5.5 A Monster Among Monsters

Well, she wasn’t exactly me. I am me!

This must be some Adumbrae mind trick to make me lower my guard or something. Not sure if it was working because she looked like a spooky version of me. Uncanny and odd. I didn’t feel any connection to her at all. Still, I preferred this to an abstract monstrosity.

Or was she showing what I’d look like when I’d fully transform someday?

The ghostly hair. It could be connected to the strands of white hair I was getting lately. Staying humanoid was much better than turning into a hulking tentacle monster like Fidgeting Hoodie. But some parts of Ma’am Adumbrae’s appearance would be a challenge to hide.

The white hair, I could dye that black. But what about her skin tone? It had a shiny marble texture, almost artificial-looking, reflecting the cacophony of lights around us. Caking myself in makeup couldn’t completely disguise that. And would contact lenses work to cover the glowing red eyes? I bet they’d still glow through the lenses. Red eyes were cool and all, but I’d rather not get shot by the police.

Her outfit was fire, though. I’d look wicked awesome in her outfit, floating through space, sitting on an ancient magical chair. Did it come with the transformation? Were there Adumbrae stylists in charge of fashion?

I recalled thinking earlier that this Adumbrae was a guy because her breasts weren’t that noticeable under her suit. Couldn’t really say that an Adumbrae was a gal or guy anyway. I glanced down at my not-so-ample bosom and giggled. At least she got that department right. Immature, I know, especially the abnormal situation I was in.

Speaking of the outfit… my eyes wandered to her golden gauntlet studded with crystals. Would that cumbersome equipment also grow on my hand? Was it not a piece of armor but an actual body part? There was no way to hide that!

The Adumbrae—I’d just call her Spooky Erind, because she was exactly that—grinned at me. Her bunny teeth, which I also had, and were super-duper cute, by the way, showed in her smile.

You’re noisy. Spooky Erind’s words popped into my head, forming images and feelings.

“I’m noisy? But I didn’t say—oh, are you reading my thoughts? I can’t understand what I’m thinking at times, so have fun deciphering my brain. Anyway, I have a very important question: am I dead?”

Spooky Erind giggled for some reason. It irritated me that this Adumbrae thought the situation was funny. She waved her mask at me. Why would you think that?

“Because my last memory before getting in this dimension was getting buried alive in concrete. I couldn’t breathe. Then I blacked out. I was dying, for sure. Given your response, I may still be alive. Can you save me before this ‘dying’ turns into ‘death’? You did it last time.”

And what did you do after that last time?

“Okay, I walked right into that question,” I replied, chuckling. “Just a few days later, and I’m dying again.”

Inexplicably, I felt comfortable talking with Spooky Erind. We had briefly conversed before. But shouldn’t I be afraid, cowed, or intimidated by an Adumbrae, especially while floating in Supernatural Outer Space Theme Park? Not that I could feel those emotions. Still, I expected to get stressed; I was literally dying in the real world. Instead, there was a sense of familiarity with her. Maybe this is her goal in using my appearance.

A concerning possibility. Spooky Erind could’ve been inside me for a long time already. That’d explain a lot, if true. Was she the reason I was different compared to—?

No.

“Huh?” The Adumbrae read my mind again.

We were like this from the start… the ultimate start to this endless loop I want to end. I didn’t affect anything.

I groaned. An interdimensional entity speaking profound shit that I couldn’t understand. “Anyway, back to the business at hand. Are you trying to teach me a lesson by not helping? This isn’t my fault. I was minding my own business when they took me. Is it not about that? Then I bet you’re letting me die so you can take my body.”

Amusingly, dying wasn’t that big a deal to me now compared to the previous time. I’d rather not die, obviously. But if it came down to that, then so be it. I had already cheated death once. I was on borrowed time since then. Let’s see if I can extend it more.

Spooky Erind was silent, so I continued, “Are you going to claim my soul now? My mind or something?” I needed to know why I was here and the goals of this Adumbrae to be able to bargain. Quite a challenge since she could read my mind.

