AVA
"Ava, can you come out of the room?" Christian begs behind the door of my bedroom.
He waited for some seconds before adding, "Or consider opening the door to eat?"
Ever since yesterday, I decided there was no benefit in seeing anyone anymore. When I returned, drenched and crimson, no one except for my friends knew I ran after Leigh and that he had brutally rejected me no matter my struggles to resist. But I guess, one can't work a two-person relationship alone. Leigh clarified that yesterday. He wouldn't listen, he wouldn't try and I can't impel him to. He made up his mind to hate me, there were no words that would make him recognize I had no intention of hurting him.
"Ava, I am sorry if I made you feel anything other than love." Christian started and I screamed 'go away' while firing a book against the door.
There was brief silence but I knew he was still standing outside my door.
Eventually, he responded, "Okay! I have your tea, here. You can come out and get it when I leave." He worriedly notified and I rolled under my blanket, covering my head to cry over again.
I didn't open my door even when he left or when it was twelve hours later and it was dark outside. Mom had knocked several times and Lilith had cried wolf sarcastically until she was bored taunting me. My phone continues beeping with text messages, most of which I am sure were from Arlen, reminding me of time and some from my concerned friends checking on me.
The thing is, even with the ache in my heart, I was attentive to the sound of the door across mine but since I returned home barefooted yesterday evening, the door had been stilled.
At ten at the night, I was hardly thinking straight, my mobile phone was off but I could feel the anxiousness and every regret boring inside of me. I thought I felt nausea, I rush to the toilet expecting to throw up but the moment my reflection appears in the mirror, every memory shelved in my head is stirred up.
I halted and began to think about a lot of things and people and problems and the purple bruise by my temple. Maybe if I don't look beautiful my life would be better. No one would care about me anymore, and I would be invisible.
Just like that, I started searching for a scissor in every drawer and cupboard until I found one. I was a sobbing mess by the time I was standing in front of the mirror with a scissor to my hair and urging my fingers to shave every flowing lock.
I kept telling myself it was the only way to free myself from these difficulties. But something in my head tells me it's not. It weasels in reminding me, that everything started when I turn blonde. Maybe the alternative isn't balding myself, perhaps it's high time I get my natural hair back.
***
At midnight, a gut coiling hunger made a void in my stomach, it was too much to tolerate. I left my bed and I lurk to the kitchen as all the lights were off and made myself some tea and bean on toast.
The moment I pull a chair from the table and sat, bringing a full tea cup halfway to my lips, I felt the presence of someone standing by the entrance.
Instinctively, my head tilts, and my eyes found Leigh.
My pulse began to race. I just watch him for some time while he remains wordless and guiltily stares back at me, or more precise, at my hair that's back to its actual shade.
"I will leave." He offered finally and started turning away, given the awkwardness between us.
And even then, I enhanced the uneasiness when I clumsily shoot up to my feet, "I am about to leave. You can..." I stop the moment my hip crashes against the edge of the table and the tea agitatedly spilled over the surface, and the tiny cup started rolling to the verge and is about to plunge to the bottom.
My body tensely reacted with the impulse to save the cup and avoid waking everyone in the house but I ended up slinging it with too much force, it's now about to roll down from the other end.
I cringe in anticipation of the breaking noise but it didn't come. Slowly my eyes began to open and Leigh has now left his position, he was standing by the other end of the table holding the empty tea cup.
"You can eat your break-dinner." He confusedly remarked while his thin eyes scan my toast.
"I am done." I lied nervously and stepped towards the entrance. Though ever since he appeared by the doorway I haven't felt the hunger in my stomach anymore.
"I lost my spot on the school team for an indeterminate time." He announced and I stop in my tracks, spinning to face him.
"What?"
He sat the cup on the table and trace his finger along the handle. His head was down-the muscles around his jaw twitching.
"It turns out I underestimate the power of the internet."
I don't know what to say. My ignorance and naiveness had caused Leigh a great loss. I know what playing football means to him. He had invested a lot of hard work to get to where he is today. No one should take it away from him. But everything seems to be working according to Arlen's plan.
"Leigh, I am so sorry."
