Chapter 80: Chapter 81: Plans

It feels like it's been days in this truck, and between napping, sitting to watch the scenery go by, and

one fuel stop, nothing else has happened. Endless miles of road, strained moods, and a lot of

boredom as we pensively fall silent in our own thoughts.

We had some odd looks from passing cars on the road and at the garage we stopped at. The

military truck covered in rune symbols and carrying three obviously young-looking women seems to

bring attention from humans... males to be exact. I guess given the fact that wolves, after turning,

are physically attractive and I guess as close to perfection as we can get in the eyes of humans.

They are a strange species with absolutely no concept of boundaries. Meadow was so close to

ripping one guys throat out who tried to feel her ass when she was paying for the gas and I had to

drag her away before he spotted the glowing ember eyes or the low growl emitting from her chest.

She was about a millisecond away from turning feral and showing him how big her claws can get

when riled. Wolves are notorious for low levels of patience and hot tempers and it's one of the

many reasons we stay away from humans as much as possible. Other wolves can take the heat, the

aggressive responses and don't blink at turning wolf for a tussle.

Meadow is not a great fan of the human kind any day of the week, and after our short interactions

at one gas station, I can see why. Carmen on the other hand doesn't seem to care either way. I know

she spent far more time in the human world in the past, also given she's part one, and she ignored

the comments from passing vehicles when we opened the windows for air. I never knew cat calling

women from your car was a thing, it certainly isn't something wolves do, and I don't see what they

hoped to gain, other than a loss of blood. Human men are vile.

So now the windows are up, despite the muggy heat and the air con is nonexistent in this truck. It's

slow, plods along nosily and I'm bored out of my mind with nothing to focus on except the issues

we are avoiding talking about. All thoughts of imminent danger are hard to keep at the forefront

when all you have is endless miles of road and feeble humans who have no concept of how close to

being dinner they are if they keep irritating us.

"I'm getting crampy.... Carmen, it's time to switch.” Meadow breaks the silence and pulls over to the

side so they can physically swap over and Carmen quickly takes the driver's seat. Meadow slides

onto the double seat beside me, as I'm by the window anyway and leans back stretching out her

legs. It's been more than half a day of her sat in that position and the relief as she sprawls out is

evident.

"How much further?" I ask not really aware of how many hours I napped earlier and how many miles

we covered since.

"We're more than halfway... we made good time.” She leans her head on my shoulder and curls her

arm through mine, snuggling in and taking comfort from my body. No awkwardness as we have

been snuggly many times in our friendship these past months. "Can I nap here? I'll move if it gets

uncomfy.” She asks me softly, tiredness etched in her voice and I beam a smile and nod my head. I

don't mind being used as a cushion. It helps deal with the pangs of loneliness from not having

Colton's touch or his attentive presence keeping me warm. He's been on my mind constantly since

we sat back here. Long silent hours, as none of us really want to converse much and my mind

wandered repetitively to scenes of him, smiling, laughing, kissing me. Torturing me in a quiet

somber mood and pushing my heart into heavy sadness once again. There's so much going on in all

our separate minds that we haven't been great travel buddies in terms of conversation and the air is

heavy with the knowing this isn't a happy road trip or a vacation. Carmen especially has said

nothing much at all since her initial spat with Meadow.

"Stick with the road signs to New Mexico, we'll call Sierra when we get there." She commands

Carmen and then slides down further to curl against me and closes her eyes. Despite sleeping last

night, it was fitful and not really restful and both of us needed more than what we got. My nap was

a great short-term boost but I can't shift my emotional fatigue that's hanging over me like a dark

cloud.

"What about you? Do you want some chat, music, company?" I ask Carmen, offering companionship

but she shakes her head without looking my way. Her face set in determination as she focuses on

the road and eases the trucvk under her control so effortlessly. We haven't had to stop for any kind

of food as we have enough in the packed crates and she's chewing on a granola bar as she drives.

I don't expect a verbal response and go back to leaning my head against the window, staring out in

hopes that I may fall back asleep and lose some of the hours of this monotonous trip.

"It's weird isn't it.... the lack of understanding danger in the human world. It's like they don't even

contemplate there's a whole other space out there, with creatures, and wars that don't touch their

lives.” I point out, thinking aloud and sigh as we pass another holiday home type truck packed with

a family of young ones who are eagerly beaming out at the windows of passing vehicles to wave. I

gaze at them as we overtake and get in front, watching how one of the kids point at the symbols on

our truck and the mother in the passenger seat looks up in interest.

"Humans are oblivious, and self-absorbed. One of the cruelest species in so many ways, despite

some of us having blood lust urges and abilities to rip our enemies apart on a whim." Carmen taps

the wheel, a slight hint at annoyance in her husky response and I blink at her in intrigue.

"You seem to know a lot about humans. I know you spent time in their world. Are they really that

bad.” This topic has intrigued me over the years, I guess. Given they make up most of the

population yet seem to be the most ill-informed and uneducated about the species of the world

they live in.

