His arms reached out for me as he struggled to keep his head above water. "I need you, Molly, I need you!" His anguished cries pierced me. I fought to reach him. It was like some invisible hook had me and wouldn't let me jump in after him. If I could only free myself from the hook's hold, I'd be able to save him. His head disappeared into the water just as the hook released me and sent me plummeting into the cold abyss.
I woke up screaming and covered in sweat. Confused by the complete darkness, I felt around, trying to figure out where I was. As my eyes adjusted, I remembered I was in my childhood bedroom. I was home. The red numbers on the digital clock read 4:15, and I knew I wouldn't be getting anymore sleep.
Digging through a suitcase, I found a sports bra, tank, and shorts. I tied up my running shoes before heading out the front door into the still dark morning.
I ran toward the beach, taking the route I'd always taken back when I lived at home. Running in the dark felt strange at first, so different from the constant light of the city. I liked knowing I was nearly invisible.
I couldn't shake the dream. Even the pounding of the waves failed to drown it out. I kept seeing Adam's face, his pleading eyes, and the helplessness in his voice. My feet hit the sand, and I tried to concentrate on the way the wind felt on my face. Only two miles in, I sank down, unable to run through the pain. The tightness in my chest threatened to suffocate me as I leaned back onto the damp sand. Closing my eyes, I silently begged for relief.
"Are you okay? Miss, are you hurt?" The voice startled me, and I sat up too quickly, feeling dizzy. My hands moved through the grainy sand. The rising sun told me I had fallen asleep on the beach.
I searched around for the source of the voice, but still disoriented, I accepted the outstretched hand before finding the face.
"Molly?"
"Oh, Mr. Mathews." I couldn't believe it. In town less than twelve hours and I'd been found passed out on the beach by my ex-boyfriend's father.
"Are you okay, sweetie?" He dropped my hand, but stayed close.
"Yeah, I must have fallen asleep. I'm sorry to have worried you."
"I'm just glad you're okay." His brow wrinkled with concern. "I didn't know you were home. Is your mom here too?"
"No, it's just me."
"Oh. Just taking a break before the big day then?"
Big day? It took me a minute to realize he was talking about the wedding. "Oh, no. That's not happening."
"I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm glad to see you. Does Ben know you're in town?"
"No... I don't think so; well, unless Jake told him." I held in a groan, remembering his less than amicable reception.
"You should give him a call, I'm sure he'd love to see you."
I shook my head. "I doubt that. I'm pretty sure he hates me."
"Ben could never hate you. I know my son enough to assure you of that." He smiled.
"I have seen Jake though... at Gill's last night."
"Ah, now I see. Don't listen to anything Jake says, especially if he's been drinking. He's always been particularly defensive of Ben, even though he's the younger one."
"I remember."
"Are you sure you're all right? I'm just heading over to the marina, but I can call someone."
"I'm fine. I promise."
"Okay, but don't be a stranger. I know Mary would love to have you over for dinner or brunch. And call Ben."
"Aren't you going to tell him I'm here?"
He smiled. "No, I think I'll let you do that yourself. It's good to see you, Molly."
"You too." I waved goodbye before jogging toward home.
***
I needed a job. The student loan money I had left for the semester wouldn't carry me forever, but even more than that, I needed something to keep me busy. As much as I hated law school, it had given me something else to concentrate on. Left to its own devices, my mind was a dangerous place.
I scoured the kitchen for something to eat. Thankfully I found some coffee and put on a pot before heading upstairs for a shower. I let the hot water run over me for slightly longer than necessary, not ready to face an empty day. Coming back to Clayton Falls had seemed like a good idea when I was still in Boston, but once I got there, I started to doubt it. I could have gone out to Seattle, but I didn't want to face my mom or my perfect sister and her perfect family. They'd just worry about me, try to get me to see someone, and mostly try to convince me not to feel so guilty. It's easy for someone to say that when they weren't the cause of the deaths of two of the most important people in their lives.
