And if you feel you're sinking, I will jump right over
Into cold, cold water for you
And although time may take us into different places
I will still be patient with you
And I hope you know
I won't let go
I'll be your lifeline tonight
-Cold Water, Major Lazer, Justin Bieber, MÃ
10| Mason
Mason looked at Evelyn. Beads of sweat were running down the side of her face. They were inside the library, arranging a new collection of books as their punishment. After school, there was no AC and today Fallholt decided to be sunny.
Evelyn was talking about one book and looking at the shelf while nibbling on her nails. Her posture gave away that she was thinking about something. Ever since she had entered the library she was distracted. Mason had tried to spark up a conversation when he saw a favorite book but she didn't pay attention, just replied with 'oh's and 'hmm's.
Mason looked at the non-fictions in front of him. There were reasons why he always liked reading a biography. To his enjoyment, there was a new collection of biography books. Reading biography told him how different people looked at life from different angles and it fascinated him.
Mason looked up at Evelyn who had only filled up half a row in the shelf with books while pondering. So he picked up his pace and started helping her with the books or maybe they would have to spend the rest of the day here.
As much as Mason agreed with Evelyn that they needed to talk, he dreaded it. What if Evelyn started asking the questions he didn't want to answer? Would she hate him if she knew all of him?
Maybe Stellar was right. Maybe he really was a lava brewing volcano waiting to explode. First, it was guilt that kept him awake at night with nightmares. Time flew and the guilt turned to regrets, then to disbelief, to anger. That was the time when Mason started with punching bags, punching until he saw blood in his knuckles until he felt numb. He would go on running until his feet could take it no more, soaking in sweat. The muscles started showing here and there and his appearance changed. People started looking at him as a new person.
But did Mason change? Wasn't he the same person all along?
Maybe he was so good at pretending to be someone else, that his once best friend now thought that he didn't care about anything.
Mason looked at Evelyn standing in the right corner looking at the shelf. She looked at him and he nodded. They met their discipline teacher on the librarian corner. Then he let them out.
"Will you like to go for an ice cream?" He asked fiddling with his fingers around the strap of his backpack.
Evelyn stumbled on her steps and looked at him with disbelief in her eyes. Her look hurt Mason. She, of course, never thought he would ask her out for ice cream. But why he always have to act a certain way? Where was the problem with just being him?
"You are asking me out for an ice cream?" Evelyn said with the same wide eyes.
Mason looked forward and walked away. Evelyn followed suit, "As you said, we need to talk. Won't it be better if we talk while having ice cream? It's hot today."
They entered the ice cream shop and cool air brushed over Mason's face. It was such a relief. There were tubs of ice cream arranged in the front under the transparent glass showcase. Evelyn walked forward taking a look at the multiple flavors of ice cream of different colors.
"My treat, take whatever you want to," Mason said and looked at the tubs himself not waiting to see Evelyn's eyes go wide for once more.
"Oh." Evelyn nodded.
"I've never tried butterscotch before," She said as they looked at the tubs of butterscotch. It was the pale yellow one arranged in the middle of cookie dough and mint choco chip.
"Then I think you should," Mason said nodding at her.
"Trying new things is not really something I do. I think I would just stick to my taste and order cookie dough," Evelyn said and ordered.
"Okay then, I am going to take butterscotch. " Mason said.
The shopkeeper behind the booth took their order. They stood by as their ice creams were arranged.
Mason liked the silence between them. None of them were saying anything. Evelyn was staring into nothingness while tapping her foot on the floor. She was shifting her weight from one foot to another. She was in her own little world.
Over the weeks, Mason had seen the little things about Evelyn. She was always thinking about one thing or another, zoning out every once in a while. She would not see what was happening around her, she would be in her own world. She would tap her foot constantly, she would nibble on her nails, she would drum her fingers on the lunch table. She would stare at her food, not eating. That had earned quite a lot of glances from Mason but even if Evelyn caught him, she would shrug and look away.
Although Mason had tried to give her as little attention as he could, he hadn't forgotten her tattoo, neither her little emotional burst out. Those were the moments he wished he could forget.
"Here are your ice creams." The man said. Both of them took their ice-creams and left the shop. They decided to walk home instead of staying there.
"So, what's that you wanna talk about?" Mason asked as he took a bite of his cone.
"I was thinking," Evelyn said as she took a bite herself and the cookie dough smeared on her pink lips.
