Chapter 3:Timmy an Bunny haf icee cuswader hot.

Chapter 3

“Things are never that easy.”

At the sound of my voice, Jason spun around to face me and I took in his surprised expression: the wide eyes, the slightly parted lips…it was all there and I shook my head in disappointment, but not surprise.

“I was just…” he began and I imagined he was trying to think up a lie.

I didn’t move from my perch on the chair, I allowed him his space as he stood there and he moved no closer nor further away from the front door.

“It’s pouring outside Jason. You really think it’s wise to take him out in this weather?” I questioned rather than accused, and he shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot.

“I’ll keep him wrapped up,” he said, looking down at the blankets he had draped around his son.

I shook my head. “You’ve survived on the streets all this time and you’ve managed to take care of a kid while doing it, which means you’re a smart guy, so start thinking like one.” I told him. “You can’t take a child out in this weather and a bundle of blankets definitely won’t do the job.”

His face hardened and he clutched Timmy closer to him. “Yeah that’s right. I am smart, which is how I know that you’re not doing this just cause you’re a nice guy…you want to take him away from me.” he accused, his voice low and angry. “Well I’m tellin you now that he’s mine and aint nobody taking him away from me, got that? Nobody.”

His voice was dangerously low as he said it and I stood then, watching as he took a step back, his expression now one of uncertainty.

“That place you call home is a death trap, it could come down at any minute and you have him sleeping there every night while you go off and pick pockets.”

He shook his head. “I don’t pick ‘em every night.”

“That’s beside the point. He can’t stay there…neither can you, it’s not safe and it would be wrong of me to allow you to go back there.” I told him. “He’s a baby Jason, he needs a proper home.”

“I’m working on it. We aint livin’ there forever...just till I sort myself out.”

I came to stand before them. “You’re working on it huh? And how are you doing that?”

“I’m saving for a real place…I got some of the money, I can get more.”

“So this is how you want him to grow up? You gonna teach him how to steal people’s money to survive, you gonna watch him go to bed hungry some nights when you can’t score? You’ve lived that life, is this really what you want for him?”

His mouth tightened. “I never let him go to bed hungry—”

“Yet.”

“No. I take care of him and he won’t hafto live like me, cause I said I’m saving for us. We’re gonna have a real place with running water and a fridge...real soon.”

“Yeah? And how are you going to do that?”

“I got a job last week…I’m a working man now.” He said it with confidence and a hint of pride.

I was surprised. “You have a job?”

He nodded.

“Doing what?”

“A ranch not far from where I live. They make me muck out the stalls and stuff.”

“And what happens to Timmy when you’re working?”

“I take him with me. They don’t care as long as I’m doing my job and he likes the animals...plus we get lunch for free.” He continued as if it was the greatest success one could achieve.

I thought about it. A two year old running around a ranch in the hot sun, watching his father work when he should be playing with toys and watching TV. A place like that was no place for a child on a daily basis. It wasn’t as safe as he seemed to think it was. No matter how careful he thought he was being.

I stepped back and gestured to the other room. “Take him upstairs, let him sleep, and come back down here when you’re done. We need to talk.”

He looked between me and the door, then sighed in defeat and I watched him leave the room with Timmy in tow. I ran a hand through my hair and rubbed my aching shoulder. There was never an easy way to have a conversation like this. I could only liken it to those times I’d had to break the news to someone that a love one had died. I imagined Jason would take it just as badly. With a sigh, I lowered myself onto the couch and continued to rub my shoulder.

It was ten minutes before Jason reentered the room and when he did, it was with his mouth set in a hard line and his eyes narrowed. I gestured to the seat across from me and he took it without a word. I admired the fact that he met my eyes and refused to look away.

For a moment I watched him, the porch light streaming through the curtains provided the only illumination in the room but it was adequate.

“I’m not trying to steal Timmy away from you.” I began. “I’m only thinking of his well-being and from what I’ve seen, I have good reason to be concerned.”

