I know your secret, Bella. What am I saying? I know ALL your secrets. I know how you used to feel about Viola, and I have evidence. I know who you choose between Travon and Beau right now. I know you and Travon shared a kiss the other day. And I'm not afraid to share these secrets â YWN.
Bella was by her locker the next day when she saw Beau approaching her.
Their eyes met, but he naturally looked awayâthe way you would avert your eyes when it met with a stranger'sâthen walked past her like she wasn't there.
Her jaw dropped as she turned to his retreating figure, and she suddenly felt mad.
He was ignoring her? She was supposed to be the one ignoring him. She called him three times, but he didn't pick up or call back. When he finally texted, he asked her to meet him at a beachâand he didn't even say please. How did he even know about her beach party?
Before she could think about it, she ran towards him, then stopped directly in front of him, almost causing him to bump into her. She folded her arms over her chest and stared at him as he steadied himself.
"Seriously," he mumbled, then stared back at her with an unreadable expression. Without taking his eyes off her, he said, "I don't have the time for this."
He moved like he wanted to go around her, but she stepped in his way. "Really? You don't have the time for thisâfor me."
"I never said that, did I?"
"I can tell you're thinking it."
He put on a look that was between annoyed and frustrated. "This is ridiculous," he mumbled.
"I called you, Beau," Bella said, letting her annoyance flow. "Three times." She held three fingers up in his face. "Three." Her fingers went down. "But you ignored me. Heck, I even texted you. You skipped school without letting me know and I tried to reach out to you. And, while we're at it, you did the same thing last week, ignoring me like I don't matter. You completely disregarded me!"
Beau ran a hand through his hair, and Bella could just see how annoyed he was. She had never seen him this way before. "Why are you blaming all this on me? Didn't I text you yesterday?"
"That's not what this is about. You know that, so stop trying to change the topic." She felt bad about not going to meet him, but she didn't want to be the one feeling guilty here.
"Bella, did you think, for just a second, that I didn't pick up your calls or text back because I didn't want to talk?"
She opened her mouth to reply, but words failed her. She didn't think about it that way... but it didn't matter. "So I get to share my problems with you, but you don't have to share yours with me? Why is that, huh?"
"Bella, we're not talking about this, okay?"
"Why not?"
Beau looked away for a moment, then, looking back at her, he said, "You didn't show up yesterday. I waited two hours, hoping you'd come. You talk about me disregarding you, but when I finally wanted to talk to you, you ignored me.
"I had a lot of people I could talk to, Bella, but I chose you. I chose you for a reason. I thought you were the only one that would make me feel normal. But you know what, I don't think I owe you anythingânot even an explanation. My problems are mine and your problems are yours. C'est la vie, right?"
Bella stared at him, her mouth not working anymore. She couldn't believe Beau just used that tone with her, and she couldn't believe how much it hurt.
Sure, she had her own faults in the issue, but what did he mean by I don't think I owe you anything? Did that mean the past few weeksâtheir connectionâmeant nothing? Was it all in her head?
All those thoughts ran through her head, and she barely noticed when he walked away.
* * *
For lunch, Bella got a funny-looking salad that was bound to upset her stomach, then a chocolate bar from the vending machine. She didn't know why her school chose today, of all days, to offer food like this.
After getting her chocolate bar, she stood by the machine, feeling eyes on her. Finally deciding she needed more, she got two more bars, not caring one bit about her health. One part of her couldn't believe she wanted to stress eat again, but another part knew it was overdue.
"Excuse me."
She turned to the voice, her breath hitching immediately. Viola walked past her to the vending machine, then placed a poster on the side.
Her hair hid part of her face, and her hands were trembling as she put the poster up.
"Hey," Bella cautiously said, and Viola glanced at her, but didn't say anything. She watched her ex-best friend smoothen the poster out, her grip on her tray weakening. Her hands suddenly felt like they had turned to jelly.
Gulping, she continued. "Hey, you weren't in school yesterday and I called with Cody's phoneâ" She stopped when Viola walked away without so much as a bye.
