Chapter 49: Last Goodbye

I screamed.

... will be there March 31st. I won't leave you ever again...

I sprinted up the stairs for my phone and called Bailey as soon as I could, since he was the first person I thought of.

He answered almost immediately. "You're on speaker." Was the first thing he said, sounding a little serious and distracted. For a second I thought he was working, but in the background heard as Chris spoke to Claire and Austin ask who was on the phone. Bailey cursed out the name Chance and I realized he was playing video games. I heard as he paused it.

I couldn't contain my excitement, and for the first time in a long time, Charlie's presence didn't affect me all that much. Nothing would ruin my mood that day. I screamed again, just feeling so good with the breeze picking up and twirling outside. The sun felt amazing.

"What the hell-" Bailey began, but my laugh cut him off.

"You know there's something called being overly happy, right?" James' voice came from the back.

"Yeah, it's called drugs." That was Tyler's voice.

But I wasn't paying attention.

"He's coming!" I screamed. "He's coming, Bails, he's coming!!" I screamed so loud, the birds joined me.

"What?" Austin's voice said, suddenly attentive and stern.

"Dad!" I laughed. "Oh Audie, I got his letter today. He's coming at the end of March."

It was almost silent from the other line, and I waited with a big stupid grin on my face for them to speak.

Chris broke the short silence. "Really?" It was almost a whisper.

I squealed again, remembering the last time I felt close to as good as that was with Charlie. When I finished his book shelf. He was just as happy.

The feeling of my father coming back felt twice as good. "Yes! Guys...-." I slowed down and suddenly skin felt on fire. The good kind of on fire. The letter, oh god he's not leaving me this time! "For good! We have him back for good!"

"What did he say??" Bailey asked eagerly.

"He said he was never going to leave me. He said he would be back to stay." I laughed, "I'm so happy." and suddenly I heard as my brothers turn into teenage partiers on the other line.

I didn't know what to expect, but I wasn't disappointed when I heard their shouting and whooping and laughter. There were a couple thumps and I knew they were probably tackling each other like animals.

"I can't believe it!" Austin shouted, and it took a while for them to calm down.

I was sitting on the ground, in the walkway to my front door and took in the beautiful colors of the sky and closed my eyes, listening to the music the birds fed me.

"What's that noise?" I think it was Tyler.

"Birds." I answered.

"You're outside?"

"It's a beautiful day." I sighed out, so relaxed and content. I could fall asleep like that.

"Are you sure she's not on something?" Tyler asked, sounding a bit muffled.

No one answered him, instead the guys spoke of my dad and I faintly heard as James said something to Charlie about the video game. It was quite easy to direct my attention elsewhere.

"Diana, come over." Austin said on the other line. He welcomed me kindly, and I felt Austin change into the kind and brotherly brother I once had. "We're at Chris' apartment."

I wanted to. But I wanted to be alone. I had to mentally prepare. I had to get the house ready for him. "Thanks, but I'll just stay at the house. I'll see you guys later." I said, about to hang up.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, have fun!"

"Why are you hanging up?" James caught me.

"I've got things to do," I chuckled. "Bye bye." I hung up and layed down on the stone concrete, reaching from the walkway to the grass and feeling the cold greens between my fingers. Oh happiness was a great thing.

...

I sat in calculus, finishing my classwork quicker than anyone else had. I got it now. Mr. Joseph with great with that, and he no longer brought up my teacher. He tried, I knew he did, but I had to finally tell him that Mr. Grant and I were done. He had someone else.

I still remember his sad puppy-dog old-man eyes. "But you don't have anyone."

I grinned widely at him, not being able to control it. Loving how it wasn't forced, how it just came. "I do have someone."

"Diana, if you say yourself-"

"My father is coming back, Jo."

He stopped for a second, setting down his pencil and leaning in in interest. "You're serious." He said in awe.

"For good." I whispered, as if it was meant to be a secret. I didn't tell Erin, or Connor, or Cole. I didn't think much about them. I had my mind focused on one thing and one things only. To erase those sad and imaginary scars I gave to myself when releasing two men I loved the most. I couldn't wait for my father to come back, so I could tell him what I did. He would be disappointed that I had a relationship with two men at once. He would be disappointed I had a relationship with a man, period- who was my teacher. Of course, he wanted a man for me, but he wanted one to take care of me.