“He’s fine, I take good care of him, always have.” He interrupted and I nodded slowly.

“I have no doubt you do your best, anybody can see that you love him, but the question isn’t whether you try to take care of him, it’s whether you can and so far I don’t see any evidence of that.”

He said nothing as he continued to hold my gaze, so I continued.

“Children need stability, they need to be kept in a safe environment and they need to feel secure. Last night you left a two year old in some run-down house by himself so you could go off and earn a living. What would have happened if he’d woken up? What if he’d gone outside, or cut himself on one of those rusty nails sticking out of the wall? What could you have done from so far away?”

“He’s two and a half and I don’t leave him alone all the time,” he muttered and I shook my head.

He wasn’t getting it. “You honestly think that he was safe last night? You think leaving him was smart?” I asked and he gritted his teeth.

“Now that I got a job, it won’t happen again. It’s only ‘cause I won’t get paid till Friday why I went. After that I won’t have to leave him again.”

“And how long before you get a place of your own? What about school when he gets older? What if he gets sick, how will you pay the bills? Have you thought about any of that?”

“I can get two jobs…” he trailed off and his wistful expression tore at me.

“What happens to Timmy when you get your two jobs? Who’ll take care of him?”

This time he didn’t answer and I could tell that I’d backed him into a corner.

“I don’t want to take your son away from you Jason. I honestly believe family should stick together, but do you really think this is the best life for him? Do you really want him to grow up struggling? Because if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll admit that that’s what you’re setting him up for.”

He broke eye contact and looked away, his hands fisted in his lap as his gaze landed on the bare wall. “He’s mine…he’s all I got. I can make this work.” He said softly and I honestly didn’t know what to say to him.

Later today I should be calling social services. Today Jason should be going home without his son, but the words I needed wouldn’t pass through my lips and instead I said;

“I want to take you two to a doctor for a checkup later, just to make sure everything’s okay.”

He looked at me with furrowed brows. “It’s like you said, I don’t got that kinda money.”

I shrugged. “Don’t worry about it,” I told him. When he only shook his head and looked away again, I spoke up.

“You said you always take good care of him…this is the first step you need to take to prove that me, and to yourself.”

He took a while, but finally he nodded. “So we see a doctor and then what?”

“Then we’ll see what happens, let’s just take it one step at a time alright?”

He nodded and when we both simply sat there in silence, I cleared my throat and gestured to the other room. “You should get some rest.” I told him and he pushed up from his seat, but before he could exit the room he turned back to look at me.

“Just tell me now if you’re gonna take him…I don’t wanna play no games.”

I shook my head. “Get some rest.” I responded before moving to stretch out on the couch. It took him a while, but when he finally left, I gritted my teeth.

This would not end well.

………………………………………….

Breakfast was a quiet affair. Across from me, my house guests sat wrapped up in their own worlds. Timmy pounded the already scrambled eggs in his plate and generally made a mess of his food and Jason sat squeezing a stick of bacon between his thumb and forefinger. He looked deep in thought, but his expression was distracting.

“It’s bacon,” I explained and he glanced up at me with a frown.

“I know what it is, I just never ate it before,” he said defensively, eyes narrowed, mouth set and looking like he was ready for a fight.

“It’s good, just try it,” I said rather than rise to the bait and he ignored me, turning the strip this way and that.

I scooped up another forkful of scrambled eggs and bit into it, my eyes never straying too far from his face. He looked different in the natural lighting…older. I could now see what I hadn’t paid close attention to the night before, like his eyes, which were actually hazel, the light dusting of facial hair and his hands; which gave testament to his hard work.

They were scratched and scared, but they were capable; the hands of a man, rather than that of a child and while he was small in stature, he was clearly well developed in all the places that counted.

“I don’t even know your name,” he said and I looked at him in surprise.

I thought I’d told him earlier. “It’s Michael. Michael O’Connolly.”

