BONUS CHAPTER// Elliott's POV- Part 2// "For now Dawson, this is goodbye".
*Get the tissues and sad music ready (seriously!!)*
I sit there looking blankly at the TV; I didn't know what to do with myself anymore. I hated myself. I'd never felt like this before, I thought the pain would just subside in a few days, but no matter what I did there was still a longing ache in my heart.
I brought this upon myself because people make mistakes and that's okay but I was known for being a bad person. And I'd made so many mistakes that that this time I didn't deserve to be forgiven.
I skipped the last few days of school and from what I hear she has too.
Cress.
I heard she was a mess. Not sleeping not eating. And I hated myself that it was my fault.
It was hard having something you cared about so dearly about, snatched away from you so quickly.
But the thing is that I knew I was Elliott Grayson, I could get any girl, I could get Crescent to forgive me in a heartbeat if I really tried.
What I was really conflicted about was the amount of danger I would put Cress in if she was my girl.
On one hand there was Aaron who was threatening the girl I loved the most. I could easily handle him on my own; not caring if I got hurt. But if Crescent was in any sort of danger because of me I don't think I could live any longer.
Then there was me. I was so deeply in love with that brunette that it physically hurt to be around her, if you get me.
I thought about just cutting her out my life, pretend that I didn't love her any longer, and protect her behind the scenes. But I didn't think I could walk past her everyday and have her laughing with another guy.
I wouldn't be able to brush the small curls that usually frame her face, out of the way. She'd never smile at me the way she does.
It's really amazing having someone, that when they look at you their eyes light up and they smile a whole lot bigger. There focus is just on you.
I hear my front door slam shut but I can't even be bothered to look up at who it was. Unless it was Cress. But that was highly unlikely.
The person comes and sits in the single couch that was in diagonal to me. I finally look up trying to keep myself together.
I think I would have been less shocked if it was Crescent sitting in front of me.
He sat there looking at me with his chin in his hand his brown eyes fixed on me.
Ii didn't expect him to even glance at me again let alone be sitting in my house.
"Dan"
"No Elliott let me talk first "
I shut my mouth, Daniel's voice sounded tired. He gets up and takes a step closer to me.
"I didn't think I could forgive you for doing that to her. I knew it be a disaster you and her. Elliott, 14 years that's how long we've been friends, and never once have I seen you show affection to anything. You showed the world you were tough, you showed everyone that you couldn't love"
I look at him with hard eyes; I was already in such a bad state I didn't need my best friend making me feel any worse. I couldn't love why didn't anyone understand me.
"I don't think you can show affection but I know you feel love. Every time anyone of us got ourselves injured it would be you who took care of us. That time when Carter was beat up really badly, you stood in the center of danger just to get justice. And when you wanted to leave the gang, you didn't just fight to get out it for yourself, which would have been a lot easier. You stood up for all of us, though you knew the risk. And it's been a good few months since we all left but Aaron is still making you suffer."
Daniel's glare was really intense that for a second I thought I saw that he was shaking. It was like that moment before you burst in to tear when you're just trying to hold it together.
"Fuck Elliott, I know you can't loose Cress because you lover her, but you can't loose me either. You're my brother."
Never in my life had I seen Daniel get so emotional; I stood, unable to sit down any longer.
"You're really leaving this time, your not going to come back are you. Because you care about my sister so much"
I wanted to say that I didn't know what I was going to do, but I knew at the back of my mind I knew I would give up anything to keep Cress safe.
I shook my head not knowing how to answer him. He never got all emotional and shit.
"It's not like I have a choice anymore" I reply shrugging my shoulders. I was trying to hold it all back; I was going to be strong. It would be easier to say goodbye this way.
"Aaron called me, he threatened Cress" I look at Daniel with a hint of shock. "It's because he's afraid of you"
But what Daniel doesn't realize is I'm not just doing it for Cress, mostly for her but Aaron also threatened Daniel. Both the Dawson's would be a prize for him.
I could protect them. If I left Aaron wouldn't hurt them. He'd swear an oath and if that oath is broken then all hell breaks loose.
