I walk back towards the common room, everyone has left for the Hogwarts express. It feels strange to see Hogwarts so empty. I'm the only person from Gryffindor who stayed. That means, I get the whole tower for myself!
I guess it will be kind of boring without my friends. But I don't think it's that bad.
I can do some more research on my dreams without disruption. I've also thought about talking to either professor McGonagall or professor Dumbledore about them. Now would be a great time. I'll think about it
I sing 'Honey, Honey' happily to myself as I walk through the portrait into the common room.
"The way that you kiss goodnight, the way that you-" I freeze and stop singing when I see the one and only James Potter sitting on one of the sofas.
We stare at each other for a moment. Me - standing still in the middle of the room, completely surprised and shocked to see him here, when I was informed that no one else would be staying. James - comfortably leaning back on the sofa with one of his arm resting on the top of the sofa, a usual grin on his face.
"You have a good voice," He grins at me.
"Bloody hell, what are you doing here?" I ask still confused.
No one was supposed to be here! And now there is James Potter sitting on the sofa. The worst part - he heard me singing.
"Uh, Remus told us that you will stay at Hogwarts for the break. And we knew that nobody else from our house would stay. So, I thought that I would also stay here, you know, keep you company. If you want, of course!" James explains while nervously playing with his hair.
Did he really stay here, just because of me? That's actually very sweet of him. Maybe he has changed for the good this time.
I smile and sit down next to him. "Thank you, that's very sweet of you, James."
"It's the least I could do." He smiles back.
We sit in a silence for a moment. Not exactly an awkward silence, but not really a comfortable one either, a middle ground. It feels like both of us are trying to say something but don't have the courage.
There are many things I would like to say to him. Starting from how he's an arrogant toerag and finishing with how I miss him.
But I stay quiet. Mostly hoping that he will say something first, I think it's fair enough. Maybe some would think it's a bit selfish of me, which I partly agree on, but he's the reason we're in this mess from the start.
James sighs and sits up so he's facing me.
So he is going to start the conversation.
"Look Y/N, I want to apologize. And even if you don't want to accept it, please, hear me out. That's the only thing I ask from you." I feel him staring right at me.
I turn my head towards him and meet his eyes. His beautiful hazel eyes that I always seem to get lost into.
I nod slowly.
"I realize how much of an arsehole I've been. I was so bloody stupid, acting like a total douche towards you. And I regret it so much. I don't know what got into me to act like that, especially with you. And I'm so, so sorry." He doesn't break eye contact at all. His eyes are so gentle and full of sincerity.
He drops his head for a second and takes a deep breath. I frown a little and lift my hand from my lap and place it on his shoulder.
He raises his head and looks at me. Again, those bloody eyes, they get me every time.
"You've been nothing but amazing, bloody brilliant to be honest!" He chuckles lightly. Even the corners of my mouth raise a bit. "I don't know how you tolerated me for as long as you did, but I don't blame you for doing and saying those things that you did. I'm surprised you didn't do it sooner."
He moves to sit even closer to me. My hand that's on his shoulder slips off but before I can pull it away he grabs it with his own hand. We are sitting very close, our legs are touching. His warm hand holds my cold one. Still, he holds the eye contact.
"And all of that made me realize, I have completely fallen for you." His hand squeezes mine.
My breath catches in my throat,
My heart misses a beat,
Butterflies erupt in my stomach,
My lips part a bit.
Did he just confess that he has fallen for me? Everything feels so weird this exact moment.
"I don't even know how long I have fancied you. It definitely has been for a while, since first or second year is my best guess. And I was so stupid! When I realized I had some sort of feelings for you, I decided to get with other girls, I thought I would lose my feeling for you." His voice is soft and sort of calming. Even though the things he is saying definitely aren't calming.
"I was too scared to ruin our friendship and tried to distance myself, but I didn't realize that that would ruin our friendship. And after all that I did, my feelings only grew. And I didn't realize how much I had fallen for you, until that day I found you after the quidditch match." He finally breaks the eye contact and looks down. I don't know if it's from shame or sadness, or both.
"I'm so fucking sorry Y/N." He spoke softly, still looking down. He let's go of my hand.
I sit still for a moment, trying to process everything he just said to me. It's a lot to take in.
I mean, I did hear him talk about his feelings that day I snuck into his dormitory. But this is different. To hear someone admit their feelings for you themself.
I look at his sulking figure. I don't know what to say so instead I pull him into a hug.
He instantly hugs me back, burying his face into the crook of my neck. He pulls me closer as if I'm going to disappear any second.
