Chapter 81: C81. I Care About You.

Chapter 81

Beads of sweat slid down her flushed skin, and Yunzhu, still lost in a hazy stupor, couldn't shake the heavy lull of Cao Xun's deep, steady breaths filling her ears.

After countless sleepless nights, the man had finally succumbed to exhaustion, sinking into a rare, dreamless sleep. But even in slumber, he clung to her, one arm tucked firmly beneath her neck like a pillow, the other wrapped possessively around her waist.

It was an embrace made for chilly nights, but in the heat of summer, it left Yunzhu slick with sweat, her body yearning for relief. She shifted slightly, desperate to free herself from the stifling grasp, but the moment she moved, his grip tightened—firm, unyielding, and utterly consuming.

There was no mistaking his exhaustion—the dark circles beneath his eyes, the slow, deliberate rhythm of his breath—but for a fleeting moment, she wondered if he might be faking it, teasing her with his relentless hold.

Trapped in his warmth and unable to break free, Yunzhu sighed in resignation. Tonight, it seemed, she had no choice but to surrender to him, her body molded against his, the weight of his presence leaving no room for escape.

*

When Cao Xun dragged himself home that afternoon, he collapsed into bed and slept like the dead until midnight. The darkness greeted him when he stirred awake, but it wasn’t the kind of dark that left him feeling cold or alone. No, this time, the warmth beside him was undeniable.

His inner room was a void, steeped in blackness, yet the sensation of soft, velvet-like skin grazing his told him he wasn’t dreaming. Her gentle, steady breaths whispered against his neck, sending a familiar heat coursing through his veins.

Without hesitation, Cao Xun pulled her closer, his arms tightening around her petite frame like a man who had gone too long without his fix.

Yunzhu stirred, her soft breaths catching as his movement woke her. Before she could utter a word, his firm hand found her face, lifting it to meet his lips. His kiss was demanding this time, unrestrained, as though he'd been holding back for far too long.

She froze, panic sparking in her voice. “It’s national mourning!” she reminded him, her protest sharp but trembling.

The words struck him like a splash of cold water. His grip faltered for a moment, and he sank down beside her, adjusting her slim body to nestle fully against his chest. His broad shoulders and firm muscles cradled her like a sanctuary built solely for her, a place she once cherished.

Who wouldn’t? A man like Cao Xun, powerful, commanding, was the kind of husband any woman would yearn for. Or so she had thought.

But regret has a way of lingering.

Breaking the silence, his fingers skimmed her hair, trailing down to her shoulder. “You’ve lost weight since I left Beijing,” he murmured, his tone low, almost accusing.

Yunzhu remained silent, her lips pressed tightly together.

He continued, his fingers combing through her long hair with unnerving gentleness. “He’s what? Twelve? Thirteen? It’s only natural for a boy that age to have twisted thoughts. You’ve been showered with praise your whole life, surrounded by people who adore you. And then there’s me—the one who dares to tease, to push, to challenge. You think I don’t notice what that does to you?”

His words were soft, but each one sliced through her defenses.

“I swore I’d send your brother away for training, somewhere safe. But when the palace summoned him back, I did nothing. You think I’ve abandoned you, that I’ve failed to protect the people you care about. That I’ve left you alone to shoulder everything yourself.”

His hand paused, resting lightly against her back. “And now you don’t trust me. You’d rather carry the weight of it all alone than let me in.”

The rawness in his voice left no room for denial.

“What’s your plan, Yunzhu?” he asked, his voice dropping lower, sharp with frustration and something far more tender. “You think you can save him on your own? You’ll only destroy yourself trying. Or worse—die alongside him.”

Still, Yunzhu said nothing. Tears spilled silently from her eyes, carving hot trails down her face and soaking into his chest.

Cao Xun didn’t need her words to understand. He always knew. Always saw the truths she tried so hard to bury.

Her silence was nothing new; she had mastered it well. But his words had torn straight through the walls she had spent years fortifying. The anguish she kept hidden now flowed freely, her heart bleeding out all the bitterness, the betrayals, and the unbearable weight she had carried alone for far too long.

And still, he held her, unrelenting, his presence both her torment and her salvation.

