"You look high."
A deep voice broke me out of my trance and I found myself staring open-mouthed at Donovan. He stood at the front of my desk, smelling like cigarettes and holding a brown paperbag out to me.
An aroma like no other was coming from it.
Class was over and school had let out ages ago but I had stayed for some privacy to let out my frustration at the Three Unpopular Opinions. They had been relentless throughout this week with taunts and colorful writings of expressive words on my locker all because I had walked out on them at the diner.
I was fresh out of wipes now because of them.
"Are you?"
Before I could answer his more than stupid question, a meat pie was shoved into my mouth. He put the bag on my desk, clasping his hands together like he was waiting for a confession from me.
"Why are you sitting here all alone like some loner who's been lonely all her life?"
Because I am a loner who's been lonely all her life
"Why are you carrying a bagel around like some kind of baker who's been baking all his life?"
We stared at each other, neither of us cracking. Then he chuckled and I snorted and we both burst into fits of laughter as he eased into the seat next to me.
"You're so lame, Harley." I know. "Seriously, how did you manage without me here?"
Funny story, actually. I, uh, didn't and high schoolers are the worst to anyone who doesn't fit in so, that...that was a great experience.
I skipped the most likely rhetorical question.
"Aren't you supposed to be at Burn's right now?" I asked, fully unwrapping the meat pie and taking a big bite. He shrugged and put his arm around my seat.
"You didn't show and, as good as it feels making girls trip over their words while trying to flirt with me, I felt like a manwhore at the fifth one." He sighed and laid his messy hair on my shoulders and I snorted.
Oh no...the burden of having people flock to you from every direction...
"You can't be a manwhore if you're a virgin, Donovan."
"But I'm a pretty virgin." He pouted at my jab and rested his chin on my shoulder. "Virgins have the right to feel useless too, you know?"
Then he buried his head in the crook of my neck, feigning shyness. His breath tickled my neck and his lip ring felt cold on my collar bone.
"But surely you know way more than me on the subject." He sighed. "I could never compete with your body count."
Okay, that was actually funny.
He pushed off me and waited for my laughter to subside. I just know he was feeling like an accomplished best friend.
"Now, let's talk about why you were crying."
The Three Unpopular Opinions faces flashed by in my mind. I shrugged.
"Dust particles." I lied and stood up, dusting my grainy hands on my pants. "Hate them but can't get rid of them." I jutted a hand out for him to take. He took it without question.
"You should come on Saturday. To The Cliff." He suggested for the umpteenth time as we walked out of the building and I groaned. The Populars don't even want me there. Why was I being pressured by them all of a sudden?
"Don't have much of a choice on that one." I muttered, thinking of Riley's threatening glare before they had walked off. I didn't want to end up on her hit list twice. It would be harder to hide from her.
I took my phone out, shaking it in front of his face.
"Hero hasn't texted. Thoughts?"
"Never text a guy first. You lose your value that way." He jogged ahead then turned around, walking backwards to his car.
His advice would have held more meaning if I hadn't already gone ahead and reached out to Hero. Multiple times. I wisely chose to keep my blunder to myself.
"Act unbothered when he's around. He'll come to you, eventually."
I nodded for his sake.
"Oh, great King of Hearts, teach me your ways." My sarcasm was greatly appreciated. He let me drive and filled me in on why Hero wasn't coming with us today. Apparently, he was a bit occupied with Riley at Burn's.
"And what if he decides to get back with her?" I asked bitterly. Now I understood why he hadn't texted me. There was no chance he'd ever pick me over Riley. He likes her way too much for that.
Besides, I'm not even his cup of tea and I had already come to terms with that.
Hero's dating history was filled with rows and rows of blondes, sometimes a brunette. My hair was auburn, curly and all over the place.
I'm fine with not being his type- really, I am- but I'd really love to be his friend. He's a wonderful person, and, although he wasn't dead yet, my obsession towards learning about him was just as prominent.