Spooky Erind tilted her head while wearing an innocent smile. Even her spooky eyes glinted with mischievousness in them. What are you on about? You mean our mind? I’m not claiming anything.

I sighed, though no air exited my nose. “I get it. We’ve already merged. I accepted your help, whatever that was, and my soul is forfeit. My body has already changed. And you’re now going to take over my body in the real world. Is that it?”

Spooky Erind shook her head. I’m not taking your body, because it is… our body. I am you and you are me. Meyoumeyoumeyou, she cheerily sang as she left her throne and floated up to me.

Why did it feel like I had heard her singing before? I paddled through nothingness in an attempt to move away from her.

“You’re really controlling me, huh?” Didn’t feel like it. Though, how would I know? Spooky Erind must be influencing my thoughts.

I had seen a lot of movies where the main character gets turned into an Adumbrae. An overdone genre by now. Oftentimes, the protagonist grappled with the option of offing themselves before they’d completely turn into a monster. Something about better dying as a human. Better to go out with their own minds.

Was that how it should be? Most of my life, I had been copying how people acted so I wouldn’t get outed as different, even if I didn’t understand the rationale. I wasn’t sure about the appropriate response to this situation.

Why do you care? Spooky swirled around me, gently kicking with her feet, as we both drifted away from her chair. What difference does it make if your actions are truly your own, or me controlling you? As we always say…

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

“It’s the actions that count,” I said. “But, but…that doesn’t apply here. Outwardly, people would only see my actions, not knowing my actual thoughts behind them. But those are my thoughts. It’s a whole different thing if it’s the thoughts of someone else behind my actions.”

I’m not someone else. I’m—

“Me. Yeah, yeah. How about this? Let’s take Deen as an example. She’s a quite friendly person. I am, too. Outwardly. People wouldn’t know the difference between our type of friendliness because they only see our actions. We’re both friendly.”

Exactly. People will never ever see inside our heads, so there’s no difference in their perspective. What they see is what they get. That is their reality.

“This is different, the thing between us.”

Oh yeah? How so?

“Because we’re inside my head? I mean…” Despite myself, I threw my hands up, at a loss for words. Spooky Erind smirked at me. She waved her mask around as if egging me on to understand it. I did understand it; I just didn’t want her to win. “You bitch.”

Come on, none of that. Don’t go cussing ourselves, she said with a pout.

“Fine, you win. There’s no difference if you’re mind controlling me or not because, yeah, you’re already in my mind. I wouldn’t even know what’s happening. It’s not my reality anymore.”

Correct. A futile exercise to discern if you’re controlled. That’s like wondering if you’re insane or not.

“Am I insane?”

Insanity is relative, said Spooky Erind. And you shouldn’t think too deeply about this, or you’ll really go insane. It’s just that we’re the same, so I know that you know that if I were taking over your mind, your stance on that matter, and mine as well, is that there’s no point thinking about it.

I rolled my eyes. She was correct. Either this proved we were one and the same, or this proved that it was pointless to argue with her. “That’s such an Adumbrae thing to say. Anyway, I’m kind of dying in the real world. We’re short on time and—”

Time? Spooky Erind was in front of me, her hair snaking around her. She looked me in the eye. There’s no… time… in this place. It doesn’t exist here. No rush. We should enjoy our little reunion.

“Reunion? We didn’t meet last time. Just talked. And what was that about time not existing here? Don’t tell me… you’re going to keep me here for ages? Even if time doesn’t pass, I’m perceiving the passage of time. This is going to be so fucking boring! No offense, Spooky—oh, no. I was going to—”

Noisy, noisy, you. Spooky Erind reached out with a finger. I didn’t know if I should avoid it or not, so I ended up not doing anything. She poked my cheek. Her finger felt warm. Why are you here?

“I’m dying… I think.”

And?