I knew Aaron was afraid of me but I didn't really know why. Yes I shot him, but that didn't show anything about me. In actual fact I was a coward I should have shot him directly through the heart but I didn't know if I could handle that kind of blood on my hands. Maybe it was that he thought I could overthrow him. The thing is I wouldn't want to live that kind of life
That's when Daniel's voice cracked ever so slightly "Who's going to help me piss off Miss Jones, or our Maths teacher. We promised we would make our final year of high school living hell for him. Who's going to be there for me when no one else is, who will I hang with"
I finally let it all crash down on me.
I was going to leave them all, Alec who I considered like a little brother, who I always looked out for the most. Aiden, we spent all our years of school pulling pranks on our teachers. Conner, whose family had welcomed me like I was one of their own. Carter who never failed to make me laugh and Daniel. The guy I relied on.
"If I could take back what I did that night I would, I wouldn't have told her. I'm such a fucked up..."
He didn't finish his sentence, because there were actually tears glinting in the corner of his eyes.
It's silent for a moment. The cold winter sunlight shone though the room.
"Fuck it, come here man" Daniel walks up to me and pulls me in to a rough...hug.
I do the same and hold him tightly. I close my eyes because every time I look around the room I remember memories of our childhood in every corner of this house. I feel my eyes are slight damp but I ignore it, it was only Daniel. No one else was going to see me.
It was like we'd shrank back to when we were kids and after we got in a huge argument our parents would make us hug it out.
When we were kids it was so much easier.
"Daniel your such a emotional bastard" I choke out trying to lighten the mood, but I only felt smaller.
He tightens his grip and I do the same and I swear I hear him sniff.
"I thought you'd never forgive me" I honestly tell him.
"Your not just the guy my sister is hopelessly in love with. Don't you forget you're my best friend? And the last time we spent time apart, the time I went to New York. You barged in to my house and screamed the whole place down"
I pull away ever so slightly to raise my eyebrow at him.
"Mate, I don't scream, that sounds so feminine"
"Elliott I don't think you should talk about looking feminine, because right now you look likes a emotionally deranged teenage girl"
"We really did some crazy shit when we were younger" Daniel comments "Like the time, you stole you mom's car, I still don't remember how Cress ended up n the back of the car"
I think I remembered the story a bit different from Daniel; we were very young and I wanted to drive my mom's car around town. So I asked Daniel to come with me, he didn't agree so I spiked his drink.
The reason I wanted to drive around town was because I wanted to show to Cress that I was an amazing guy. Try and show off. So drunk Daniel and me practically kidnapped Cress. It ended up in us crashing the car. I barely got down the road near my house.
"I don't have any idea how Cress got in the car either" I shrug.
"Promise you'll see me before you leave and promise you'll talk to her too" Daniel's face was serious again.
" I promise Dan, have a little faith in me"
Even though I was nodding my head I knew this is the last time I would see Daniel Dawson.
*
"I didn't expect you to come this time, just like you haven't come every other time" There was that sly look on his face. "I was beginning to get impatient"
"You threatened me across the phone, what did you expect me to do" I sigh running a hand through my hair.
I really wasn't in the mood for talking to anyone. I hadn't left the house in a good few days and I wasn't in a good place.
"I'm only here to ask you a simple question Elliott, have you made your decision"
When I first met Aaron, when I was a kid he was my idol, he is 6 years older than me. But I looked up to him. I wanted to be everything he was. Strong, fearless and had power over others.
My mom didn't like me hanging around with him but what could she do, he was from my dad's side family. She couldn't stop me.
When Aaron accepted me in his gang, I was ecstatic. Of course the group has grown since then. I loved having power over other.
Aaron taught the guys and me separately He wanted us to be the best.
He always told me he only 'hurt' people who deserved it. Never anyone innocent.
That was until one day I came in to the warehouse to see him having a young women tied up to a chair and was forcing information out of her in a brutal way.
I immediately ran to her, untied her and let her run for her life. I knew she wouldn't tell anyone she would be too afraid.
That was the first time Aaron got very angry at me and it ended badly for me.
