Chapter 5: Breakfast hits and misses

Chapter 5

It was hours later, when the mess of the day had been cleared away and taxes completed that I finally ventured upstairs. I glanced down the hall to the left, and paused when I spotted the light under the door of the guest room. I’d decided to broach the all-important conversation with him in the morning, but maybe there really was no time like the present, so I headed in that direction.

I paused after the first knock, then waited awhile longer after the second, but no sound issued from inside the room. I stood listening for even the slightest clamor issuing from the other side, but all was still, so I pushed the door open carefully and went in, planning to turn out the lights but someone was very much awake.

From where he sat on the floor against the wall not far away, Jason looked up at me. In his arms he held a sleeping Timmy, and beside him lay the ratty stuffed bunny he loved so much. I couldn’t help the smile that crept up at the sight, but when I met Jason’s gaze it all but fell. He was still angry, that was clear from his very expression, but it was his eyes that really gave me pause.

They were red and swollen as though he’d been rubbing them all night and the shade of his nose was no different. Here sat a man who looked beaten and worn, as though he had been through too much and couldn’t bear even one more hint of a struggle, and I wondered if maybe he had reached his limit. After all he’d been through I wouldn’t be surprised. My guilt grew.

I stepped further into the room and his eyes followed me. I detected in them; anger, but there was also uncertainty and a hint of fear. I moved to sit on the edge of the bed across from him.

“I don’t know how else to help you.”

Silence.

For a moment I watched him as he watched me and when he offered not a peep, I stood, stuffing my hands into the pockets of my jeans.

“I’m serious about you and Timmy staying here. You can take this room, you won’t have to pay rent and I’ll provide the food. The second you sort yourself out you’re free to leave with your son and you’ll never have to see my face again.”

The silence remained unbroken.

“I told you before that I’m on leave from work for a while so I don’t mind watching him while you work in the day.”

“I aint leaving my kid with you.” He spat and I gritted my teeth against an equally angry retort.

But he’d leave his kid alone at night in a condemned building.

“I’m not the bad guy here Jason—”

“Aren’t you?” he hissed. “You want to take my baby from me for no good reason!”

I raised a brow. “No good reason?” I asked softly and he only gritted his teeth and looked away. I took a breath.

“Let’s get one thing straight. I’m offering you the opportunity to do right by him. I’m opening up my home to you and Timmy instead of doing my duty and reporting you. I’m not trying to break up a family here, I’m doing everything I can…what more do you want?”

When he looked at me I this time, it wasn’t with a glare. It was with tired eyes and a worn out expression. “I just want to be with Timmy...he gotta stay with me. We’re all we got and I’m tryin harder than anybody so he can be happy.”

“I know you are—”

“Then let us go.”

I shook my head. “It’s your choice what happens with your kid Jason. You really want to be with him, then feel free to stay here. If you really want to leave, then prepare to visit him in another home because there’s not much else I can do.”

“Well then fuck you.”

For a second I only stared at him, then I shook my head.

“If you really love him… and I know you do, then you’ll do whatever it takes to make sure he’s safe.”

“He’s always been safe.”

I shook my head. “It’s time to wake up, your denial isn’t helping your family. ”

Finally I turned and exited the room, closing the door softly behind me.

I paused outside his door and took a breath, certain I’d only succeeded in poking at the flames rather than cooling them as I’d planned. I was completely at a loss. A part of me wished I’d never had the misfortune of catching Jason the other night, then I wouldn’t need to be the voice of reason in this delicate situation.

Then another part of me was grateful for their presence in my life.  Timmy was like a breath of fresh air in my stale, lonely house and when he wasn’t being completely irrational, Jason was  just as revitalizing, but  the truth was, I didn’t know what I was doing and I only hoped that no matter what Jason decided, I wasn’t forcing them both into a terrible ordeal.

I glanced down the hall and looked longingly at my bedroom door, knowing that once again I’d be spending the night on the couch. I ran a hand through my hair and let out a frustrated breath before making my way down the hall, then down the stairs, turning out the lights as I went.

Just as I flipped on the television, the phone went off and I lowered myself into the couch and stretched across the empty cushion to grab the phone from where it was lodged between the chair arm and the cushion.

“O’Connolly.” I answered on the second ring.

“You don’t sound like a man who’s been resting.” My buddy John’s voice issued over the line and I grinned, resting my back against the arm of the chair.

“Yeah well rest aint what it used to be.”

He chuckled. “I hear yah.  How’s the shoulder?”

I shrugged. “Could be better, but I’m not complaining. How’s Kyle?”

“Kyle is…Kyle. He’s actually the reason I’m calling, we’re—”

“Have you told him yet? Don’t let him hang up until he says he’s coming. Michael needs to get out and breathe every once in a while” I heard Kyle—John’s partner—say in the background and I shook my head.

“Where exactly am I supposed to say yes to going?” I asked, certain John could hear the grin in my voice.

