Austin narrowed those similar eyes right back at me. "That was supposed to be yours. Mom and dad meant to give it to you."
"You knew?" I asked in disbelief.
"I remember when they made it. They never got to painting it, and..." And she died. He didn't have to finish his sentence.
"Okay, so?"
"Where the hell did you find it?" Chris barged into our conversation.
I perked up, excited to be explaining how I found it. "The attic." I grinned.
They looked at each other in confusion. "What?"
"I swear, it's amazing. It has all of your stuff and my stuff and even their stuff. Even mom's stuff. I found it boxed up there, in terrible condition. It was cracked and broken and just so old." I smiled proudly. "So I fixed it."
Austin's narrowed eyes turned cautious for some pointless reason, and I heard as the party witness our absence, probably wondering what happened. I tried not to think about Charlie. Or how freaking awkward it was that he was with Claire. Or how awkward it was that he was there in the first place. "And... That was really the one they made?"
I let out a breath. "Follow me." I said, leading them through the crowded house filled with adults who were related to Janette, Austin's wife. There were some children, some that looked like cousins to Lily and Janette. But no one else from our side of the family. Everyone already knew why.
I walked to the dollhouse that everyone stood around, staring at it. I was so proud, and so giddy for some weird reason. I had a feeling it was because Lily and I suddenly had some kind of bond, or connection. I never really payed her much attention, I never really went over there period, but I was so happy then to have her suddenly love me. Just that beautiful look she gave me when she saw me, her eyes lit up, her sweet face smiled brightly. I just wanted to squeeze her, she was so cute. It was like I had never really looked at her before then.
I lifted the slightly heavy dollhouse up high and looked at Austin first. "Read the bottom." I told him, and he sent me a funny look. "Hurry up, this is heavy."
He ducked, being pretty tall, and I watched as his eyes scanned the bottom of the house. His eyes filled with something that looked like longing. Something I hadn't seen in so long, and he seemed so... So sad for a second. He seemed to stare at it, as if reading it over and over again. I cleared my throat and he flinched, apologizing quietly and lifting it for me. My arms dropped to my sides and Bailey and Chris took turns reading it, seeming to have the same reaction as Austin. When he set it down I watched as Janette looked at him in confusion, and a few others did so, too. I felt that man's glare as well.
Austin stared into nothing for a while, then turned to me, suddenly wrapping his arms around me tightly in a strong embrace. A hug. Austin never showed much affection to me, ever, and I could tell Janette and some others knew he wasn't usually so affectionate, and it grew a tad bit quieter. I hugged his waist and pat his back. It was strange and I knew he needed it. Austin, of all four of us, was the closest to our mother. He remembered her the most.
When he pulled back from me he looked at the dollhouse. "Let's talk outside." He said, seeming to sound almost mad.
I followed him along with Bailey and Chris and we went in the backyard, sitting on his wife's garden bench and Austin stood. "Why are you giving it away?" He snapped.
"Giving it away?"
"Mom obviously wanted you to keep it, Diana."
I scoffed, and ended up having a small and loud coughing attack. "What am I going to do with a dollhouse?"
"Did you not read it?" Bailey added in. "She said she wanted you to give it to your daughter."
The thought of having a child brought uncomfortable goosebumps to me, and I wondered if they knew about Andy. Obviously, they didn't, because they either would have called me or done something not too similar to what Mr. Grant did when he barged into my house demanding answers. Remembering that made me shiver in sorrow.
Going back to the conversation with my stupid brothers I rolled my eyes. "She also said she wanted to hold my daughter, but she can't exactly do that, can she?" I didn't mean for the pain to slip out. I was never open like that to my brothers, and I knew Chris and I were suddenly getting a bit closer as well. And that was because of his work and my help. And boring silences.
Austin seemed to have a sympathetic look now, a softened look that caused him to sigh. "I'm sorry," He said, surprising me more. I hadn't heard an apology come from anyone other than myself in what seemed like so long. To make things even more interesting, it was from Austin. The glamorous doctor. "Just... I want to know why you don't keep it."
"Honestly, Austin, can you see me with a child?"
They all shifted uncomfortably and I rolled my eyes once more. "See? It would just be pointless." I said in honesty. I didn't see myself having a child. If I did, I'd probably never ask Andy to marry that woman. It was all fine in the end. I guess. They weren't even married yet, but I had to let go of any inside hope. Hope?