He would've loved Andy.

But it was too late for all that, and I didn't let myself sit around and mope about it. Mr. Joseph clasped his hands together. "For good?" He repeated, matching a fraction of my inner excitement.

I wondered what life would be like. How it would be to have a parent, a father to argue with over college. Someone to fight with over the last spill of cereal. I don't think I ever had much of that. I suddenly had a longing to go back home and dig through my attic, to see what was there again. To dig through my mother's things.

I nodded to my tutor. "I am so happy for you." He said calmly, but I knew he didn't lie at all. His eyes were so sweet, so kind, and I remembered seeing a similar look in those warm brown eyes. They weren't warm anymore, they cold and hard. Hard and broken.

What hit me was him calling me emotionless. He was the one who easily hid behind that mean and murderous glare. That deep angry voice that hated the world. That look that reminded me of how much he hated me. But it was good that it did so, I had to tell myself that. Because I had to let go of him like he thought I so easily did.

He really didn't have the slightest idea how much he meant to me, and that was what hurt. It's for the best.

I told myself it was for the best, and began to see why Charlie hated it so much when I said it. What was so good about hurting so bad? It didn't matter, I had someone coming for me, and I felt so much contentment in knowing he would never go back to that terribly dangerous place he promised never to speak of. He said he had gifts.

Honestly, him being back was a good enough gift for me. Better than good enough, I often thought to myself about how I'd give up all the presents in the world if he could be back. I'd give up my heart for my mother to be back, or at least to remember her. To remember how close we were, to remember what my brothers used to tell me when I was little about how close the two of us were. Since I was her only daughter, her prized possession. My dad it was the same for him.

"My princess."

He liked to add that in his letters, in the last one he sent, he gave me that promise.

It was a treasured feeling, different from Andy and Charlie of course.

"Dammit." I heard someone mutter loudly in frustration, waking me in calculus.

Ryan turned to me. "How are you already done?" He groaned.

"Shut up." That cruel voice growled from directly behind us, where he sat at his desk. I didn't have to guess to know he was twirling his pen quickly in anger, in uncomfort. Sometimes I liked to pretend it was the beginning of the year, and I was back to not knowing why he hated me so much. Not knowing him at all. I pretended to be so confused to why those death glares no longer wanted to spare me a glance.  I pretended I didn't know why it wasn't obvious to anyone but me.

Ryan groaned quietly and erased his paper roughly. I just sat back and continued letting my mind wander.

The bell rang twenty minutes later, and we turned our work. I was about to leave, when Toby walked up to me. I don't know why I was worried. I have no idea why there was a pang of panic in me when I saw those disappointed eyes meet mine. He was about to speak, and I was afraid of what it would be.

I know it, though. He didn't have to use words to describe how unhappy Andy was. And I certainly didn't want to have that discussion then and there in front of someone else I hurt. It would be bad, it would make Charlie pointlessly angry to say in front of him to Toby that I did what I did because it was what's best for Andy.

But none of that happened, thankfully.

Toby stood sadly in front of me, opening his mouth to start speaking. I was rushing in my mind what to say to him to make everything disappear. Instead, Toby closed his mouth, shaking his head and dismissing what he was about to say and walked about of the classroom before it emptied out.

I even hurt Toby.

Before the last person left, I grabbed my things and escaped so I wasn't awkwardly left with Mr. Grant again.

My brothers came by for the next week or so and I showed them the ugly scrapbook. The guys made fun of each other and their haircuts. Bailey flipped a page, "Do you remember when we woke up in the middle of the night and mom was making Diana pancakes?"

I looked at them, "What?"

Austin laughed, "Yes! Dad had his video camera and asked why she was doing that, and mom was like-"

"Mom was like, 'but she wanted pancakes!'' Chris said, and we all shared a laugh.

"When was that?" I asked them, wishing I remembered.

"You were about five."

I thought and thought.

No.

