Chapter 68: Chapter 33: With or without Your Blessing

Mason

Was this it for us?

I was sitting behind my desk for what felt like a lifetime, my body aching from sitting in the same position for hours on end.

I hadn’t left my office since midday. My laptop screen was in front of me, and I was trying to work, but I couldn’t. All I could think about was her.

Her hair, her lusciously plump lips, her eyes so big and brown. With or without clothes, she was perfect either way.

Two nights out of her bed, and I was fucking sleep-deprived. Usually, Jamie would rest with her head on my chest, and that’s the way it would stay until the sun rose.

Now I slept alone, and I didn’t like it.

I threw my pen down on my desk and reclined back in my chair.

My head was fucked. I couldn’t do anything—not without a drink.

I stood from my chair and walked toward the drinks table. It was a little after five, and I didn’t have any plans. I might as well.

My father walked into my office and raised his eyebrows at the bottle of scotch I was holding. “How’s the paperwork coming?”

“I’m taking a break.” I filled my glass, but not as much as I wanted to because he was watching and waiting to judge. He doesn’t exactly approve of my drinking habits.

“You’re having a bad day, I take it. Do you want to talk about it, son?” he asked.

“Since when have I ever wanted to talk about it?” I walked toward the tall windows behind my desk and looked out at the city.

My father had retired, so I ran the place now. He still liked to stop by from time to time. It made him feel important, and it gave him something to do.

Deep down, I know he didn’t trust me running this place. He never had, and he probably never would.

“You can’t keep everything bottled up, Mason. At some point in your life, you’re going to have to talk about your feelings. You’re going to lose everyone if you don’t.”

It was obvious he was referring to Jamie. I drank the contents of my glass and set it down on the desk. “I don’t see how this is any of your business.”

“I want you happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.” I watched my father cross the room toward the drinks table and grab the bottle of scotch and another glass.

“Let’s have a drink and talk about this.”

What made him think I wanted to discuss any of this? Despite coming back to New York with the plan to not only mend things with Jamie, but my father too, I hadn’t done a lot of it.

I’d focused on Jamie and Penelope. My relationship with my father was still on the rocks.

My father filled up his glass with scotch and then mine before sitting down in front of my desk. “So, what’s going on?”

I released a sigh and continued looking out my office window. ~If I don’t talk, he won’t leave.~

“She ended things. Jamie told me to move out when we got back from Napa. She doesn’t want me around.”

“The plan was for you two to move into the new place.”

“That was the plan. It’s not anymore.” I turned around and picked up my glass for a drink. “Now I’m living in the middle of fucking nowhere on my own.”

“Have you spoken with her since?” my father asked.

“No. What’s the point? We’re just going around in circles. Jamie wants a different life than I do. There’s nothing more to talk about.”

I sat in my expensive leather office chair, tipped my head back, and looked up at the ceiling. Anything to avoid looking at the disappointment on my father’s face.

“You’ve been stuck in your ways for far too long. Jamie told me that you don’t believe in marriage. Why is that?”

“Because I just…” I paused, feeling agitated by his question. Why did I need to justify my reasons? If I didn’t want to get married, then I didn’t want to.

“It’s got nothing to do with her. I don’t want to marry anyone.”

“Do you love her?” he asked, and I released a sigh of exasperation in return.

“That woman loves you, but I’m sure you know that already. You’re capable of love, Mason. Can you live without her?”

“No, I can’t! I don’t want to.”

“If you can’t live without her, what are you doing here? You love her. Maybe that’s something she should know.”

My father grabbed the bottle of scotch and filled up our glasses again. “Why are you closing yourself off from everyone?”

“It’s what I’m good at.” I sat forward in my chair and moved my glass across the desk.

“After the accident, I told myself that I wouldn’t let anyone into my life. I didn’t want to feel what you felt when she died. Years of pain and anguish. I can’t take that.”

My father sighed. “I had many happy years with your mother, and she gave me you. Although I’ve gone through some tough times since she passed, I don’t ever regret loving her.”

I glanced at the photo on my computer screen. It was one of Jamie and Penelope. She’d set it as my screensaver one day and told me it was a reminder of what I had to stick around for.

“You’re scared of loving her in case you lose her. That’s not a way to live your life. Love is worth it. It’s worth fighting for.”

“Do you still blame me for the accident?” I asked.

I didn’t know why I asked. I’d always refrained from asking that question and instead just told myself that he blamed me.

“Blame you?” My father shook his head. “I never blamed you, but you blamed yourself. Your mother would never have wanted that. It wasn’t your fault.”

The door to the office opened, and Eoin walked in. “Mason, I made twenty copies just—” He looked between us and noticed the scotch and the glasses.

“Drinks, and no one invited me? Thanks.”

My father chuckled. “We were just having a chat. Join us if you like.”

“Don’t mind if I do.” Eoin walked into the office and set the photocopies down. My father grabbed him a glass and started to fill them.

“None for me. I’ve got to get going.” I stood up from my seat and grabbed my stuff to leave. I couldn’t bear staying here another minute talking about my situation.

“You’re leaving already? I guess that means I get your chair.”