I asked myself why I needed it. I did it to myself, and I wasn't sure how many times I'd have to remind myself of that.
After our talk, I stood and Bailey gave me a strong hug as well. "Are you sure you want to just give it away?" He asked.
"Yeah, Jannette won't mind. It was mom's after all..." Austin said in fascination, Chris now hugging me and then we walked to the sliding door to enter the house again.
"It's fine, Austin. I swear. I won't have any use for it anyway." I said as we walked in and then I remembered the picture of the six of us, standing in front of that same house. My dad with his arms around Chris and Bailey, him giving my mother a kiss on the cheek. My mom with her arm around Austin and holding me at her hip, her cheek pressed to mine in a smile. Everyone was smiling, happy and wide grins, squinted eyes, my mother's incredibly shiny hair. I looked about four. It was a beautiful picture. "I have something to show you guys!" I squealed in excitement, and they suddenly laughed.
"Wow, Diana. You sure do seem happy."
I let out a long and content sigh. "I sure do feel happy, too." I turned to privately lift the skirt of my dress and pulled out the slightly faded Polaroid picture of all of us. I looked at it for a second, then turned to hand it to Chris.
He snatched it immediately, turning towards the party that was his source of light to get a better look at it. He moved it closer to his face and whispered, "Oh my god..." Then Bailey leaned over his shoulder to look, also.
Bailey reached for it and took it in his own hands, admiring it lovingly. He smiled softly at it, as if barely remembering it.
Then Austin took it last. having the other two guys crowd either side of him to look at it. They looked in fascination. Austin suddenly laughed. He laughed loud and happily, and I realized I was the only one who didn't remember it. It actually made me a little sad.
Austin turned around and lifted me in a big brotherly hug. He suddenly seemed too happy and looked over to the crowd. "James!" He called. "Chance! Get over here, guys!" He said happily after setting me down.
I accidentally flushed, seeing Claire and Charlie awkwardly walked towards us. Well, Claire looked completely poised and beautiful, it was just uncomfortable Charlie who walked over with that beautiful blonde at his side. It was weird, how we both made sudden eye contact. She shot me a sweet smile and I couldn't help but return it.
"What's with you?" James asked my brother, reaching an arm out to hug me in greeting. "How are you, Diana?" He asked, turning to closely see me.
"Good, you?"
"Same. You look beautiful, by the way." He said with that signature grin of his. I missed James, too. It was like me missing all brothers. And James was the kindest one. The closest one, the one who actually payed me many compliments. It was that part for me. I had enough of the fatherly over-protection, and James made up for them with the fatherly-compliments.
"Thanks." I smiled, and Austin held out the photo to show it to James, whose eyes narrowed in disbelief, then he let go of me and grabbed the photo.
He looked at all four of us. "No way." He said, a goofy grin on his face. Then he looked at me. "You were even cute as a little baby." He poked my nose teasingly and I ignored him, watching as Austin threw an arm around Bailey randomly, then called for Jannette to go over to join us.
James showed Charlie. "Who found this?" James asked.
"Diana did. Did you know we have an attic up there?" Bailey said in amusement.
James chuckled. "An attic?"
"Is that where you got that terrible cough?" Austin asked me.
"I'm fine, doctor." I joked, suddenly letting out a sneeze. "Sorry." I muttered, suddenly coughing again.
"How much dust was down there?" He asked with slight worry as I cleared my throat.
I did the math. "Well no one had been up there in..." I thought hard. "Fourteen- fifteen years?" I shrugged. "What do you think,"
Austin groaned. "You know, you can make the stupidest decisions sometimes."
I tried to hold back the uncomfortable cough that begged to break through, and was painfully reminded of me literally making bad decisions. They weren't exactly bad, but they caused a lot of people pain. For example, having a relationship with my teacher who also happened to be a good friend of my brothers. And then being with another guy at the same time, and giving them both up for beautiful and successful woman.
"So you did to him what you did to me?"
I hated how it almost seemed as if he pitied Andy. I hated that he seemed to relate to him, and it was like they had something in common. They were turned away by me. Turned away... That was the best description I could think of without making me feel worse about myself. I was happy in that moment, I refused to ruin it with a couple of recent memories and uncomfortable current moments.
I tried to pretend he wasn't there.
"It all turns out right in the end." I said in honesty, seriously refraining from saying the phrase: it's for the best. Because my calculus teacher wanted to kill me. I think. I was pretty sure.