Cao Xun reached for a piece of the quilt, gently dabbing away her tears with deliberate care. His voice, low and steady, carried an unyielding edge. “There are things I’m bound to keep hidden—secrets too delicate to expose. I won’t share them, and I don’t intend to. But I strive to be as honest with you as I can. That’s all I ask of you too—lay your thoughts bare to me, no matter how deep they run.”

Yunzhu clutched the quilt, pulling it over her eyes as if to shield herself from his piercing gaze.

Cao Xun continued, his tone unwavering, “I’ve set my sights on becoming a man of honor. If our ruler falters, I will shoulder the weight of the kingdom. Yes, I have my ambitions, but they aren’t rooted in hunger for power. I’ve seen too much blood spilled, too many hard-fought lands lost to the recklessness of unworthy hands. As long as I stand, I won’t let military might fall to those who don’t deserve it.”

Her tears slowed, but she remained quiet, letting his words wash over her.

“And as for the palace,” he added, his voice hardening, “I can turn a blind eye to many things, but I’ll never forgive anyone who dares plot against you.”

Yunzhu’s breath hitched.

“A trusted uncle or a devoted husband,” he said, his gaze heavy, “I can only be one.”

Yunzhu’s heart raced, and though her lips trembled, she finally spoke. “You’ve been an exceptional uncle and a noble husband. He’s the one who’s stirred the chaos in the palace, and now, he faces the consequences of his actions.”

Cao Xun’s expression softened as a faint smile tugged at his lips. His hand slid tenderly over her head, his touch both protective and possessive. “He reaps what he sows, but as a husband, I know I’ve fallen short. I haven’t earned your trust.”

Yunzhu stayed silent, caught in a whirlwind of emotion. She wanted to reassure him, to affirm his worth, but the truth burned: why hadn’t she trusted him before?

At last, the space between them filled with unspoken truths, the weight of deceit melting into nothingness.

After a quiet moment, Yunzhu exhaled and confessed, “Your words sting, but… you’re right. As your wife, I’ve failed you. I’ve been spoiled by a life that taught me to shun discomfort. You’ve been patient, selfless, and giving, while I… I’ve been selfish, expecting you to meet an impossible standard when I couldn’t hold myself to one.”

A soft rumble rose from his chest—Cao Xun was laughing.

Yunzhu bit her lip, her pulse quickening at the sound.

His fingers grazed her hair, his voice dropping to a teasing murmur. “What’s this? Gone quiet already? Are you considering telling me I deserve better, so you can leave me to find some elegant, obedient lady to replace you?”

Her silence betrayed her thoughts.

“Don’t,” he pressed, his tone sharpened by intimacy and command. “Don’t retreat from me. You don’t need to say it—I already know every worry you’ve locked away before you even speak it.”

Yunzhu’s words failed her, the vulnerability of the moment leaving her exposed.

The closeness they’d shared moments ago now felt charged with unease, but she couldn’t pull away—Cao Xun’s hold on her was firm, unyielding.

Finally, she spoke, her voice laced with frustration and desperation. “What do you want from me? You see right through me, and you know what haunts my mind. Keeping up this facade of a marriage—it’s unbearable. Maybe it’s better if we part ways. You could take another wife, someone who would love and care for you the way you deserve. Someone who could give you children without question.”

For the first time, Cao Xun fell silent. His grip didn’t loosen, but the weight of her words lingered between them, heavy and unspoken.

Yunzhu, sharp as ever, met his unease head-on. “The Emperor will face the ruin he’s sown. That’s a truth I’ll defend until my dying breath, no matter who dares challenge me. Even if it costs me everything—my life included—I won’t back down.”

With a fierce, unshakable gaze, she lifted her hand toward the heavens, vowing, “Emperor Qianxing fell by the hands of his own palace servants. If I, Li Yunzhu, falter in my words or silence, I’ll accept the consequences willingly…”

Cao Xun’s finger pressed firmly against her lips, silencing her in a heartbeat. “No, Yunzhu. There’s no need for this. I trust you to keep this between us. No one else—neither my in-laws, your siblings, nor any future children we may share—needs to know.”

The force of his quiet confidence left her speechless.

His voice softened, yet carried a weight she couldn’t ignore. “I know I’ve caused you pain, Yunzhu. I won’t deny that. But I’m committed to making this right.”