“What happens now?” he questioned and we both looked at Timmy when he stood unsteadily on the chair.

“No babe, you gotta sit down.” Jason told him.

“Daddy…hans.” he said, holding out his palms for his father to inspect and Jason took his arm to steady him on the chair.

“Yeah, they’re dirty, come on you gotta sit down.” Jason told him again, but the kid only glanced down at his hands with obvious interest.

“Alright sit down Timmy,” he said again and finally little Timmy took heed and allowed Jason to help him lower himself back into his seat. When Timmy then proceeded to wipe his palms in the white table cloth Jason’s eyes flashed to mine and I raised a hand to quiet his apologies.

“It’s fine.” I told him, my eyes focused on the messy ball of energy across from me as he concentrated on cleaning his little palms on the table cloth I’d washed only a day earlier.

I couldn’t say why the simple act filled me with longing.

“I’m taking you out to get something decent to wear, then we’re going to the doctor’s office. After that…we’ll see.”

“We’ve got clothes back home,” Jason explained and I thought back to the filthy, ripped clothes I’d thrown into the machine the night before. I didn’t want to imagine what the others looked like.

“It’s easier this way, the mall is on my way to the doctor’s, your place isn’t.”

“Bunny seeping.” This from Timmy again who, to my surprise, had directed his statement to me. I couldn’t figure out what that meant in baby talk, so I looked to Jason for help and I watched the corners of his mouth lift reluctantly.

“He’s talking about his stuffed bunny rabbit…He said it’s sleeping.” He explained and I grinned over at Timmy.

“Yes he is Timmy. Bunnies need their sleep.” I told him and he began a line of gibberish that I couldn’t hope to understand. This time when I looked at Jason he shrugged.

I could only nod and smile and more than once a dimpled grin lit his own little face.

“He’s precious.” I told Jason, who tried and failed to offer a convincing smile.

I took a sip of my coffee and watched as he finally stuck the strip of bacon into his mouth.

“Tell me about yourself.”

He shrugged. “Nothin’ to tell.”

“How about…How long have you been on your own?” I tried.

He shrugged again before plopping another strip of bacon into his mouth.

“Ever since the old man kicked me out,” He said. “I was fourteen.”

Jesus.

“Why’d he kick you out?”

“Because men like him are di—” he broke off when Timmy looked at him and sighed. “Who cares, it was forever ago, I’m over it.”

“Alright…it’s fine if you don’t want to get into it. What about Timmy’s mother?”

His eyes narrowed. “What about her?”

“Bunny now?” Timmy interrupted and Jason shook his head.

“Eat first.”

“Where is she?” I continued my interrogation and he glanced my way once more.

“Dead,” He said simply. “Got beat up pretty bad by some guy she got with.”

I sat up, alert now. “When was this?”

“Couple months after Timmy was born…bet it was on the news and everything.” He said casually and I took my time to take in his expression. “It happens.”

“Were you close?”

“Nah…she was just some chick…” he trailed off and I couldn’t tell if he was as unaffected by it as he wanted me to think. I made a mental note to find out her name and look into it myself.

“So it’s just been you and Timmy then…no one to share in the responsibilities.”

Another shrug...I could see it was a habit. “Yeah, but it’s better this way…some people aint cut out for taking care of kids.” He explained and I nodded. If what he said was true, then his father was a prime example.

“I’m guessing you dropped out of school when your father kicked you out?”

“Bunny seeping daddy?” Timmy interrupted again and this time Jason pulled him into his lap, scooped scrambled eggs from his own plate with his fork and fed it to him.

“Thought it made more sense to find someplace to live instead of school. I never liked it there anyway...and now it don’t matter.”

“It’s never too late to go back.”

“I don’t wanna go back. I just wanna take care of my kid and school aint helpin’ me do that.” He responded, before feeding another forkful to Timmy.

