Merry Christmas everyone!
Enjoy!
xx
-----
I'm waiting outside of the box until Tom and Fabio return. The race is in full swing but Fabio crashed hard in the third corner. Tears streaming over my face. I'm anxious of how he is. The only shot I saw was of him trying to get up. But that didn't go easy.
The first one to walk back is Tom. His helmet in his hand, his face showing sadness and disappointment. Behind him Fabio struggles to walk the same pace. He's limping a little. The leathers are open and I see pink burn marks on his chest.
"Oh my god", I whisper to no one. I automatically put my hands in front of my mouth and my tears stream harder.
"I'm okay, Ma chérie", Fabio says when he's a little closer. He takes both my hands and keeps them by my sides, not letting me hug him.
"I'm okay, just a bit sore and burned. That's it. Don't worry", he tells me. He looks me in the eyes for a moment, before letting go and walking in the pitbox. His eyes only show disappointment. They are a little distant as well.
I stay outside for a while longer, trying to stop the tears and catch my breath. It takes me a while, but eventually I manage.
Just when I want to walk in, Fabio walks back out. He's only wearing shorts, but no shirt. His whole chest is full of burns and full of abrasions.
He gets on the back of a scooter and rides off. Not saying a word.
"He's going to clinica mobile", Lin tells me. I nod, before finding my own bike, so I can get there as well.
I ride there as fast as I can and when I'm inside I find the doctors room.
"What are you doing here?", Fabio asks not showing any emotion.
"Well, this is my work and my boyfriend laying here. I want to make sure you're okay and see if I can help", I snap a little. I get that he's angry and disappointed, but I don't need to be on the receiving end of it.
"You're not a doctor"
That feels like a slap in the face, but I don't show it.
"I know..", his words and attitude make me go small.
"Please leave"
"I think my loving boyfriend is still somewhere in turn three", I whisper before walking back out.
In the hallway I run into Dr Zasa. He's here himself. Well of course he's the one who treats the world champion.
"Julie. How's he?", He asks, stopping me with a hand on my arm.
"I don't know.. I think full of adrenaline and anger. Other than that pretty burned", I say, "Can you let me know how to clean the wounds and if he needs any medication please? He is too stubborn to listen to anything you'll tell him", I sigh deeply. I'm scared to death because of that crash.
"You can just stay", he says, walking towards the door.
I shake my head at his words, "he doesn't want me to", I tell Dr Zasa before walking out completely.
I take my bike and ride towards the little hill I found earlier this weekend. You can't see much of the race up here, but it's quiet and nobody's there.
I sit there till the race ends and after. I don't really know how long I'm there. The tears that fell down, are dried completely by now. Eventually my phone rings and I see Matteo on the screen.
"Why did I need to examine your boyfriend after his crash? Where are you?", are the first words I hear. I don't even have time to say hi.
"I think you should ask him. He requested you, not me", I sigh again, "any injuries?"
"No, apart from the burning on his chest, he's perfectly fine. Where are you?", He sounds confused now.
"That's good", I feel relieved he's okay. He could've told me himself, but I think he's not in the mood. "I'm somewhere around the track", I don't even know the time, but I'm guessing it's getting late. There's no action on the track anymore and it's quiet.
"Why?", Matteo's voice turns soft.
I shrug, although he can't see me, "I needed some time. When are you leaving for Japan?"
"Well, I'm going with Marc. But the clinica mobile is taking the plane tomorrow at 2pm. They accidentally booked me a seat. I'm sure you can go in my seat if you need to", he tells me, not asking anything. Sometimes he knows exactly how to not ask questions.
"Okay, thanks", I end the call and slowly make my way towards the motorhome. Fabio's motorhome. Of course I slept in his bed the past nights. Just like during Misano. But I have a feeling I'm not welcome there tonight.
"Hey", I say when I walk inside. Fabio is on the couch. No shirt on and white bandages covering his chest and abs. He doesn't respond. He's busy on his phone.
I just sit on one of the chairs, when something like happens I suddenly feel very small again. I wish I had more confidence. I don't want to make him upset and I don't know what I can do. Maybe it's the best to just leave him, when he's like this. But where should I go? I'm staying in his motorhome. It's not like I have my own place to go to.
What if something like this happens when I'm staying with him at his home? I can't just pick up some things and leave to go home. I would need to go on a freaking plane first.
Things like this make me doubt my relationship and my choices. Even if I wanted to leave when something happens, I'd have to buy a last minute plane ticket or stay at a hotel. I know I'm getting those bonuses. But they aren't in yet and I spend all my savings on that white gold necklace.
I'm so stupid. When I'm not flying with Fabio tomorrow, I don't have the money to go to Japan. But not going is not showing up for work. Which means getting fired. So I'm really fucked.
I walk back outside, I don't think Fabio really notices. And get back to that same hill I was on before. I stay there.. stay there for the rest of the night.
I didn't even get back to take my shot. I waited for that till the early hours next morning.
And I quietly got my luggage as well. Atleast now I have some time to decide what to do.