“We’re hosting a little get-together down by Dave’s bar next weekend. You should come down for a few hours, drink a couple a beers, shoot some pool with the guys... we’re all starting to wonder if you’re still living.”

I snorted, “Yeah well tell the assholes I’m alive and kicking and tell Peter to be ready for a good ass whopping when I get back.” I chuckled and John joined in.

“Doesn’t sound like a yes for next weekend.” He commented and once again I shrugged to myself.

“I can’t…something’s come up that I need to take care of. It’s a crazy time right now.”

A pause on the line, then; “Sounds serious, you need any help?” he couldn’t mask the concern in his voice and I was grateful, but I shook my head knowing full well he couldn’t see me.

“Nah I’ve got it under control for now…tell Kyle I’ll catch the next one.”

Another pause.

“Alright, just remember I’m a phone call away if you need anything and take care of that shoulder.”

“Yeah, will do.” And that was that. I set the phone down on the coffee table and for a minute I only stared at the muted television screen.

Everything was not under control. Who knew when it would be again.

…………………………………

“One…”

“Two…”

“thwee”

“Four...”

“Fife…”

I shifted, trying to find a comfortable spot on the lumpy couch, while simultaneously trying to block out the noise in the room.

“Sis…”

“Sven…”

“Eigh…”

“Nine…”

I groaned, blinking against the harsh morning light. Then I yawned, stretching my hands above my head, back arching, toes curling, as my body awakened limb by limb.

Then finally I rolled off the couch in preparation to stand, only to catch the movement in the corner of my eye. I shifted the direction of my feet just as I was about to plant them onto the floor and narrowly missed stepping on the small figure crouching between the coffee table and the couch. I hopped for a second on one foot, trying to recover my balance, then let out a relieved breath when I was stable and upright.

I immediately glanced around the room, searching for Jason, who was never very far from Timmy’s side, but he was nowhere in sight, and with narrowed eyes, I walked slowly over to the child and crouched down before him, taking in the mess he was making. He crouched there as naked as the day he was born.

In his hand, he held a tube of toothpaste and I watched with raised brows as he squirted the white stuff onto the face of his stuffed bunny, his brows drawn together in concentration as he completed his task. Then as I watched, he dipped his fingers into the mess and ran it back and forth in a brushing motion.

“Are you brushing his teeth?” I asked him, and he looked up at me for the first time. I noticed the toothpaste on his face, in his hair and in his hands and if it wasn’t on the carpet I would have been pretty surprised.

“Bunny ah keen now.” He announced, and I took that to mean ‘bunny is all clean now’ and wondered if I was finally getting the hang of his toddler gibberish.

“Yeah, but now you’re all dirty…where’s your daddy?”

He stood and pointed to the dining room with his free hand. “Daddy seeping.”

“He is? Come on let’s go visit him.” I told him, and almost immediately he stretched out his arms for me to lift him and I did so without hesitation. In one hand he still held the tube of open toothpaste, and the other was pressed gently against my bare chest.

I could feel the wet toothpaste  being smeared over my skin as I left the room, and I thought of just how much of a mess toddlers made on a daily basis. They clearly needed constant supervision and I felt a deep respect for single parents who had to contend with the little beasts twenty-four seven.

When I reached to the foot of the staircase, Timmy ordered me to return to the family room for bunny, who lay alone by the couch, with a face full of toothpaste, then finally we were off and I marched the little devil up the stairs while he wrapped his arms around my neck, getting toothpaste behind my ear and, I was certain, in my hair.

The first thing I noticed when I turned down the hall, was the trail of clothes on the floor leading  from  the open door of the guest room Timmy shared with his father.

“What? You sick of your clothes already?” I asked him, and as expected he ignored me.

I followed the trail of toddler clothes right up to the door of the guest room and peeked inside to see Jason stretched across the bed, an arm hanging off one side of the mattress and a foot off the other, while he slept soundly.  For a moment I only watched him. He made no use of the blankets on the bed, instead choosing to lay atop them, bare from his waist up.

His skin was tanned and looked as smooth as I thought it would be. He was dead to the world, his shallow breathing the only sounds that could be heard in the quiet room. I glanced down at the bundle in my arms. He was more focused on the tube in his hands, but when I put a finger over my lips, he looked up and mimicked the action. I grinned and turned back down the hall with him in tow.

“Let’s get you cleaned up. Are you ready for bath time?” I asked in that sing-song voice kids seemed to relate to and when he mimicked the act of a finger over his lips, I chuckled silently. It never failed to amaze me just how adorable kids could be in their innocence. It was almost breathtaking.

I opened a few windows once I was in my room and shifted Timmy to my other arm, while I pulled out a drawer in search of a shirt I could slip over his head after his bath. Once in my own bathroom at the opposite end of the hall, I pulled a clean towel from the cabinet, and set Timmy on his feet while I filled the tub with warm water, then threw in some  body wash for men, hoping it was okay to use on kids.