Standing there, she felt stupid for trying. She could've just pretended she wasn't noticing anything. Maybe then she'd know she never tried and it wouldn't hurt as much.
She ate her lunchâif it could be called thatâby the bleachers, alone. No one was around and everywhere seemed deserted. At one point, she couldn't take it anymore, and she stopped biting into her chocolate. Tears filled her eyes, and she struggled to hold it all in. She wouldn't let anyone hurt her.
But they already have, a voice in her head said, and she kept her lunch tray aside, then buried her face in her palms.
Bella wasn't sure what hurt moreâthe things Beau said, or the way Viola ignored her.
She remembered the last time she was here at the bleachers. She was with Beau, and he was being so comforting. Soâdear Godâloving. Now she wasn't even sure what to make of anything. It was all mashed up and confusing and unsettling.
The drive home was quiet, and sad songs played on the radio throughout like she was in a movie. She also didn't sit in the backseat like usual, taking the passenger side, instead.
Cody turned to her after a while. "Hey, are you all right?"
"Yeah," she answered quickly. "I'm fine."
"You sure? You're unusually quiet." He suddenly grew worried, and his grip on the steering wheel tightened. "Did Justice do anything, Bella?"
She felt a little offended at how Cody was throwing accusations at Travon. She didn't even see him all day. "No. We're good."
He hesitated, then asked, "Beau, then?"
She let out a surprised breath. "Can you just drive me home? I'm not in the mood to talk right now. I just need some ice cream."
He drove for a few more minutes. "Bella, you know this eating thing you do when you're stressed isn't healthy. Does Mom know about it?"
"I don't have a problem, okay? Everyone has their stress activities. Mine is eating junk food. Drive, please."
Cody didn't say a word after that, and when they got home, he waited for her to get out of the car, studying her, before he drove off.
She quickly rushed to the kitchen, throwing her backpack to the coffee table on her way, and sending some magazines to the floor in the process.
She noticed the note from her mom taped to the fridge. It said she went out to get some groceries in preparation for Maggie-Lyn's arrival. Then she grabbed a big tub of ice cream and moved back to the living room.
Bella sat in front of the TV after turning it on, but didn't pay enough attention to what was showing. She didn't know how long she sat there having ice cream, but she knew it was long enough for her to get past half of the tub.
The doorbell rang when she had gotten tired of eating, and she looked in the direction of the door before standing with her ice cream tub. She didn't even bother looking through the peep hole before opening the door.
Beau stood on the other side, and Bella's heart hit hard against her ribcage when she saw him. It felt like their conversation in the hallway was happening all over again, and she felt just as hurt âand a little angry.
They awkwardly stared at each other, then he said, "Hey," and she came back to her senses.
Bella stepped away from the door, then pushed it closed, but before it could completely close, Beau placed a hand on it, pushing it back gently. She glared at him.
"Bella." His voice was soft and very different from earlier in the hallway. "Hey, I'm sorry."
"I don't want to talk to you, Beau. And yeah, I'm sorry, tooâabout yesterdayâsince you're so mad about it. Please go away." She attempted to close the door again, but he placed his right hand between the door and doorframe, wincing when the door came in contact with his hand.
Bella's first instinct was to gasp, especially when she saw that his hand was bleeding, then she opened the door.
"I deserved that," Beau said, flexing the muscles in his hand to lessen the pain.
"What do you want?" she asked, trying to ignore the sting she felt at seeing him physically hurt.
"I want to talk to you. I'm sorry about earlier." He winced again. "People say a lot of stupid stuff when they're mad and I know that's not an excuse and I'm an idiot, but please let me talk to you."
"You don't have to do this. You don't owe me anything, remember?"
"I didn't mean that, Bella. Just hear me outâ"
"I don't want to," she interrupted, her voice cold. "I was also wrong, so we're fair."
The same look she saw in his eyes when he was speaking to Fleur two days prior filled his eyes, and she felt sorry for him. "Please, Bella, Iâ" He paused for a while, then, in a quiet voice, said, "I need you."