Fabio's POV
Shit those crashes hurt. I didn't expect Marc to come to the inside that much. There was nothing I could do. During my fall, my leathers opened and I got burned all over my front.
On the scooter we had another small crash. Luckily Tom was there to take me afterwards.
I'm not on my best today. I'm just so angry. How could I screw this up?!
That's twenty points down the drain. Now my advantage is only ten points and Pecco is really doing a great job right now.
I'm getting ready for bed and I don't know where Julie is. I was rude to her before and asked Matteo to check me out instead of her. I just couldn't see the worry in her eyes. I couldn't take it. I'm afraid she can't handle it and can't stop worrying. It will give her so much stress. I'm giving her so much stress. It makes me more angry. Angry at myself.
She didn't send me any messages and my call goes straight to voicemail. Maybe she's with Matteo or maybe with Pecco or one of the other riders. I hope so..
I set my alarm and try to get as comfortable as I can before falling asleep. It isn't easy, sleeping on my back, but it is what it is..
When I wake up the next morning, the other side of the bed is empty. I don't think she even slept here, it looks the same as last night. Looking around, I see her luggage is gone and a piece of paper on my bedside table.
'I have to work for a couple of hours. I'll see you at the airport, if I make it. Otherwise I'll take another flight and will see you in Japan. xx'
Take another flight? I don't want her alone on a 13 hour flight.. or alone in Tokyo. Or she'll fly with the clinica mobile and then she isn't even going to Tokyo. They are flying straight to the circuit. And then we won't see each other till Thursday or possibly Friday. Seeing how busy she is..
My chest hurts and I think I need to apply some lotion. But I don't really know what the doctor said yesterday. I didn't care..
I try calling Julie, but it goes straight to voicemail again, so I slowly get up and get dressed in pyjamas. Tom is lounging on the couch, laughing at something in his phone.
"Hey.. have you seen Julie this morning?", I ask sitting in one of the chairs.
"No, I thought she was still asleep, just like you?", Tom looks up, a little confused.
I shake my head, "she didn't sleep here. Her luggage is already gone and she left a note saying she has to work and we'll see her at the airport", I sum up.
"Did something happen?", Tom looks even more confused.
"I don't really know. I was rude to her after the crash in the clinica mobile and after that I haven't seen her"
"Hm.. Well we can't interrupt her during work. Maybe she's in a meeting or something. So we'll have to wait till we're at the airport", Tom says, getting up and giving me my breakfast.
"Thanks. I think I need to go to the clinica mobile myself. I think Dr Zasa mentioned something about lotion and new bandages. Can you check for me?", I ask, I really don't know anymore. I was far too angry and disappointed.
My mind keeps circling back to Julie. I hope she's okay and not mad at me. I don't know, but it doesn't feel right..
Maybe she slept on the treatment table in her room again. She did that in Misano. But what makes me even more worried where her words there.
You can only push me away so many times, before I go and don't come back.
Did I push her away? Was this the last time? Did she leave? So many questions without answers..
And she didn't have to work today. She told me herself, only Thursday, Friday and Saturday. So definitely not today.
My head hurts, while thinking about her. And we haven't even talked about the whole pregnancy thing. I don't really know what to think of it. Do I need to say anything about it? It's her body, if she wants to freeze eggs, that's her decision.
"Fabio?", Tom questions. I look up a little surprised. "You didn't hear me, did you?"
I shake my head. Of course I was to busy to hear anything he said.
"You can come in before ten. They need to pack everything up afterwards. You'll find Michele in his office", Tom explains and it makes me sigh in relieve. Maybe this is my chance to run into Julie.
"Okay, I'll go right now"
The clinica mobile is surprisingly quiet and looks pretty empty.
Dr Zasa is in his office, on the phone.
"Oh Fabio", he says, noticing me, "you can go ahead to Julie's treatment room, I'll be there in a minute"
I nod and walk towards the familiair room. Wil she be in there? I hope so. Why else would I need to wait in here..
But unfortunately the room is empty. I take a seat on the table and try to call Julie again. Like the other times, it doesn't even ring, it goes straight to voicemail.
"So.. let's have a look", Michele Zasa walks in. I take off my clothes and let him take off the bandages.
"I texted Julie the treatment, but I guess she didn't get it?", he questions. I didn't know, but I couldn't really tell him.
"She was up early this morning, working", I smile softly.
He looks surprised, "I didn't know she had any meetings. Usually I'm aware of her schedule..", he mumbles. That's enough information to know that she's definitely not working.. is she really avoiding me?
He puts some lotion on it and new bandages. "I'll give you this and the bandages. I'm not sure if Julie has any in her bag", he tells me, taking some extra, and giving those to me.
"Thank you. I'll make sure she gets it", I say, putting my shirt back on.
"Oh and Fabio?", he asks when I'm almost out of the door. "Keep an eye on her, she's handling too much. If anything is wrong, you can call me"
I nod, walking away. I hope I can keep an eye on her. Maybe she already took a plane somewhere. I don't know where she is or how I can reach her.