Butterscotch actually tasted good. He should've tried it before.
"I don't know why you are still sticking with me and why we are hanging out together. Most importantly how did I end up with you being my friend? Nothing is making sense. It's like doing the same thing over again." Evelyn said and walked forward.
It's like doing the same thing all over again.
Mason narrowed his eyes. "We are friends, so we are hanging out. What's wrong with that?"
"You don't understand." She said and looked back at him. "I know, I am being difficult but, I keep thinking about your intentions."
"My intentions?" Mason asked being surprised.
"Yep. It's also not wise to ask you about your intentions. But guess what, I am so weird." She shook her head as if she was disappointed.
"What intention?"
"You can act all innocent. Of course, you will act innocent. " She turned around and walked on. Mason followed.
"Are you asking me all this, because a certain someone told you so?" Mason couldn't but taste bile.
"Don't say a certain someone. You can tell his name. It's not like saying his name will make him appear here like Voldemort." Evelyn rolled her eyes.
"I don't wanna taste bile while eating ice cream." Mason reasoned. "And also taking Voldermort's name doesn't make him appear."
"Yeah, I know." She turned. "Look at me."
Mason looked down at her hazel eyes. "This is not about Bryan, okay? It's all me. I can't do this. I can't be your friend. I just can't."
Mason contemplated her words. "Why?" He asked.
"Because, because," She placed her hand in the bridge of her nose. She was frustrated. "I can't tell you."
Mason nodded and walked forward. "So that makes me your not-friend."
"By not-friend, I mean, I don't wanna see you," She said keeping her face hard.
"Oh. Do I look that bad?" He asked.
Evelyn turned and looked at him with a blank expression. "I am serious, Mason."
"I know. I am serious too." Mason said.
If Evelyn didn't say it was not about Bryan, Mason would've thought Bryan's talking had something to do with that. He wondered where Stellar got so much manipulative power. He could talk and manipulate anyone he wanted, including teachers. That's why his school records always came out clean. But now, he just wanted to trust Evelyn's words.
"The other day, you took me to a grave, whose grave it was?" Evelyn asked after a while.
"Not my friend, not your business." He said and looked up at the sky. Many white clouds were floating around the clear blue sky.
"Yes, right." She said, "Should've asked before."
Mason walked on. They entered the T. Evelyn's house was a house away. This may be the last time, he would ever walk Evelyn home or have a chance to look at his old house. He was quite sure he was never coming back to this neighborhood. He didn't have any reasons anymore.
"So, I guess, " Evelyn stood in front of the gate.
"I guess, it's goodbye," Mason said.
"Yes." Evelyn's face was emotionless. "Make sure I don't see you."
"Do you still have the clown mask? I will wear it around you know." Mason said as he ran a hand through his hair.
Evelyn's eyes lingered on him and she sighed. "Mason."
"Yes," He replied not looking at her.
"Leave," Evelyn said as she stood her ground.
Mason turned around and walked two steps. Then suddenly he remembered something. Mason quickly turned around. He took a step towards Evelyn and held up her left wrist where the tattoo was. It was on the right side of her left forearm, quite well-hidden.
"What about this?" Mason asked.
Evelyn looked up at him. Her eyes were empty. "This is nothing."
"You can't fool me," Mason said as he looked at the tattoo.
Gotta live. One didn't simply tattoo "gotta live" unless.....
Mason pushed the negative thoughts away. The more he saw Evelyn, the more confused and scared he got. Her emotional burst out to her tattoo, they scared him.
"And you didn't tell me what happened that day when you burst out like that. " He said as he got a hold of her wrist making sure she didn't run away.
"I told you nothing happened," Evelyn said looking down at their hands.
"You are not telling me the truth," Mason said and his voice came out desperate. He wanted to know what was wrong.
Evelyn just stared down at their hands. Some moments later, she let out a hysteric laugh. There was something so bad about how she laughed, Mason felt heavy in his heart. She was mocking him.
"Mason Stewart," Evelyn said and looked straight at his eyes, "I have told you before, I am telling you now, I am not your responsibility. You can't save me."
"I know," He took a step forward, and looking at her hazel eyes he said, "It's only you who can save you. You need to know that. And I believe you are strong enough for that."
Mason let go of her wrist. Evelyn kept her hazel eyes glued to his blue ones and never looked away. Before turning around for the last time, he said, "My tattoo is about my mom. That day, I took you to her grave."