As I got closer to him, I saw him do unimaginably ruthless things.
Up close Aaron was calm always composed but if you look costly you would see that sick devious smirk on his face
"How's the shoulder Aaron?" I give him a sickly sweet smile.
He moves it around slight "Better, better"
"You're the one who taught me to aim that good, directly though the blade, near the soft tissue, makes it more difficult to heal"
"Yes I did, and I can teach you more if you come back"
"You told Cater to tell Daniel about the thing with Cress. I know you did so there is no point in even trying to deny it" I kept my voice low trying to hide all forms of emotion. When instead I was fuming, how dare he interrupt my personal life? I'd know Carter for years and he wouldn't do that by choice, it was obvious Aaron was threatening Carter with something.
"I knew you'd know, they do say great minds think alike" I wanted to slap that smile off his face. If he thought I was ever going back to his fucking gang he was insane.
"You knew the reason I left was because, I finally cared about something. Something I wanted to protect and you wanted to rip her away from me. If I was broken I'd crawl back to you"
"Your always cleverer than you let on Elliott"
"Clever as the devil and twice as pretty"
"Ryan is just as pretty"
Ryan. My jealous half-brother.
I could never kill a soul but I would be proud to go to jail for murdering him. My dad was knocking up some bitch at the same time as my mom and that is the creation of Ryan.
I was always the favorite Grayson and that made Ryan jealous, he always wanted to be me.
When we first left the gang I didn't hear anything form anyone until the night Ryan met Crescent and tried to get it on with her.
That night I walked in to the warehouse and beat the shit out of Ryan. That was my biggest mistake; Aaron realized that I had feelings for a girl.
They kept tabs on her and every moment I wasn't with her I worried about her safety.
Aaron kept threatening me and things escalated to the night I shot him.
"Ryan is willing to be your puppet. I'm not"
That was my answer either it was choose to return to the gang or leave the state.
He genuinely looked surprised.
"You're going to leave, when we can give her protection. We can protect all of you. You belong with us Elliott. You know you have bad blood in you. Our granddad..."
"I know" I tell him sharply.
"All this for a girl Elliott really I thought you were better than falling in love with a girl like that. So innocent. You know she's going to move on, and I feel sorry for you because she might have thought you were the most amazing boy ever. If she could have any guy in the world she still would have picked you. Now you're just going to become another part of her past, a memory more faded everyday. And someday she'll find the one she deserves, and he'll make her the happiest girl in the world"
"I didn't fall in love with Cress, Aaron. I walked into love with her with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every step along the way. I do believe in destiny and fate, but I also believe we create our own destiny. And I choose her: in a hundred lifetimes, in a million worlds, in any version of reality. And once this is all over I'm going to find her and choose her"
I knew he was trying to hurt me, in a disguising and manipulative way, try and force me to stay. I hurt like shards of glass, even the thought.
"Her eyes won't light up anymore when she hears your name. Don't be surprised if the next time you walk past her she won't even glance your way"
He kept talking trying to get a reaction out of me.
"One day you're going to see her holding hands with someone who truly deserved her. She won't even notice you because she'll be too busy laughing at his jokes. And it will burn you in the heart seeing that beautiful smile on her face and you'll realize you're not the reason for it anymore"
I wanted to punch him so hard. I wanted to shot him through the skull but I stood there shaking with rage.
But something was eating at me because of course she would fall in love again. I force myself to push away that thought.
I wasn't asking for too much all I wanted was to be her side. I can't regret being in love with her because how can I regret something I have no control over.
"Hmm I'm going to file your opinions right here between 'fuck this' and 'fuck that'."
"It sucks doesn't it? Feeling your not good enough" He raises an eyebrow at me.
"I've met some pricks in my time but you, my cousin are a fucking cactus" He really was trying to break me.
He was loosing his patience with me I could tell
"Your gaining a enemy you don't want Elliott"
"Wait are we officially enemies now? Good that means I have stood up for something import in my life"
His face-hardens as he realizes this conversation isn't going his way.
