"You can borrow my books if you need to copy the notes." Hero suggested as we walked back into the school building. He had forgotten his AirPods in his car and had asked me to accompany him to get them. "Even if I'm not popular for my brains."
I groaned into my palms, wishing he'd just let this go already. I had been angry when I said that, couldn't he tell?
"I'm sorry, alright?" I cringed at the memory, hitting my forehead with my fist repeatedly. "I didn't mean it."
"You're not a very good liar." He chuckled and my blush deepened. "About the notes..."
"That would be great considering how tired I've been." I admitted, feeling ashamed that I couldn'teven do that on my own. I don't do too well with asking others for help.
"Yeah, I noticed." He said, failing to hide his amusement. His smile could have pulled an uno reverse on the sun.
"I, uh, doodle at times." I lowered my head in shame. Still, he had to be warned if he was really considering lending me his notes. "Not on purpose. It just happens."
"I know that, Harley. If it's anything like the ones you put on your desk, I don't think I'd mind all that much." He said then tilted his head in thought. "But you do kind of go overboard sometimes with the whole death thing so try not to make me want to hop on over to your view on life even more than I already do, alright?"
I gasped, surprised that he knew so much about my doodles of death. Then I remembered his little secret; the one he's keeping from his dad.
"I know you're not talking."
"What's that supposed to mean?" He quirked an eyebrow at me curiously and I flinched hard. Did I seriously say that out loud?
I rubbed at the lightbulb of ingenious lies. It sparked, died out, and then bursted with light, a heavenly hymn playing as it brought forth a worthy tale; a lie hidden within a truth.
"If I had a dollar for every time I pass one of your graffiti in town, I'd be richer than Mansa Musa."
"Who?"
"The richest king in history. How do you not know that?"
"Because I'm not popular for my brains." He grinned, proud of himself, and I considered jumping from the roof of the building. That would give Principal Hemsher and his stupid dog something to bark at. My eyes sparked at the devious thought. "And how do you even know about that, Harley? Did Donovan tell you?"
He hadn't actually. Another thing my best friend had kept from me. I pushed down my anger with the reasoning that it wasn't his secret to share.
"No." I mumbled. "Guess it slipped his mind."
"Then howâ"
"You make it quite obvious."
Yet another lie.
To be clear, I don't enjoy lying. It's just easier than any truth in my story. It's not like I can tell him I've actually been watching his every movement from the minute I realized I had a crush on him. If he ever reads my journal, it would be game over for me. That's fair enough, right? I made it fair, this game of life of ours. And it's not like I'm a stalker. I'm really not. Hero's just all that I've got going for me right now. The only interesting thing to take my mind off my mediocrity. Bullies use me to hide theirs and I use Hero to ignore mine.
"You know you make a face when you lie? It's like a lie beam. It's pretty cute, so I'll pretend I believe you." He chuckled, nudging my shoulder. "So, Harley, answer me this. Why haven't you told on me yet?"
"Why should I?" I huffed, remembering our conversation in his game room.
"The mayor's literally offering a reward for whoever sniffs me out."
The mayor
"You're his son. He should figure it out himself. It's really not my problem." I shrugged. Riley's words kept coming back to haunt me. "Besides, you're the reason the graveyard looks a little more lively."
Hero laughed and it took all my willpower not to laugh along. That was a pretty good one just now. It was smooth too.
A boy passed by us and Hero moved closer to me. Our hands were less than an inch apart now, occasionally touching as we neared the cafeteria. I mentally high-fived the passerby in my head, chuckling a little but a small part of me felt like Hero had moved closer on his own accord. It wasn't a secret that he wasn't the biggest fan of people so it surprised me that he actually compromised just now instead of willing the person to move with his eyes.
"I'm glad you appreciate my art and I'm not surprised you don't find the whole graveyard thing creepy."
"Slow down there. I never said it wasn't."
This time, we both laughed.
Hero nudged me playfully and I nudged him right back. We were having a shoulder war and, because I was enjoying his company so much, I nearly forgot where we were.
The moment was short-lived.
I startled as a group of girls passed by us, mumbling exactly how they felt about our display. Hero didn't notice them but I did. His head tilt of confusion nearly broke my heart as I put some distance between us.
