I wake up on Monday morning with a massive headache. I sit up slowly, looking around comfused. What happened last night?
The spot next to me is empty and I don't remember anything after coming back here. I know I felt like shit and I know I was angry and the intervention they planned. I'm still a little mad about it.
I slowly get out of bed, realising I'm still in yesterdays clothes. So I never changed out of those and Fabio also didn't bother to help me with it.. When I look around the room, I only see my suitcase, Fabio's one is gone. A feeling of panick goes through my body at this side. Did I do something wrong last night? Did he leave without me?
In the living room I find Tom and Fabio sitting on the sofa.
"Oh hi, we need to leave in 30 minutes", Fabio says, his voice emotionless. He doesn't even look at me.
"Okay", is all I manage to say. I awkwardly linger a few seconds, before going back to the bedroom. I change clothes, close my suitcase and freshen up in the bathroom. I feel like shit and definitely look like it. My eyes are still red and puffy and you can see the tear streaks on my face. Oh well.. it's not gonna get better than this.
I take my suitcase to Fabio and Tom and stand next to the sofa. Tom stands and motions for me to sit, but I shake my head. I feel very uncomfortable and especially because I don't know what I did.. but it can't be anything good.
I've seen Fabio mad and I've seen him when he was done after the whole therapy session thing, but this is almost worse. Would this be worse? Maybe he's done with me, with this.. Maybe he wants a break or a breakup.
"Okay, let's go", Fabio says, pulling me out of my thoughts. He and Tom hug each other and that's when I realise that Tom isn't coming with us. So Fabio and I are alone for a flight and a car ride home. No Tom as buffer between us.
Tom gives me a side hug and kisses the top of my head.
The ride to the airport is quiet and awkward. Atleast I think it's awkward. Fabio put his earpods in and kept typing on his phone.
At the airport I just trail behind him. Tom gave me my ticket and stuff, but I don't want to lose sight of Fabio. I follow him like a lost puppy, but lose him at security check. They want to frisk and search me and Fabio's already gone. I go straight to the gate and stay there. As soon as I open my phone, I see some missed calls and texts and a DM on Instagram which catches my attention immediately.
Tony
Hey. I'm sorry for yesterday.
We were wrong. I just hope
that you're okay?
Julie
Hi. It's okay. I just don't want
to get in between you and
Fabio. I'll be fine.
Tony
You didn't look fine. And you
haven't in a while, tbh.
You'll never get in between
Fabio and me, you are more
important.
Is he serious? What do I say to something like that? I mean, he's right. But still.
Tony
Sorry.. that didn't sound nice
I know how much Fabio and
you love each other.
Everyone can see, but I'm
just afraid it's breaking you
Julie
Thank you for looking out
for me.
Tony
You are one of my best friends
and I will always look out for
you.. whatever happens.
That last message makes me drop a few tears. But I keep reading the message before it. I'm afraid it's breaking you.. could he be right? What does it even mean?
No.. Fabio's the best thing that ever happened to me. So how could our love break me?
"Miss, are you okay?", a voice next to me asks. It's an elderly man, probably in his seventies. He hands me a handkerchief, a really soft, white cotton one. Ironed and all.
I quickly nod my head, breaking away from staring at my phone. "Yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry"
I wipe the tears from my eyes quickly, giving the man a small smile.
"Are you in trouble?", he asks this time, to which I shake my head.
"No, just some issues with my boyfriend", I grimace at him.
"Ah.. those hurt the most. Is he worth all those tears?", the man asks, and it's the million dollar question. Is this relationship worth it?
"Lady's and gentlemen, we are ready to board. First in line are priority and business class. Please hold your boarding pass close"
"Thank you", I whisper softly, before standing up. Fabio and I have business class tickets. I haven't seen him yet, but there's no way he'll miss his flight.
Fabio's POV
She's sitting there crying and talking to an old man. I don't know what to do or say.
I was so angry last night.. and I still am, but I can't stay mad at this crying, broken girl.
She was so nervous yesterday and all I did was try to put her at ease. But when she turned me down, just before the race, and also jerked away from my touch, something snapped. She was afraid of me, but I don't know why and it frustrated me so much.
All I wanted to do was celebrate my podium yesterday. But all I did was think about what happened before the race. And when I wanted to have a drink with Tom and Tony, they almost got mad at me. Well they got mad.. and I got a lecture about not taking care of my girlfriend. So I eventually decided to go back to the hotel early. Also not a good idea.. the sight of a drunk Julie made me so angry. I told her I was done. And I don't know if she remembers it and I don't know if I meant it.