As the dark thoughts settled in, I turned off the water, dried myself, and got dressed in my usual uniform of a jean skirt and tank top. Some girls have 20 pairs of jeans. I had 20 jean skirts in assorted colors and styles. It had started out as a statement in high school, one I never outgrew. Adam used to make fun of me, but all I had to do was threaten to stop wearing skirts entirely, and he'd shut up. For such a straight-laced conservative boy, he had a weakness for exposed skin-at least on me. Becca said it was his form of rebellion, but that was probably just her psychology major side talking. I think he was just a guy who liked to have a girl who looked sexy.
The hot coffee helped wake me, but my stomach still demanded food. Jumping in my car, I drove the few blocks to the square, hoping to kill two birds with one stone: food and a job. The only place to do that was Marney's.
Marney's café wasn't actually owned by a Marney. Kind of like how there were no falls in Clayton Falls. I guess a Marney might have worked there at one time, but for as long as I remembered, Gail, a perpetually upbeat 70-something-year-old had run it.
"Can I help you?" Gail never lifted her eyes off her paper.
"I don't know, can you?"
She looked up, brushing some silver hair from her face. "Molly! What are you doing here?" She threw down the paper and ran out from behind the counter. "And why do you look so skinny? Isn't that boyfriend of yours feeding you?" She gave me a bone crunching hug that seemed surprising coming from someone with her slight frame.
I swallowed, not looking forward to yet another one of these conversations. For once, I hoped the rumor mill would do its job so I could stop explaining.
"No boyfriend anymore, Gail. It's just me. If you're worried about my weight, how about giving me one of those strawberry Danishes of yours?"
"I'll do you one better, how about two?"
"Wow, I must really look skinny."
She laughed. "Come on, let's get you some food and catch up. The morning rush is over, so we should have some time."
Over pastries and the orange juice Gail insisted I get for the vitamins, I filled her in. Or at least I gave her the edited version.
"What's going on? What are you doing home?"
"Adam's gone, I don't want to be a lawyer, and I didn't know where else to go." I laid it out there.
"Gone?"
"Please don't make me tell the story. I don't want to cry anymore."
"The devastation in your eyes is from more than a break up, but I'll respect your wishes. One piece of advice: holding the truth in is only going to hurt you more."
"You're probably right, but it's what I'm doing right now." I finished my juice, using it as an excuse not to make eye contact.
"All right, it's your choice to make."
"I need a job."
"And she gets to the point."
I nearly snorted my juice. "Any chance you can give me some shifts?"
"Aren't you a little overqualified to serve coffee and sandwiches?"
"My political science major isn't going to help much anywhere else in town."
"You know you always have a job here, honey." She'd said the same thing when I left for college.
"Thanks, I really appreciate it." I smiled, relieved that something was going my way.
"When can you start?"
"The sooner the better."
"All right, I'll get you an apron."
"I'm starting now?"
"Unless you have somewhere else to be." She looked at me questioningly.
"Nowhere else to be." I concentrated on finishing the last crumbs of my second Danish.
"Now it's been a few years, but do you think you remember how to work everything?"
"Unless you have a bunch of new high-tech machines, I should be fine." Gail was notorious in town for eschewing technology. Someone once suggested she set up Wi-Fi for her customers, and she about threw him out. I happened to think that it was a good thing. It meant she still made everything by hand.
Gail smiled. "Hey, don't knock an old system that still works. Go wash up, and help me make some sandwiches before the lunch crowd."
I mock saluted. "All right, boss. I'm on it."
I'd forgotten how therapeutic making chicken salad sandwiches could be, but for the first time in a long time, the tension in my shoulders lessened, and I relaxed without having a drink first. I could have scooped mayonnaise forever, but I eventually finished.
Around eleven thirty, the telltale jingle of the door announced the beginning of the lunch time rush. Even with a diner and several fast food restaurants in town, the café still had a crowd of mid-day regulars.
When Gail called me to the front, I mentally prepared myself for the barrage of questions to come. On the bright side, after one shift, the word would pretty much spread across town.
"Hi there, Molly, what are you doing back?" Mr. Martin, a former math teacher of mine asked as I rang up his sandwich and coffee.
"I'm just hanging out for a while, not sure what the next stop is."
"So what happened with medical school?" Mr. Atkins, the owner of the local nursery asked. He had always been happy to let me come in to take pictures of the flowers and plants.
"Arnie, it's Shayna who went to med school. This is Molly. She's in law school," his wife cut in.
