Kristal Anderson
Dreadful and mind-numbing.
Those were the two words that I would to describe the last two weeks. And even those felt like understatements.
My mental health had taken a turn for the worst and days had started to blend into one blurring the lines between dream and reality. Once again I felt like I was going crazy inside my own head.
What made it worst was the fact that I knew exactly what the root cause of it all wasâ or better yet who the root cause wasâ and what hurt the most was knowing that I had the power to make it all better. But I couldn't do it.
The incident that happened two weeks ago was a wake up call, it made me rethink everything, all of my decisions and the path I was going down. I was jeopardizing my relationship with Aunt Jenna because of a manâ a man that made me feel alive again after I had been spiralling down a dark hole for three months, but a man nonethelessâ that I had only known for a little while.
As much as every cell in my body craved that euphoric high I got whenever I was around him, I had to push that all aside and do what was right. So I cut him off.
Because no matter what, I would always choose Aunt Jenna over anyone else. That was least I could do after all she'd done for me.
So I cut him off for good. . . today marked two weeks since I'd last seen him, spoken to him and it only made me realize how depended of him I had become.
Making that decision wasn't an easy thing but it had to be done, I had to do what was right.
That night I laid in Aunt Jenna's arms stiff as a board as guilt and fear consumed me. Her words circled my mind, slowly eating away at my desire to live a life where I could have both of them. I knew I had to choose; my relationship with the woman who had become like a second mother to me or a thrilling escapades with a man who would probably get bored of me in no time.
So after laying with her until I heard the light snores leaving her lips, a telling sign that she was in a deep state of slumber. We took that as the perfect opportunity to get him out. I reached for my phone and texted him, telling him that she was asleep.
I managed to slide out of her arms without waking her. I tiptoed to my bedroom door to make it easier for him to leave. I glanced back at my bed just in time to catch her turning in her sleep, I stood there frozen like a statue to scared to even breath until she settled back into sleep.
Letting out the breath that I was holding in, I tiptoed over to my wardrobe opening the door as slow as I could to minimize any sudden noise and there be was; stuffed between my clothes. Under different circumstances I would have been laughing my ass off at the sight of such a large man stuffed in my wardrobe, but I managed to keep my composure.
I motioned for him to follow me before turning back to check on Aunt Jenna and thankfully nothing I'd done so far had woken her up. I felt like a huge bolder was lifted off my shoulders the moment we were out of my bedroom.
I walked ahead of him guiding us down the stairs towards the front door. Aside from the light thud of our steps, silence filled the air that was thick with unspoken tension. The silence cemented my decision, so I cherished it knowing that this was probably going to be the last time I'd be in his presence.
When we reached the front door I unlocked it and opened it. I stood with my hand on the door as he took a step outside but instead of just leavingâ which would have made my decision seem a little more reasonableâ he turned back to face me.
"You okay?" He asked, he could tell that something had changed.
I met his eyes taking a moment to take in his features up close, memorizing every little detail, "I'm okay," I reassured him with a small nod, "just been a long night," I wasn't technically lying but I wasn't being entirely honest either.He stared at me studying me, dissecting me under his intense scrutiny, I had to look away. I swallowed hard wondering if he could see right through me, "y-you should probably go," I added still not meeting his eyes.
He studied me a little longer before nodding, "Goodnight, Kris,"
"Goodnight, Aiden."
That was all two weeks ago. Since then I'd been avoiding him; only opening my curtains at times that I knew he'd be at work, keeping my phone off to avoiding the temptation of opening his texts, ignoring the light that he flashed into my window late at night to get my attention.
I've nearly given in multiple times but just picturing the look on Aunt Jenna's face when she talked about the state of our relationship was enough to reel me back in. It was for the best, no matter how much it was eating at me.
The only good thing that had happened this week was the arrival of Thea; my better half. Her arrival caught me by surprise but it all I needed.
It was Monday afternoon and I had been rotting away in bed the entire morning, I laid curled up into a ball facing the wall too deep in my spiral of thoughts to get up and eat.
When I heard my doorknob turn, I was convinced that it was Aunt Jenna once again with a tray of food that I knew I wasn't going to eat, "Aunt Jenna, I'm still not hungry," I said, my eyes glued to the wall.
I got nothing in response aside from light footsteps that sounded like someone was tiptoeing closer to my bed. As always my brain jumped to conclusions and I couldn't help but think of the worst case scenario.
