: Chapter 18
The Last Eligible Billionaire
I look at Hayesâs square-jawed bodyguard as I disconnect my phone, and my face must be showing something, because his eyes start twinkling and he wipes a hand over his mouth like heâs trying to hide a smile.
âMr. Rutherford is not a fan of pizza,â he tells me.
âThen whereâs the best fried chicken in town? He needs something orgasmic. Coconut cream pie. No, too many people donât like coconut and we havenât had that discussion yet. A fudge brownie sundae and fried chicken and biscuits. Biscuits. We definitely need biscuits. Iâve tried everything else. Itâs time for comfort food.â
âThis way to the limo, Ms. Begonia.â
My phone rings again as I start to follow him, and Iâm answering, assuming itâs Hayes again, before my brain can process the name on the readout, and suddenly Iâm gaping at my phone in horror while my motherâs voice rings out. âHello? Begonia? Begonia, are you there?â
Marshmallow whimpers, cowers to the ground, and covers his face with his paw.
Nikolay mutters something to him in Russian, then jerks his head at me like heâs saying, Come. The billionaire is waiting, and if you think your motherâs terrifying, wait until you see Hayes Rutherford displeased.
And now Iâm rolling my eyes.
Iâve seen Hayes angry, and Iâd rather relive that moment he found me in his bathroom seven thousand times over than take this call with my mother.
But Iâm a grown-up, so I put the phone to my ear and reply to the woman Iâve been avoiding. âHello, Mom.â
âYouâre dating the worldâs last eligible billionaire!â
âNo, Mom, weâre having a torrid fling and Iâm on my way to have loud, noisy, earth-shattering sex with him in public in a park just to horrify people, and then Iâllââ
Nikolay makes another noise, and I realize other people could overhear me and take me seriously.
And then Iâd cause a scandal for Hayes, whose family is expected to model ideal, buttoned-up family perfection every waking minute of the day, and now Iâm mad.
Why canât they be allowed to be normal? And have fuck-ups and scandals and regrets?
Why do they have to look like the epitome of perfection when perfection isnât freaking possible and the pursuit of perfection only makes them miserable?
I mean, I assume thereâs a part of them thatâs miserable.
Look at poor Hayes.
It sounded like it cost him his entire bank account to tell me he trusts me. Thatâs not normal, and itâs not fair, and I hate it.
Marshmallow whimpers and rubs his body against me while we march out of The Egg and to the car waiting on the street. âIâm kidding, Mom,â I say loudly. âOf course we wonât do that.â
Nikolay winces.
I know, I know. Iâm not very convincing. I shouldnât have been convincing when telling my mom Iâd be doing wicked, wicked things in public, but my temper is awful.
At least, I feel like itâs awful.
Hyacinth laughs at me every time I tell her I had a temper tantrum. Iâm apparently not very good at them.
I should put learn to have better temper tantrums on my bucket list.
âAre you getting married?â Mom asks. âIs this a rebound thing, or is this a potential forever thing?â
Nikolay opens the door to the limo, and I climb in after Marshmallow. âItâs a one-day-at-a-time thing with a guy who stuck up for me when his mother insulted me.â
She sucks in a breath. âHis mother? Giovanna Rutherford? You met his mother? And she didnât like you either? Dear god, Begonia, what did you do to her?â
âI breathed wrong, Mom.â
âBegonia! You canât go around breathing wrong when youâre dating a billionaire! Especially around his mother! Whatâs she going to think about the way I raised you?â
âI donât know. Maybe sheâll think you raised me to date normal men, since that would make more sense for where we lived and the social circles we move in?â
The car pulls away from the curb, and I start to ask Nikolay if we can get some alcohol for me too, but then my momâs talking again.
âYour father had some very exclusive clients at his summer camp a time or two. There was a Norwegian prince one year, and the son of an oil baron another year. We shouldâve made sure you spent more time with them to learn rich people manners.â
âWasnât that before Hyacinth and I were born?â
âDonât bother me with details, Begonia. The point is, you have a very rare opportunity, and you need to not waste it.â
âMarshmallow! Oh, no! Silly doggy! How could you spill that strawberry daiquiri all over the inside of this priceless limo! Mom, I have to go. Marshmallow and I are in trouble with the billionaires again.â
My dog stares at me in horror, like he canât believe I just threw him under the bus, while I hang up on my mother.