The web of events that weaved together to form Hero's story was something I yearned to understand and if I had to choose a life that intrigued me the most in this town, it would definitely be his.
"Their breakup isn't as recent as everyone thinks. They've been apart for about five months now." Donovan stated out of the blue and I full on gaped at the information.
"How do you even know that?" I stuttered out in bewilderment, wondering how he could have possibly kept that information to himself for so long.
"Hero used to call me all the time when Riley would have one of her episodes."
The silence was deafening, though I doubt Donovan realized that. I had to restrain myself from choking the rest out of him and hid my annoyance as best as I could as I encouraged him to continue.
"Oh." Yeah, oh. He can be really clueless at times. "Riley's clingy and Hero's just the kind of guy who would play a broken record repeatedly just for a chance to hear his favorite song."He shrugged. "Riley's a manipulative brat. She takes advantage of that."
"She's not manipulative. She's in love with him." I mumbled, remembering how hurt she had sounded in the lavatory.
"Yeah, well, she does a terrible job of showing it."He grumbled. "She hurts him so bad, and not just verbally too. She's a psychopath and it's time that he moved on to greener pastures and I'm not just talking about your gorgeous emeralds, Harley."
His concern for Hero was heart-warming. I didn't think boys were capable of feeling such deep emotions. Then again, it's Donovan, the weirdest guy I know.
"Hero's been through too much to have to deal with someone like that." He said. "Before I leave for college, I'm going to make sure that the two of you get your happy ending."
I had been smiling up until he said that.
"What do you mean by before you leave for college?" I smacked his arm and his eyes widened.
"Did I not tell you?"
"What?" I hid my panick as best as I could but the crack in my voice was a dead giveaway. "What did you not tell me this time?"
"I, uh, kind of graduated last year and sent in my college applications before coming back. I just wanted to spend some time with you before then."
Donovan was already out? How? I mean, I know he's smart but I didn't think he'd try to graduate earlier than necessary. He didn't seem like the type.
I could hear something in me start to crack.
"For good?" Tears were already threatening to spill and he hadn't even left yet.
"I'll drop by whenever I'm free." He reasoned.
Donovan sounded so passionate whenever he talked about basketball that I didn't want ro ruin it by making him feel bad about leaving me again. I opted for a joke instead.
"What will be your in-game name? Donovan the Virgin?" I forced a laugh and made baby noises at him. "Oh, look, the little virgin's coming to the rim! They say his shots are as smooth as his pickup lines-"
"Hey, I'll have you know that I'm an amazing shooter, alright?" He scoffed. "I can't wait to bring you to my games to cool your hating heart out with my buckets."
"Sure you are, Donovan. Sure you, are." I referred to his previous statement.
He gave me a look of incredulity, pulling out his phone and going on a well-known baller site.
I watched the video he had clicked on. It was a montage of just him bullying others on the court and my mouth dropped open.
"That's hardly fair! Hey, that last guy looked like a twig!" I tried to defend, even though I was tearing up with admiration for him. "How can you be that good?"
"Practice, determination and most of all...sacrifice." He said. "I sacrificed a lot, Harley. My childhood, any chance at normalcy and..."
He trailed off but I already knew what he was just about to say.
"Our friendship?" I finished for him and he nodded. "That's okay, I understand."
"I know you do." He sighed. "That's one of the things I admire about you. Your ability to just forgive the bad and make the most of the good."
If only he could hear my thoughts, he'd know that I was a complete fraud. I could hold a grudge when I wanted. There had just been nothing worth that part of me so far.
Not even the Three Unpopular Opinions.
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"Throw the whole closet away." Donovan finally snapped and slammed my closet shut, gaining my immediate attention. "Why do you only have hoodies and big trousers? Can this even fit on your tiny waist?"
He held up one of my thrifted, baggy pants to me, disbelief clouding his eyes.
It was Saturday, the day of the bonfire, and Donovan had decided to let me know how he felt about the outfit I had picked out.
"Hence the belt section." I defended, tossing my legs down and shuffling into my hedgehog slippers. I went over to the closet and revealed my collection. "Perfect for the usually cold weather."