I shot up into a sitting position ready to be met by something out of my nightmares but instead my best friend in the whole wide world stood right before me with the brightest smile on her face, "Damnit, I was trying to scare you," She giggled, that same playful aura surrounded her and lit every room she was in.
I don't think I'd ever moved so quickly, I sprung out of bed faster than you could blink, "Thea!" I rushed toward her, embracing her in a tight hug.
We hugged for what felt like hours, I hadn't realized how much I needed it, her presence, her embrace. I poured everything into that hug; all the pain, all the frustration and fear that consumed me. She held me right through it, just like she always did.
Being in her presence instantly put me in a better mood, it was all I needed to get me out of that spiral I was free falling into. I finally got out of my PJs and we made our way downstairs to have lunch with Aunt Jenna.
We talked and laughed and ate and in that moment I could always pretend like we were back in school, having lunch at my house after school before going out to play in the backyard.
If only times were as simple.
But I still found a way to cherish it with everything I had in me, moments like that were good for you soul, it was healing and fuck did I desperately need it.
After lunch, Aunt Jenna excused herself over to the living room to watch a reality show that she had been watching. We took that as our sign to head up to my room for a much needed talk.
We sat in my bed cross-legged facing each other, "So tell me what's going on, trouble in paradise?" She asked, her head tilted to the side slightly. She could read me like a book.
I chuckled lightly shaking my head, "There is no trouble in paradise, we were just good friends and now it's over and that's that on that," My gaze averted down to my lap as I played with my fingers to tease my nerves.
"Just good friends huh, cause when I walked in here you looked like the personification of a tragic break-up," She gave me a sad smile, "remember that you don't ever have to lie to me; you were starting to like him,"
I met her eyes but quickly forced them back down, "Maybe a little," I mumbled, "but that doesn't matter cause I would never risk my relationship with Aunt Jenna like that,"
"Well why can't you gave both?"
"That's not possible T, not under these circumstances." I looked back up at her, "Aunt Jenna is already under so much stressed trying keeping me safe from my father. She would freak out if she found out that I was bringing a stranger into my life at a time where she has made it extra that I can't trust anyone. It would just be another thing for her to have to worry about and I just. . . I can't do that to her,"
She reached over and placed her hand over my fidgeting ones giving them a firm squeeze, "That's a real shame Kris," She frowned, "I loved seeing you so excited about someone, I loved seeing that sparkle in your eyes when you talked about him,"
Sliding my right hand from under hers, I placed it on top of her and now I was the one giving her a reassuring squeeze, "I know,"
"That sucks extra hard cause he even passed my test," I furrowed my eye brows in confusion so she continued, "after the ball you told me his last name and I may or may not have taken it upon myself to do a background check on him," My eyes widen and I opened my mouth ready to tell her off but she quickly interrupted, "don't even start, I had to. You're my best friend, I needed to make sure that you weren't getting involved with a weirdo, or a wanted serial killer or a criminal but don't you worry cause he's squeaky clean. I even found his Instagram and holy fuck you weren't kidding when you said he was hot,"
I knew I shouldn't have. I knew it too well. Yet I did it anyway, I allowed her to show me his Instagram which was arguably the worst decision I could have made as someone trying to forget of Aiden Vasilakis' existence.
His page consisted of photos of him in full motorcycle gear most of which he had the helmet over his head, a few nature shots, and very few photos with his face in them.
For the past three days I'd been using my laptop to look through his page like the biggest stalker in the world but I couldn't help it, it brought me much needed relief through distractions. I enjoyed coming up with stories in my head for every photo on his page. The amount of time I'd been spending on this man's page was something I'd be taking to the grave, no one needed to know.
It was now Thursday evening, I laid in bed itching to go on my laptop and look through his page again. I'd spent the last thirty minutes trying to convince myself that it was a horrible idea, that this would only make things worst.
But once again. . . I did it anyway.
The butterflies that fluttered in my stomach when I saw that he'd made a new post was honestly embarrassing.
The new photo was black and white; a woman with a bright smile and a baby boy in her arms. The butterflies quickly died down and a heaviness filled my chest as my eyes moved towards the caption.
An angel on earth. Rest easy.
Ah someone hand me the
tissues:( poor Aiden
Thanks for sticking around for another chapter my loves<33
Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it<3
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