BONUS CHAPTER// Chapter 31//"I deserve no one don't I. I fell in love with a good girl, it even sounds stupid"
ELLIOTT'S POV
I lean against my car watching all the couples roll past me. I glance over them; I used to feel, dare I say jealous of them. Dances were always a way of getting girls for me, every girl I touched, laid eyes upon was nothing but a game to me. For fun.
Except one.
I glance at my phone waiting for her; I gently tap on my car impatiently. She could come in her dressing gown for all I care; all I want is her to be here more than anything, that without her I feel an unrecognizable aching pain inside me.
I don't know where she came from, almost like an angel that fell from the sky to tempt me. Looking back at my young childhood I remember her only playing a small part in it though she was always around. It wasn't until the day I cut her teddy bear that she slapped me across the face that I realized she was the prettiest girl I'd ever seen. I know it's twisted.
I look down at the suit she picked for me and feel a soft smile tug at my lips as I remember her forcing me to buy it. She also picked out a tie that matched her dress, but she won't even give me a hint as to what her dress looks like.
So I told her to come nude, of course, she slapped me when I said that.
My auburn-haired, brown-eyed, extremely short girl, with a fiery personality. I adore her.
There are things I'm keeping hidden from her. I will tell her soon and I'll explain it all to her because she is the one. But I'll let her enjoy tonight because isn't that what girls love; dance. Well, I think they do.
It was the other night when she was over at my house and she was wearing my t-shirt, which looked more like a dress on her, but for some reason it was a huge turn on to see her in my clothes.
I wanted her to keep it because the way it sculpted to her body and the thought of her sleeping in my clothes made her feel like she was mine.
Every time she moved her hips or even the slightest movement made my pants feel tighter. I know I shouldn't be having the ideas that run through my head but god I couldn't help it.
Even when she did her homework the way she tapped her pen against her lips and all I wanted to do was throw her on the bed...and I think you get the picture.
It scares me, the feelings I have for her and the extent of them. I'd have waited every day for the rest of my life for. her to fall in love with me.
That's when I see Daniel's car pull up. Daniel Dawson without whom I'd have never met Crescent. Daniel is in a way my rock, the person who I go to when things are wrong. The person who I rely on.
I'm walking towards the car to open the door for her, act like a gentleman. I know she will push me away and I will pull her back towards me and kiss her until her mouth no longer knows how to ask for more.
Instead I see Crescent practically running out the car in a pair of killer heels, her dress flying behind her.
She only has her gaze set on one thing. Me.
I've never been the best of people; usually I take my anger out on those who care about me. I don't know what I did to deserve her.
"Fuck Dawson you look..." I begin.
She practically falls into me and I catch her small frame. I don't usually smile, there is usually nothing to smile about but whenever I see Crescent I can't help it.
Whenever a girl previously came near me, their touch meant nothing. But this girl makes electricity coarse through me.
"You're in a bit of a rush I didn't even get a chance to check you out"
She's holding on to me as she walks quite fast. "I might have got some makeup on Daniel's car'" I look down at her flawless face. I don't care how she looks, what I care about is her personality, as cliche as it sounds. The way she doesn't take shit from anyone.
"I've never seen anything more beautiful than you my love"
She does a full turn to look at me when the words slip out my mouth, but I can't look at her I'm too embarrassed.
"Why the dangerous look though," I ask as we enter the building.
"I just liked it" She shrugs.
"I just can't get over how good you look"
As I help her up the stairs into the main building she gives me a dazzling smile. I would compliment her like this every 10 seconds if I was to see that smile each time. Crescent stops and I lean down to press my lips against hers.
But instead my lips touch her cheek; I pull away and give her an odd look. I don't think a girl has ever denied my kiss before.
"Not the lips" She scorns me. "They match my shoes"
I want to kiss her so badly. I want to smudge the colour off her lips. I want her so bad.
Why does she have to try so hard to look good, I'm barely able to stand up straight every time I look at her. Actually, I want to do her in any cupboard in this hotel, but I respect wishes, that she wants to wait.
"I'll never understand girls" I sigh.