"Seriously, though, it gets a bit boring at times. Having a plus one wouldn't be so bad." He continued on, a little put off by my actions. "Especially if it's you."
"You flirt more than a bird during mating season." I mumbled.
"Where do you get away with saying stuff like this?" He laughed. "Seriously, I don't understand how you're always alone. Is there something about you that I'm missing?"
"My feelings for you." I muttered lowly, covering it up with a cough. "You could always try to study my mind."
"I'd lose my mind trying to decipher yours."He opened the door to the cafeteria and gestured for me to go first before closing the door and falling in step beside me.
"Still, it wouldn't hurt to try." I shrugged.
"I don't think I could ever figure you out." He replied honestly, looking me up and down before shaking his head in finality. "No, definitely not."
"And to think you would have learned a lot from my genius." I shook my head, a teasing pout drawn on my lips.
Hero laughed loudly and fully, clutching his stomach. Every head that was not already looking in our direction swiveled our way in search of the angelic sound that he was emitting. Their eyes focused on him first, absorbing his awesomeness before slowly and unwillingly drawing in on the faceless freak next to him that had turned the other way, feigning innocenceâa.k.a. yours truly.
He walked ahead, completely unaware of the situation his melodious laughter had caused. I stood in the same spot, hoping he wouldn't notice my absence. Hoping to just disappear. I think I'm getting too comfortable being around Hero. He has a girlfriend. That can't look good to anyone here.
I prayed he wouldn't notice that I had fallen behind. But he did.
Realizing that I wasn't following, he came back and threw his hand around my shoulders, drawing me under his wing of protection like it was second nature to him. He smelled like all good things in the world.
The others looked at us in confusion as we approached the table and I shrunk back behind Hero, hesitant to follow through with the plan. But not fast enough. Cash broke our handholding in an instant and pulled me behind him, sizing his best friend up.
"What are you doing?" His question was directed at Hero. He sounded more disappointed than angry. I wringed my hand out of his strong grip, rubbing at my wrist and wanting nothing more than to yell at him. "How would you feel if I was hanging around Meâ"
"Watch it, Harvey. That's my business, not yours." Hero said. "Not like I expect you to act like a decent friend for once."
"You think you hanging out with my sister is decent?" Cash scoffed. "You have a girlfriend and you're here holding hands with Harley in front of other people. You're making her look bad."
"And you've been showing a bit too much interest in my girlfriend lately. If Riley has a problem with it, she can tell me that herself. What does any of it have to do with you?"
"Harley. That's what this has to do with me. Back off. This is the only time I'm going to warn you.'
"Or what?" Hero laughed. "You're going to finally step up and be a good brother?"
Hero didn't lose his composure even when Cash shoved him back. He looked more surprised than angry but all that quickly warped into amusement.
"Did I touch a nerve?" He tilted his head teasingly at Cash then rolled his eyes and turned to me. "Do you want me around, Harley?"
I nodded, embarrassed by Cash's behavior. Couldn't he pick a better place to do this than in a room full of gossip-driven teenagers?
"See, we're all good here, Cash."
"Don't pull Harley into your crap. If we have a problem, you can simply take it up with me."
"Why would I have a problem with you?" Hero's grip tightened on my hand, like he didn't plan on letting go even if Cash got mad at him. "I'm only doing what you can't. And as for making Harley look bad, take a look around. You're the one drawing unwanted attention to us. Painting us as a bunch of cheaters. I've never cheated on anyone and I love Riley. You should be happy that someone's got Harley's back and trust that there's nothing else to it than that. As my friend, you should at least know that much about me."
"That's exactly why I don't want you hanging around Harley. Because I know you." Cash turned to me. "Hero's not the type to just magically start showing interest in people. He doesn't have the heart for that. And there's always something with him. Always."
"Thanks, Cash. What an amazing friend you are." Hero's laugh was dry and bitter. "Can I go now or is the tantrum still loading? That's one thing you and Riley share in common. You both don't know the time or place."
"And you do?"
Hero's breath hitched, his eyes glossing over at Cash's words.
"Then let Harley choose." He let go of my hand, looking away from Cash as he walked away from the argument. I glared at my brother, disbelief and irritation clouding my better judgment.
