It's like a volcano. Boiling, bubbling, broiling. So hot you can barely look at it. So extreme you could never stand to touch it.
The anger in me feels like a volcano.
I've never felt this angry in my life.
Screw this. Screw Blessing for being a bitch. Screw Mom for playing favorites. Screw Dad for being spineless. Screw Maxton for rejecting me. Screw the Moon Goddess for giving me this fate!
Screw it. Screw it! Screw it!
I slam my fist in the tree trunk next to me. The surface of it breaks with splinters shooting past my face.
I slam it again.
And again.
Until I see blood dripping from my knuckles.
I didn't feel it.
Ice washes over me.
Hot anger is replaced with frozen, cold horror.
I didn't feel any of the punches I threw at the tree. I don't even feel the pain in my knuckles now.
I flex my hands. More blood gushes out from the large cuts scattered across them. Nothing. I don't feel any pain any of the pain I should be feeling.
"Hazel?" Dad's familiar voice cuts through the winter air.
Panic grips my body. I do not want to talk to him right now. I don't even check to see if Mom's with him. Because if she is, I'm finished. I'll never get away with what I just did to Blessing.
I call my wolf, Yara, to shift. The only option right now is to run away. I'll face them later. Don't know when or how. But later sounds like the best option. I break out into a sprint, waiting for my bones to change shape as she takes over.
I don't change.
I try again.
I still don't.
Again.
I don't.
My feet slow down.
Yara? I call out in my head. Nothing. Yara?
All I get in response is a faint whimper.
I can hardly hear my dad calling my name as I try to reach her.
Again and again. I scream her name. I beg her to respond. My breathing picks up.
Yara? Yara? Yara!
"HAZEL!" Dad shakes me out of my trance. I'm hyperventilating.
"I can't feel Yara!" I practically scream. "I can't feel her! I can't feel Yara!" Dad's eyes widen to match mine. Pure panic. I faintly realize I'm sobbing, repeating the same line over and over.
I can't feel Yara.
Where is she? Is she okay? She can't abandon me now!
"Hazel. Hazel. Hazel! Look at me!" Dad grabs my face with forceful hands and stares into my eyes. I stop speaking.
"It's okay. This happens with rejection. Wolves take it hard sometimes." He tries to soothe me. I just sob into his chest.
I have no one. Nobody. I don't have friends. I don't have a mate. Now, I don't even have my wolf.
Dad forces me to sit down on a fallen tree trunk as he continues to shush me. I finally stop crying and just lean into him.
"Hazel, I know you're hurting." Dad starts.
"How mad is Mom?" I ask, getting straight to the point. He sighs.
"It doesn't matter. They shouldn't have pushed you like that. Not after what you went through today." I snap my head up in surprise. I know my disbelief is written all over my face. He sighs again.
"Hazel, you know your mother loves you."
All I do is let out an uncharacteristic cold chuckle.
"Sure. Because yelling at your daughter after she gets rejected is pure motherly love."
"She does, Hazel."
"No, she doesn't."
And then I remember the dinner, and rage fills me all over again. I shove Dad off me. "And you don't either!"
"That's not true, why would you-"
"If you did, if you actually cared about me and thought I was worth anything, you would've stopped Blessing! You would've defended me. But you didn't." I end my sentence in a small voice. I feel like a small child, begging for her parents' affection.
"Hazel, I-"
"You didn't defend me. You didn't stop her. I waited for you. I gave you the chance. But you didn't."
He's struggling to find words. So I keep going.
"Which means you agree with Blessing. You think I'm pathetic and worthless, too! You think I deserve to get rejected, that no one would ever accept me!"
"No! I don't!"
"Yes, you do. You think I'm ugly. And I'm stupid. And no one could ever love me. Because if my mother can't? If my father can't? Who will?"
"Hazel, that's not true. It's not!"
I don't respond because I'm crying again.
"It's not true. I love you. I think you're brilliant, and you're kind, and strong, and beautiful and your mate is the one who doesn't deserve you," he tries to convince me.
"I don't believe you!"
"I wouldn't lie to you Hazel!"
"Then WHY didn't you say anything?!" I finally scream at him. He pauses and takes a deep breath.
"I don't know," he whispers. "I was surprised? It's not a good excuse. It's unforgivable. I just couldn't believe Blessing would say something like that. It was awful."
"Well, she did. And she would. Just because she isn't always that cruel and mean in front of you doesn't mean she isn't."
"She says things like that to you?"
"Yes."
He falls silent. Maybe he's finally realizing how horrible Blessing is. But I know to not get my hopes up.
I'm going to let it out, I decide. Because screw it, right? I already chucked a bunch of food at her face. There's no going back now.
"You've always ignored her bad behavior and punished me. That's why she is the way she is. She knows she can get away with it. She knows she's the favorite. She always has."
I think he senses that I want to keep going, so he just nods at me to talk. So I do.
I yell at him.
