Chapter 31: ──twenty eight

twenty eight

"WE WERE ALWAYS MEANT TO SAY GOODBYE, weren't we?" Regulus' voice is hoarse, thick with the words he forced himself to swallow.

Maxwell smiled sadly, his eyes are warm, one that Regulus had gotten so used to. They're always warm, inviting, determined. He nodded.

"Yeah. I think so."

"I love you," Regulus admits, hands clutching his wand so tightly that his fist was turning white. "I love you so much."

Maxwell stepped forward till there were mere inches between them. With eyes shut tight, he planted a kiss on his lover's forehead. "I know, I know. I love you too."

"Don't make me do this, please," Regulus begs, tears freely falling to his cheeks.

The older boy smiled sadly again as if he had no other choice. Regulus knew then that Maxwell had accepted it, accepted his death as if it was his fate. "Ironic isn't it? How hope keeps us breathing just to kill us in the end? I have no hope left in me, Reg. I'm done, but you're not. You have to keep going."

Slowly, Maxwell's hand covers Regulus'. Slowly, he lifted the wand till it's pointed exactly where his heart is. Slowly, he whispered the words "I love you."

Regulus couldn't control his sobs then as it rocked his body. "Please, Max, please don't make me do this."

"It has to be done, Reg."

"Golden child, lion boy," Regulus whispered between sobs and Maxwell's lips lifts up to a smile. "Tell me what it's like to conquer."

"Fearless child, broken boy," Maxwell replies, his voice just as soft. "Tell me what it's like to burn."

And very slowly, with his eyes never leaving the younger boy's and his hand tightly holding onto his, he muttered the words.

"Avada kedavra."

Regulus woke up in cold sweat, his chest heaving and his whole body shaking.

He rubbed at his teary eyes, glancing at the clock to see that it was only ten minutes past two am.

He allowed himself a moment to calm himself, breathing in and out. He shut his eyes tight, leaning on his headboard for support as he forced himself to focus on the loud beating of his heart against his ears.

It took more than a moment, of course. Regulus learned early on in life that his own personal demons were damn near impossible to chase away especially under the light of the moon with nothing but the company of his thoughts.

But eventually, he calmed down enough to pull himself from the fetal position he had somehow found himself in. Knowing there was no way he would be able to go back to sleep, Regulus let out a sigh before pulling the covers off, not letting his eyes wander to the wand that rest on his nightstand, the same wand that had killed his old lover.

Grief was a horrible thing. It claws at you from the inside, feeding at you like a living thing till there's nothing left but the rot.

But Regulus now knows nothing but grief. It's become his one companion in life, making sure to choke him at every second of everyday. Grief is a rope tied to his neck, never relenting no matter how hard he tugs at it.

But grief, he's learned, is also really just love. It's all the love you want to give but cannot till all of that unspent love gathers at the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hallow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.

And Regulus loved Maxwell with all the love the world had to offer. He loved him and his pale, long fingers tangled in Regulus' hair, running down his spine. Him and his lips against Regulus' neck, his jaw, his chin. And in the empty walls they often found themselves in, religion shifts and turns and blurs. His mouth had been Regulus' confessional, his name Regulus' prayer, and they sin, again and again and again and the devil had never seemed so holy.

Regulus pulled the handle of his trunk, rummaging to the bottom till his fingers touched the brim of the half spent bottle. Without hesitation, he pulled it out, not minding the clothes that had fallen to the floor as he walked back to his bed, popping open the bottle and chugging it, ignoring the burn in his throat all the way to his stomach.

If there's one more thing Regulus Black had learned in this cruel world, it was that vodka is definitely better than firewhiskey. It numbs your brain enough to push away the pain without completely leaving you senseless.

Vodka is definitely easier to swallow than the fact that he wasn't coming back.

⋅•⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅•⋅

ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CASTLE, Olivia Kinsley laid on her bed, her thoughts running a thousand miles per hour as he anxiety rose with each ticking of the clock.

It's the full moon which meant that James is not by her side holding her as he usually is. Instead he's somewhere out there running on four legs, teeth clashing against a werewolf's.

Olivia would never tell him to stop helping his best friend no matter how tempting it felt. No matter the anxiety that's bubbling in her head, she would patiently wait for him each month, ready to tend to his wounds and kiss every inch of his sore skin.

But perhaps it's a blessing in disguise that James was not with her right now as her mind ran through things more than her incessant worry, things he would so easily be able to read on her face. Things she could not, for the life of her with all the trust and love she felt for the man, share with him.

Olivia truly did not understand why she feels so terrified to tell James. She knew her lover like the back of her hand and she knew he would support her through it, comfort her whenever she needed and wipe her tears in moments of weakness, but for some reason unknown to her, she could not bear the thought of sharing her burden with him.

Or perhaps it has something to do with the fact that this is the last thing truly connecting her to Maxwell. In some sick, twisted way, she feels as if their souls were once again merging as one, like even for a sliver of a moment, he's there with her, guiding her.

Or maybe it has more to do with the fear in Regulus' eyes and Olivia can't help but start to wonder for the reason on why Maxwell had kept it from her. Was it truly that bad? Did she want James to know if it was? Whatever the reason, no matter how many times she tried, the words could not escape her lips.