We make it to the top of the fancy staircase and everyone down below looks at us. All the guys give me jealous glares and for a second I want to stick my tongue out at all of them because Crescent is mine and no one else can have her.
Unlucky fucker, better luck next time boys.
"Crescent why are you even wearing heels?" I laugh at her. She glares at me.
"Because you're so tall and I can never reach you" She huffs out like she's blaming me. It's not my fault that my girl is so small.
What she doesn't realize is that I love wrapping her legs around my waist and pushing her up against a wall.
I really have to stop thinking about this at least for now.
When we finally reach the flat floor I laugh at her again as she fixes her dress and blows her hair out her face.
I put my hand out to Crescent "So Miss Crescent Bay Dawson can I have a dance?"
She brings her hand to her face and tapped it against her sparkly check in thought. She wasn't seriously thinking about my question?
"Well if you must insist Mr. Grayson but I must tell you, I can barely dance in flats let alone killer heels. I might send you and me to the hospital"
I cock my eyebrow at her and run a hand through my hair as I pull her along with me.
"I guess that's a risk worth taking then" Her face always lights up whenever I said anything like that. Like it matters so much to her.
"Miss Bay Dawson, I'm must tell you again, how ravishing you look in that dress" I wink at her. She rolls her eyes like she couldn't care less but I can tell she's thinking all kinds of dirty thoughts. I move my hand down to the lower part of her back.
The effect my touch has on her is incredible and I love using it against her.
I bring my other hand up to tuck a small stand of dark brown hair behind her ear.
"You know if there is one thing I love most about you Cress it's your hair. It looks boring old dark brown but when you look closer, you see the small strands of honey brown running through your hair" I explain to her.
"Your quite observant today Elliott" She laughs at me nervously.
"I'm just saying, I never want you to change your hair" I reply.
"I would never dream of changing I" She smiles showing off her small pearly teeth.
I remember back to the way she used to look at Conner like he was the greatest human ever. She didn't realize that I liked her, all she cared about was him.
It was easier to hate her than feel pain every time she flirted with Conner. He could make her smile and all I could do was make her cry.
And that Conner could have her so easily while Cress and I have the most complex relationship
Growing up Crescent made me feel like a failure. The only thing I wanted was for her to look at me the way she looked at him. And finally, I have her.
"You know usually by now I would have spiked the punch and probably drank half of it, it would only have been a matter of moments before I was kicked out" I tell her trying to make that smile turn in to a laugh.
"What am I supposed to say to that, good boy and pat you on the head" She mocks me.
"I'm just saying, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but you've changed me, changed the way I think, the way I look at things now. Before nothing mattered, everything was a joke. If I hurt everyone around me it was okay, I didn't care. It feels weird to care, like if something bad happens it actually hurts me on the inside. Do you get that feeling?" I tell her pouring my heart out. No one really knows me that well, Daniel has gotten close to me but there are still secrets between us.
"It's nice to know you can finally feel your heart Grayson" She laughs leaning her head on to my chest. God she can probably feel my heart beating so fast right now.
I never feel nervous around people, but with Crescent, it's like the closest person to me makes me feel the most nervous.
"How about I explain it to you"
"Go ahead," She tells me like she knows what I'm going to say. I don't think she's going to expect this.
"You give me a boner, but not like a dick boner. A boner in my heart and I feel it grow every time I look at you. You give me a affection erection"
Well, she was definitely already giving me one kind of erection.
She looks at me completely dumbfounded for a moment and she begins to snort with laughter in the most unladylike fashion. God, I loved her.
Never would I have known that, that was the last time I'd make cress laugh. The last time I would hold her. The last time she would be mine.
When I see Daniel walk down the stairs, I instantly know he was filled with rage. I watch him carefully as he comes towards us, I knew something was seriously wrong.
Daniel stands in front of me and I was going to ask him what was wrong until he pushed me back. It was when I see Crescent fall in her heels that I take a step forward to catch her but Daniel was holding me back.
When I see Crescent fall it was like I was falling with her and then I see the sight of her arm filled with blood, at that moment I could have killed Daniel for hurting her.
