â Q U I N N â
Healing doesn't erase the scars; it just means they don't run our lives anymore. Trauma, for better or worse, is part of the human experienceâbut it doesn't have to rule our lives forever. The paradox is that it has both the power to break us down, yet also lift us back up, sometimes even stronger than before. Healing from trauma isn't like mending a broken bone; it's more like piecing the soul back together, gently and patiently. And if we don't take the time to mend, the hurt inside us can spill over, affecting those who never caused our pain.
I stirred awake, but I knew it was still the dead of night. I could feel her warmth beside meâChloe. Her scent, always so intoxicating, filled the air around us. Her hand rested at the back of my neck, her gentle breath against my skin, her presence magnetic, pulling me close. It felt so right, so much like home. With my eyes still closed, I felt her fingers shift, tracing soft lines along my nape. I slowly opened my eyes and saw her awake beside me, gazing quietly. Glancing at her bedside clock, I saw it was only 2 AM. When my eyes returned to hers, those beautiful eyes that had always held me captive, I couldn't help but smile.
"Why aren't you sleeping yet, gorgeous?" I murmured, my voice soft with sleep.
Chloe's lips curved into a small smile, and her hand shifted to my cheek, her thumb brushing gently. "I don't want to sleep yet, baby," she whispered.
"What's wrong, baby?" I asked, pulling her a little closer.
"I... I'm scared to sleep, Quinn," she said, her voice wavering.
"Why? What's going on?" I could feel the worry tugging at my chest.
She hesitated, her gaze lowering before she looked back at me, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "I'm afraid that if I fall asleep, I'll wake up in the morning, and you'll be gone. That I'll realize it was all just another loop. I just want to stay here like this, with you."
"Baby, this isn't a dream. I'm here. We're real." I tightened my hold, trying to show her that she was safe, that we were together. She looked at me, her eyes searching for something, a reassurance maybe.
"Get some rest, baby. Please?" I whispered, hoping to soothe her worries. She sighed, nodded, and slowly closed her eyes, and I watched her, still holding her close, watching the way her features softened as she finally started to let herself drift.
"Quinn?" Her soft voice broke the silence. I hummed in response, giving her waist a gentle squeeze.
"Nothing," she murmured, letting the silence fall back over us.
I stayed awake, tracing the shape of her face with my eyes, drinking in every detail. A few moments passed, and then she spoke again.
"Quinn?"
"Yes, baby?" I replied, my voice soft, amusement tugging at my lips.
"Nothing, just checking," she whispered, and I couldn't help but chuckle softly.
Minutes passed, and sleep began to pull at me, my eyelids growing heavier. Just as I was about to slip away, her voice called out to me once more.
"Quinn?"
I blinked awake, my brows knitting with concern. "Chloe...what's wrong?" I asked gently, brushing a stray strand of hair from her face.
She opened her eyes, meeting mine. "I just wanted to make sure you're still here." She smiled softly, but I could see the worry hiding just behind her gaze, that flicker of fear that I was only a dream, that if she dared to let go, I'd vanish with the dawn.
"Baby, I'm right here," I whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. "I'm not going anywhere. Even if you close your eyes, I'll be right here when you open them again," I promised.
Her smile trembled, her hand tracing slow, gentle lines along my arm as if trying to memorize the feel of me, to convince herself that I was real. I pulled her close, feeling her relax just a bit, the tension softening in her shoulders.
"Chloe, baby... can you feel this?" My hand moved gently along her back, and she nodded, her gaze unwavering. "And this?" I leaned in, pressing my forehead softly to hers, feeling her warmth. She nodded again, her lips trembling with the hint of a smile. "And what about this?" I whispered, closing the last bit of distance between us, kissing her softly.
"Yes, baby... I can feel it," she murmured as our lips brushed.
"Good. As long as you feel those, that means I'm here. I'm real. You're not dreaming, okay?" I whispered. "Now, try to get some rest... please?"
She sighed, a long, deep breath, before nodding. I pulled her even closer, closing any last bit of space between us, wrapping her tightly in my arms.
"Don't leave me, Quinn. Please..." Chloe whimpered, burying her head against my chest, her body trembling as the tears came in waves.
"Shit!" I cursed under my breath, panic creeping in as I held her even tighter. "Chloe, baby, please... I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here. Please, believe me." The weight of her fear crushed me. I had done this to her, broken her in ways I could never undo.