"It is not your fault."
"It is." If I hadn't agreed to Arlen's invitation and followed him into his house-if I hadn't taken his offer and changed into his hoodie, all this wouldn't have happened. Leigh wouldn't have found anything and lost his temper under the scrutiny of people with mobile phones and wifi.
"Look, I didn't mean what I said yesterday. I was just angry. I should've said nothing." He was now looking at me. His tone and face were smeared with embarrassment.
"It's okay," I murmured with guilt, and sadness for him.
"No it's not." He take an abrupt step forward and stop when there was only a foot between us. "I said some things I am not proud of. You were right, we've both become something we are not. I am not proud of who I am now and it's all because I don't want to lose you."
He has a deep frown of sadness etched on his face. His throat rolls while he stares down at me.
What he doesn't know is, I don't want that either.
"But I have all time to be yours, you just have to believe me, Leigh."
His lip pulls into a tender smile. He brought his thumb to my cheek, his eyes asking for permission. When I nod, he stroked the skin gently.
"You forgive me?"
"Leigh, I..." The moment I began, a lump formed in my throat, and I had to gulp. Leigh took the chance to interrupt and take the last step, closing the little space between us and every hair on my body rises at his closeness.
"I love you, Ava." He said with his two hands in my hair now and his heavy gaze puncturing me. I had to look down to his chest, where it was rising and falling calmly and try to compose my heartbeat. "The past hours without you, I was a mess. I don't know what you're doing to me but I know you make me better and that you are my anchor. I have to admit, I can't function well without your comfort. Look what my insecurity about us had me do. Please take me back before I ruin myself." He pleaded, raising my head to meet his hopeful eyes.
I exhale a small smile and he leaned down, locking his lip over mine. Just like that, my skin began to tickle with excitement, and my breathing increased rate. I brought my hands to each side of his face where his jaws were pointed. I hold him in place and savour him passionately.
We kissed for a while, conceivably for what could be half an hour. Right now I was on the table, my legs wrapped around his hips and my fingers threaded between the locks of his soft hair while he kisses my face lightly.
When he kissed the top of my head and my temple where it still pains a little, we hugged and heave a sigh.
"Your hair looks remarkable. You're pretty anyhow, Ava. But even more when you're you. I'm such a dick for uttering words that aren't true." He whispered and continued to stroke my hair with his fingers. My eyes closes at the ease he was showering me with. I would pull him close if it was possible but I am already clinging to him enough.
I know he never meant that. I know he just wanted to push me away. And I am done letting that happen. That is why even when I could listen to the clock ticking in the back of my head at Arlen's demand and I was suddenly devastated by dread, I still didn't try to organize everything in a less complicated manner and blurt it out to Leigh or consider obeying the ordinance of that horrible man who gave me an ultimatum.
I will deal with that situation but not now.
Leigh and I hugged for minutes. My head rested against his chest while he kept his on top of mine.
No Leigh, I don't want to lose this.
***
"So are you willing to explain that gross toast on your plate?"
I twist a little to where my untouched toast was sitting.
"I think you should try it." I loosen my hold on him and reach for the plate. When he attempts to retreat a step, I tighten my legs around him and his head falls back while his face contorted in reluctance.
"Ewww."
Laughing, I brought it to his mouth but he pressed his lips sealed while he hums as refusal.
"Come on, you're hungry."
When he stubbornly continue shaking his head, avoiding the toast, I take a bite myself and straightened, meeting his lip.
This time he didn't protest until he realizes my tactics.
"Ava, no... Uhm Erm." He mumbled between the kiss while my tongue lunge the toast into his mouth.
A couple of seconds later, he pulls back and intensely focuses on chewing the content in his mouth.
"Umm." He moaned and I giggled at his expression.
"You know what? I will have some more." He grabs my wrist and directs my hand with the toast to his mouth. He bite a huge portion and began to chew again.
Seconds later, he mumbles with a mouthful of toast, "I like it when you feed me through your mouth."
Okay?
My eyes narrowed at him and he adds, "It makes it even tastier."
I burst into laughter and scrunched up my nose but eventually, he made me bite more toast while we kiss for another hour.