Eoin rested in my chair behind my desk and picked up his glass. “This is the chair that you sit in every day. It’s no wonder you don’t leave the office.”

“I’m too busy to leave my office. I’ll see you both tomorrow.” I walked toward the office door, and my father stopped me just as I was about to leave.

“Think about what I said. It isn’t too late.” He smiled at me and walked back to my desk to join Eoin.

I took a car service back to my newly bought home since I drank too much to drive myself.

I turned on the lights downstairs and saw the emptiness around me—plain white walls and no furniture in sight.

There was just a bunch of my stuff on the living room floor, as well as an empty rum bottle and one tumbler glass.

The plan was Jamie would choose the furniture, but obviously, that didn’t happen. Now I have to hire someone to do it for me.

I set my things down on the marble countertop, filled my glass with rum, and walked toward the doors to the backyard. I stood looking out through the glass, thinking of what could be.

~Us here together as a family!~

Things haven’t been smooth sailing between Jamie and me since I’ve come back to New York. That guy Jack had been in my way since the beginning, but I’d won Jamie over in the end.

The break-in and the crap with the memory stick… It didn’t go down well with her how overprotective I was. I couldn’t help it.

I drank from my glass. Not to mention her father hated me with a passion. The man couldn’t even stand the sight of me.

Not only did I have to make it up to her for leaving in the past, I had to make it up to him also.

This mess had started with him and his questions at that dinner. Putting me on the spot about my choices in life.

I didn’t want to look to the future. I was happy to live in the moment with her and our daughter.

I walked across the empty living room. I wasn’t afraid of commitment. That’s not what was stopping me. I was afraid of losing her—actually losing her—like my father lost my mother.

I’d been holding back from her, not allowing myself to be with her properly, love her the way she should be loved.

Because of fear!

I sat on the hardwood floor, still holding my glass of rum. I was drinking alone in a big empty house when I should be with them. I released a sigh and rubbed my brows.

“Jesus. What am I doing?”

Two days passed by me. Two more days without her. It gave me the time I needed to figure out what I was going to do next.

Now, here I was, knocking on the door and waiting in anticipation, ready for the hate I knew well I was going to receive.

The door opened, and it was him. His brows were furrowed in confusion as to why I was here.

I would never come here without her usually, but this time is different. I wouldn’t be here unless it was important.

“Mason, what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you about Jamie.”

“What about her?” Mr. Harris asked and walked out of the house and onto the porch. “Is my daughter okay?”

“She’s fine. Can we sit for a minute?” I didn’t want to jump right into this question, nor did I want to spend more time with him than I had to.

He walked toward the chairs on the porch, and I followed.

He sat in his chair, waiting for me to explain myself. Mr. Harris wasn’t happy that I was here, and that was obvious.

“Spit it out, Mason. It’s not as if you came here for bonding time.”

What a nice man!

“The last time I was here, we didn’t exactly leave things on a good note. You questioned me about my relationship with your daughter. You asked me questions that I wasn’t ready for.”

His face was stern. “I asked the questions that I needed to. You knocked up my daughter, and you ran out on her. You’re lucky I allowed you into my home.”

“I know what I’ve done. It’s my biggest regret, one that I will forever be paying for.”

I removed my sunglasses and held them in my hands, not because I didn’t need them, but because we were having a serious conversation.

“The questions you asked weren’t ones I’d thought of before that day, but I’ve thought of a lot since.”

“You mean marriage?” he asked, narrowing his eyes at me.

“Marriage in particular. It’s something that I know your daughter wants. She’s told me so. Up until two days ago, I thought that I wanted different. That marriage wasn’t for me.”

“But two days ago, you changed your mind.” He shook his head. “Unbelievable. What made you change your mind?”

“My father talked some sense into me. I realized that I couldn’t live without Jamie or Penelope in my life.”

I’ve never been so nervous about speaking before. My heart was pounding in my chest. “I came here to ask you for your blessing to marry your daughter, Mr. Harris.”

Mr. Harris remained quiet, and that made me all the more nervous. I couldn’t even tell by his facial expression what he was thinking.

I knew he hated me, so I wasn’t expecting a happy moment, but I wanted an answer.

“Jamie means everything to me. She’s my only daughter. All I want is to protect her from all the bad things in this world.

“Why would I give you my blessing when you could change your mind about this two days from now?”

I released a sigh at his question. “I won’t change my mind. I wouldn’t be here talking to you about this if I wasn’t serious. I just want to make her happy.”

“No. I can’t give you my blessing.” He stood from his chair while I sat seething in mine, so much that I snapped my glasses in two.

I’d come here today to get his blessing. I’m a proud man, and I don’t beg for anything or anyone.

I stood up.

“I love your daughter, Mr. Harris,” My words caught his attention, and he stopped but didn’t turn around. “I love Jamie. I’m asking her to marry me either way.”

I hoped he would change his mind at that last moment, but he didn’t. He walked into the house without another word, and I left.

I wanted to do this the right way. Buy her a ring and ask her father for his blessing. I thought Jamie would appreciate that I asked him first.

I didn’t get the blessing. I’d known there would be a good chance that he would say no. I couldn’t let it stop me.

~I have the ring. I’m proposing to her tomorrow—without his blessing.~