âIâm so sorry, baby.â I hug him tight, holding my phone up on the other side of him to change my motherâs ringtone so that I wonât make the mistake of answering without thinking again. âI promise Iâll buy you six new chew toys and a big fluffy bed with my next paycheck. You know sheâll forgive you, but I wouldâve never heard the end of it if I told her I was the one who stained the inside of a limo.â
Nikolay stares at me.
I sigh. âShe wanted me to stay married to a man I didnât love because she doesnât think I can take care of myself. She means well, she justâ¦wants different things for me than I want for myself.â
âWhat do you want?â
Dammit. Thatâs not supposed to make me cry. âFor someone to love me just for me.â
He nods once. âI hope a penis grows out of your motherâs forehead.â
âShe means well,â I insist again.
âIf she meant well for you, sheâd pay attention to what you want. Not what she wants for you.â
I ponder that on the rest of the drive to the Razzle Dazzle corporate offices, but the minute the complex comes into view, everything else fades out of my mind. âIt looks like a little village! Like from one of the movies!â
Nikolay nods. âMr. Rutherford believes people work best when they feel at home.â
âMr. RutherfordâHayes?â
âNo, maâamâhis father. Mr. Gregory Rutherford.â
âWhy does Hayes hate it? He told me it was dull and boring.â
âWhat one learns to appreciate depends on what one is surrounded with, maâam.â
The limo turns a corner, passing an adorable little bookshop and a tea house that both remind me of the streets of shops at Razzle Dazzle Village. All the buildings are three or four stories tall, so I assume the offices are above.
I hope theyâre just as quaint on the inside.
We turn another corner, and a stately gray brick building comes into view. âCity Hall?â I guess.
Nikolay nods. âAnd the executive offices.â
âHayes way undersold this.â
The limo glides to a stop at the steps to the fake City Hall building, and Hayes himself pushes through the glass doors to greet us.
His hair is disheveled, like heâs been running his fingers through it, and his square jaw is tight.
So are his eyes.
When I was little, I used to think Hyacinth and I would take over running the summer camp for Dad one day. But then the divorce happened, he declared bankruptcy, and he died, and the summer camp is no more.
But Iâve never wondered if I wouldâve realized it wasnât what I was supposed to do if Dad hadnât had to sell it.
Iâve always assumed I wouldâve happily taken over running the summer camp, but that it wasnât in the cards from the universe.
And now Iâm wondering if Hayes was born to do great things not related to Razzle Dazzle Studios.
Is he trapped? Does he feel obligated? Is he misreading the signs from the universe about other opportunities he has, or is he ignoring them, or is he just having a normal rough day because of upheaval in his family?
What would he do if heâd been born like me, to ordinary parents in an average family just outside the suburbs, instead of into a world-famous family with ridiculously high standards set by the world around them?
He reaches the limo and pulls my door open before Nikolay makes his way around the car to do it, and then heâs offering me a hand. âBegonia.â
âHayes.â
Our palms connect, and my stomach drops.
In the good way, for the record.
As soon as Iâm all the way out of the limo, he pulls me close, our bodies lining up while he presses his face into my hair. âEveryone will be watching us closely, so be on your best behavior,â he murmurs.
âI didnât think you were dating me for my best behavior,â I whisper back.
âI meant your best pretending to be madly in love behavior. And for godâs sake, please weed through the disaster in my lobby. Diamonds and pearls, Begonia. Diamonds and pearls.â
âI donât want diamonds and pearls, but Iâd take a day pass to Razzle Dazzle Village for Hyacinth and her kids.â
He pulls back and stares at me like Iâve grown a penis out of my forehead. âWe need to work on your standards and expectations.â
I wince. Iâm so bad at asking for things. âIs it too much? Iâm taking advantage, arenât I?â
âYes, Begonia. Giving away three single-day passes to Razzle Dazzle Village would completely bankrupt the entire operation.â
Marshmallow growls and shoves between us.