Daniel throws a punch out on nowhere at me, I stagger back slightly. But I didn't feel it, all I wanted was to bend down and help Cress up.
Crescent looks like she was going to be sick as she shouts Daniel's name. Her sweet voice was hoarse and unsteady.
Daniel, my best friend, looks at me in pure rage. I know immediately that something really bad has happened.
It can't be worse than the time I shot my own cousin.
"How dare you?" Daniel spits at me. I don't respond to him trying to work out why he was so annoyed at me. Daniel leans forward at me against but this time I was ready to avoid his hit. What I wasn't prepared for was Crescent to stand in front of me, as if she felt the need to protect me.
I found that adorable even at this moment in time that she thought she could save me from her brother who was twice the size of her.
"Crescent, get away from him" Daniel tells her off. I didn't like the way he was talking to her at all but I keep my mouth shut not wanting to aggravate him more.
"Daniel calm down, your being silly..." I could hear the confusion in her voice. She was scared as to why her brother was this angry.
"This would never have happened if you didn't fall for him" He takes her by the shoulder to push her away again. I couldn't take it any longer he has no right to touch her like that.
"Don't touch her" My voice was as sharp as a shard of frozen ice. Everyone around us was quite and the atmosphere was intense. I didn't care who it was but no one and I mean no one treated my Crescent like that.
"Carter told me"
Oh shit.
I was speechless the impact of the realization on me broke me.
I stand there not knowing what to do with myself. If Daniel knew and he told Crescent it was all over. I could loose her.
But I can't loose her, I can't. I worked so hard for her to be mine. It felt like the warmth Crescent put in me when she was around me was gone, I felt empty again.
I told him last night it was over the bet was over. That I didn't care about anyone else only Crescent.
Daniel was looking at me carefully but I let it slip, I knew my expression was making him think that his suspicions were right.
I dare look over at Crescent's face and I feel my heart drop. Already she looked like she as trying to hold it together but I could tell she was scared. The way she was tightly gripping on to her bleeding arm unintentionally making it bleed more. She was looking at Daniel with steady eyes.
"Dan, don't do it" I didn't realize the words had even left my mouth until I see everyone look at me. He could hit me, he could break me but for the love of god he doesn't need to break her heart.
"What else am I supposed to do Elliott, you swore there were no tricks?"
He was right; I swore there was nothing behind my love for Crescent. It was a stupid bet but it had nothing to do with the intense mouth of love I felt for Cress.
I had so much on my mind with Aaron and his threat that I didn't have time to think about one pointless bet. Looks like that that was coming back to haunt me
"Daniel, that's not how I feel. I beg you not for me but for her sake, you'll break her. Your sister."
"You came to me, when I was angry with you and you promised you loved her with your heart. I believed you."
I remember that night I stood on the rain begging him to let me be with his sister, that I would never love anything like the way I loved her. I let Daniel put all his trust in me and I let him down.
I let everyone down.
"If there's one person I have trusted more than anyone it's you Elliott, I've always been there for you. When we were kids if one of us made a mistake we both took the blame. I would do anything for you, because you're like a brother to me. Every mistake you've made, I forget get it but not the time Elliott, I can't forgive you"
Daniel couldn't physically make me fell any worse about myself.
"Just fucking tell me what happened" Her voice was angry but I felt the undertone of pain. She was looking me directly in the eyes. She doesn't think what I did was that bad. She still has some trust in me. I was going to break her, the only think that I ever loved. I'd loose her as well and I would have nothing left.
"Only if you answer one question with complete honestly" Daniel tells her.
"Are you a virgin?" Her brows crease in confusion. I realize Crescent was tightly clutching on her necklace, her knuckles were white.
"Yes, yes I am" Daniel looks satisfied with her answer.
There was nothing I could do to stop what he was going to say next, it was Cress's reaction to his words that were tearing me apart.
"Elliott swore to me he would never hurt you in this relationship, never break your heart yet the only way he could win the bet was by breaking your heart "
There it was it was out there, the idiot I used to be. But I was different now.
