Chapter 38: Chapter 37

Why does tragedy exist?

Because you are full of rage.

Why are you full of rage?

Because you are full of grief

“I’m here to relieve you.”

Henry leans against the doorway, a false smile spread across his face as he takes me in.

I push away his words, going back to the report in front of me.

“The boarder needs-,”

“Done.”

“We need to set up the date for-,”

“Done.”

Henry watches me, his eyes darting around my face, no doubt taking in the paleness and gleaming sweat that was showing.

“How long has it been since you went out and trained? Just relieved some tension?”

“I don’t have time for that.”

“If a challenger comes Soraya, you need to be ready.”

I glare up at him. He moves closer taking my moment of weakness to step further in my space.

“Why don’t you check on the warriors? See how the training is going?”

“You can do that.”

“It’s nice to let them see their Alpha.”

His statement hangs in the air, waiting to be grabbed. Slowly, I reach for it, sighing at how Henry had worked his words to play into this moment. It was either a curse or a blessing that I had a beta that knew me so well.

“Fine.”

I stand but pause in the doorway, watching as he reaches for the report I’ve left behind.

“Orion didn’t ask you to do this…did he?”

“Not with words, no.”

One last glare is thrown to Henry before I walk out. I can see mom outside the window, painting in the sunlight of the backyard. The regular sight is interrupted with a new addition- dad. He sits beside her, for once free and relaxed to breathe in the world and exhale the chaos from his mind. He was free from the chains of the pack, letting the steel cut into my flesh now.

I’ve never seen him so tranquil.

He doesn’t touch mom. He doesn’t reach over, kiss her, show affection or any other form that I’m so used to from Orion. Instead, he watches her, his heated stare enough to make me look away from the two.

Orion no doubt was in the nursery, playing with the children. He had left earlier this morning, not saying a word to me in his anger. It’s a new thing he’s started- the silent treatment. Maybe one of the children taught it to him.

Another sigh leaves me as I open the front door.

It’s only instinct that takes over me- I snarl against the sudden touch of a hand on my shoulder, pushing back from the contact. Sandra holds her hands up, a look of defeat on her face.

“Soraya, dearie, it’s good to see you out of the office…”

There is a pause between us before she clears her throat, “You haven’t been eating your meals… I was wondering if you were…hungry?”

Just the smell of the food from the kitchen nearby though made my stomach revolt. I quickly shake my head, holding my breath away and trying to hide just how much I felt like rushing back upstairs into the office.

Sandra only lets her shoulders drop in acceptance as she nods and goes back to her cooking.

The fresh air was remarkable.

Mentally, I note that I should open a window in the office. Maybe there was something in there- a toxic substance that dad had let leak- that was making me sick.

Maybe it’s just you.

I quickly push the thought aside, rubbing my face against the hem of my shirt to clear away any sweat. I couldn’t let the pack see me in such a fragile state. Especially the warriors. I wonder vaguely if I smelled of vomit. If they would be able to smell the weakness from me.

Squaring my shoulders back- I push that thought aside also.

Rhett says nothing at my arrival. Only a silent nod of acknowledgment before his attention is focused back on the group in front of him.

I can feel a shift immediately the moment I enter though. There seems to be an uneven edge of tension. A hard drive of anger, yet at the same time a desperate need to prove. It was a feeling I was used to.

The Warriors pick up the pace in their running. They go harder with their workouts, shifting faster, fighting more aggressively.

I don’t move, or display any emotion, containing it all inside, but just that change alone was something I needed. I needed to see that there was an acceptance to my position. No matter the hatred or poison that laced it- I needed to know that my title was something they were aware of.

“Will you be fighting?”

I scan the warriors, watching their movements. It had been a while since I last trained. My back wasn’t hurting as much. I could take them. I know I could.

“Maybe.”

“They are nothing to you now though…You can always train with me.”

I start at Rhett’s offer. He never trained with anyone. Always he stood to the side, alone and watching. I had never once seen him condition his body. Only twice had I seen him fight and both times made me sure that there was a small leakage of Alpha in Rhett’s bloodline.

“…Yes…”

He walks several feet away, taking his shirt off in the process. The action told me a great deal. We were fighting in fur.

I move my legs further, inhaling deeply and closing my eyes to-

Nothing.

There’s nothing.

My world goes dark. I can’t feel anything.

My eyes shoot open to meet the curious stare of a few warriors as they watch me.

“W-what time…what time is it?”

Rhett leans his head to the side, his eyes narrowing in thought as he glances up to look at the sun.

“Almost noon.”

“I have a conference call with several Alpha’s that I have to attend…another time Rhett…”

He nods, reaching down to put his shirt back on.

It takes all my willpower to not run out of the training area. It takes every sense of restraint I have to not scream.

I don’t run. Not even when I’m out of sight. I only walk to my destination, a trance taking over me as a single thought runs through my mind.

It’s nothing, it’s nothing, it’s nothing. Nothing’s wrong.

The clinic comes into view soon.

Mutely I open it, stumbling through the doors like I’ve just woken up. Maybe I have. Maybe I’ve just woken up from a nightmare.

It’s nothing, it’s nothing, it’s nothing.

Nurse Joy sits at the front desk, a sudoku book laid in front of her. She looks up and smiles, pointing down the hallway to Doctor Schulman’s office.