"I've already been through hell so give it your best shot. Not only will I survive. I will win" I say confidently
"If you really love this girl, then you will stop this nonsense and come back to the gang"
I cross my arms. "No Aaron I'm not and you leave them all alone. You don't go looking for Cress, you don't go near any of the guys and..."
"Don't change your phone number" Aaron says suddenly. I look at him very confused.
"In 6 months I'll send you a picture of her holding hands with another guy. I still find it funny that you think she really loves you forever. She's all good and your don't have a good bone in your body. Why did she believe her brother? Does she have no faith in you? She didn't want you to kiss her that day and used her lipstick as an excuse. Do you really believe that? Or maybe she didn't want someone seeing you kiss her?
I was trying to block out his words, but they were still there in the air. No Cress loved me.
I was using every ounce of my strength to stop myself form hitting him, I knew that wouldn't be a good idea.
With Cress always felt insecure around her even though I never show it. That maybe she deserved some one better than me, someone who was good.
"Aaron you know I've done something for you. You know because of all that you've done for me"
"What" he asks.
"I've become religious so I can pray for you to burn in hell"
And with that I walk out the room standing tall, trying to show him I wasn't afraid of him.
*
It was my last night in the town I grew up in tonight. I'd said my goodbyes to the guy all except Daniel. I wasn't telling him when I was leaving, because I knew he would force me to see Cress before I left.
Even after everything that's happened. I promise Daniel that together we would explain everything to Cress. But I wasn't going to. I couldn't face her as she looked at me with hatred.
I always had keys to Daniel's house. I don't know why but I just did and he had a pair for mine. That's just the way it is.
I find the key that I knew was Daniel's and use it to unlock the front door. I was only going to see her one last time that was all? Just a glance at the girl I loved and the main reason I was leaving this state.
I hold my breath as I creep in to the house going up the stairs near the front door. The house was so familiar to me all the different memories I have had in it.
I can still almost feel the bump on my head I got after Cress pushed me down the stairs for payback. I smile at myself for the memories.
I walk up the stairs quietly, trying to make as less noise as possible. I knew I didn't really need to be quite. Their mom was out as usual and Daniel slept like the dead.
I stand in front of her door, thinking about whether I should go in or not and if I saw her would I really be able to ever leave.
I gently open it and see her lying there curled in to a ball. Her room was an absolute state, there were empty chocolate wrappers lying around everywhere and also tissues scattered around the room.
Okay I have seen that she's still alive, I should really leave now.
But I couldn't, I take a step forward towards her. The longer I looked at her the more I felt that emptiness in my heart. The more I felt that desperation to be with her. Feel her touch.
I stand still thinking for a moment. I knew I was going to regret this but oh well.
I walk towards her and kneel next to her bed; I can hear her inhale soft breaths as her chest rose and fell.
There were small strands of dark born hair clouding her face. The rim of her closed eyes were slightly red and puffy and I felt a pang inside my chest. It was obvious that she had spent the whole day crying.
She always showed that she was though and independent yet she looked so frail right now.
How could I leave her?
Inside my head I tell myself not to do it, but I want listening to myself anymore.
I gently go on to the bed and it sinks slightly, it was all that muscle I had.
Her eyebrows crease at the moment but then her expression soften again. I lie there with my arm under my head.
Before the argument it was a regular thing that I slept with Cress. Sometimes at night she would just call me up and ask me to come over. I would never say no.
I was about to get up seeing as the longer I stayed the harder it would be to leave until she rolled closer to me. I practically die of a heart attack at that moment.
"Shit!" I thought to myself. It would not be good if she woke up.
She lays her face by the crook and places both her hands on my chest leaning in to me. The heat was radiating off her.
I lift my arm up to wrap it around her and pull her as close as physically possible. Wake her up and beg her to forgive me. We could run away.
As my arm was in midair, I remembered that she isn't mine anymore and she can't be.
Her touch was electric.
"Elliott" She slurred.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Was she dreaming about me?
The way she said my name was like a musical note that rolled off her tongue The feeling of her being so close to me felt so right. I knew it was cliché but we fit together perfectly.
I realize that she was back in to her deep sleep. I bring my hand up to brush the strands of brown hair out her face.