"Dad would be so disappointed in you." I muttered and shoved him out of my path to get to Hero. Up until now, I had avoided addressing him but this was too much. I couldn't be bothered by the hurt that doubled in his eyes at my words. Not when he was willingly seeing one of my bullies and kept on hurting his best friend.
"Wait," He grabbed the wrist of my hoodie and I bit back an insult. "I just don't want to see you get hurt. I'm sorryâ"
"Then close your eyes." I tugged his hand off. "Should be easy enough. You've been doing it all your life."
Catherine's stare as I willed myself to sit with them was as sharp as daggers. She was not pleased with my presence. Yet, one silent exchange with Hero was all it took to calm her. She pulled her attention back to her phone.
My eyes moved on to the two unusual additions behind my best friend as I approached the table. I didn't want to be here but Hero said he had a plan to get the press club to lay off my case. A plan that involved The Populars.
Melissa and Trish were showing Donovan something. He was probably interested in whatever it was considering he didn't even notice my presence.
I slid in next to Hero and softly fist bumped his arm. He smiled softly, the tension leaving his body, but the hurt from earlier still lingered in his warm gaze.
"Where were you two?" Ian asked accusingly. "Making out?"
"The out part, yeah." Hero supplied before putting his AirPods in. From under the table, his other hand was making a fidget spinner out of his pencil. "It would be so great if you guys stopped hinting that Harley and I are doing something else."
Melissa scaled our table, her eyes coming to rest on Hero for a second before moving on to me right next to him.
"Hey, Harley."
"Hello." I answered as politely as I could. What does she want? "Need something?"
"How are you holding up?" She was fidgeting with her hands. Pretending to be nervous. My eyes narrowed in suspicion. "I'm so sorry about what they're doing to you. I was just showing Donovan the poles they put up..."
My heart dropped.
Right then, Donovan looked up from the phone. So that's what had his attention. I can't stand the way he's looking at me. Like I'm some broken thing he needs to fix.
"Okay...?" I drawled out, confused as to where this conversation could possibly be heading and angry that she had felt the need to share the news with Donovan before I could build up the courage to do so. "And?"
"Have you found out who took that picture of you at the bonfire?" Her voice held sympathy but her eyes told a whole other story. She was mocking me. Right in front of him. And he didn't have a clue.
Yes. You did.
"No. Why exactly are you asking?"
"Just wanted to see if I could help in any way." She put a hand over heart, her eyes sparkling with superiority. "I thought you'd feel terrible with being called a freak and all. I know I'd feel awful if that ever happened to me."
"It's a good thing then that it didn't happen to you." Hero muttered since I was taking too long to come up with a proper enough response. "And she doesn't need your help."
"What are you guys going on about?" Catherine asked, typing away on her phone.
"Oh," Melissa's chuckle left a dent in my already wounded heart. "Harley hadâ"
"I wasn't talking to you, Marissa."
"It's Melissa."
"Is it?" Catherine rolled her eyes, catching mine in the process. "Harley."
I coughed.
"I thought you already knew about it. Isn't that the reason Riley attacked me the other day?" I mumbled bitterly, failing to hide the shock I felt of Catherine actually talking to me.
"Uh, no. Someone dm'ed her the photo." Catherine responded, her tone laced with annoyance. " I did warn her to work on her temper. That whole list thing is bait to pit us against each other so I don't give it the time of day. It's made for losers to look at."
"Totally." Melissa rushed out, ever eager to please. "Why would anyone look at something so stupid?"
"Oh. Right." I muttered, shutting up again. Hero sent me a look, urging me to continue but I had completely shut down. I didn't want to look even more stupid than I already did.
"Fifth" He sighed, pulling one of his AirPods out and turning to Ian expectantly. "They need to check their eyes. I'm way hotter."
"Eighth." Ian backed, wincing apologetically at Catherine's stern gaze.
"Third." Cash pitched in, sounding drained as he joined in on the conversation. "And Justin's seventh."
"I can speak for myself." Justin's drowsy mumble held zero anger and my brother rolled his eyes, sick of Justin's moodiness. Looks like they fixed their problem.
"Wait a damn minute..." Ian looked around the table, doing the math in his head. "Does that mean I'm the least attractive here?"
The table fell quiet.