For always taking Blessing's side. For not defending me. For letting her be cruel. For letting Mom allow her to be cruel. For playing favorites. For forcing me to move to the ground floor when I was four years old. For not allowing me to be comforted when I had nightmares as a child. For giving Blessing everything she wanted. For giving me nothing unless Blessing got it first. For leaving me after I was rejected. For spoiling Blessing beyond repair. For always putting the blame on me.
For putting me second.
For putting me last.
For never putting me first.
For never choosing me.
"I'm sorry, Hazel." It's all he says before he breaks down in tears.
I pause, guilt sinking in. These were thoughts that I never meant to say. I always told myself I would keep this in. I would endure. But now, I've said it and broken my dad in the process.
My father is a strong and prideful man. He doesn't cry. I've never seen it. Until now. And I've never hated myself more.
I slowly sit next to him on the tree trunk again and rest a light hand on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I shouldn't have said all of that."
"No!" He heaves out. "No." He takes my hands in his and turns to look at me. "Don't apologize. You were right. We messed up. We messed up beyond repair, and I am so sorry. You never deserved it. Never." He forces me into a strong hug. I bury my face into his shoulder, tears leaking from my eyes again.
"I thought you were okay. You've always been so strong. So put together. I thought it was okay. But, I was wrong. I was so wrong, Hazel. Your mother and I love you. We do."
"Maybe. But not as much as you love Blessing."
Mom almost lost Blessing during childbirth. She was born extremely pre-mature and lived in the hospital for the first 3 months of her life, hooked up to every machine they could spare. Through some miracle, Blessing survived. But Mom couldn't handle almost losing her baby. So she overcompensated. And has been overcompensating for the past 19 years.
Mom might love her first baby, but she has always loved her second baby more.
He shakes even harder, saying it's not true over and over again. He tries to convince me. Again and again. He tells me he's sorry. That he'll do better. That he loves me. That Mom loves me. That they were wrong.
I decide to try to believe him.
With that thought, the feeling in my knuckles returns. I hiss when the pain finally hits me. How many times did I hit the tree? I shiver. Since when was it so cold? Dad pauses from his crying to inspect my hand.
"We need to treat this Hazel." It's an invitation to go back to the house. I know it is. But I don't want to. Dad sees me hesitate and says, "Things will be different now. I promise."
I nod.
He lifts me up off the trunk, brushing my fly aways from my face that's sticky with tears. I realize we're in the woods behind our house. The residential pack land is mostly in the forest up on the mountains. I just didn't realize that I'd made it so far out.
My mind is finally clear as we approach the house. I repeat the mantra that I've told myself since I was little.
You will always have somebody because you have yourself. You will always have somebody because you have yourself. You will always have somebody because you have yourself.
And that is enough.
It's enough.
I square my shoulders as we walk approach my house. Mom is sitting on the porch. I can already see the anger and frustration etched into her face.
She's going to chew me out.
Admittedly, I might deserve it. If you look at this from an entirely objective perspective, chucking a plate full of chicken and rice at your younger sister's face is an extremely psychotic thing to do.
Doesn't mean Blessing deserved it any less though.
I gulp as we approach. Dad puts a strong hand on my shoulders in support. Mom stands up when we're a couple feet away.
"Hazel Wren! You will-"
"Mira, stop." Dad practically commands. Mom immediately shuts her mouth, a shocked look on her face. "Blessing was wrong." She practically convulses at the words.
"Ollie, how could you-"
"Mira! Stop!" She goes silent again. "Hazel, has been through one of the worst things a wolf can go through. And Blessing was cruel. And out of line. Hazel is not the one to blame here."
She just continues to stare at us. Dad pinches his nose and with a sigh and a resigned voice says, "It's bad Mira. Really bad. She can't feel her wolf anymore."
Finally, she unfreezes, her eyes widening in horror as she cups a hand over her mouth in surprise as the severity of the situation sinks in. Tears well up in her eyes as she reaches out to me.
"Hazel, honey, I-"
Seeing her look so concerned after she tried to yell at me makes me uncomfortable. She never comforted me before? So why now?
So I shrug Dad's hand off my shoulder and step back.
"I'm fine," I say gruffly, stepping around her to make my way to the front door.
"Hazel, let's just-" Dad tries to start but I cut him off again.
"I'm fine. Don't worry about it."
I open the door and quickly retreat into the bathroom to treat my hand. Mom and Dad silently follow after me.
"What happened?" She finally asks, nodding to my bloody knuckles.
"I fell."
They both frown but stay silent. I slip past them to my bedroom.
"Hazel, you know, we love you, right?" Dad tries one last time. I just nod.
Word Count: 1966 words
Hazel is way too relatable. Because I too would lose my shit in the middle of the woods if anything like that happened to me.
I've somehow crafted the most despisable character's ever in the form of Blessing and her mom. Which one do you hate more??
Am I allowed to say that as an author?? Idk!!!! Let me know if you enjoyed by voting or dropping a comment!
I hope you have a wonderful day jaanis!
Love, libahrary