“I remember the way you looked at me before I left for Fujian—how unease flickered in your eyes. And still, I waited, because I wanted to see your faith in me, even when everything seemed uncertain. You sought my help, and I would’ve given it without hesitation. That trust you showed—it proves that once this storm passes, we can rebuild what we’ve lost.”

“But,” his voice lowered, “I had no other choice.”

He paused, his words deliberate, like silk winding tightly around her. “Years ago, when I was younger, I might not have understood your struggles. I might’ve been harsher, less forgiving. But I’m no longer that man. At thirty-two, I see things differently. If I didn’t care for you, I could’ve used you—as a pawn to gain favor—or left you to fend for yourself. If you wanted to suffer alone, I could’ve granted that wish and walked away. But I didn’t.”

“I care for you, Yunzhu.”

“And because I care, I cannot let go. Not as your husband, not as the man who vowed to protect you.”

His words weren’t just an attempt to soothe her—they were a declaration. “Don’t waste energy second-guessing my motives or fearing what might happen. When the new emperor takes the throne in Beijing, you’ll remain untouchable as Duke Ningguo’s cherished daughter. Neither you nor your family will face harm. That, I promise.”

For the first time, Yunzhu heard him speak so openly, so extensively. His tone stayed steady, and his touch—trailing gently from her crown to the ends of her hair—was just as disarming as ever.

And yet, it left her shaken. How could such a man exist?

A man who could endure the thought of his wife contemplating betrayal, yet still hold her with such unwavering devotion?

She had once taken pride in her beauty, confident in the power it held. But now, Yunzhu saw clearly—it wasn’t just her allure or her prestigious title that drew men like Cao Shao and Xie Lang to her. For men like Cao Xun and even the young emperor, her beauty wasn’t just a gift—it was a dangerous weapon, one that left her vulnerable to those willing to wield it for their own ends.

Cao Xun's words, though sharp, hit close to the mark. If he hadn’t cared so damn much about her, he wouldn’t have felt the need to lay out his intentions before leaving Beijing. The weight of his silence would’ve left her mind racing, restless with what-ifs and might-have-beens, every slip-up only tightening the danger they both lived with.

Then, as though sensing her tension, Cao Xun spoke again, his voice a little lower this time. "Let’s be real—I’m not going to keep you under my thumb forever."

He took her hand, his fingers brushing against her skin in a way that sent a flicker of heat through her. "If, after two years, I haven’t won your heart, I’ll write you a damn letter of separation. Your choice."

His words were thick with promise, like an invitation she couldn't refuse. He added, his voice teasing, "At twenty-two, you were still that perfect beauty. With your charm, you could’ve had any young man on your arm."

Yunzhu’s lips twisted into a bitter smile. Who could she marry, really? The thought of being tethered to anyone was a hassle she didn’t need. All she wanted was a few years of freedom, to feel alive and unburdened, and when the right man came along—if he ever did—maybe she’d consider settling down. But she wouldn't force it.

"Alright, let’s get up and eat," she said, her tone soft but resolute.

Cao Xun helped her sit up, the blanket wrapping around her like a shield, his chest pressing close to her back, his body radiating heat. His proximity wasn’t just physical; it was palpable, like an electric charge between them, his hand just grazing her waist. He was watching her, hungry for more than just the meal he’d promised.

She didn’t meet his gaze, but she felt the heat of his eyes, the barely contained desire simmering beneath the surface. Their bond was something deep, a secret they shared, something neither could define, but both understood too well.

Yunzhu moved toward the bed, slipping from his touch, but Cao Xun didn’t stop her. Instead, he reached for his discarded undergarment, slipping it back on, all too aware of the tension that clung to the air. Finding her own undergarment was another matter entirely—one piece had ended up at the head of the bed, the other at the foot. She tugged at the quilt with one hand, stretching for it with the other, her body moving in a way that made his pulse quicken.

Suddenly, the soft crackle of the fire filled the room as he lit a lamp, casting a warm glow that painted him in shadows and light. Yunzhu’s eyes darted to the plain-colored coat draped carelessly over his pillow. Without a word, she reached for it, pulling it up around her, the fabric cool against her skin.