âAgreed, Marshmallow.â I rub his head. âSarcasm still isnât all that attractive on Hayes. Itâs a good thing he has other redeeming qualities. And Hyacinth has two kids and a husband who should probably go with her if we want Hyacinth to have a good time. So four passes, please.â
âFind me an executive assistant, and sheâll book the whole damn family a week-long private adventure with all the frills and fripperies.â
âOh, thatâs too muâum, I mean, thank you.â I pause. âAlso, can you say fripperies again?â
âNo.â
âPlease? It was adorable. In a manly, rugged way, I mean.â
He visibly stifles an eye roll, takes my hand again and tugs me up the stairs, bypasses the metal detectors in the entryway that looks every bit as much like a government office would, almost like this is used on movie sets when they need city halls, growls at the lone guard in the building who looks at Marshmallow wrong, and then weâre all crammed into an elevator together.
Itâs a lovely elevator, but itâs a little small for two large men, me, my dog, and the sudden knowledge that my fake billionaire boyfriend actually expects me to pick out a proper executive assistant for him.
âDid you take your allergy medicine this morning?â I ask.
He answers with a duh look.
I wave a hand in his general direction. âIs it the job, or is it me?â I ask.
Nikolay coughs and turns around, which doesnât do much good, considering the elevator walls are lined with mirrors.
Mirrors etched with the Razzle Dazzle logo, but still mirrors.
Hayes is spared from answering when the elevator stops and the doors open, andâ
âWhoa,â I whisper.
âIâll be in my office. Tell me when youâre done.â
He kisses my forehead, looks at the throng of women squeezed into the waiting area, all of them rising to their feet or going up on tiptoe and peering at him, and he sighs so heavily I feel it in my toes.
Itâs like heâs on display at the meat market.
âHayes,â I whisper.
His dark eyes meet mine, and I donât know if thatâs sadness or desperation or regret or hope, but I know whateverâs going on in his brain and in his heart, itâs not pretty. âPlease donât tell me you canât do this.â
âI need a kiss for good luck. And to stake my claim.â
âThatâs not proper, Begonia. Iâm still a Rutherford.â
âItâs necessary for my process.â
He studies me for one more beat, and just when I think heâs going to kiss meâplease, please kiss meâinstead, he turns to the room at large. âThis is Begonia. Sheâs my girlfriend. Weâre madly in love, and sheâll be doing the pre-interview screenings. Anyone who disrespects her will immediately be dismissed from consideration for the job. Am I clear?â
Murmurs and head-bobs affirm heâs made his point.
âThat was less helpful,â I whisper to him.
âI have faith in you, my bluebell.â
He drops my hand and strides through the sea of women, leaving Nikolay, Marshmallow, and me to watch.
And I realize Iâve already decided at least four of the women wonât work out at all, because I donât like how theyâre looking at his ass.
âJust point, and Iâll escort them out,â Nikolay says to me.
âI canât really tell someone they canât have a job just because Iâm feeling jealous.â
âYou know people,â he replies. âPoint. Do not feel bad. Itâs now, or itâs several inappropriate passes at work later. This world is cutthroat, Begonia. Consider what Mr. Rutherford needs, and Iâll handle the rest.â
My nose wrinkles. âShe definitely has to go,â I whisper, trying to subtly gesture to a white redhead in a killer mauve business suit who looks at Hayes wrong as he marches past her and into an office, where the door is quickly shut behind him.
âSheâs not interviewing, Ms. Begonia. Therese is already an executive assistant here, merely filling in until Mr. Rutherford hires his own.â
Well.
If thatâs not motivation to get started, I donât know what is.
I clap my hands as if Iâm standing in a classroom, and the entire sea of women turns to face me. âAlright, ladies, letâs do this in an orderly fashion. If anyone has to use the restroom, itâsâNikolay, where is it?â
He points to a hallway to the left.
âItâs there,â I say, pointing in the same direction. âDonât be shy about taking care of your own needs, because you canât take care of Mr. Rutherford if you donât take care of yourself first. If anyone canât handle taking care of herself first, no one will judge you if you quietly see yourself out, and I wish you all the best. This world really doesnât teach us to take care of ourselves, does it? But can you imagine if weâerm, sorry. Right. Interviews. I want you all to line up shortest to tallest, leave your shoes on, yes, and weâll get started in height order for the first few interviews before I mix things up again, because thatâs completely random and nothing any of you have any control over. Questions?â
No one so much as peepsâor movesâand Iâm starting to get funny looks.
Nikolay clears his throat. âYou heard Ms. Fairchild. Please line up.â
This will not be pretty.
But Hayes is trusting me to help out, and this is just one more adventure I didnât expect.
Time to keep rolling with it.