"I'm so sorry, Chloe," I choked, my voice raw with regret. "I hurt you, and I can't... I can't forgive myself for causing you this pain. I'm so sorry, baby." My arms wrapped tighter around her, desperate to hold on, to show her that no matter what, I wasn't leaving again. Not this time. "I promise, I'll do everything, Chloe. Not just my bestâeverything. I'll do whatever it takes to make it right, to make you feel safe again. Please, baby. Just know I'm here. I'll never leave you."
Her sobs were quieter now, but the sound of her broken heart still echoed in my chest. She cried herself to sleep in my arms, her body shaking with the remnants of her tears. I held her through the night, my guilt gnawing at me, but I promised myselfâI will make it right. I will be the one to fix this. I would make sure she never felt abandoned again. I would bring back the old Chloe I lovedâthe confident, fearless girl who had laughed without a care in the world. Before I left, before I broke her.
And I would spend every moment proving to her that I wasn't going anywhere, no matter how long it took.
â C H L O E â
Delusional pain can hurt just as much as pain from real trauma. So what if it's all in your head? The truth is, trauma is personal, and it doesn't just disappear because no one else sees it. When it's ignored or brushed off, the pain doesn't go awayâit only becomes a silent scream, echoing in your mind, heard only by you, the one trapped by it. It's a pain that holds you captive, changing you in ways you never asked for. Healing, though, is different. It's about taking back control and creating the change you want to see in yourself. And just because no one else can heal you or do the hard work for you doesn't mean you should or need to do it alone. Healing is a journey, but it's one that's easier when you have support.
My eyes felt heavy and sore, probably from all the tears I had shed since last night. But that didn't matter nowâbecause Quinn is back. Even though it was hard to open my eyes, I felt a sense of calm wash over me. I reached out, my hand searching for the other side of the bed. I needed to feel her close, to know she was really there. But instead, I only felt emptiness. Cold. Quinn wasn't there.
My heart raced. I opened my eyes quickly, but the pain from the light made them sting. Still, I couldn't see her anywhere. I sat up immediately, my eyes frantically scanning the room. A black backpack sat on the floor, the same one Quinn had carried yesterday at the park. But was it really hers? Or was it just a trick of my mind, another item from my collection of imagined moments?
Panic started to claw at me. I leaped out of bed, running down the stairs. Tears threatened to fall as doubt began to creep in. Had it all been a dream? Had I only imagined Quinn's return? Was I losing my mind?
As I reached the bottom of the stairs, I heard sounds coming from the kitchen. My feet moved quickly, my heart in my throat, desperate for some sign of reality. I rounded the corner to find my mom, standing at the stove, cooking breakfast.
"Hi, dear! How was your sleep?" she asked, her voice light and cheerful, completely unaware of the storm brewing inside me.
But I couldn't stop the panic. No. This couldn't be just another dream. I felt Quinn last night. I know she was here. She's real.
"Mom, where is she?" My voice broke as I asked, my tears falling faster now.
"Chloe, dear, calm down," my mom said softly, her brows knitting in concern.
I couldn't stay calm. I needed to know. "Mom, where is Quinn?" I shouted, my voice raw with emotion. My heart hammered in my chest, each beat louder than the last. I couldn't breathe, couldn't think straight.
If this was another dream, if Quinn was really still gone, I didn't know how I'd survive it again. I couldn't bear the thought of being stuck in another loop, caught between dreams and reality. My whole world felt like it was shattering around me.
Suddenly, the door creaked open, and my heart stopped for a moment. A huge wave of relief flooded through me as my tears continued to fall, now mixed with a strange sense of peace. It was Quinn, holding a paper bag in her arms. Her eyes widened in confusion, shock, and worry.
"Chloe, what's wrong?" she asked, her voice full of concern.
And in that moment, I couldn't contain it any longer. "Where the fuck did you go? Why did you leave me upstairs?!" I shouted, the words spilling out in a mix of relief and raw panic. It felt like everything I had been holding in just came crashing down.
Quinn walked toward me quickly, setting the bag on the counter before moving closer to me. She gently cupped my face in her hands, wiping away my tears with the tenderness I desperately needed.
"Baby, I'm sorry," she said softly, her voice soothing, "You were sleeping soundly when I heard a knock on the door. I got up, opened it, and saw your mom. We talked for a bit, and then I went out to grab this bag from her car. She wants to cook you breakfast."
Her touch was warm and comforting, grounding me in the moment. As she spoke, I felt a little of the panic start to ease. But my voice was still shaky, the fear not fully gone. "Why didn't you wake me up, Quinn? I thought you were gone... I thought it was all just another dream." The words left me in a broken whisper, and before I knew it, I was crying again.