“School gives you an advantage…you could get a better job...more cash coming in…”

“I’m a grown man…I aint got the time to be goin’ back. I got responsibilities and if I work hard enough, everything will work out right,” he said with conviction and I decided to drop it… at least for the time being.

“Have you ever been arrested?”

“Bunny daddy?” Timmy interrupted again and we both looked down at his little face.

“You’ll get him soon, can you eat for Daddy first?” Jason asked and when his little face scrunched up and I sensed the oncoming waterworks I pushed up from my chair and walked around to where they sat.

“Come on, let’s go get your bunny.” I said to the boy who looked at me with tear-filled eyes.

Jason stood and deposited him onto the floor. “It’s okay, I can get it for him.” he said uncertainly and I stretched out a hand for Timmy anyway.

“I can handle it, finish your breakfast.” I told him and after only brief hesitation, he lowered himself into his chair and released is son’s arm.

Timmy didn’t take my hand until his father smiled down at him and finally his five fingers were wrapped securely around two of mine as we headed out of the room. The stairs were tricky for him and we had a slow time getting up them on his short legs, but eventually we made it up those too and entered the room he shared with his father.

He made an immediate beeline for the bed on which his bunny still ‘slept,’ but I lead him to the bathroom instead.

“Let’s wash your hands first okay?” I made sure to ask him and when he offered no objections, I lifted him up so he hovered over the sink. Turned on the water and squirted the soap into his hands.

It was crazy how helpless toddlers were, but at the same time it was so innocent and precious and once again, I felt a strange emotion rise up within me…almost like longing and I couldn’t understand it.

“Wader hot.” Timmy commented as we washed the egg from his hands and I grinned.

“No it’s just warm,” I told him, then with my free hand I dripped some of the liquid further up his arm. “See? Isn’t that warm?”

He ignored me, instead, waving his hands under the steady stream of water, completely lost in his own world. He’d all but forgotten about Bunny, seeming content to just play in the water for as long as he could and I made a mental note; Toddlers liked water.

I turned off the faucet and placed him back on his feet and before I could reach for the towel, he was rubbing his wet hands into his shirt. I shrugged and led him out of the room, picked up the bunny—which I was thankful I’d had the foresight to throw into the machine along with his clothes the night before—and handed it to him.

“Timmy an Bunny haf icee cuswader hot,” he said as we walked down the stairs and I replied the only way I could in the face of his gibberish;

“Uh…yeah.”  It seemed to appease him.

When we reentered the dining room, it was to see Jason clearing the table and he looked up at me uncertainly when he noticed our arrival. It seemed uncertainty was his most used expression in my presence and really, who could blame him? Right now I posed the biggest threat to the continued existence of his small family…I was the enemy.

“You don’t have to do that,” I told him, but he shrugged and continued, then when I released Timmy’s hand he rushed to trail behind his father as he made his trip to the kitchen sink and back.

When the dishes were all cleared, I removed the table cloth and threw it into the machine, set it to wash and informed Jason of our impending departure.

“I was thinking we could leave out in an hour…that okay with you?”

He nodded. “I’ll get him ready.” He said simply before leaving the room and once again I found myself thinking how odd it felt to have a full house.

My breakfast usually consisted of a cup of coffee and the remote control. Now it felt like a family affair…like it was when I was a kid, sitting around the table with my parents and sisters; a noisy event that I had cherished then, and now missed.

………………………………………………..

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been to the mall, but it was just as noisy, a general pain in the ass and as filled with teenage girls as I remembered. The moment I entered, I wanted to leave but the longer we stayed, the more I was glad we’d made the trip. Little Timmy was a bundle of energy, looking more alert than I had ever seen him in the hours we’d known each other. He was interested in everything and everyone.

His large eyes taking in everything around him as he pointed at every colorful and vaguely interesting thing he saw, while talking a mile of gibberish a minute. I could only assume it was his first time to a shopping mall and suddenly I was glad I’d been the one to take him. Jason was pretty much the same way—minus the pointing and the mindless chatter— he was silent for the most part, only speaking when addressing his son, but his interest could not be concealed.