He doesn’t notice me standing in his doorway. It’s not until I speak that he registers my presence.

“Schulman…something…something happened…”

“Soraya? Everything okay?”

He pushes himself up in his chair, his gnarled hands slipping on the leather as he tries to reposition his body. I watch his struggle, my mind still blank. He pants slightly before repeating his question. I shake my head. It only leads to his growing confusion.

“What’s wrong?”

“Just now…I was training and I…I couldn’t shift.”

A horrible silence comes into the room. It’s a silence that drips down our bodies because neither one of us wants to break it. Neither one of us knows what to say.

“I…” Schulman clears his throat, but my horror only grows when I realize he is close to tears.

“Schulman tell me what’s wrong- what’s happening?!”

“Soraya, I want you to sit down first.”

“To hell with that,” the chair slides along the floor, crashing against the wall as my foot kicks it away. I press my hands to the desk, leaning in to watch Schulman’s bloodshot eyes stare up at me.

“When was your last bleed?”

“My what?”

“Your last monthly bleed.”

I laugh at his question. “I don’t know. I don’t have a regular cycle. It came with the way I put my body through training I guess. Why would you ask me that?”

“Soraya please calm down- I think it’s best if you-,”

“I am calm, damn it!” My shouted words contradict my statement, but Schulman only shallows audibly, a nervousness coming over his face.

“You don’t think…” a new laughter comes over me, one that is close to hysteria as I cling to my sides.

“No, no it’s not what you think it is…I’ve been taking that tea. I took it. It’s something else. It’s the stress….the stress of the position, I’ve been sick-,”

My words are cut off from my throat as Schulman and I both process their meaning at the same time.

“No.”

It’s all I can say. It’s all I can say as I reach behind Schulman, grabbing the small tin with the herbs.

“No.”

It comes out as a plead. A prayer. A desperate cry.

“Leo…Leo!”

He comes in a few seconds later, rubbing his eyes. I can tell he’s been asleep, maybe trying to catch up on whatever rest he can for a surgery later or to make up for a long night. But I can’t process that right now.

“Leo. What herb is this.”

He takes the container from me, frowning at the randomly thrown question.

“You woke me for-,”

“What herb is it!”

He pauses to stare at me, his eyes widening to take me in. I wonder vaguely what I must look like. How he must see me in this moment. What do his eyes perceive? His older sister, one who had always seemed to hold her emotions in, falling apart before him?

Leo holds the herb up, smelling it contents before answering, “it’s Baicai skullcap.”

“What is it for?”

Leo freezes, his eyes falling to Schulman. I turn also to find the old male crying. Tears are leaking from his face as he shakes his head whispering over and over, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. Soraya. Forgive me. Forgive me.”

“We use it a lot for colds…”

My mind shuts down.

I turn to Schulman taking in the sight that he now was.

“Get out.”

“Please, please Soraya, forgive me. Please.”

“Get out.”

Schulman continues to shake his head another sob leaving him. Leo steps forward rushing to his side.

“Soraya, what’s going on?”

“Schulman. I’m not requesting. I’m ordering you. Leave. You’re relieved of your duty as Pack doctor. You are dismissed.”

“Soraya!” Leo stands, his hands balled into fists, for once anger flashing in his eyes. “What are you doing?”

“As Alpha of the Alba Rosa pack, I assign you as the new pack doctor Leo.”

“Wait-,”

Schulman grabs Leo’s hands, a shaky sob leaving him as he looks up.

“No Leo. She is right. I’ve failed my Alpha.”

Schulman pushes himself from the chair. It takes several seconds, several long seconds of struggle on his part before he can fully stand in front of me.

“You are not fit to be pack doctor.”

I hold the container in front of him, “you can’t see.”

“My sight is not as it once was…. that is true…”

“I didn’t want…You know I didn’t…” a sob breaks through me. Leo’s eyes widen in shock. I try desperately to pull myself together, to bring myself back to the image I had always presented.

“I didn’t want to be in this position. I never wanted to choose.”

“Soraya what is-,”

Leo’s words fall from his mouth as we both watch Schulman’s hand push against my stomach.

“I am…I am so sorry…So sorry.”

I watch as another tear falls from his bloodshot eyes, the single thread of his sorrow dropping down the maze of his face as it traced each crevice along his cheek.

“You don’t mean…Soraya you’re…”

I hold my hand up, stopping Leo.

He steps closer, the two males pushing themselves around me.

“We can stop it now Soraya. It’s not too late.”

I stiffen at his words. My heart falls from me, ripping in two as both halves divide. But that was exactly the point. That was exactly why I didn’t want this in the first place. Couldn’t they see? Could none of them see? I was not the cruel creature they all made me out to be. I could commit my sins, but I never could follow through with my evil.

I knew that.

I knew that from the start.

I knew that. And that is why I made that choice before the choice was made for me.

But now it was too late.

“I can’t…I need to think.”

“Does Orion know?”

His name only causes me to break down further.

I push myself up, straightening my shoulders.

“Schulman. Leave. Leo- you need to come to my office and fill out certain papers to become the official pack doctor.”

“But what about-,”

“Now.”

Both males stare at me, their eyes meeting each other in panic before I turn my back on the sight.