"I guess that answers your question then." Hero laughed.
"Actually," I started again, deciding to just rip off the blood-clotted, goo-soaked band-aid in one sitting. "...you're not the ugliest here."
"Why not?" Ian asked.
"Yeah, why not?" Hero teased, resting his face in his palms and grinning like the Cheshire. Ian reached over and whacked him twice before turning back to me quizzically.
"Well, uh, turns out there's another list." I looked down at the table. "For freaks."
"Okay. And?" Catherine looked back at her phone, already deeming the conversation unworthy. I took a deep breath as I swept up the last of my dignity into one big pile of nada, ready to throw it out into the open air.
"I came fifth."
There was silence at our table. Loud, obnoxious, football locker room after a heavy loss silence. They could have at least laughed. Now, I just look like a loser.
"Aha...silence." I tapped the table, every nerve in my body screaming at my brain to start the waterworks. "My favorite sound."
"Just ignore them." Catherine said when the silence had drawn out for far too long. "I definitely don't pay attention to their gossip."
"Agreed." Ian nodded energetically. "Trash their stupid club room?"
"They're just mad that we took their only relevance away from them." Catherine looked up at Trish and Melissa, cocking her head in annoyance. "You're still here?"
"We were just leaving." Melissa squeezed Donovan's shoulders and he looked up at her. "Don't forget our date tonight."
He nodded, avoiding my shocked and slightly offended gaze, as he whispered something to Melissa that made her smile before finally walking away, pulling Trish to their table.
I struggled to fix my attention back to Catherine.
"What do you mean you took their relevance from them?"
"Principal Hemsher finally grew a brain and decided that since we're basically the attraction of the school, it would make way more sense to have us lead all the events." Catherine said.
Something akin to annoyance rolled in my stomach at Catherine's blatant disrespect to our principal. He's doing the best he can, alright? Both him and his stupid pomeranian. The dog isn't even stupid. He's actually very intelligent. Even for a pomeranian.
I sulked as they carried on with the conversation.
"I don't get why they're so mad. It's not like we won't ever agree to any of their points." Ian hummed, wrapping Catherine's hair around his finger. "Let's burn their printer. That'll show them not to mess with us."
"Nobody's burning anything." Donovan said as he got up. "I'll have a talk with them."
"And I'll join you." Cash agreed.
Catherine grabbed both of them.
"Nobody's fighting anybody either." She looked at Donovan. "That includes you. You may just be here for the fun of it but the rest of us still have to graduate high school."
"I can't just let them do that to her."
"So, what, you're gonna hit Marissa?" Catherine muttered, shocking everyone. Not me, though. I already knew Melissa had a hand in this. "She's really close with the leader of the press club. Helps him pack up after school too. I'm sure she knew all about this before it was even posted. It wouldn't even be a surprise if she had been the one to suggest the idea in the first place."
That set Donovan off.
"It's Melissa, get it right, and it's wrong of you to accuse her without any proof."
Catherine scoffed at that, dragging her eyes off her phone to stare at him.
"And it's wrong of you to defend Mary had a little lamb even after she clearly just poked fun at Harley for that stupid list." Catherine stated as if she was reciting an old quote. "Don't let those doe eyes fool you. She's not the harmless angel you think she is. I can point out people like her from a mile away. The Marisa or Merleeya or whatever her name is that you knew before isn't the same one that walked off just now. And now you're letting her impose on my lunchtime? When did we decide you could just invite anyone into our space without my permission?"
"I didn't know they needed your permission to be here. You're so full of yourself."
"Watch it, man." Ian's laugh was more like a warning. "It's not Catherine's fault your girl's the way she is."
"Melissa's not a bad personâ"
"Could you guys keep it down? I'm trying to sleepâ"
"It's a cafeteria. Sleep at home."
"She's not my girlâ"
"Then why are you so angry?"
As the conversation flipped into a full blown argument, misery and self-loathing wrapped around my heart once more, suffocating the little light of hope in my chest until I couldn't take it anymore.
"She was taunting me, alright?!" I slammed my hands on the table and stood up, shocking everyone and gaining all their attention in one go, along with the entire cafeteria.
Tears streamed down my face.
"I hope that settles it. You can all shut up about it now."
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