But I was Elliott Grayson the boy who was known for being some sort of player. What people don't realize is that I have feelings to, I'm not emotionless.
"I don't get it," Her voice was so innocent. It hadn't hit her yet, the reality "Elliott wouldn't hurt me again not like he used to "
Oh cress I have hurt you a thousand times more.
I wanted to be the one to run to her and wrap my arms securely around her, for her to cry in to my chest. But I couldn't comfort her if I was the one who was breaking her heart.
"Cress, Elliott doesn't love you, heck how could anyone believe that he can feel love. Carter and him made a bet over the first one to make you fall in love and break your heart wins"
People think it's easy being the school's playerboy, but it wasn't. All I really ever wanted was to settle down with a girl and that girl had to be Crescent because she was the only person who actually understood me that I wasn't a bad person.
"Cress your relationship isn't based off caring for each other. It's based on a game"
"It wasn't based off a game" The voice was obviously Carter's. I turn to see him walking down the stairs. I instantly knew Daniel had beat him up.
"You told him" I felt betrayal from the boy who had been my friend for a countless number of years.
I felt like I should be blaming him but instead all I felt was self-hatred. I was disgusted with myself
"Her name was Tiffany, she's 2 years older than us. We met her at a Party, and we both wanted her, she said only one of us could get with her at the end of summer. You were at the wrong moment at the wrong time Crescent. So Elliott said the first one to break your heart in the next few months would have, Tiffany. See you'd done something to annoy Elliott that day, so he wanted to take the ultimate revenge."
It was a drunken bet. That's all it was. In a way it was the bet that gave me motivation to try and patch things up with Cress, really it had nothing to do with how I felt. But no one was going to understand that because everyone views me as a bad person.
Even Crescent, who looked over all my mistakes, she was looking at me with hatred and I don't think anything could hurt more than that.
"He's telling the truth isn't he?" Her voice was gentle. It was as though things have come together in her head.
I wanted it to be only the two of us in the room, so I could beg her to take me back, apologies until I couldn't breathe any longer.
"Cress you have to understand, it was a game at first, it was always a game with us. We hated each other and I didn't think it was possible to fall..." The words were pouring out my heart. I wanted to explain everything to her.
"Don't you dare call me Cress"
My words stop as I look at her angry gaze. I was taken aback by her tone.
God I'm such a fuck up. I'm such a fucking idiot.
"Our relationship is based of lies..." She tilts her head. I felt like she was teasing me. Like she knew I loved her but she was going to drag this out.
"Not lies Cress, how can I lie to a face like..." But she cuts me off again.
"You know what's really sad" I didn't want to listen to her anymore because her words were daggers to my heart. Everything in my mind was messed up right now and I couldn't think straight at all. All I felt was anger building up inside me for everyone in the world.
"Is that this is something I would expect from you, it's just so Elliott"
Oh Crescent you don't realize that every word that comes out your mouth right now will just make me in to a shittier person. The more she hurts me the more distant I'll become.
"When you said you fell for me at the ice skating competition I believed you in a heartbeat because I was in love with you. How could I think you like me? I'm an ugly girl, with boring brown hair, an ex-cheerleader " No she was the most gorgeous girl I had ever laid eyes upon and I hated it that I saw her like that. But I couldn't help it.
"Cress don't say that, you're more than that. It began as a game now I can't describe how I feel about you. I can barely understand it myself."
I take a step towards her. I knew that if she just let me touch her it would make the both of us calm down but she instantly takes a step back like she's disgusted by me. I just stand there dumbfound. I can't really be loosing her.
"Stop lying to me Elliott, I can't take it anymore" And then I see where eyes fill up with tear, her usually shining brown eyes were glassy with hurt.
It hurt so fucking bad that she wasn't going to believe me and it was killing me.
"Stop trying to win, because you have you've broken my heart. So go run after the girl, go fuck her"
She may as well have hit me with a glass, or shot me with a gun because it would have hurt a lot less. I couldn't believe that after all the care id shown to her that she would think I would go after another girl. Even the though disgusted me.