I didn't remember it all.

I searched my mind for the beginning. A flash of memory, anything. Any remembrance of her, but I just couldn't. I don't even know what her voice sounded like. I didn't want to bum myself out, when my father would be home in days. I didn't know what to do.

I know he wouldn't want a party, I know he would want to come home and settle in, not want to stand or anything. I didn't know how to picture him, either. Austin said he was a little unsure he kept his young age. My father was probably about forty, and war was a lot of stress. Being away from your kids was even more stress, losing a wife as well. He told me not to expect my father as the same looking young man with a wrinkle-free complexion. I knew he was right, and could just picture my dad with his salt and pepper beard, laugh lines, and forehead wrinkles. But still that same old beautiful smile of his.

I also knew not to expect my world to fall into place, but I knew it would seem much simpler if I had him there with me to guide me. To tell me that my mistakes made me who I'll become.

I knew what would happen. I wasn't going to let him take care of me, I was going to take care of him. Like a daughter should.

...

"Today's the day!" I squealed up in my room, hearing as the house filled in with one last man, Chris. It was strange as hell that Charlie decided to come, but I was glad that sweet woman wasn't with him.

It wasn't fair of me, of course. He should have someone with  him, and it made me angry that he still wanted to meet my dad after everything that happened. He was a good friend to my brothers, that was for sure.

I feared my father would know. Who was I kidding? He'd know as soon as his eyes would meet Charlie's. Then again, it'd save me the description to my father. He was a teacher. Did I even want to start out with such a stressful conversation? I didn't want to shake my father up so soon, so I spent that afternoon thinking about what I should say.

Then I laughed at myself, laughed at how I for a second believed it mattered what I said as soon as he came through that threshold. All that would matter, I knew for a fact, would be the fact that he would be there. With me. And not awkwardly around the man I was in love with, who was also my terrible calculus teacher, and my brothers' friend.

I heard laughter from downstairs, and knew they were laughing at me, as if I was an adorable child. I was excited to see my father, it was a big deal. I didn't want to go down because of him. I'm sure he knew it, too. I hadn't stepped down all afternoon, not once. I knew he was there because I heard his grumble as soon as he got out of his car.

"Come hang out with us, Diana!" I heard Bailey call.

"I'm fine up here." I called back to him.

They asked why and I pretended not to hear.

I was probably incredibly restless the entire time. I thought about everything, what was I going to do? What was he going to do? And I didn't mean my dad. Charlie, ugh, it just annoyed the hell out of me that he was there in the first place.

I daydreamed. I tried to stray from thoughts of what would happen if I hadn't let Charlie go. If I hadn't let Andy go. If I let Andy go and stayed with Charlie. It was never serious with him. It only felt like it, and I knew it was all in my head because that asshole didn't believe in love.

I told myself I couldn't be angry at him for that.

His father left him. His best friend. My father left me, too. And he was my best friend. But he's coming back, and he's staying forever. I was determined to take good care of him. He was going to help me with a job, he was going to-

Worry suddenly clouded my mind.

Holy shit, what if he gets hurt before he gets here?

My cruel mind was beginning to picture a crashed plane. A head-on collision, a sudden shooting.

Deep down, I knew he would be fine, but I thought driving myself crazy with those terrifying thoughts was better than putting myself down by remembering love.

It was around four in the afternoon, a Thursday. I heard someone parking up front and my heart sped up like a race car. I looked out the window, and slumped in both disappointment and worry.

Why the hell is Andy here?

He had never met my brothers, and I had a sudden feeling that my brothers knew. I never thought too much of it before, but it began to drive me crazy. There was a knock at the door, and I heard as someone called my name to get it, since they knew I wanted to be the first to see him and attack him with hugs.

"You get it." I called, and they seemed to understand it wasn't yet my father.

I opened my door and sat on the floor, hiding behind the blocking of the stairs, hearing as Andy was stepping inside. "Andy Carl." Chris' voice said venomously.

Then I knew for a fact they knew of the marriage.

