I wish you were here
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Derek POV
Suit up, bows and cuff links.
Grayson, my hairdresser, the one that Rachel is so eager to meet for her vanity purposes, managed to fix my hair, and everything else concerning my physical image.
The White House is hosting the biggest event of the year, Christmas and of course, my birthday.
It would be an especially lonely winter this year without Rachel, not that I have spent the last forty-five year with her. She haven't expressed her interest in joining this event.
'Thank you, Grayson.' I said to him from the reflection of the mirror. 'Anyway, I've got a friend who is interested in having you to fix her hair, what do you think?' I ask in the favor of my girl.
'It depends of my schedule, really, I am not boasting.' Grayson let out a soft laugh, I can see the Christmas joy has infected his mood. 'I mean, it's kind of your fault that I am this busy now.' Grayson made a joke.
'Sure you are not joining us for the ball?' I ask as a matter of politeness.
'I promised my boyfriend I would be celebrating with him, and thanks to you, we are getting married next year.' He smile.
'That's wonderful, congratulations!' I pad his shoulder.
'That was unexpected, totally, you changed our life.'
Grayson left shortly afterwards, I unplug my phone from the charger. A warm gloating feeling flows inside my body, seeing the changes I have made for the people in my country came out positive, I know I was doing the right thing.
'Merry Christmas.' I answered the phone from Rachel.
'Are you getting ready for the ball?' Rachel ask in a relax tone.
'Yes.' I wanted to ask her if she will be coming tonight, but I promise her that I would let her decide, thus, she would already be telling me what dress she plans to buy and flaunting how much money her daddy have given her, so she can afford gowns from famous designer that I only know a few. Only if, she would be attending tonight.
'What are you doing tonight?' I asked.
'I am currently laying on my sofa, bra-less, wearing comfy socks and chilling with Netflix.'
'Bra-less? Is that an attempt of seduction?'
'Sort of.' She laugh.
'I wish you were here.' My voice was filled with sadness.
She was silent over that side. 'I was-'
'Mr. President, the guest will arrive in a while, and the First Lady is here.' Gerry, the White House butler announced. I nodded with appreciation and put the phone back to my ear.
'Sorry, that was uncalled for, what did you said again?' I managed to reply Rachel swiftly.
'Nothing, I was just saying you should probably go.'
'Yeah, I'll call you again later?'
'You better.' She warns with a playful tone.
I hang up the phone, knowing tonight would be a long night. I look at the mirror one last time, adjusting the bow tie and head down to the East Room.
Grace was fond of events, she took care of many meticulous details of the party throughout the years in my Presidency. It reminds me of those days where I attend her talks in the university, her walking around to ensure even the vase were facing neatly according to where she deem fit.
Those time when we were dating, I would wait for her to finish her seminar, walk to a nearby convenient store and get some hot dogs as late dinner. Those were the time. I enjoy exchanging political ideas with her, talking about any issues of the state, she is a smart woman with big vision.
'Derek.' She calls me, which brought my thoughts back. She just stood there, clasping her hands together, looking at me with puzzlement.
'Grace.' I called her.
Grace's exquisite taste in almost all the fine things in life, made her a perfectionist. Grayson was introduced to our team by her, and it has certainly boost my image a lot. She wear a satin dark blue gown with intricate detail of tiny snowflakes thats makes it a wonderful compliment to her dress.
For many years, I have stop observing her closely, but ever since my relationship with Rachel begin, pounds of guilt has been acting deep inside me. I owe her, I choose to let her thrive the wave alone.
I believe Grace wanted to say something, but she holds back, instead of initiating a talk with me, she left, her footsteps reflects her intolerance towards me.
'Grace.' I called again, raising my voice a little to let her know that I really need to talk to her.
'So, you wanted to talk now?' She sounded miffed as he folds her arms, acting all impatient.
'Yes. I wanted to talk.' Honestly, I don't know how many staff in this house knows about the reality between us.
'You can't and you will never change my mind about divorcing with you.' She was stern, yet her eyes shows otherwise. Grace let her eyes flow to vase of red carnation that acts as the centre piece. Behind her stubborn nature, I have saw her weak moments. This is exactly her weak moment, when it is between the two of us.
'I don't know, Grace.' I shrugged, took a few step back and lean on the chair behind me. I slouched, tugged my hands inside my pocket. 'There is no point arguing about the past anymore, I believe I owed you an apology, for this.' I look up at her with a reposed face.
Grace shut her eyes, surged in a deep breathe of air.
'You know, all these years, we fight together. I was cold towards you on a personal term, yet, you know me best, you know what I needed to get to where I am today. For that, I owe you.' I was being candid with her, to say I wasn't struggling between my wife and my lover, that is a lie.
A man can have many reason to have affair. Some call it a mistake every man would make. I allowed myself to sink into that mistake, taking Grace for nothing, giving her no respect as my wife. I dragged Rachel inside this circle of misery, and yet I can't find a way to assure her, or rather assure myself that she won't leave.
'Stop it, Derek.' Grace pleaded, sniffing and rubbing her tears in a gentle way. 'When I went for the abortion, I was crying, while I know I have no right to cry. I can't even look at the tiny little body that was taken out of my body, because I know it would haunt me for life. I wasn't ready to be a mother, I will never be a good one because being a mother has never been my plan. People say it's normal to have a baby after you got married, but I never want to be normal, I want to be great, and that means being focus. I focus on you. I focus on us.'
I remained silent. Our eyes still exchange glances. The woman I have loved before, I never stood in her shoe, thinking in her point of view.
'You know getting back together again like we used to be is entire impossible now, you do realized that, don't you, Grace?'
She folded her arms, sulking her lips, not a word came out from her mouth.
'This is about the baby, this have been all about the baby, isn't it, Derek? I did told you before that I wasn't ready, and you, YOU know it, and yet.' She scoffed, 'you killed our baby, Derek, not me.'
I pursed my lips, reflecting all the years that have been through, a decade ago, she was the perfect woman for me, her intellectual skill, her ability, her vision, all the positive thing about her blinded me. I was blinded by my dream. I should have put her in my team, instead of ruining both our lives. But, a soft tiny little voice inside me told me that Grace wanted me for other motive as well, we benefited each other, the truth beneath silent us.
'I'm sure as hell even if we happened to have children, it's not going to salvage our marriage.' Grace finally spoke, her words are raw, packed with hurtful feels she harbor all these years. 'Greed and dream, they don't make you love a person, they makes you hurt them. You were so ambitious and smart, when you wanted to enter politics career, I knew I needed a ticket to go with you, and that ticket is marriage.'
I nodded. 'This is much better than those expensive counseling we had over the years isn't it?' I peered up at her, looking at how much change she had over the decades.
She agreed. 'But that doesn't mean I forgive you for whatever you did and don't expect me to accept your mistress. That is the last thing I will agree.'
'So, we are still entangled in this marriage?'
'I am not going to risk your, no, it should be my career, we'll talk about it if we secured your second term.'
'Fair enough.' I walk upfront, proffered a hand to Grace.
She notched up a brow, glanced at me once and she decides to shake it. 'Deal?'
'Deal.'
A/N
By the way, if you haven't know about this, Justin Trudeau's birthday is exactly on 25 December, Christmas day.
Anyway, I am writing this story from my phone, so, it is expected to have minor typos and grammatical errors.
I am dedicating this chapter to ClaireBearStory !! Thank you for your support! Please check out her story as well!