I mean, I love her.. I can't live without her. But at the same time.. I don't know if I can handle all the stress, the doubt, the emotions..
I watch her stand in the line, boarding the plane and talking to one of the flight attendants, before getting in line myself. I keep my earphones in and sunglasses on the whole time. I want to have my privacy and don't want to be bothered. As soon as I'm at my seat, I don't see Julie in hers.
Where is she?
I must look confused looking around the plane, because the same flight attendant walks up to me.
"She switched seats. She's at the back of the plane. We'll keep an eye on her", she tells me with a small smile.
I nod, but I don't understand. Why did she switch seats? Does she remember what I told her? Maybe she doesn't want to be near me. But now, she's in the back in a normal chair. That can't be comfortable. The flight is long, too long for that.
But there's nothing I can do..
The flight is bad. There's a lot of turbulence and I'm used to it. But I know Julie isn't and she's on her own. I can't hold her, touch her, tell her it will be okay. The whole flight I think about one thing. Do I want to do that? Do I want to take care of her? Do I want the stress, the doubt and the emotions that come with them?
And my final answer is yes.. as long as that makes her happy.
But that's the issue. Will it make her happy? She wasn't happy yesterday.
I have a massive headache by the time the plane lands and I haven't slept one second. We're in a different time zone and I'm exhausted.
Business class is the first out of the plane so I wait for Julie, knowing she will be one of the last ones.
She is the last one out and hugs the flight attendant goodbye. When she turns around, I immediately notice her red eyes and the bags beneath them. She didn't sleep one wink either.
We walk towards the baggage claim together, but not speaking one word. I know there are fans around here, I see them, I feel the looks, but I try to ignore them.
I hand Julie my sunglasses and cap, so she can atleast hide a little, which she takes with a small smile.
The ride home is silent and as soon as we're home, Julie heads upstairs. I give her some peace, giving myself some peace as well.
Taking some clean workout clothes, I write a small note before heading over to Borja.
"Wow.. you look like you need to be in bed for a day or two", Borja says as soon as he sees me. He even whistles lowly.
"I'm sleeping tonight so I can get in the right rhythm immediately", I tell him dismissively.
"How's your guapa?", he asks enthusiastic, he uses guapa like cutie.
"She's sleeping, I think", I shrug, pretending it's not a big deal.
"Sounds very enthusiastic.. you okay?"
"Yeah", I sigh, "well no. But I just don't want another lecture about not treating her right", I rather keep to myself than getting the same reactions as Tom and Tony had.
And at the same time, I'm glad they do and be her friends instead of just agreeing with me.
Borja nods, giving me some weights. He doesn't say or asks anything else, he just trains me till I'm dead exhausted. Till I can't move a muscle.
"Okay, now tell me", he says, handing me a water bottle, while I lay on the concrete floor. "Tell me what happened and why you had a lecture about not treating her right"
"I don't really know. We were okay. Well there were some things going on regarding her health, but other than that everything was fine", I pause, taking a few gulps from the water bottle. "We went to the Netherlands and during Australia and Malaysia everything was fine. Yeah, there of course was a lot of stress, but we were okay. Just before the start last Sunday, she was really nervous.. completely out of it.. and I don't know why. I tried to assure her, that didn't help. I suggested quick sex, more as a joke. But that only made it worse. She flinched away from me and ran. That night, when I came back in the hotelroom, she was black out drunk. I told her I was done. I don't think she remembers", I sum up, I'm still completely confused by her actions and behaviour.
"She flinched and ran?", Borja asks with raised eyebrows. "Did you try and talk to her? Maybe something happened?"
I shake my head, "I only saw her again in Parc Fermé, but that wasn't the time to talk. She went back to the hotel straight after and I found her drunk"
"What did the guys say?", Borja asks instead of replying.
"Only that she's not okay, that they are worried and that I'm doing a shitty job of treating her the right way", I groan out of frustration. She's clearly not okay. But I don't know why and I don't know if I can help. Maybe I'm making it worse. I feel like I'm only making her feel worse, but I don't know what I'm doing wrong..
"Talk to her. Spend time with her. That's the only way to find out how to help", I hear behind me, it's Borja's girlfriend speaking.
I nod at her words, standing up.
"Thanks, I should go home", I say quietly, I pull my shirt back over my head and walk away, back to my own home.. back to my girlfriend..