Donovan scoffed at that.
"Yeah, like that makes it any better." His annoyance was followed by one of his impulsive ideas. "Get dressed, we're going out."
"For what?"
"The braincells you clearly misplaced." He said then gestured at all of me in disbelief. "No one can see you in that. You'd be lucky to be noted as a member of the female gender. Change. Now."
I tugged on my hat, my hoodie sleeves, reaching up to my fingertips.
"I think it's nice for a bonfire."
"I think not." He stated and dragged me downstairs since I had refused to change. "You want Hero to notice you, right?"
I nodded.
"Then trust me."
Before I knew it, I was devouring the longest ham sandwich I had ever seen at the food court as I awaited Donovan's return.
He came up behind me just as I was slurping the last remnants of my soda, his hands filled with way more bags than necessary.
I held off my curiousity until we got in the car then rummaged through all that he had gotten, including two of the same red sneakers. My face scrunched up and I turned to him for an explanation.
"Do you want to look good or not?"
He had a point but not as much as the one Riley made when she showed up later at The Cliff.
I would argue that ours was better, though. My best friend knew how to make an entrance and he made sure to reserve a space for me under his spotlight.
The loud revving of his engine was the first thing that caught everyone's attention but what had them peeking down from the rocky hills at his ridiculous death trap was the full J-turn he did on the beach, the sand flying in every direction causing more heads to turn to us.
I clutched my heart as I discovered a blossoming appreciation for living.
Donovan rested his hand on my knee, checking to see if his devious plan to send me to an early grave had worked. I unleashed a combo of hits on him, cursing him back to the Middle East where he had probably picked up this nasty habit.
"You're fine. Everything's fine. Breathe, Harley." His eyes, filled with too much confidence yet a bit of worry, searched my panicked ones. He patted my back three times then gripped the gear. "You ready?"
"For what?" My voice trembled.
"Something awesome." He grinned widely. "Ready for your first donut?"
"I've had many actually from the bakery near my house. I think I'm fine. We should get down now." I rushed out, reaching for the door handle. He held my other hand, stopping me from escaping his madness.
"Look, Harley." He jutted his head up to the row of spectators up on the cliff. "All eyes are on us right now. It would be impossible for him to ignore you if you're all everyone's talking about."
I hesitated, the idea of everyone's eyes being on me for something other than me being a massive loser of a mascot was tempting and I really did want Hero to notice me.
I chose to let go of the door handle, trusting that Donovan wouldn't get us hurt.
And, boy, did I love it.
"Oh my God, you've got to teach me how to do that!" I screamed, pumping my fist in the air through the open window. I barely registered the cheers of everyone around us as we came to a stop.
The adrenaline rush from doing something so dangerous was electric and it stayed even after we had had a good few seconds to catch our breaths. Donovan was laughing as he got down and jogged on over to my side. He opened the door before I could think twice about getting down in front of so many onlookers and pulled me out with him.
I didn't even feel like crawling into the nearest hole to hide away. I was too pumped to take into account the voices in my head running around and toppling over each other from fear of having so many people stare at me.
They rushed the car like a whole ant colony. Girls in bikini shorts, shirtless boys and a whole lot of new faces from other schools. It blows my mind how much influence The Populars have on this town. They could pull in a crowd with just the mention of their presence in an area.
Walking up to The Cliff, I got cat-calls from boys and compliments from a ton of girls. I blushed at the girls compliments and kept the faces of the boys that went out of their way to make me uncomfortable at the front of my mind. Later, I'd be adding it to my journal under the section hit list.
Donovan got us something to drink. It looked like a slushie but tasted like something above thirty percent. I grimaced at the taste, looking over the styrofoam cup at my best friend.
He was distracted by something ahead, his eyes burning with anger and disappointment. I followed his line of sight and, from the unexpected emotions that consumed me, almost dropped the water bottle that was being held out to me by one of the cheerleaders.