Olivia knew she should be sleeping considering she is carrying children in her womb, but sleep invades her that night, instead her eyes are trained on the agonizingly slow ticking of the clock.

Her body craves James. She had spent nights after nights by his side, their skin always touching and she realized just how dependent she had become that she couldn't bloody sleep without him.

Not that she cared that much. Olivia loves being loved. She adores being taken care of and being spoiled with attention, but most of all, she loves the smile on his face as she whispers those three little words.

She glanced out the window to see the full moon still shining brightly and she can't help but reach for the cold, empty side of her bed as she slips to dreamland.

But it felt as if she was being shook awake as soon as her eyes shut.

"What do you want?" Olivia groaned, knowing just from the simple touch that it wasn't James.

"Olivia," Sirius' shaky voice called. "Olivia, James is in the hospital wing."

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IT WAS THE LIGHT THAT woke him up. That and the aching in his bones.

James groaned as he tried to move his arms but realized that a weight was on them. Forcing his eyes to adjust to the blinding light, he found Olivia asleep on his side, hands tightly holding onto his and face scrunched up in discomfort.

"Baby," he called softly, his free reaching over to softly cuff her cheek. "Wake up, mon amore."

Olivia's eyes stars to flutter and James watched in amusement as confusion covered her face before realizing where she is.

Seeing James' smiling face seems to have sobered her up as she instantly hit his arm, face flushing with anger. "You bloody git!"

"Ouch ouch!" He shifted to try and escape her assault. "Baby, love, mon amore, the love of my life, my one true love, please stop."

Olivia stops but her glare didn't relent. "Don't you baby me. You scared me half to death!"

James' face softens as he saw the anxiety in her eyes and he suddenly felt guilty for worrying her. He moved to give her space and opened his arms for her. "Hey, I'm okay now, alright?"

Olivia hesitated before finally crawling next to him, practically straddling him as he wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. "Don't do that again."

James ignored the ache her weight brought as he pulled them both down so they're laying on his bed. "I'm sorry."

Olivia frowned, wanting to continue being mad at him but unable to resist the sincerity in his eyes. "What happened anyway?"

James let out a sigh as if he didn't want to think about it. "Apparently Snape was snooping and Sirius bloody told him to go to the shrieking shack. He met Remus and well, I couldn't really let him die no matter how much of a git he is."

"Why would Sirius do that?"

James frowned and Olivia can see the underlying anger in his eyes. "I don't know, but what he did was wrong. He put us in danger, put Moony in danger."

Olivia reached out to cares the wrinkle out of his face, giving him a soft smile. "You'll talk it out."

"I just don't understand why Snape has to be such a git. I thought we've grown out of the childish rivalry."

"Well," Olivia started. "Snape's an arsehole but so were you, James. You bullied him for years, made his life hell. He's bound to hate you guys."

James frowned again, but this time in regret. "Yeah, I really was a dick, but I changed. I'm trying to be more mature and responsible. Do you think I should talk to him? Try to fix things?"

"You can try," she says. "But I'm not sure he's willing to just forgive and forget."

James let out a sigh as he pulled her closer and planting a kiss on her forehead. "You seem tired."

"I was woken up in the middle of the night because my stupid boyfriend, the father of my children, faced a fucking werewolf alone," she says, still a little bit mad.

"I'm sorry, baby," he tells her again as he pulled her closer. "Let's not talk about Sirius and Snape now. How about we rest first?"

Olivia released a sigh of relief as his scent enveloped her and she found herself taking a deep breath as the erratic beating of her heart finally calmed down.

"I love you," she told him softly, feeling the lull of sleep overtake her.

"I love you too," was the last thing she heard.

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"DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH PEOPLE LIKE ME. I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments and kiss you in every beautiful place so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth," he read softly, hand holding the book and the other playing with the dark locks of his lover's hair. "I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible and when I leave, you will finally understand why storms are named after people."

Regulus tore his gaze away from the soft lull of the lake. He took one last drag of his cigarette, letting the vapor burn his lungs before letting it drop to the ground and crashing it with his shoes.

His eyes glanced to the tree near the lake and if he closes his eyes, he can almost imagine himself sitting their with his back against the tree trunk and Maxwell's hair tickling his neck.

He was right. Maxwell had kissed him in beautiful places and now Regulus can never go back without remembering his lips on his skin.

Maxwell was no storm, though. He was a fucking catastrophe. He wears the smell of blood and death like a perfume. There's fire in his eyes and ice in his veins, but Regulus loved him anyway for Maxwell Kinsley was a star burning with a light of a thousand suns.

He takes a deep breath of the fresh air, knowing what has to be done. Maxwell had died for this and Olivia must continue it.

With his eyes close, he imagine himself against the tree trunk with Maxwell's head on his shoulders and he softly whispered the words to the wind;

"Golden child, lion boy, tell me what it's like to conquer."

"Fearless child, broken boy, tell me what it's like to burn."

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Here's to the shit that's about

to go down in the next chapter.

I was going to put it here but

I figured Olivia and James

deserved one more day to be

stupidly in love before I put

them through shit.

Please vote and don't forget

to tell me what you think!