Right now I wanted one glance of her brown eyes, big like a baby barn owl.
I can't help myself as I brush my finger along her cheek. I knew I was going over the board and if I didn't stop now I'd wake her up.
I look at the small freckles below her eyes. They were really seen as she usually covered them up with, what is it mascara? But I loved every single one of them.
Her being so close to me was doing all sorts of thing down there, that I nearly groan in discomfort. I trail my finger down her jaw line.
"I love you" She whispers in her sleep.
I look at her wide eyed and surprised. For some reason I felt so complete when she said that, that my heart swelled. Though she probably didn't even mean it. The person who should love me the most also made me feel the most pain. I already let her go but by coming back here again today I was making the wound in my heart deeper.
I would hold on to her last words.
And with that I use all my strength to pull away from her. I was ready to turn around and walk away.
"Stay"
Her voice sounded like a vulnerable child. It was soft and quiet.
I run both my hands through my hair trying to keep it together.
"I can't Dawson. Maybe we'll meet again, when we're slightly older and ill be right for you and you'll be right for me. For now Dawson, this is goodbye" I whisper.
I knew that even though she was asleep that deep down she could hear me.
I lean down to kiss the top of her head "I love you and always will"
Shit I didn't even realize I was tearing up.
I quickly get out the house, outside it was pouring with rain.
I leave the gates of her house and turn to my left and walk a few steps down.
I lean against the cleanly cut hedge and sink down, feeling warm tears stream down my face. It was okay, it was dark. No one could see me.
Fuck why me? The hurt I felt by leaving her was unimaginable. Didn't I deserve one piece of happiness?
Is this what love felt like and was It really worth it?
The sad thing was I didn't feel anger anymore. I felt damaged on the inside, no one could see it.
*
"Mom stop it, you're embarrassing me. And it's not like I'm moving to Russia or something I'm only a few states away"
My mom was holding a tissue in her hand and she wouldn't stop crying, which was breaking my heart. I was going to be leaving my mom all alone.
My parents were still married but my dad was so focused on his work that it was like he forgot that mom existed. My mom was the one who worked her ass off, and brought me up.
And this is how I repay her, by practically running away.
"Mom I need to go in to the waiting room alone" I tell her keeping my voice quiet.
That's when she pulls me in to a tight hug.
"My baby, I'll miss you and...and don't forget to call me everyday" She tells me like I was a tiny child.
"You know you need to let go" She nods as she finally pulls away. Tears glistening in her eyes. Why was she being so dramatic?
I'd already been through all the airport checks. As I walk down to the waiting room for the plane departure I turn once more to wave at my mom, I turn around quickly unable to bare the sadness she was feeling.
As I sit on the cold metallic chair I let my mind run back to how I didn't have to be part of the gang. How different things would be now.
Maybe I wouldn't have hurt ad many people if I didn't have the influence of the gang? Maybe I wouldn't have slept with so many girls, if I didn't see all the guys going it? No matter what we make our own choices and I made all the wrong ones.
I jump out my train of thought as the flight is called. I walk with the crowd silently. I sit in my assigned seat and look out the window saying my final goodbye to the city.
As the plane begins to set off, I squint my eyes to see the waiting room through the huge glass window.
For a moment I could have sworn I saw Crescent standing they're struggling against Daniel who was holding her.
If it was real and Cress really was there, I would have got off the plane. I would have ran out and held her in my arms. I wouldn't of left.
But I knew I was imagining it because I could have sworn I saw Winter standing there too.
Author note:
HAPPY (late) NEW YEAR!! Wow 2017! Did you know what ever year it is that's the age I am, well for most part of the year?
Well that's the chapters from Elliott's POV over. Do you like Elliott's POV? I think it gives a deeper insight to the story.
This was a more unique chapter as the previous one was more like what you'd already seen in the book just from Elliott's perspective.
So if you don't understand the ending, it's that Elliott thinks Winter and Crescent hate each other so there is no chance they would be at airport together.
Next update will be the weekend, I need to concentrate a bit more on my studies for now and it will be from where it left off at Crescent's POV.