Timmy moved to stand by the tub and together we watched it fill. He was mesmerized when I reached in to swirl the water around, allowing the suds to form and before I knew it, he had thrown in his bunny and the tube of toothpaste soon followed.

We watched as the tube sank and bunny floated, then he too sank to the bottom of the tub, his sewed-on smile still visible under water.

“Ready to go in?” I asked my little house guest and he pointed to the water and spoke some words I couldn’t decipher.

He was fascinated, and when I swirled the water around some more, he watched the path my hand took, right up until the time I removed it from the water.

“Alright, that’s enough.” I said, turning off the tap and he looked up at me with a frown.

I stuck my tongue out at him and he giggled, then giggled some more when I hoisted him up and placed him into the warm water. He was in heaven, playing in the water and chasing after suds as I scrubbed the toothpaste from his hair. I decided right then to get him a rubber duck for his next bath time.

“Wader hot.” He told me and I rolled my eyes. As long as water was involved, for him it would always be hot.

He giggled when I rolled them again and this time he hit the water a few times with his tiny arms, drenching my face with the warm liquid. I blinked it from my eyes, then pointed to the bottom of the tub.

“You wanna hand me the toothpaste?” I asked him, and after a moment’s pause he reached down and took hold of the tooth paste, but instead of handing it to me, he squeezed the end of the tube, squirting the minty flavored paste into the water, then he squirted some more until I managed to pry it from his wet fingers.

It was by this time that I’d given up all pretense of cleaning him and instead sat back and watched him play around in his soapy, toothpaste-filled bath water. It certainly wasn’t a bad way to start the day.

Twenty minutes later I had him sitting completely naked on three cushions I’d mounted on the dining room chair as I watched him eat his mac and cheese. He’d made a huge fuss when I’d tried to put him in clothes after an abnormally long bath time, so I’d left him to roam the house as free and unhindered as he chose to be.

“Timmy?” I heard Jason call out from upstairs and Timmy’s face lit up.

“He’s down here with me.” I called up and not a moment later, I heard the heavy footfalls on the stairs before Jason appeared from around the corner.

“He came down earlier so I gave him a bath and some food.” I explained before he had a chance to ask and he glanced at little Timmy, who was trying to slide down from the cushions so he could get to his dad.

Jason held him steady on his seat, ruffled his curls and pointed to his small plate. “No, finish your food first.” He instructed and while he lifted his spoon to his face, he watched Jason as he walked around the chair and took a seat beside him.

“Sometimes he doesn’t like wearing clothes.” He explained, somewhat grudgingly and I nodded.

“Yeah I saw the trail he left in the hallway.”

He said nothing, only watched as Timmy ate messily.

“I can make you something if you’re hungry.” I offered and he looked at me with narrowed eyes.

“I’m not.”

“Look, I was thinking—”

“You’re not allowed to do this.” He cut me off mid-sentence and I watched him with furrowed brows.

“Do what exactly?”

“Take care of him like he’s yours.”

“I don’t follow.” I said, folding my arms before me.

“You don’t get to take him outta the room, you don’t get to do whatever you want with him. I do that… I clean him when he’s dirty, I brush his teeth and I keep him safe.”

“He woke up, you were still sleeping so he came downstairs. I didn’t take him from your room and he needed a bath, so I gave him one. I didn’t think that would be a problem.”

“Timmy never leaves by himself. He knows that he doesn’t go places without me.” He said with narrowed eyes and I levelled him with an equally hard stare.

“Well he did it this morning and he’ll do it again, because guess what? Children are unpredictable. He won’t always do what you expect and that’s another reason why he’s safer here than he is in that run-down place you called home.”

“Why do you always gotta be such dick?” he insulted.

“Dick.” Timmy spoke around a mouthful of macaroni and Jason looked over at him in horror.

“No, you don’t say those stuff Timmy.” He scolded.

“If you don’t want him to repeat after you, then don’t curse in front of him.” I said in a flat tone and he gritted his teeth.

“I don’t cuss in front of him…you’re just such a…a—”

“Dick.”

“Don’t say that Timmy!” we scolded in unison and Timmy looked between us in obvious confusion.

I sighed, then ran a hand over my face. “Look, arguing won’t get us anywhere. I understand that you’re still pissed off about everything…your life’s practically been turned upside down overnight, I get that…but we need to work together here.”

“I should a never tried to pick you the other night, then I wouldn’t hafto deal with all this…crap.”

“Yeah well that can’t be helped. It happened, you’re both here and the situation isn’t going to go away, so we need to make sure we’re on the same page here. Have you made a decision?”

The anger never left his expression, but neither did the uncertainty. “I did.”

“And?”

A long pause, where he gritted his teeth and glared. Then he clasped his hands before him and let out a breath. “I’m gonna-”

“Dick.”

We both looked at little Timmy who sat staring at us innocently with a piece of macaroni stuck to his chin. I sighed.

AUTHOR'S NOTES

ENJOY.

THANKS FOR KEEPING SWEET <3

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.