Abandoning Donovan, I blended into the cluster of faces, making myself as invisible as possible as Riley came strutting up the sandy pathway looking like she had just been promoted to the ambassador of lavender. Hero was right beside her, one arm slung over her shoulder, their hands clasped together like an unbreakable vice.
I was sitting at the edge of the cliff, moping in my lonesome while everyone had fun down at the beach when I felt a gentle touch on my shoulder. Donovan sat next to me, handing me a water bottle as he sat down.
I confessed that I didn't feel like socializing anymore. I just wanted to teleport under the comfort of my blanket and wallow in self-pity. Donovan put my head on his shoulder and I didn't resist.
He just had to ruin it, the jerk.
"I don't care. We're staying."
I jerked up, taken aback by his words.
"We're here to have fun so don't worry about what's happening outside of that." He explained and I nodded along, my face showing total understanding as I got up with the sole intention of hiding away in the car until he was ready to go home. "Where are you going? The party is down there."
"Don't care." I yelled over my shoulder and bumped into someone, sending both of us falling back. Catherine got caught by Ian while I ended up falling on my butt.
"Are you okay?" She asked, reaching out a helping hand that, in my state of mind, I took willingly. She pulled me up, her face lighting up with recognition and I ducked my head.
"You made it. " Her warm smile was lost on me. I just wanted to be alone right now but the look in her eyes warned me a conversation was coming.
My sigh, though only coming from my inner voices in a choir, was from the heart.
"Ian and I are heading down to the beach." At Catherine's words, Ian raised his hand in greeting, his expression leaning toward annoyance, leading me to assume that something had happened before they got here. "You interested in a little game?
I stood, unflinching and suspicious of the back-to-back invites from The Populars. My mind raced to solve what evil pranks waited for me down there that had Catherine personally asking me to join her.
Then Donovan appeared beside me and that mystery got solved in an instant. It was solidified by Catherine's following question.
"So, are you guys coming?"
Remembering Riley's forceful request to have Donovan here, I nodded and, taking his hand to make sure that he came along, I followed behind Catherine and Ian.
The beach was way too crowded and noisy for my liking and it got even more rowdy when they spotted Ian coming down to the beach.
Hero, admist a group of girls and boys in beachwear, passed us just as we made it to the bottom, not bothering to greet us. The atmosphere became tense all of a sudden, bad vibes radiating from the group I had been forced into as their eyes tracked Hero until he disappeared from their peripheral.
Riley wasn't with him.
I frowned at that and began searching the crowd for the only other Popular that hadn't made an appearance yet, not seeing him anywhere either.
Then I realized that I hadn't seen Justin, the only other Popular apart from Cash that I had spoken with on multiple occasions because our extracurricular at school was the same.
Ian made everyone clear out and asked for one of the large red cups. Several hands shot out and he took one from a random girl, sending her a wink that I'm sure she read into way more than she should have.
He, along with some other guys, had
created three sets of a formation of ten holes resembling a set of balls on a pool table. My eyebrows raised in surprise and I drew closer to get a good look.
Donovan, smiling down at me like a loon, pulled me at the other side, announcing that we'll go first. My head creaked in shock to glare at the idiot. I didn't know what this game was or even how to play it. It would be the driving thing all over again except this time, a whole crowd of teenagers would be watching.
These kids aren't Donovan. They'd tease me to no end about it. Instead of harmless red strings getting attached to my locker, I'm sure they'd come up with something more physical this time to hurt me.
I tugged at his blue shirt, the same color of my top, and he hummed in response. Leaning to his ear, I whispered,
"I don't know how to play."
He stared in shock.
"How?"
I punched his side.
"Lower your voice, you jerk. If I get teased because of this,keep it at the back of your mind that you're gonna get got." I threatened, his stupid side-smirk not helping the situation. "Permanently."
"You don't need a lesson. Just do what I do and I'm sure you'll be fine."
And he left it at that, exchanging petty remarks with Ian as he and Catherine took a stand at the other end. Four other teams occupied the other sets next to us but the attention was mostly on The Populars.