"I just came to drop off something for Diana." He said, and just hearing his kind voice hurt me. Just hearing he still could sound like a boy-in-love, and not only a business man, the man he had to suddenly become forever. I wanted him to use that voice with his future wife. I wanted him to love her, and as much as it hurt me to think about him with someone else, I wanted him to be so happy. I wanted to only be a memory, not a regret. Not a scar.

"I heard you're getting married." Someone shot, sounding like Bailey. I hated how I could picture them just shooting daggers at him. I still pictured poised Andy, but those sad eyes.

"I am." He said calmly.

"Was Diana your play toy then?"

Poor Andy.

I heard as he walked into the kitchen, something heavy hitting the counter top. Andy deeply sighed- It was hard to hear. "You don't understand..." He began.

"I don't. You wanted to meet us, and then you just bailed to marry some rich chick." Austin. Austin was never one to be too rude to someone else. I could tell he tried to hold his calmness together. I was ruining everyone.

"No," Andy said, sorrow leaking from his every word. I had never heard him like that before, I wanted to cry. "She broke up with me."

"What?" James' voice.

"Jacquelyn is my dad's best friend's daughter. The marriage was arranged since I was born, I wasn't going to marry her, that was already settled."

I brought my knees to my chest and squeezed my eyes shut, leaning against the wall by the stairs. I just wanted so badly to disappear. I wanted so badly to hug him, and tell him I loved him so much.

"What?" James repeated in the same idiotic tone.

Andy didn't say anything. "Just... Tell her I came by." He finally said in a quiet tone.

"God, man." Chris said, I could just picture him setting his hand on Andy's shoulder, thinking of a way to apologize without making it sound as bad as it was. "I'm sure it's for the best."

I cringed.

A soft and sad chuckle from sweet Andy, "That's exactly what she said."

I worried for a second if Andy saw Charlie, but knew that mean looking man was good at hiding in the corner of my kitchen at the table. I hated that he was also able to hear.

"We had no idea." Austin said apologetically.

Oh great, now it was like they were apologizing for me.

"I know." He said in understanding, and I heard as he walked towards the door. I couldn't let him go, not like that. I couldn't stand it. Watching this normally upright and confident business man sulk in his suit with his head down, his tie hanging miserably.

I had to say an official goodbye to him.

I stood and stepped down the stairs. He looked up, eyes wide and innocent, surprised. He watched me as if wondering if I was really there. I felt terrible. I sped down the stairs and immediately into his arms, finally feeling like it was goodbye forever.

He hugged me so tight, I almost told him how much he was hurting me, but I knew I couldn't. This was our last goodbye before he turned into a married man. A happy business king. And I would just be a memory. Not even, maybe.

"My dad is coming." I said quietly, just feeling like he needed to know.

I felt him smile into my hair, "I wish I could meet him."

I needed to apologize.

"Please don't say you're sorry, Diana. I'm tired of hearing it."

He was crying.

I had to hold onto my own heart as well as I could, and tried so fucking hard to keep it together. It worked, too. Because thoughts reminded me of my dad. I had to be strong for him. Things, I hoped, would seem less lonely with him around. I wondered already how I survived life without my dad.

I looked up at him and held his face in my hands. "Don't." I begged quietly. "Please don't cry, Andy."

He smiled so sadly. I officially state that my heart broke then. It was exactly how they explained in the movies, too. It... The only way to describe it was hurt. It hurt so bad to see what I did to him. "I love you."

"I love you too." I whispered.

"I always will." He promised. "I want you to know,"

But I didn't want to know.

"That if it was up to me, it'd be you I would be marrying."

I wanted so badly to tell him it was up to him, but I told him to. I told him to do it, and I ended it. I thought of something to say other than sorry. It wasn't easy. "Be happy, Andy." I asked, wiping his tears. "For me."

He sighed out, shaking his sad head. "I'd do anything for you."

I wanted to yell at him and force him to stop saying things like that, but it the last time we could hold each other like that. I hugged him again, tightly. "You'll always be the only one for me, you know that?" He said.

I shut my eyes tight. I also tried to shut out those words, and of course that didn't work. "I'm marrying this woman, but she's not you."

I shushed him, knowing it was time.