"Oh sorry, hon."
"Not a problem. I actually decided law wasn't for me."
"Well, if you change your mind, I'm sure you could work with the Morgans." He referred to one of the small firms in town.
"I don't think I'm going to change my mind."
"Enough about law school. How'd you convince your fiancé to move down here? Isn't he a Boston boy?" Mrs. Atkins asked, taking a sip from the coffee I handed her.
"He's not here."
"Oh." She paused, finally putting it together. "Oh! I'm sorry to hear that, but you are still so young, sweetheart. I'm sure you'll meet someone new in no time."
"Absolutely." I forced a smile before excusing myself.
Gail found me making confetti out of paper napkins twenty minutes later.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bailed on you like that," I apologized.
"It's fine, but do me a favor and help the customer who just walked in; I need a break."
"Sure, of course," I replied, eager to redeem myself.
There was a strange twinkle in Gail's eye that had me worried for a second, but I ignored it.
I walked out, and my breath hitched. Gail was going to get it.
With his brown hair buzzed short as usual, and the constant tan with a hint of sunburn he always sported from working on his dad's boats, my high school sweetheart stood at the counter.
"Molly?" His brown eyes widened. A barely visible smile played on the corner of his lips.
"Hi, Ben." I smiled, giving a small wave. Inside, my stomach did somersaults. I wasn't ready for this.
"Wow, what are you doing here? You work at Marney's again?" He placed a hand on the counter. "Aren't you supposed to be in Boston?"
"Plans changed."
"How so?" Ben was never one for mincing words.
"I quit law school."
"Oh. How'd your fiancé take it?" He said the word 'fiancé' like it left a bad taste in his mouth.
"We're not getting married."
"Oh... I didn't know."
"Yeah, I didn't exactly spread the word. Did your dad really not tell you I was back?"
"My Dad?"
"I ran into him this morning. I figured he would have mentioned it, or am I wrong and you don't work with him anymore?" Ben's plans, aside from his music, had always been to work in his father's marina sales and rental company and to take over one day. It was hard to pull him away from the water.
"He didn't mention it." His face scrunched up the way it always did when he was thinking. "But wow, I definitely didn't expect to see you."
"I've been getting that a lot."
"So since you're working here, does that mean you plan to stay around?" I couldn't tell what answer he wanted.
I leaned up against the back counter. "Maybe... I really don't know. This was kind of a last minute decision."
"How last minute?"
"Meaning I walked out of class, packed up what I wanted from my apartment, and left the city."
"That's... cool." Ben put his hands in his pockets.
"Yeah."
We stood in awkward silence for a while, just looking at each other. "So, can I get you something?"
"Oh sure, the special."
"Okay, coming right up." I grabbed one of the chicken salad sandwiches I had spent so much time making and wrapped it up. "So what have you been up to?" I called over my shoulder.
"You know, work mostly-I've started a side business taking out fishing tours. It keeps me pretty busy. I'm still playing with the guys, though."
"Yeah, I heard that." I fidgeted nervously while holding his sandwich in one hand. Making small talk with Ben wasn't easy. There was way too much we needed to say to each other, but couldn't.
"We're playing tonight at Gill's. You should come."
"Oh, I don't know, but thanks."
"Come on, you should. I promise we're better than in high school." He smiled, and I knew I was lost. It was impossible to say no to that smile.
"All right."
"Yeah? Okay, cool. Maybe we can catch up after? It's been a long time."
"Okay." I filled a cup with Coke. I assumed he hadn't changed his drink of choice.
He looked torn for a moment. "Oh, and Mol?"
"Yeah?" I placed his drink on the counter.
"For what it's worth, I'm sorry things didn't work out for you up in Boston."
"Thanks. I appreciate it."
"See you later."
"Bye."
As soon as the door chime sounded announcing Ben's exit, Gail came out to join me. "Now that's the old Molly. All it took was five minutes with Ben Mathews. I think we found your solution."
"Ben and I had our chance years ago. It's never going to happen."
"Who says? The way the two of you look at each other, there is nothing past tense about you."
"Come on, don't you need me to do some clean up or something?"
"All right, if you're asking to clean instead of talk boys, this must be serious."
I laughed. It was good to be back at Marney's.