I hated that she didn't believe me
"Just shut up Crescent, do you not understand how much I really hate you" My anger shining through. I knew it wasn't her fault but I needed her more than I needed oxygen to breathe, she was the only thing holding me together.
"I hate the way you smile, I hate the way you look at me with those brown eyes of yours, I hate the way you forgive me for every mistake I make and most of all I hate myself for always ruining things when it comes to you"
The anger inside me was burning. At this moment in time I wanted to kill Daniel and Carter. I hated my best friend. And Crescent I didn't know what I felt for her anymore.
I stand there at this intense moment looking in to her brown eyes which were also red from harsh tears about to spill form them. Her hair had fallen apart and was lying in loose curls over her shoulder. If I looked closely at her and she was trembling.
I loved her, that's what I felt for her. I loved her so god damn much, that I would give her anything and everything.
"Cress give me second chance and I'll make things right" I plead with her, the strain in my voice even suprises me.
I knew this was ruining who I was, what people pictured me as being. But I was nothing without Crescent. And at this very moment I would give everything up to go back in time.
Her eyes looked all around my face, but I knew that look in her eyes, they were unforgivable.
Girls always say they felt butterflies or was it dolphins, I didn't even know which, and you'd think a guy could never feel that kind of thing. Well I felt like there were flipping whales swimming through me whenever Crescent was around.
She raises her arm and I see the cut on it, she puts her hand behind her neck. I wanted to shake my head at her. Beg her to stop this.
She holds it in the air, colors reflecting of it. It was beautiful just like she was. It was a boring old piece of metal but when it was held to light it let of so many color and reflections. Just like her, a plain girl with brown hair but inside her she was an angry ball of a fire, with a amazing heart.
It felt like just being around her made me a better person than I could ever make myself be.
"Elliott there are no second chances, because you can never fix a broken heart"
And she throws it in my direction with so much fury, so much hate. There were no second chances...
"Then go Crescent, leave right now and never look back. I was already messed up and you can't fix that. You can't make me a better person Cress."
If couldn't have her then I would break her so no one else could have my Dawson either. Because I am selfish and I am a bad person. I run a hand through my hair trying to get it out my face. She tilts her head ever so slightly and gives me a sad look.
"Your right, I can't stick to one girl, because that's who I am I like to fuck around and break hearts. I am what they call a 'playerboy' I'm delusional aren't I that I think I can get a good girl, I deserve no one don't I. I fell in love with a good girl, it even sounds stupid"
Since I was 15 years old I knew I wanted Crescent more than anything else, before that I thought it was a crush I would get over. Every time she walked past me I would laugh a little harder at a non-existent joke, just for her to glance in my direction.
In class I would answer a question wrong, or drop something just so she would laugh. Everyone else laughed too but it was Crescent's reaction that I only cared about.
For ages I felt there was something wrong with me, none of my other friends had actual feeling for girls. And I was consumed with emotions toward a short girl with natural brown curls.
I exit my thoughts to look at Cress's shattered face, her eyes were glassy, then I see it slip down her cheek, she brushes it away before anyone else can see the tear that fell from her eye.
"Don't cry Cress, please Dawson don't cry" I felt vulnerable. That Crescent was in control of my emotions right now, that every ache she felt n her heart, I also felt.
She takes a step forward, and for a brief moment I thought she was going to be the bigger one between the two of us and run in to my arms.
Suddenly she backs away like she was making a mistake, and she backs out the room stumbling over her dress, before she has a chance to face the exit door I see her face crumple and the tears spill.
Silence. That's all there was but as the silence drags on I feel the anger build up inside me. I shift slightly to the left to face Daniel.
He was my best friend, my brother, the guy I relied on, and the person I turned to. And he just shattered my life.
"I thought we were like brothers" I ask him. He gives me a hard glare not saying anything. Since we were kids we never go in arguments. Ever. Until Crescent came in to the picture.
I know why Daniel was s protective of her, he had secrets he never wanted her to know of and their family life wasn't the best. He just didn't want her to go through anything difficult. We all made mistakes that we regret now.