"I'm sorry," He whispers against my skin. His breath on my neck makes me shiver.
One of my hands moves from his back to the back of his head. It kind of feels like I'm trying to soothe a little kid.
"I forgive you," I whisper back and close my eyes.
There, I did it. I finally forgave him. And I think it was finally the time I did so.
I hear and feel him sigh in relief.
I did miss his hugs. It feels so nice to hug him again, after everything that has been going on. I'm glad we can finally put it behind us.
We stay like this for a minute or so until we pull apart.
"I didn't think you would forgive me." James smiles a little.
A crack a little smile. "I think you learned your lesson." I slightly nudge his shoulder. "Plus you probably missed me," He teases and nudges me back.
"Me? I did so not miss you. You were the one who missed me!" I playfully roll my eyes. "Oh come on, I know you missed me at least a bit!" He teases while leaning closer to me.
"Me slapping you was a way to tell you that I won't miss you." I smirk at him, recalling the memory when I had slapped him. I had almost forgotten about it.
His face slightly grimaces recalling the memory. "I've got to admit, you hit me pretty hard. The left side of my face was sore for the whole day."
"Oh I'm so sorry! I didn't realize I hit you that hard!" I try not to laugh but fail.
"Nah it's fine, I had it coming. I'm sorry for calling you a bitch. That was too far." His lips form a tight line and he turns his head away in embarrassment.
I place my hand on his shoulder. "James," He looks back towards me. "Stop apologizing, you've said sorry for the millionth time! I forgive you." My words are so softly spoken. I feel like even if I wanted to be mad, I couldn't.
"I know, but it's because I truly am sorry. I hate myself for treating you like I did." His eyes scan my whole face. "I can't put it into words how much you mean to me. You have no idea what you are doing to me." His right hand cups my left cheek.
Yet again my breath catches in my throat. It feels like my body is melting. Melting because of him.
"Fuck," He mumbles under his breath, his eyes never leaving mine. "You are so beautiful." His voice melts me even more.
"James-" I hesitantly place my hand on his hand which is holding my face.
Everything about him makes me want to melt - his touch, his smile, his eyes, his hair, everything.
"That day, you said that you had fallen for me. Was it true?" His voice is almost as quiet as a whisper.
"It is true." I confess. I look at him, waiting to see a reaction.
His eyes light up and a smile appears on his lips.
I can't help myself and I smile back at him.
I just confessed my feelings for James Potter, yet again. But I prefer this confession over the last one.
"What does that make us? You know, this thing between us." He asks unsurely.
I sigh. "I think I need a little bit of time. All this happened so suddenly, I need time to process it." I feel bad for saying this. Maybe he expected something from us, now that both of us have confessed. But I want to spend time with him again before we decide anything. We haven't been exactly close right now.
"That's fine, take all the time you need. I will be here for you until you feel like you're ready." He assured while stroking my cheek with his thumb.
"So friends who have feelings for one another?" I crack a smile.
"Friends who have feelings for one another." He laughs.
He pulls me into another hug. I burry my face into his chest and sigh. James places his head on top of mine and holds me against him.
It feels good to have him back. Maybe everything can go back to normal now. I sure hope it does.
"What was the song you were singing when you entered the common room?" He suddenly asks.
Oh Merlin, of course he brings that up.
"Honey, Honey by Abba, it's a muggle band." I answer with embarrassment lacing my voice.
"Hm, interesting," He mumbles to himself.
"What is interesting?" I ask him while pulling away from the hug.
"Nothing major really, I just think that I had a dream where I heard that song." He shrugs it off.
My eyes widen. "But I have never shown you that song or band."
"I know, that's what makes it weird." James nods. "In the dream you played one of your vinyl and that song came on. I could be wrong though, maybe it was a similar song." He dismisses it.
I sit up straight with my heart racing. "No, no. Do you remember any lines?" I continue to question him.
"Well I heard 'honey, honey' repeatedly. And I think something along the lines 'you're a love machine' but that's all I remember." He recalls.
I sit there, taken aback. How is this possible? Is it the same dream that I had? It can't be.
"Hey, what do you say about going out in Hogsmeade? We could get some butterbeers and stuff. As friends of course!" He changes the subject.
"I would love to!" I smile at him.
"Brilliant!" He exclaims running his hand through his hair.
But my thoughts are occupied by something else. It can't be possible, can it?
-
A lot of things going on in this chapter! As you see, we are starting to get to the romantic relationship between Y/N and James.
Hope you all are doing well!