Chapter 17: Adelie's True Self

Adelie

Despite my reservations, he was still my Alpha, the one who set the rules. I was expected to follow them. “If it’s necessary then yes,” I managed to say, but the words felt forced. I wasn’t prepared to be his wife.

“No, no, no,” Kairos countered, gently taking my hands in his. “I don’t want you to say yes because it’s necessary. I want you to say yes because you want to,” he insisted, his thumbs tracing circles on the backs of my hands.

I was at a loss for words. I knew I wanted to say ‘no’, but I also knew it would hurt him. Deep down, I wanted to say yes, but the uncertainty of my future held me back. The prophecy. I had no idea how it would change everything.

Kairos was close, closer than he’d ever been, waiting for my response.

I pulled my hands from his, leaving him stunned. In an instant, my hands found their way to his neck and I kissed him. He didn’t hesitate to respond, our movements perfectly in sync.

The kiss was slow, comforting, exactly what I needed. It wasn’t driven by passion or desire. I could feel his love in the way he kissed me. It was simple, yet incredibly special.

His hands settled on my waist, but I pulled away, standing up from my chair.

Kairos rose to his feet. “Does that mean...” he began, a hopeful note in his voice. I had to interrupt him, to keep his expectations in check.

“It means no. It means I’m not ready now. It means I don’t know when I will be ready, if I ever will be. It means not now but maybe someday,” I rushed to explain.

I continued. “I can’t until I figure out myself and that prophecy thing. I don’t know much about that but, until I know more about my role in that prophecy, it’s a definite no,” I declared.

Kairos took a step back, his gaze dropping to the floor. When he looked up at me again, he was smiling. “Someday,” he murmured.

I returned his smile. For now, this was enough. Our relationship was perfectly imperfect. Perfectly strange.

***

I never really thought about how my day would end, but today felt different.

Breakfast was a communal affair, everyone gathered around the table. Jasmin was there too, dressed in her usual stylish pantsuit. Today it was a bold, cloudless sky blue.

I caught Kairos’ eye and we shared a smile. I hadn’t felt this carefree in a long time. I’d forgotten what it was like to not worry about everything. Back when it was just my mother and me, I could afford to be carefree. But after her death, that feeling had disappeared.

After breakfast, we all headed to training. Kairos was dressed in his training gear, looking much better. I wished he would let me heal him completely.

When we arrived, Kairos joined the other werewolves while I stayed on the sidelines with Jasmin. “Let’s try something different today,” she suggested.

“Don’t I need to improve what I did yesterday? I fainted,” I reminded her, confused.

Jasmin looked away for the first time. “Oh, I know you can do it. You need to try something else now,” she said, but her confidence seemed to waver. Maybe it had something to do with her business in town.

“Are you okay, Jasmin?” I asked. She gave me a curious look before quickly hiding it.

“Of course. Now, I want you to think about creating something out of nothing,” she instructed. “Try to visualize the feeling of creating something not from the plants or trees, but from you. From your true dominant side, your nymph side,” she explained. It sounded simple enough.

Jasmin took a step back, her eyes fixed on me. I shut my eyes, focusing my thoughts. What am I? A nymph of the forest and plants. I pictured the lush greenery of this pack’s forest.

I glanced at the white flower at my feet, then back to the forest. But it had changed. Dark shadows loomed in the distance. The light was gone. This wasn’t right. I tried again.

What is my role as a nymph? To serve nature. I pictured the forest once more, a tree sprouting from the ground at my touch. I looked at my hand, but black smoke was billowing from it.

A rush of thoughts flooded my mind, a gentle breeze swirling around me. I heard the cries of thousands. Opening my eyes, I saw thousands of shadowy figures.

They moved aimlessly, their voices not angry, but filled with sorrow.

What was happening? I closed my eyes again, willing them to disappear. The noise ceased. I opened my eyes. They were gone. Jasmin stood there, her mouth agape.

“I...I told you to envision your dominant nymph side,” she stammered, still in shock.

“I did, but...but the darkness...it came naturally...” I replied. It was unlike anything I’d ever experienced.

“Is everything okay?” Kairos was beside me now. “I saw what happened.”