"You shouldn't have done it Elliott" His voice was emotionless that mad me more angry towards him and that's why I lunge for him. There was no way Daniel was expectation that and when my fist hits his jaw you hear a sickening crack. He staggers back slightly.
'Your angry because, I let out the truth about you Elliott' He shouts at me.
"Daniel you fucked things up, she's never going to take me back now, you've taken her away from me..." I shout louder at him.
I quieten my voice "...I love her"
But Daniel shakes his head and says aloud what everyone is thinking in their head
"Elliott you don't know how to love"
I literally lose my shit at that moment and flip over to the table containing all the food and drinks. I hear the loud crash of glass breaking. I feel hands on my shoulders trying to hold me back but I harshly push them off me.
I knew it was Conner and Alec trying to hold me back before I seriously harmed someone or even myself.
"I'm going to kill you Daniel" I shout at him.
Eventually I'm dragged outside. It had begun to rain but I didn't care I just stood there letting the cold rain soak me. I knew I shouldn't hang around that I should go to my car but I also knew it was in no mental state to be driving.
I walk in the darkness for a bit, walking down random roads, I was tying to get away form my thoughts but it was impossible. I eventually lean against a brightly lit lamppost. I pull out my pack of cigarettes and a lighter. I swore to Cress I would stop but what did it matter.
I feel a pressure lift off me as I lift it to my lips and let out the smoke.
I felt like such a fuck up. I tried to block the thought out my head before I did something that I would regret. I had to calm down.
I turn to the lamppost and hit my fist against it, and for some reason the pan felt so good like I was concentrating on my hand that I couldn't think of anything else but only for a brief moment
How could it be like that, if I genuinely loved her than why did this happen? Cant people keep to their own fucking business.
Was I really going to just stand here and let the girl of my dreams slip out my grasp? No I was better than that and I throw the cigarette aside and walk back to the hotel
The car park was nearly empty when I eventually get back to the hall. So it was obvious that I ruined the Summer dance. It was so stupid its not like I even wanted to go to that shitty dance anyway.
I walk in through a random door slamming the back of it against a wall; I walk around not even attempting to find the main hall. I pass countless corridors until I walk past one and see someone inside. I was about to walk in and ask for directions until I see who it was.
I stand there unmoving for a second until I couldn't take the sight any longer, turn to the wall.
I lean against it, the sight door through the door of her crying was pulling my heart apart.
Big boys don't cry.
But I couldn't help it; I never let myself feel this kind of emotion. I grip on to hair trying to think rationally. But it was too late for that I had just made the biggest mistake.
I have done so many things wrong in my life; I have fucked over so many people. I have so many enemies. I have hurt those around me that ever tried to care.
I don't think I could meet anyone that compares to her. No matter what they say or do they couldn't catch my attention the ways she can. When I talk to other girls, I think about how there no where near as good as her.
I walk back down the corridor my thoughts spinning. Why would Carter tell, I knew he was starting to develop feeling for but I knew deep down Carter would never do it to me.
There must be something else a bigger reason.
I realize that I was in the big hall that surprised me. I look around and it looked haunted. There were balloons lying around and the table was standing back up but there was still a mess on the floor.
I walk around wondering how things could change n such a short period of time. Everything was perfect and Cress was the one.
I looked won at the ground and I see a piece of metal lying on the floor, I bend down to pick it up and glance at it while it's in my fingertips.
It was her necklace. The necklace I gave her. Every time she wore it I felt proud that she was my girl, that she cared about me enough to wear it. Not anymore.
They say your first love is the person you compare everyone to, but maybe they've got it wrong. Maybe the person you compare your first love to isn't your first love, but your true love. Your soulmate.
I feel something buzzing in my back pocket; I take my phone and look at the screen. Great as if my day couldn't get any worse. It was him.
Aaron.
Author note:
MERRY CHRISTMAS OF 2016. I love you all x
So Elliott's pov that kinda deep.
I probably won't update till New Year, where I will update the second chapter from Elliott's prov and man its gonna be sad. And its gonna be hella long.
Also I'm sorry it's so long, 6000 words; just so much to put in. Also I hope it isn't too much of a disappointment.