"I guess so." Chris agreed as Jannette came by, taking the picture and fawning over it.
In the middle of it, we heard a sweet baby voice call, "Ana? Ana?"
Austin looked at me expectantly.
"What?" I asked cluelessly.
"She's calling for you."
I suddenly blushed, realizing he was right and excused myself quietly, walking over to the princess who sat on the floor, playing, sucking on her lip and staring at the dollhouse She looked up, big blue eyes meeting mine and squealing cutely.
"Hi Lily." I said, sitting beside her.
"Hi." She said.
"What are you doing?" I asked, seeing as she stood and walked over to the dollhouse in front of her.
"Thank you." She said, looking back at me sweetly.
I smiled back, not knowing what to do when she came to me and gave me tight hug. I sat there frozen for a second. I wasn't ever one who was good with babies. I didn't even know any babies, and I honestly didn't know much about my niece. I didn't even go to either of my brothers' weddings.
I really am a heartless bitch.
I finally found my senses and hugged her back, hearing familiar voice greet me from behind. I looked up, trying to remember that name, because I knew the face. That attractive face. He was nice and all, but too annoying for my liking.
Jannette's cousin, Brock. That's what it was.
I had met him a few times. He was in his early twenties, similar light brown hair to his cousin's. He was nice like Jannette, but he was just really annoying and really persistent. I knew how long my brother's wife had been trying to set us two up secretly behind Austin's back. I went on one date, I remember, with Brock. He was nice, a mediocre gentleman, bought me dinner. But I could tell it was too clingy. He was too nice and too... Just annoying.
"I feel like it's been ages." He said, looking down at me, and I felt the luck of sitting down and having an excuse not to get up and hug him. He really liked hugs.
"Yeah, it has... been...-" I cursed myself for making eye contact with Jannette and having her leave the group of men and Claire to head over to me. Austin's brows furrowed in suspicion, and I didn't bother to spare anyone else a glance. I felt that man's glare just by looking in his direction.
I internally told myself how screwed I was when she came by, calling Lily who looked up from my arms. "Commere' baby." She said, and Lily hesitated, looking at me with those wide eyes before going to her mother. I stood up and sent the woman and glare and she only winked at me. "I'll leave you both to it."
She just thought it was hilarious how I didn't want to see her stupid and annoying cousin while he hovered next to me like Sky Rodgers, the head of the dance committee. Jannette just always said she had this feeling when the two of us were in the same room. I'd accuse her of being insane.
I walked over to the drink table and tried my best to be nice, like always. He didn't shut up. "So how's school?"
"Good, how's work?" I asked, aware he was a comedy writer for some magazine. Sure he made some good money, but he was annoying and it didn't attract me to him the slightest bit.
He grinned, his pretty face looking like a model's should. I really wanted him to leave me alone. "It's really good, actually. I was made editter and chief." He said proudly, and I nodded in true awe, really impressed.
"That's awesome, congrats." I said, trying to casually stir around the cliche punch bowl as he took a beer and drank casually. He offered some to me. "No thanks." I said politely.
"Such a good girl." He chuckled in creepy admiration.
I turned away and groaned to myself, looking back at him and not yet noticing how Charlie and Claire were standing right behind him, drinking and talking. I don't know how I didn't even feel it, but I'm an idiot when I'm panicky and uncomfortable.
I didn't even pay much attention to what we were talking about, I just stood there and waited for myself to think of an excuse to get him away from me. He somehow ended up asking me on a date. I wasn't really responding fully, until I realized what he asked and woke up. "Oh! Your house." I said in realization. "No, I'm actually busy then." I said.
He chuckled. "I didn't even say when."
God that wasn't smooth at all. I kept insulting myself.
"Right." I said flatly.
"So-"
Then I thought I was saved by an angel.
"Brock, I need some help," I heard someone ask. I didn't really notice who, but it didn't matter.
He held up a finger to say hold on and looked at me. "Sorry, I-"
"Now, Brock." The woman said again, and I was pretty sure it was his sister.
He continued to ignore her and spoke to me, "Yeah, it'll be fun, we can hang out, maybe drink some wine." Then he shook his head. "Or soda, since you're such a good girl." I rubbed my head. "Maybe watch a movie."
"Yeah, that sounds nice and all, but-"
"Oh, I completely forgot, I don't even have your number," He said, reaching in his pocket. "So?" He asked, holding out his phone to me.