I covered my exposed stomach, my anxiety building up and sending every one of my insecurities to the front of my mind.
Donovan unknowingly shut it off when he began to laugh at something Ian had said, forcing my attention away from my insecurities.
His side profile was just as pretty as the rest of him, his lip ring being assaulted by his tongue every passing minute as he joked with Catherine and Ian, ignoring the death glare I was sending him. If only he knew that his death was already set in stone. Maybe I'll even add him to my hit list too.
Donovan pulled out a bunch of round, squishy balls out of thin air and I blinked, taken aback. Seriously, where did he get that? And aren't we supposed to be playing pool or something?
"I can see your last two brain cells running extra laps in that head of yours." He teased, tossing one of them at me. I caught it, squishing it as he spoke. He thinks he's so funny. "Just watch and, I know you're allergic to it, but try to have fun, okay?"
I responded with a huff, crossing my arms and jerking my head towards the beach to block out his nonsense but ended up lamely eyeing his game play.
He tossed the ball and it landed neatly into one of the holes in the second row. I flinched at the noise that erupted, covering my ears from the laughter of everyone around me.
Catherine took another ball, silencing Donovan's fans in one swoop and her supporters cheered. I'm pretty sure I saw money floating from one hand to the other in the crowd.
Donovan smiled. I knew that smile. He was getting competitive.
I understood the game well enough. Taking a ball from the pack, I sent it flying and it fell somewhere away from where I had been aiming.
I frowned, feeling a bit disappointed in myself and Donovan grinned, taking a cup from a player on the basketball team who had been sitting on the sidelines, mixing a couple of drinks together with coke.
He handed it to me.
"No, thank you. I'm not in the mood."
Donovan snorted, taking my hand and setting the drink there while I tried to hide my confusion with a warning smile that only he understood.
"You miss, you drink. Those are the rules." He stated smugly and I imagined the expression he'd make while I choked the life out of him.
I threw the drink back, almost spraying out the contents in the process-it was horrible-and activated my max focus. Getting wasted at a party of this caliber would kill any chance of having anyone take me seriously.
Hero had been pushed at the far back of my mind by the time the game had ended.
Catherine and Ian were a whole unit and, because I was new to the game, we ended up losing. Not by much though. Donovan's accuracy was on a whole other level compared to ours.
The game- beer pong, as I had been informed later on- ended when the wind got too heavy, forcing our retreat to the top of the hill where we merged with those who had decided to go cliff diving. Among them stood Hero, a towel wrapped around his neck as his eyes searched the crowd for someone. I looked away just as he turned in my direction, using Donovan's willingness to always tease me as cover.
After a while, I waddled unattractively to the car, the smell of burning wood in the air. Behind me, everyone that had stayed until evening gathered around the huge fire, the noise from before dwindling into soft conversations as they sipped on their drinks and warmed up from the chilly air at the bonfire.
I had left to get one of Donovan's hoodies from the backseat since I was starting to tremble from the sea breeze. I would have frozen to death if Donovan hadn't noticed since I had been stuck on how to go about telling him. He had offered to come with but I didn't want anyone taking our spot so I decided to come alone.
Donovan had given the keys to Terry, a theater kid like me and Justin, to park off somewhere at the side of the road for him after our grand entrance and now I was finding it difficult to spot it. I hummed a familiar song out loud as I walked along the road, my eyes drifting to the woods where my brother was making out with a familiar blonde, both of them lacking the top of their clothing.
I took two steps forward, my brows knitting in confusion. My head lulled to the side, feeling a dull pang in my chest at the sight of them without a clear reason for it.
Hero's face flashed in my mind and I snapped out of my trance, my stomach churning in disgust as I put two and two together.
My hands rested at the back of a lavender pick up as I clutched my stomach and keeled over in distress, puking on a strangely familiar five-lettered license plate.
I couldn't be bothered by the stares I got on my way back up the hill.
I had to tell Donovan.
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