What was meant to me a thirty-minute shopping trip, turned into a four and a half hour adventure. It was safe to say, the doctor would have to wait another day and I found the prospect of another night with my guests appealing. I ended up purchasing enough clothes to last them both two weeks and despite great protest from Jason, I bought Timmy more toys than any child had a right to get in one day, but children deserved to have fun.

Most of the money I made went into a bank account I hardly ever touched, so if I ever needed a reason to spend it, this was the perfect opportunity. When we were all hungry enough to visit to food court, I kept all the bags, while Jason took his son to the bathroom, then finally we were able to sit down and have our greasy, yet satisfying meal.

My eyes never strayed very far from Timmy, who half sat, half stood on his chair, munching away at his chicken nuggets. They also never strayed very far from his father, who, after the initial two hour mark, had proceeded to partake in conversation with me. As we walked around the mall, going into every store Timmy pointed to, he had questioned me about my shoulder, which I’d been unconsciously rolling all day and I’d told him of my unwanted adventure with the bullet.

From that exchange I’d learned that he himself had been witness to more shootings than he cared to remember and he wasn’t exactly fond of the police…or anyone in any position of authority really. He told me about the time he’d been chased by a cop through the streets and how, despite all efforts, he’d never been caught…until me of course.

I in turn told him about my sisters and how I grew up with them and how I had a four year old niece who was more interested in Barbie, than she was in her uncle Michael; that was the first time I heard him laugh and as the day progressed I managed to wring too more from his lips. He was a pleasant guy when he wasn’t on the defensive and Timmy was too precious not to love.

It had certainly been one of my better days since the accident and the more I smiled, the more I realized just how rarely I did it. We knew it was time to leave when Timmy started making a fuss though and we set off for the parking lot just as the tears began.

I could only guess he was tired and without a thought I scooped him up into my arms and almost immediately his tears subsided as he shoved his index and forefinger back into his mouth and rested his head on my shoulder. Beside me, Jason carried most of their bags and his eyes never strayed too far from Timmy’s face as we went.

It was just as we were about to exit the mall however, when Timmy pulled out his fingers and pointed across the way.

“Daddy icee,” he said and with an apologetic look, Jason led us over to the ice cream cart nestled in a corner, luring kids and unsuspecting parents its way.

Before I could move to grab my wallet, Jason dipped his hand into his own pocket and pulled out a few crumpled ten and dollar bills and swept past the other customer to pay for a cone.

“You’re a lucky guy.” A voice issued from my side and I looked over to see a middle-aged man standing there with a smile on his face. “My partner and I have been trying to adopt a child for two years now…It’s not what you’d call a simple process.” He said regretfully. “Your child is beautiful, what’s his name?”

I don’t know why I didn’t correct him then. It could have been because it was easier than having to explain the situation, or because it just wasn’t any of his business, but I thanked him instead and said;

“His name’s Timmy.”

The stranger smiled and Timmy pointed to where Jason stood waiting to be served. “Daddy haf icee?” he asked and I nodded, before grabbing hold of his bunny, just as it was about to fall to the floor.

“You and your partner as very lucky.” The stranger spoke again, looking from me to Jason and back with a warm smile and finally he left when whoever he’d been waiting for returned.

It was then that the warm feeling rose up inside me, just as it had so many times today and suddenly I found myself wondering if I really had it in me to do what needed to be done. Did I have it in me to break apart one of the most beautiful family’s I’d ever come across and how would Jason manage when I did?

I held Timmy close to me as I watched Jason make his way over to us with a small smile on his usually serious face, and when he handed it to his son all was right in the world once more…at least until Timmy put too much force behind this lick and the ice cream went toppling from the cone, to hit the floor below.

Timmy looked at the cone, looked at me, then at the floor, and it was then that the crying began.

AUTHOR'S NOTES

ENJOY!

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.