I looked up and met those eyes. He knew, too. And with one last kiss, I wish it could last forever. So badly I wanted to escape into his dream life with me, but I knew in truth I couldn't give him what he needed. He lifted me off my feet in such a needy embrace, his hands clutching onto me with that kiss.

The tears I tasted along with him almost made me cry, but it was time for him to go.

I pulled away, and he lingered on my lips desperately. We were finally away, and I straightened out his tie. "Good luck." I gave him a smile. It hurt, god, it hurt so much.

He only lazily wiped his tears and forced a smile. I didn't want it to be forced, I wanted it to be real.

And one day, I believed it would be.

"You too." He opened the door and looked at me before leaving. "Don't forget I love you."

I held in the tears. "I won't." I whispered.

And he was gone.

That was the last time I'd ever kiss him. That was the last time I thought I'd speak to Andy Carl.

After composing myself, which was technically staring at the front door for a whole minute, I turned and froze immediately at the five men who stared at me. All of them looking at me as if I had done something impossible. But it was very possible, so I told myself that they were only exaggerating.

"What?" I asked, finding the use in my legs again and walking to the counter to see a huge white box, and red roses on top. I wondered what it would say inside, because he knew I thought roses were overly-cliche. Or maybe he did it on purpose.

"You just-" James stopped himself and thought of what to say.

"Why did you do that?" Austin asked in quiet awe.

I shook my head. "I don't wanna talk about it."

"Diana, you made a grown business man cry." Bailey said, bold and seeming louder than the others. He actually sounded a little mad. "Did you not hear him, saying he wants to marry you?" He said in frustration.

"I said I don't wanna talk about it." I said again, and his awed face went silent.

I turned to the box.

"Aren't you going to open it?" Bailey asked.

I turned away, staring at the door, waiting until my father walked through. "I don't want to." I said in honesty.

Chris breathed out in irritation and stood up from the stool he sat on, nudging me out of the way. He set the roses to the side and opened the top of the white gift box.

I smiled. Andy did know me well enough to put a sweet little daisy on top of everything else. Chris took it and handed it to me. I stared at it.

My brother threw off the tissue paper and exposed a pretty satin-black dress with the end like a skaterskirt. It was so pretty, so elegant. Chris lifted it and the silk shined as it unfolded. I grabbed the note.

I was going to give this to you to wear at a dinner party, but we didn't quite get to that. I want you to know that the man you end up with, he better treat you right. Don't you dare settle for anyone, my love. You deserve the best.

Andy

I read the painfully sweet note and Chris took it from me, giving me the dress. My idiot brother began reading it out loud and I couldn't help but blush hard at the embarrassment. Chris gave me an annoying smirk.

Austin crossed his arms at me. "Dad would've liked him." He said, almost in question to why I let him go. Almost in disappointment.

I shook it off, turning and letting out a breath. "I know." I awaited the silence, longing for it to pass and then suddenly ridding my back minded pain. I stuffed it away and promised myself I wouldn't let anything get in the way of this day. It worked. "Well he should be here soon." I perked, and I knew it worked for my brothers as well, because they gave me a smile in agreement.

"I'm gonna put this up." I said, taking the things and going upstairs.

I hung up the dress alone, because it was absolutely beautiful. I knew he'd try and hide the price tag from me, but that didn't stop me from looking it up and searching for its ideal price. I gasped. Then again, I shouldn't have been surprised. It was twenty-five hundred dollars. That idiot.

When I put everything up, I promised myself over and over again, not to think about Andy when I could talk about him with my father. My happiness soon regained itself and I began to read. I groaned loudly. "I'm so impatient." I shouted.

Bailey shouted back, "Shut up." As a happy joke.

I was humming happy songs, the wedding, the dress, the necklace, the daisy, the roses, all at the back burner. I only had my father in my right mind. I began to grow worried.

Then the doorbell rang. I told myself not to look outside, and I was so excited to see him, no matter what condition he was in.

I sprinted down the stairs and my brothers laughed at me. "I've got it!" I squealed.

When turning to open the front door, I was met with similar eyes, grey hairs, and a birthmark along the right side of the jaw.