Chapter 67: Chapter 32: The Compromise

Jamie

Sid and Barb had renewed their wedding vows in a rustic-style ceremony, and now the party was in full swing.

The band was playing sweet music on the stage while couples danced on the lit-up dance floor in front of it.

The garden was lit up with fairy lights above us, and among the trees, tables of six were scattered to the sides of the dance floor for those who wanted to sit and chat.

It was late evening, and the sun was beginning to set, bringing an end to the perfect day that Barb and Sid had been planning for months.

They had put all this effort into this special day, and it had gone by so quickly.

Over the years, I’d heard many brides express how they didn’t enjoy their own weddings, that it went by so fast, and there was too much stress.

I didn’t want it to be like that for me if I were to ever marry. I glanced in Mason’s direction. ~If the right man were to ever ask me.~

Harry stood up from his chair at our table and stopped in front of me. “I’m not leaving without a dance, darling. Come on. My son has two left feet anyway.”

Harry held his hand out toward me, and I took it. “Okay, sure.” I noticed Mason shake his head at his father’s comment and drink from his whiskey glass again.

Harry and I joined the other couples on the dance floor and started to dance. I liked to dance at weddings. I couldn’t attend one without having a dance or two.

Most of the time, it was Ethan I danced with, my backup date for pretty much everything before Mason came into my life.

“Did Penelope go down okay?” Harry asked.

“She was tired. It was a long day for her, so she went right off to sleep.”

I didn’t usually like to leave my daughter with anyone but the obvious few close family members in my life, but Barb’s friend’s daughter was happy to watch Penelope in the house for a couple of hours.

“I’m sure she was. It must be a tiring job being the center of everyone’s attention. Everyone adores her.”

I chuckled. “She loves being adored like every girl does.”

Harry and I moved to the music, hand in hand, slow and steady.

The train of my floor-length lilac gown trailed along the floor as we moved, so I was a little worried about someone stepping on me.

“So, I was chatting with Barb last night, and she told me that you and Mason are having some problems. Something about marriage. You don’t agree on it.”

“Gossip spreads like wildfire around here.” I looked in Mason’s direction. He was watching us both while enjoying a glass of single malt.

“He doesn’t want to get married. He told me he doesn’t believe in it.”

Harry shook his head. “You know that’s just fear talking. My son is terrified of commitment, so he pushes against something if he’s not comfortable.

“It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, Jamie. You’re the only woman he’s ever gotten close to.”

“I don’t know about that. I told him I loved him, and he didn’t say it back. I think maybe he’s trying to love me but can’t. Maybe I’m just not lovable.”

“Of course, you are, darling. That’s not something you need to worry about. You deserve love and so much more. Your time will come. Trust me!”

He smiled lightly. “Don’t give up on him yet.”

“I won’t.”

I didn’t know how I felt about my reply. Harry had asked me not to give up on his son, but at some point, it would come down to a choice I’d have to make, and it wasn’t going to be an easy one.

I left Harry after our dance and checked in on Penelope. I was no longer in the party mood after our discussion, so I paid the sitter, and she went home.

I wanted to go straight to sleep and wake up at home. I missed home!

I released a sigh, looking out my bedroom window as the party continued on. Everyone out there was happy and enjoying themselves. I’d been willing myself to feel the same all day, but I couldn’t.

~Coming here was a bad idea.~

“Penny for your thoughts?” I heard his voice say. Mason was standing by the door to our room.

“You don’t want to know what I’m thinking.”

I turned from the window and looked at him. He looked so very handsome in his white shirt, unbuttoned a little under his suit jacket.

“What are you doing up here? You should be downstairs enjoying the party.”

“Well, after your dance with my father, you disappeared, and I was worried.”

~I was out of his sight for ten minutes. I think someone is being a little overprotective.~

“What are you doing up here?”

“I just wanted some quiet. I’m not really in the party mood.”

I walked toward the bed and sat down at the end. I proceeded to take off my silver strappy heels that had been hurting my feet since early morning.

“So did you have a nice chat with my father?” he asked and walked toward the window. “Did you tell him everything?”

~Everything.~ I assumed he meant the conversation we had last night.

“No, I didn’t tell him. But Barb did.”

He released an agitated sigh. “I’m sure he shared his opinion on the matter. My father has never been one to agree with my choices in life. I’m just a big disappointment to him.”

I stood from the bed and looked at him. “You’re not a disappointment to him. Don’t think like that.”

“Am I to you?” he asked and turned from the window and looked at me. “Am I disappointing you, Jamie?”

To this, I didn’t reply. I didn’t know how to without hurting him. I didn’t want to hurt him.

Of course I felt disappointed in him for more reasons than one. It hurt to not hear him tell me he loved me back, and it hurt to know that he didn’t want to marry me.

~I love him so much. I don’t want to spend my life without him, but I still feel like he’s holding back a lot of himself from me. What do I do with that? I can’t keep my life on hold.~

Mason sighed and sat down on the window seat. “I just want to make you happy, but I don’t know if I can give you the life that you want. Kids and marriage. It’s not what I want.”