Leaving Evelyn in her front yard, he turned around and never looked back. With every step he took, he felt he was abandoning something. He was abandoning his house, just like the last time. He was abandoning his memories, good and bad. He was abandoning a part of himself. He was abandoning himself. And nothing about it felt right.
This was not right.
Mason made his way to the garage. He knew he was going to work hard until he could take no more until all the feelings inside him numbed away.
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Carolina was not at home when he came back. He went straight to his room and took off his white shirt which looked dirty and somewhere black from the mobile. Rosy was making through, two more days and she would run just fine.
White had always been his favorite. But a white shirt was not a good choice when you work in a garage.
He went to the washroom and without turning on the heater, he turned on the shower. Cold water splattered down on him and he flinched. Then he stood straight as the water hit his body, water droplets ran down his hair, his face. As time passed, the temperature became tolerable and so the cold. He let out a sigh.
I can't. Her words echoed through his ears and he wondered why. Mason wondered what was so wrong.
At the same time, the fact that Evelyn wanted to deal with whatever going on with her all on her own made him respect her. She had the same goal like him. He wanted to deal with his shits on his own too. He never wanted to drag anyone in that, not even his sister. But Mom would have hated him if she knew how he had left someone alone to deal on their own. But it was their choice. It was her choice and Mason was no one to force. Still, he didn't feel right.
Mason let out a growl in frustration and slammed his fist on the tiles wall. He retreated and looked at his knuckles. They were pale. The cold water had made them numb. Water framed down his face reminding him of a memory of his childhood.
"Mom, mom, there were these guys in the park and they were beating a boy." Little Mason ran to his mom, Sarah, and blurted.
Sarah stopped cooking and looked back. "Really?"
"Yes, mom. He was crying so loud but nobody helped him." Mason said.
Sarah narrowed her eyes."What did you do?"
"I ran and came home to tell you," Mason replied.
"Why didn't you help him?" Sarah asked.
"Mom, what are you saying? They were so big. They will beat me too." Mason dismissed the idea.
"What did I teach you?" Sarah knelt on the kitchen floor so she could be Mason's eye level.
"I don't remember," Mason said and scratched his head. "To help my friends." His eyes lit up.
Sarah smiled. "I know they are big and you are scared. But if you think you can do something, you can do something."
"Really? I can? I can beat them?" Mason asked with wide eyes.
"No, you don't need to beat them. You have to help the boy." She said taking his little hand and caressed his cheek.
Mason gave her a toothy grin.
He ran back to the park and they were still beating him. This time Mason remembered what his mom said. He slowly walked towards them and stood beside the boy they were beating. Mason's little feet faltered but he kept thinking "I am big. I can do this."
"Why are you beating him? Go away." He said as loudly as he could.
The boys stopped and looked at him. They laughed loudly and started beating him again. Mason somehow got in the middle of them, covering the boy they were beating.
"I said, GO AWAY." He yelled.
"Hey, who are you? Superman?" One of them asked and they all laughed.
Mason rested both hands on his hip and tried to look as brave as he could.
"Yes, I am superman, I will save everyone."
The boys around laughed like they had heard the best joke in the world.
"Now, superman, step aside or we will beat you too." One of them pushed Mason and Mason fell to the ground. They would beat him again. Mason grabbed one of those boys' feet and asked, "Why are you beating him?"
"We heard his mom is bad. What was the word? Yes, a prostitute. That is why we need to beat him."
"What's a pros-porsti?" Mason asked as the boy pushed him more.
"We don't know. It is a bad thing." They said. The boy behind him was crying loudly. Mason saw a fist coming towards him. He closed his eyes but it never came.
"What is happening here?" A voice boomed and Mason looked up. A big boy was standing away. He was bigger than those boys.
The boys heard him and they left Mason and the boy and ran away. The big guy went away as fast as he came.
Mason looked back at the boy who was crying. His eyes were black and there was a bruise on his cheek.
"Hey," Mason said.
He yelled, "Go away! My mom is very bad." He kept crying.
"They are bad," Mason said and sat close to the boy. "My mom told me to help everyone and make friends. Will you be my friend?"
He looked up as his tears fell. "You will be my friend?"
Mason nodded his head.
The day after that Mason brought the boy to his house. They played for a long time. Mason gave him all his toys. At the end of the day, he went home after he broke Mason's favorite toy car.
He sighed. He should've known it the first day.
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Edited.