She slid back under the covers, struggling a little as she tried to slip into it, the quilt twisting around her, her body flush with the heat of the room. Cao Xun stood at the table, pouring warm water into a cup, his mind undoubtedly on the sweat she’d worked up before settling down. He brought it to her bedside, the intimate gesture not lost on her.

Yunzhu had just finished dressing, her cheeks flushed from the effort, the only thing left exposed being her rosy face—a picture of softness in the cool, quiet air.

Cao Xun's words, though sharp, hit close to the mark. If he hadn’t cared so damn much about her, he wouldn’t have felt the need to lay out his intentions before leaving Beijing. The weight of his silence would’ve left her mind racing, restless with what-ifs and might-have-beens, every slip-up only tightening the danger they both lived with.

Then, as though sensing her tension, Cao Xun spoke again, his voice a little lower this time. "Let’s be real—I’m not going to keep you under my thumb forever."

He took her hand, his fingers brushing against her skin in a way that sent a flicker of heat through her. "If, after two years, I haven’t won your heart, I’ll write you a damn letter of separation. Your choice."

His words were thick with promise, like an invitation she couldn't refuse. He added, his voice teasing, "At twenty-two, you were still that perfect beauty. With your charm, you could’ve had any young man on your arm."

Yunzhu’s lips twisted into a bitter smile. Who could she marry, really? The thought of being tethered to anyone was a hassle she didn’t need. All she wanted was a few years of freedom, to feel alive and unburdened, and when the right man came along—if he ever did—maybe she’d consider settling down. But she wouldn't force it.

"Alright, let’s get up and eat," she said, her tone soft but resolute.

Cao Xun helped her sit up, the blanket wrapping around her like a shield, his chest pressing close to her back, his body radiating heat. His proximity wasn’t just physical; it was palpable, like an electric charge between them, his hand just grazing her waist. He was watching her, hungry for more than just the meal he’d promised.

She didn’t meet his gaze, but she felt the heat of his eyes, the barely contained desire simmering beneath the surface. Their bond was something deep, a secret they shared, something neither could define, but both understood too well.

Yunzhu moved toward the bed, slipping from his touch, but Cao Xun didn’t stop her. Instead, he reached for his discarded undergarment, slipping it back on, all too aware of the tension that clung to the air. Finding her own undergarment was another matter entirely—one piece had ended up at the head of the bed, the other at the foot. She tugged at the quilt with one hand, stretching for it with the other, her body moving in a way that made his pulse quicken.

Suddenly, the soft crackle of the fire filled the room as he lit a lamp, casting a warm glow that painted him in shadows and light. Yunzhu’s eyes darted to the plain-colored coat draped carelessly over his pillow. Without a word, she reached for it, pulling it up around her, the fabric cool against her skin.

She slid back under the covers, struggling a little as she tried to slip into it, the quilt twisting around her, her body flush with the heat of the room. Cao Xun stood at the table, pouring warm water into a cup, his mind undoubtedly on the sweat she’d worked up before settling down. He brought it to her bedside, the intimate gesture not lost on her.

Yunzhu had just finished dressing, her cheeks flushed from the effort, the only thing left exposed being her rosy face—a picture of softness in the cool, quiet air.

Seated comfortably, Cao Xun extended the tea bowl toward her, his fingers steady, his gaze intense.

Yunzhu's throat felt dry, urging her to lean in, her fingers reaching out to grasp the bowl. But just before her touch could meet the porcelain, it was pulled back, leaving her fingers suspended in the air.

His eyes locked onto hers, and in a low, smooth voice, he whispered, "For brother Xian's quick return to Beijing, can I take back the harsh words I said to you... all three times?"

Yunzhu's gaze dropped briefly, calculating. "Wasn't it only twice?"

The first time, with Cao Shao, and the second, with the young emperor.

Cao Xun's lips curled into a faint, knowing smile. "Don't forget the time before we married, when I barely knew you... I said some cruel things then, too."

Yunzhu's focus was sharp. She was no fool; her own survival, and the safety of her family, came first. And Cao Xun had been there when she faced the most dangerous crossroads of her life.

How could she still hold onto any bitterness from those careless words?

With a soft exhale, she took the bowl from him, her fingers brushing his as she did. "Forgotten," she murmured, her voice steady, before lifting the tea to her lips and taking a long, deliberate sip.