The sentence had an impact on her heart, and she watched him, her natural glassy eyes going over his face.
"Please," he added in a whisper, and it took all she had not to hug him and tell him it was all okay.
She stepped away from the door, walking to the coffee table to keep her ice cream first, then she went to get the first aid kit for his hand.
When she returned, she saw him on the sofa, running his hand through his hair. She could tell he was nervous because this wasn't an action she was used to from him, and it almost made her laugh.
She tried not to acknowledge how different her house felt with him in it and sat in the spot beside him, then took his hand.
It was warmâwarmer than her ice cream tub-affected ones. On closer look, she noticed that the bleeding wasn't caused by the door alone. His knuckles were reddened and looked really sore. She would recognize knuckles like that anywhere. "You got into a fight?"
"No. I just punched a wallâharder than I wanted."
She took out the antiseptic bottle and a large cotton ball. "So are you going to say what you came here to or what?" she asked as she got to work.
He nodded, then looked ahead. He retracted his hand from hers with a sharp inhale when the antiseptic suddenly met his skin, but she took it back, a bit forcefully.
Beau looked at her, his fingers twitching as she continued swiping the cotton ball over them. It burned a lot more than he wanted, but he ignored the sting and started talking. "I... I lost my... I lost my sister two years ago."
Bella froze, then looked up at him. He immediately looked away, and she turned back to his injury, her stomach suddenly churning. She thought Fleur was the only sibling he had.
"She had trouble with her breathing," he continued, "and I was supposed to be watching her that day. My mom took Fleur to the doctor, so it was just us."
When he paused, Bella stopped cleaning his wound and instinctively started blowing gently on it, while rubbing soothing circles around the reddened area with her left thumb.
"I left her for just a few minutes, Bella. I don'tâ" His voice cracked, sending a stabbing sensation to her chest. "I don't know what happened, but when I got back to her..."
The pain that filled Beau's eyes made her want to cry, and the annoyance she felt all day was replaced with something else. Now, she just wanted to put her hands around him.
"I didn't make it to her on time and I did everything I could to help her. God, you should've seen my mom's face when she came home." He ran his free hand through his hair. "It was horrible, and I wanted nothing more than to just disappear. I still feel that way sometimes, especially when my mom casually brings up something she used to do."
Bella let go of his hand as she moved closer to him, then she tentatively put an arm around his shoulders.
"If it's too hard for you, you don't have to explain. Just stop," she softly said, moving even closer to him.
"No. I need to admit how big of an idiot I am." She didn't say anything, so he continued, "Fleur didn't come home with my mom that dayâshe went to a friend's placeâand my mom made me promise not to tell her. She said she would handle it. It hurt me when she heard, Bella. It hurt because I did that to her. You have no idea how many times I've wished I could just do that day over.
"Things got worse this year andâFleur found out what really happened to Cherie. She found out I left her and her death wasn't just an accident." He leaned into her, placing the side of his head against her forehead. "She pretty much hates me now, Bella."
"No one can hate you, Beau," she said.
"You're just saying that. My mom gave me a severe warning before she left that day." He sounded different that time. Weaker.
"I mean it, Beau. She's just angry. She'll get over it, you'll see."
"She really used to look up to me, Bella. Things are different now. Lately, she's been saying things to me I'm sure she won't be able to take back."
Now Bella understood why Fleur had looked so mad at him the other day in the hallway.
"Talk to her," she whispered, feeling his shoulders slump in defeat, and her other hand went to interlock with the one around his shoulder. She pulled him into her, and he just held onto her like she was the only thing worth holding on to in the universe.
Bella had never hugged anyone like this before.
"You think I haven't tried that," he mumbled.
"Try harder," she urged, tears filling her eyes. She felt special seeing him in this state, and now she regretted not going to meet him at the beach.
"I'm sorry, Bella."
"No, I'm sorry." She tightened her hold on him and he did the same on her. "I'm sorry, okay?"
They didn't say anything to each other for a long time, just held onto each other until Beau eventually grew weak and had to completely lean on her for support.