“I need help. Just like last time. You gave me super strength and super regeneration. Thanks for that. But it’s not enough now. I’m fighting this asshole with a purple—wait, can you see what’s happening in the, um, outside world?”

Spooky Erind looked at me smugly while needling my cheek. I can see what you see because—

“You are me,” I said. “Okay, okay. Then you should’ve seen I was getting my ass handed to me out there. Help me once again. Purple Mohawk has this special ability to liquify solid non-living stuff. At least, I suspect that’s how his power works. That’s on top of being stronger and tougher than me.”

And…? She repeated, grating on my nerves.

“Don’t you care about it? They’re artificially making Adumbrae. That’s what the bastard told me. You’d want to take out those fakes, right?” I wanted it to be Spooky Erind’s initiative to give me powers. Wouldn’t want to owe her that much.

Spooky Erind shrugged. I scarcely care about your world. I only care about you. And me. And you. And meyoumeyoumeyou.

“Meyoumeyoumeyou,” I unenthusiastically sang with her. She wanted me to ask directly. “If you care about me, then give me a special power. Something on top of just superstrength.” I noticed her wiggling the mask while smiling at me. A hint? If she were me, then… “I need a new face. Not like those I present to other people.”

And what face is that?

I pointed at the mask she held. “That’s a face, isn’t it? I don’t know what that does, but that could probably help me out. Can I borrow it?”

Yep, this is a face. Very good. Spooky Erind put it on again. But I’m using this one.

“Hey, I thought we were one. Why can’t I have that?”

There’s only one of these, and I’m using this in here. This face can’t leave this place. And I hope you won’t use this one again.

“Again? This is the first time I’ve seen that. Can you pretty please not do riddles? I suck when it comes to not-so-plain talk. Eh, whatever. Give me a face, unlike any I've ever had before. A face to punish those who bother my peaceful, Rule-abiding life.”

And so, it shall be. Spooky Erind stretched out her right hand, the one wearing a massive golden, clawed gauntlet. There was a glowing white gem sitting on the gauntlet’s palm, radiating a kaleidoscope of colors.

Out of the gem rose a stream of golden liquid that formed a floating blob. The gold started to turn red.

“Red…” The liquid began to take shape into a mask with a snout lined with fangs. A predator. I had to be the predator instead of my usual timid face, the unassuming girl, the side character. I’d have the face of a main character that fucked up everyone else.

Was it a wolf? Red. Wolf and red. Little Red Riding Hood. My favorite fairy tale as a child and the story that started my thing with faces.

The wolf disguising itself to gain the trust of others tickled my brain as a child. That was the logical thing to do. Mom told me about the dangers of the world faced by an innocent little girl, and not to trust strangers, even if they looked nice. But that wasn’t my takeaway from the story of Little Red Riding Hood. The wolf. The face of the dumb wolf slipped and resulted in its death.

Since then, I have been careful not to let my face slip off. I was different. I had to lie low, or else I’d be hunted down like the wolf. This face with fangs that Spooky Erind was about to give me was different. I wasn’t hiding. I’d be front and center.

Come. Spooky Erind beckoned at me with her claw. Take the new face you’ll wear as you cross the forest that is the world of violence and death.

I reached out for the set of fangs. “As the wolf lurks in the forest…”

Lying in wait, wearing the face of gentleness, of guile, of danger, of death…

“I’m the girl crossing the forest, draped in a red cloak…”

…wearing the face of innocence, of weakness, of a prey…

“I wait for the wolf to bare its fangs, to attack me…”

Its ignorance will be its downfall. For as the wolf attacks…

“…it will come to know…”

…that the true wolf…

“Is me.”

I opened my eyes in the darkness. There was no air. Pressure from all sides. I was back in the real world and encased in hardening concrete. But death seemed so far away. Overwhelming strength made my muscles tingle. I was raring to rip someone off. Kill the bastard who did this to me.

I forced my arms to move, breaking the concrete that was yet to completely solidify. I chomped whatever was in my way as I climbed up to kill Purple Mohawk.

My prey.