I shrugged, unsure of what had just occurred.

Jasmin placed her hands on her head, closing her eyes. She began muttering to herself, trying to make sense of what she’d seen. I locked eyes with Kairos, who seemed just as puzzled as I was.

“You believe you’re a nymph?” Jasmin asked, stepping closer.

“Yes,” I replied, surprised she was waiting for a response.

“You can control nature,” she stated. “Those shadows...they just came naturally to you? You didn’t control them?” She asked.

I opened my mouth to respond. “Jasmin?”

“Answer!” she demanded.

Alpha started to step forward, but I held him back. “Don’t,” I told him.

“I can’t let her speak to you like that,” he protested, but Jasmin intervened.

“Please answer,” she pleaded.

“I thought about my nymph side but...it didn’t stick. Something else overpowered it,” I tried to explain.

Jasmin took a deep breath, biting her lower lip in thought. “You are... It’s possible that your dominant side isn’t nymph, never has been...”

I laughed, refusing to believe her. “I am a nymph, Jasmin, just like my mother. She taught me to be a worthy nymph.”

I tried to convince her. “Jasmin, tell me I’m a nymph.” I pleaded, my faith wavering. Those shadows, I felt them within me.

“You are a nymph, just... just not as much as you thought,” she replied.

“My whole life I’ve been a nymph and now you’re telling me that’s not who I am? Then what am I?” I demanded.

“Your dominant side is from your father,” Jasmin said.

“But...what does that make me?” I asked, feeling lost. I’d always been told I was a nymph, that nature was in my blood.

“Angel of death...” she whispered. “Like your father. That’s why you can control nature the way you do. You’re still a nymph and always will be, just like you’re a werewolf.”

Jasmin’s voice softened. “Those were lost souls you saw. They chose you, stayed with you so you could give them peace and send them to Death. They’re wandering this earth, burdened with the sorrows of their past lives.”

I had the darkness within me. I’d always been a mirror image of my father. The signs were there, but I’d never believed I could be anything more than a nymph. But my mother...why hadn’t she told me? Was she trying to protect me from my dark side?

I was at a loss for words. I was an Angel of Death. Earlier, I had seen lost souls—those that had slipped through my father’s grasp or those that had never been there, the ones that were forgotten.

Unknowingly, I had absorbed them. Thousands of souls had become a part of me throughout my life. They had been with me all along.

I yearned for my father’s presence. I needed him to guide me through this.

“Jasmin, is there a way I can contact my father?” I asked her.

Jasmin stuttered, a rare occurrence for her as she was always so composed and articulate. “N...no.”

I nodded, looking down. “Okay,” I said. “I’m tired, I think I need to rest.” Thankfully, Jasmin didn’t protest.

Kairos walked beside me. “Adelie...”

I turned to him. “I’m fine. I need to be alone. Please,” I said, and walked away towards my house.

I sat on the cold floor of my room. My entire life, I had been oblivious to my true identity. I felt lost. I had been living in a simulation, an illusion. I let my tears fall freely. The room seemed darker than usual, but I realized I was part of that darkness.

I had always admired my father’s strength. He had the power to decide the fate of souls, and I had always wanted to be as strong as him.

But now, I was like him—a mirror image. I never thought taking souls was a heroic job, but it was what I was. I didn’t have a choice, they chose me. Why was I so afraid to be like my father?

A knock on my door startled me, and I quickly stood up. “Yes,” I called out, not facing the visitor. I took a deep breath and recognized Kairos’ scent.

“What do you want, Kairos?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.

“You’re in pain. I can feel it,” he said.

I clenched my fists over my heart, feeling as if it was squeezed into a tiny marble. Of course he could feel my pain—we were mates.

“Let me be here for you,” he said softly.

“I’ll be fine,” I said, still not facing him.

“I know you will be, but I want to help. You shouldn’t be alone. Talk to me, Adelie. I can’t ease the pain, but I can listen.” He was wrong. He could ease the pain, just by being here, by holding me.

“I want to be alone. Please.” I wanted him to stay, but my mind told me otherwise.

He waited, hoping I would change my mind. When I didn’t, he left.

Why did I push him away when I needed him the most?