"I didn't want to disturb your sleep, you looked so peaceful earlier," Quinn said, her voice soft but filled with regret. "And besides, I left my bag upstairs. Didn't you see it?"
"How would I know, Quinn?!" I snapped, my voice rising again. "Every bit of stuff you owned, I've been buying them for almost two years since you left! How would I know if it was yours or just one of the things I bought before?!" My words came out in a rush, the panic building again. I couldn't help it. Fear had taken control of me, and I felt like I was losing grip on everything. Quinn's eyes widened in shock at the sharpness of my voice, and I could see the hurt in her expression.
The truth was, ever since Quinn left, I had tried to fill the emptiness with things that reminded me of her. Shirts, pants, shoes, bags, caps, jacketsâanything that could keep me close to her. Her perfume, even. I bought it all, not because I needed things, but because I needed a piece of her, even if it was just the memory of it. It probably sounded pathetic to anyone else, but to me, it was all I had left of her.
"Oh! Baby, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to leave you upstairs like that," Quinn whispered, her voice breaking. "I just wanted you to get the rest you needed, and I didn't realize how long I was downstairs. I was catching up with your mom. Baby, please forgive me."
Before I could say anything more, Quinn pulled me into a tight embrace, holding me like she never wanted to let go.
I held on to her, tighter than I ever had before, as if the very act of holding her would keep me grounded. "Please, don't ever do that again, Quinn." My voice came out hoarse, full of emotion. I hugged her so tightly, I thought I might break a bone or two. But I couldn't care less. As long as she was here, as long as she was real, I didn't care. I needed her here, with me, where she belonged.
"Dear, how are you feeling now?" Mom asked gently as I came back downstairs after freshening up.
"I'm fine now, Mom. I'm really sorry for earlier. I didn't mean to shout. I just... I got scared. I didn't know what was real anymore," I said, settling beside her on the couch.
Quinn had convinced me to talk to my mom, to let her help me sort through all the thoughts tangled up in my mind. And, of course, Mom was worried, especially after my outburst.
"Sweetie," she said softly, her voice calm and soothing, "I know what you've been through has been incredibly hard. I'm sorry you had to face that alone. Quinn explained everything and why she left," she continued, her tone full of warmth. "She promised she'd do anything to make it up to you, and I believe she will. I hope her being here can heal the hurt and fear you've been carrying."
I let out a deep sigh, feeling the weight of my worries slowly lifting. "I know she will, Mom. It's just... yesterday, I was terrified that it was another dream. I've had so many where she showed up, only to vanish. Every time that happened, it was like reliving the heartbreak over and over, like I was stuck in a nightmare that wouldn't end."
Mom reached for my hand. "I know, honey. Reliving that kind of pain, stuck in the same loop like that can feel endless," she said softly. "It leaves you questioning what's real and what isn't. But it takes time, dearâtime to heal, to move past those fears. And I'm here for you, as is Quinn. This is real now. You're not alone, and everything will be okay. Just remember, I'm always here to talk whenever you need me."
I hugged her tightly, letting her words sink in, her comfort wrapping around me like a blanket. Finally, I felt a bit of peace breaking through.
Mom left in the late afternoon, after we spent the time talking not just about the heavy things weighing on my mind, but also sharing funny memories from my childhood. I even let her share the most embarrassing things I used to do as a kid, making her and Quinn laugh until we were all clutching our stomachs. It was the happiest and most relieved I'd felt in a long time, surrounded by warmth and laughter.
After Mom's car disappeared down the road, I stood leaning against the door frame, smiling to myself. Suddenly, I felt a pair of warm hands wrap around my waist from behind. A soft sigh escaped me as Quinn pressed her lips gently to my neck, her breath tickling my skin.
"What do you want for dinner, baby?" I asked, smiling as she kept her arms snug around me.
"You, gorgeous. I want you," she murmured, placing another soft kiss along my neck.
I chuckled, turning to face her and wrapping my arms around her neck. "You can'tâyet," I teased, watching her brow furrow in confusion. "It's my time of the month, Quinn," I said with a playful grin.
"Oh!" She laughed, shaking her head. "No wonder you were all moody and whiny earlier," she teased back, flashing me a mischievous smile.
I raised an eyebrow and pulled her closer, grinning. "Still an asshole, I see. I missed that," I whispered, letting my gaze drop from her eyes to her lips.
She leaned in, her voice a soft murmur. "I'm your asshole, baby." And with that, she closed the distance between us, capturing my lips in a gentle, tender kiss that made my heart race all over again.