I stared at it in exhaustion. "I don't think that's a good idea." I said, not being blunt enough.
"Come on, please? I think you're-"
"Don't you have somewhere to be," I heard a dark growl come from behind Brock and almost flinched at the familiarity of that deep voice. That same voice that tried to teach calculus. I wasn't even sure if he tried anymore.
But that wasn't important at the moment. He had been standing directly behind Brock, and turned to scare him off, sending him a powerful glare that I didn't want directed at me. It was a different kind of glare, though. It was a look of power, of dominance, a look of... God I hated thinking about the word possession. No, that was wrong. But that's what it was.
After Brock turned to meet Charlie's hard and cold eyes, he awkwardly scurried off, leaving me to gape for a split second and then learn to pick up my feet. I resisted the feeling when those eyes met mine, giving me the usual glare. The worst part about it was as I tore my eyes from his, I took a glance at Claire. Who was looking at Charlie with almost a sad and worried expression. So sad. I hated how it was a look of longing and one that was offended almost. I had never seen her wear those eyes before. She was sweet, she was happy.
When I turned to walk away I realized I had one more gift, then I would be out. I knew it made me look strangely mysterious or rude or busy at how I showed up really late and left extremely early, but I just needed to have my bed, my couch.
I slipped off my heels and ran to Austin's truck and got the painting out, coming back and handing it to Jannette. She smiled at me thankfully. "I should get going. Where's Austin?"
"Aw, but we have dinner coming soon."
"I know, but I'm really not feeling well. I am an idiot for going up that attic." I said with a stupid chuckle that morphed into a cough.
"I'm sorry." She said kindly. "Austin is sitting down with Lily by that gorgeous dollhouse." She smiled, and gave me a quick hug, saying her goodbyes.
"Audie," I called, seeing him look up at me from the floor with that similar look of curiosity. I enjoyed seeing him as a brother, and not just as a man who was related to me. "I need my keys, I'm leaving."
He stood up and gave me a worried look. "Is it your cough? I heard you all the way from here." He said, crossing his arms.
"I'll be fine, I'm just gonna head home."
"But you just got here." He said with something small that sounded like disappointment. It was quite unusual coming from him.
"I know, and I'm sorry," There's another damn apology. "But I should really go back."
He gave me a nod and handed me my keys as I gave him back his. "Thanks for coming." He said before I left, the look of genuine thanks on those soft blue eyes.
Before heading out the door I heard my brother call me, "Diana! Your picture," Austin said, holding it out for me.
I had my heels in my hand and just gave him a bright smile. "Keep it, I've got plenty at home."
I felt so proud saying it, and I know he was too.
...
I was in the house alone, for the first time in a long time feeling almost not completely broken and lonely. Sure, I was incredibly lonesome in the beginning as well; it was just more difficult when I was once... not so lonely. It was hard when I lost someone.
It was a cold day in March, but I didn't wear a jacket, instead focused on the cool air and the ability to still feel something. The numbness was driving me insane, and I was beginning to wonder if it was because I switched to the emotionless whore mode and stopped my crying. I couldn't remember the last time I actually had let out tears, but it didn't matter. I didn't want to care.
As long as I still felt the air, I was okay.
It was my favorite time of day. The sun was rising, and gently touched my face as the air blew by, giving me goosebumps. It almost felt like fall. Fall, my favorite time of year, my birthday season, just the warm feeling of it made me so comfortable.
I watched outside as the mailman slipped envelopes into the mailbox. It was almost like I was waiting. Waiting, when I had no idea.
I didn't see it coming when I went inside and dropped the mail on the bar, not even bothering to thumb through it. I played my cello.
Something I hadn't done in so long.
I felt so beautiful. The windows open, the morning sun bringing light into my white house, causing the light orange and blue reflections. My posture hurt, but I felt so nostalgic. My dad loved to hear me play, he said his mother used to play and he'd always describe how he'd close his eyes and let the music take him away.
Such a cheesy man.
I was taking a break, noticing for the first time those curly letters, simple and small. My Diana.
My heart quickened.
I tried to torture myself and open it slowly, but I couldn't and just ripped it open, reading the note over and over again.
When getting used to letters from a certain person, you get used to seeing letters and commas and lack of apostrophes. That's why as soon as I opened it, the first thing that stood out to me was March 31st.