I folded my arms across my chest. “I don’t know what more there is to say.”

I avoided eye contact with him. I didn’t know what those words meant for us, if they meant that we were broken up or if we were just taking time apart to figure this out.

Or perhaps we were going to continue on with our life together, avoiding this topic until it became a bigger problem down the line.

I didn’t look at him, but I heard him stand from the window seat and walk toward me. He took my hand in his. “Dance with me.”

~Dance with him. Is he being serious? Of all the things for him to say right now, I never imagined those ones.~

“I thought Mason Knight didn’t like to dance?”

“I don’t dance, Jamie. But if I have to dance with anyone, I want it to be you.”

His hand was clasped with mine, and his other hand was placed on the center of my lower back. “You look gorgeous in that dress.”

“Thank you.”

We moved together to the faint sound of the music playing in the backyard. Thankfully, the room was big enough that there was a little space for us to move.

I couldn’t believe I was dancing with him, the man that didn’t like to dance, the man I’ve asked to dance with on many occasions but has always turned me down.

Mason stroked my dyed-blonde hair back off my face with his hand. “I don’t want to lose you. Tell me I haven’t lost you?”

Again, I didn’t reply. Instead, I just hugged him. The scent of his Creed Aventus aftershave filled my nostrils.

No man had ever smelled so good. The smell alone always made me feel warm and fuzzy, and I wanted to stay in his arms forever.

Back in New York, just two days later, our hired driver pulled the car up outside my house.

We weren’t long out of the airport after an eventful couple of days in Napa, so I felt happy to be home.

Mason unbuckled Penelope from her car seat and carried her inside, I followed behind him, and the driver followed behind me with the luggage.

Ethan came down the stairs. “You’re back.”

“Finally, I missed home.” Penelope stretched her arms out toward Ethan to pick her up, which, of course, he did. “I think someone missed her Uncle Ethan.”

He chuckled. “I think she’s gotten used to having me around.”

“She’s not the only one.” I loved having Ethan living here with us just as much as Penelope did. I wouldn’t mind him staying here forever.

“Do you mind taking Penelope to the yard for a sec? I need to discuss something with Mason.”

“Okay. Let’s go play on the slide, Penelope.” He carried her toward the double doors to the yard and walked outside. I noticed the look I received from Mason straight away.

“The movers are coming in the morning, so we should probably start packing.”

“Actually, I’m not coming with you to the new house. I don’t think it’s a good idea to move in together after what we talked about this weekend.”

I folded my arms across my chest in discomfort.

I wanted so desperately to move to the new house like we planned, but what would come after that? Nothing, as far as he was concerned.

“Are you serious?” he asked. “The plan was that we move into the house together. We’re a family, Jamie.”

~We’re a family, yet he doesn’t want to marry me.~

“I know it was. We’re not on the same page about our future, Mason. I think it would be a mistake for us to move in together right now.”

My heart was breaking in two. I couldn’t even look at him and say the words.

“I think you should move, and I’ll stay here.”

“You want me to leave?” he asked and released a long exhale of frustration while I stood in silence.

“All right, fine. You know where I’ll be if you change your mind.” He walked toward the door and picked up his bags.

“Mason…” His name left my lips for reasons I didn’t quite know. There was nothing I wanted to say. Words were lost to me.

He turned around and looked at me. I felt the urge to hug him, so I walked his way and wrapped my arms around him.

~I love you~, I wanted to tell him. But what would be the point? I already knew that he wouldn’t say it back.

I hugged him as if it were the last time, but I desperately hoped it wouldn’t be.

It reminded me of two years ago all over again.

Ethan and I were settled on the couch later that night while Penelope slept soundly in her crib upstairs.

Mason was the topic of conversation, of course. Since he’d left a couple of hours ago, I’d been a wreck.

~Did I make a mistake?~

“Do you think I made a mistake?” I asked.

“Only you know that. You love Mason. I think that’s obvious to everyone around you. Is that love worth giving up everything you wanted in your future?”

I shrugged my shoulders in reply. “I don’t know. He doesn’t believe in marriage, and he doesn’t want more kids. That’s something that I want.”

“There has to be a compromise if you two want to be together.” He drank from his beer bottle. “You and Mason have been through a lot together. It hasn’t all been for nothing.”

“We have our daughter. Maybe that’s all we’re supposed to get from this. Maybe he doesn’t love me enough to marry me, maybe he’s not the problem, but I am.”

~He doesn’t love me after everything we’ve been through. Maybe he can never love me at all.~

“I don’t think Mason would even know if he was in love with you. It’s not something he’s used to feeling.”

“It’s not a feeling I’m used to either.” I released a sigh. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Sleep on it. You might feel different about things in the morning.”

Sleep on it, he told me, like any good friend would do. Ethan didn’t want me to make any fast decisions that I might regret later.

No amount of sleeping would help this situation, though. We wanted different things. Could I give up what I wanted for him? Or better yet, should I?