I ask. His grin is contagious and I feel myself smiling as well.
"Already took care of it"
The rest of the morning and afternoon is spend in bed, like we agreed. We cuddled, we kissed and I even gave him a blowjob. It was just the second time, after that one time in the shower and I still felt a little unsure but Fabio's moans and groans told me he liked it. He came all over my breasts and we both needed a shower, but because of my lady issues, I didn't feel comfortable showering together with Fabio. So he took his own and I took the guest bathroom. Fabio tried to convince me he didn't care, but I didn't want it. I felt dirty enough like it was.
I'm having a appointment with my doctor tomorrow, over the phone, to talk about the current status.
I know I shouldn't feel dirty or disgusting or anything because a period is a normal thing. But let me tell you when it's this bad.. you would feel disgusted as well.
Fabio was getting ready while I cleaned the living room and kitchen. I still have my hair in a towel and the hairdryer Fabio bought, just for me, is in his bathroom.
When it's clean, I walk back to Fabio's room. He's sitting on the edge of his bed, looking at his phone with a frown.
"What's wrong?", I ask, sitting next to him.
"My parents are in Barcelona, or were in Barcelona and heard about our dinner..", he's still frowning, looking down. He doesn't need to finish his sentence, I know exactly what he's about to say.
"It's fine. Let them come. I can leave before that", I stand again, walking towards his bathroom. I am doing good on so many levels now, but his parents are my weak spot.
I can't handle another conversation with his mother. I know Fabio still worries about me a lot. He doesn't have to, but he still does. And as long as he keeps doing that, I can't face her. She's still right, he doesn't need to worry, he needs to unwind between races and focus on nothing else but his racing.
I start drying my hair and think about where I will stay. I can check myself into a hotel for the night, but that's actually way too expensive. I could just stay at the airport at night, my plane leaves tomorrow anyway. My stuff is already ready to go, so it wouldn't be a real problem. I would be sad and it wouldn't be the best for my physical and mental health, but staying and talking to her would be worse for my mental health.
"You don't have to leave", Fabio calls as soon as I stop drying my hair. "I talked to my mom, she's okay with it"
I don't reply, I ruffle my hair one more time, before walking back to him.
"I know you think everything will be alright. But I can't handle it. I wish I could, but I can't", I almost whisper. I walk towards the walk in closet and Fabio follows.
"I don't want you to go"
I search through clothes, trying to find something to wear. I don't need anything for the dinner anymore, just something to comfortable spend the night at the airport.
"Can I take this?", holding one of Fabio's joggers, "you'll get it back in Italy"
He nods, "Julie, just talk to me for a few minutes". He begging, his voice so soft, I immediately stop and sit down.
"I can't stay. I can't be at the same dinner party as her. Not right now. I'm sorry, I wish I was stronger, but I can't", I tell him the truth.
"But why? I talked to her..", he looks so lost.
"I already know what she will say. She looks at you for a second and immediately knows you still worry about me all the time. That's just the thing she doesn't want. So she'll come to me and makes me realise I'm still not good for you. And it starts all over again", I say all in one breath. My voice is soft and I feel a tear falling down. "I still worry about that, you know? All those therapy sessions helped, but I still get stuck on one topic"
It's quiet between us, a few tears fall down as we sit there, side by side. Until Fabio clears his throat.
"What topic?", He asks, it sounds like he's almost afraid to ask.
"The words you're mother said, the way she's right. That I'm not good for you..", I say and realise what I'm saying and how it must make him feel. I'm setting him up against his own mother. Shit..
It's quiet again. And we both don't say a word. The ringing of the front door breaks our silence. Fabio stands, but doesn't move to the door.
"It's too late now.. I'll help you get through this", he says, before walking out of the room. "I'll be right back"
I hear him walk downstairs and open the door. "Maman, papa, it's good to see you", his voice happy.
I don't hear much else as I close the door. I need to change into something presentable. And if they are here from Barcelona and possible going to Nice, they are staying the night. So I don't want to stand here half naked when they decide to come up.
I eventually change into some black skinny jeans and a satin beige blouse. Black high heels under it.
Just when I want to apply some makeup, Fabio opens the door and walks in.
"They um.. they wanted to stay in the guestroom, but I told them they couldn't. So they went to find a hotel. They will be back for dinner, but that's it", he informs me, before sitting down. "I'll be with you the entire evening. Maybe it will help you to get over the topic"
"I don't know.. I could still leave", I say not turning around. I keep my eyes on my face in the mirror, because I know I'll break when I look at Fabio.
Fabio has other plans and stands behind me in front of the mirror. He carefully wraps his arms around my waist. "You can. You can just go out for a few hours. I can also call one of the riders living here if you could stay for a few hours and I'll pick you up after. But.. you didn't want to run anymore", he talks slow and without judgement. "Maybe we can do this together. Maybe they'll realise how much we love each other"
I sigh, looking at his arms around my waist. I can't look him in the eyes. "I don't want to cause any problems between your parents and you. That's not worth anything"
"You know, I never told you this.. but I met your parents in Assen as well. Your dad drove Tom and me to the track on raceday. He specifically told me to stay away from you. You didn't need the extra stress and insecurities of dating a rider. And I completely agree with him", Fabio pauses and takes a few deep breathes. I knew my father wasn't a big fan of it, but I didn't know this.
"You don't need the extra stress and stuff you get from the media, the possibility of injuries and crashes, etc etc. Those things make me worry more, but I would worry about anything. I worry about the people I love and you are the woman I love the most"
A single tear falls down, when he says something like this. I look up and his eyes are bright, almost hazel colour and full of affection.
"Do you really mean that?", I ask, my voice a whisper. The woman he loves the most..
"Maybe it's a little soon, but that's how I feel. Does it scare you?"
Does it scare me? Maybe a little. I mean it's a lot in a small amount of time. We don't even know each other for six months. But when it feels good, it feels good, right?
"Do you see us having a future?", I dare to ask. I had a dream about it a few nights back. It was all blurry, but I saw Fabio and a few kids, but I didn't see myself. It gave me a good feeling, but it scared me at the same time.
"Yeah, I do. You know I'm not used to relationships and I know I told you this, like five months ago. But I see us going through life together. I don't know how yet, but I see it happening"
A small smile appears on my face. He really is thinking about this.
"I'll get ready, okay?", I tell him. Let's see how this goes..