"Not all of them, just different. Their world is not like ours. To them, they probably would never

understand our hierarchy, the way we do things, our aggression, or how we conduct our

relationships. Yet their values, their sense of community... packs... are not like ours. Many of them

don't care about anything beyond their own bubble, their own noses... I guess that's where I get it

from."

Her words startle me and then it dawns on me that she is referring to what she said back at the

homestead, about being part human and I gaze at her for the longest moment, trying to form some

kind of response. She seems unfazed by verbally admitting it again. Colton was right and Carmen

really is so hard to read, even with my abilities in feeling people's emotions. It's like she carries a veil

of impenetrable rock and can shield everything under indifference or a cold front most of the time.

"You told Meadow you care about the wolves at the mountain... So maybe you're not all that self-

absorbed. You loved your mom; you did what you thought was right for her." I point out, hoping to

open an avenue of conversation but her darkening look as she glares ahead tells me I said the

wrong thing. Her whole posture stiffening and signaling she doesn't want to talk about this.

"Look how that helped... I got her killed, and all this... Maybe it's better when I don't give a shit

about people. They always fuck me over anyway." the biting undertone, the undercurrent of

bitterness, and guilt hits me in the stomach as I connect her last sentence to maybe what Colton

did. What the sub pack did in turning away from her and rooting for me instead. I guess it was a

betrayal in her eyes that she was so easily cast aside as something worthless, even if it's not exactly

how it played out. Even though he had no control over imprinting and breaking her heart, I guess

she still carries the pain of what she saw as adultery.

"What happened in the months since we left?" I don't know what else to say, so maybe a question

will be better and as she is clamping down on the other topic, I should try and ease the atmosphere

with some kind of chat. I feel out of my depths, weird and moody even though I seem calm and

upbeat on the surface.

"Life happened. Juan happened.” Her voice croaks in her throat and she looks away to hide her face

as she quickly wipes it and goes back to glaring outside. A sudden hint of emotion again and she

seems to curse herself out for showing weakness in the form of a tear. So much hostility in her aura

and I wish she would just open up and tell me, to talk it out, to share and ease her weighty burden.

"Carmen, I'm trying to help. We don't know what went down after. We only know what we had to do

at the homestead to keep the people safe. You have to open up to ...." I try for my therapy tone of

Luna, the easing of a wolf to confide but she doesn't let me finish.

"I don't need to open up. I'm fine. The past is done. Nothing can change it and I just want to make

up for what I caused and be done with all of this.” A curt snap, a tightening of fingers on the wheel

and that abrasive manner which is meant to shut me up. Only I'm as stubborn as she is. I grit my

teeth to curb my irritation at her and lock my eyes on her profile as she stares at where we are

heading.

"You didn’t cause this! I told you already.” I grind out.

"Yes, I did..... not just my mom. All of it. Had I never interfered, had I never pulled Colton back to me

and tried to keep you apart when I did. Because of me you left, because of that Colton stood up to

him, split the pack and abandoned the mountain. That was the worst thing for everyone. Colton was

the influence that kept the people moderately safe. Whether he knew it or not. His father is a devil

and without Colton’s presence, without the hope of his heir being his bright shining legacy, Juan let

all the evil in his heart finally out. I did that. I fucked up what the fates wanted, and they have

punished me for it ever since.” She spins her head at me, her pallor pale, her eyes shining with

moisture as she struggles to hold it all in and I see the deep-rooted guilt etched all over the sudden

show of vulnerable in her face. I'm speechless as I stare at her in open mouthed shock, trying to

absorb her words and trying to organize some logic to her statement.

"It's not that simple, and the fates... they really did intend for things to go the way they did. It was all

part of the plan, Carmen. All those paths needed to be walked out to get us to where we needed to

be."

"Was it, really?" she asks sarcastically, oozing bitterness. "I don't think so.” She signals as we

approach a turn off and follows the road off behind a row of traffic and looks back at me, biting

harshly with a haughty tone. "My mom, she was just another notch. Another lashing from a whip

that has been coming down on me since Colton imprinted on you........ So, if I did nothing wrong,

then why am I being punished by the fates?" she throws her hair back over her shoulder and taps

her nails impatiently on the wheel as the traffic slows us right down and doesn't seem to want to

look at me anymore. I can taste the growing energy around her and it's not friendly at all. She has

so much pent-up anger, pain, and something else deep inside that I can't pull apart. A huge gulf of

darkness that's clawing at her aura and screaming out.

"What do you mean by that? What else has happened to you besides Colton's break up? Stop being

vague and just talk to me! I'm trying to help, to understand and I'm not psychic.” Her emotions are

making me antsy, on edge as my senses are heightened and an overwhelming agony starts to claw

at my insides, feeding from her now she's releasing some of her hidden distress.

"Why? Because you're my Luna now? Because you suddenly care about me? We were never friends,

in fact the exact opposite, and if this is sympathy because of my mom, I don't want it. I don't need

your pity!"

I can't respond to that because it's none of those things, yet all of them too. I have empathy; I see

someone that may be more than I thought she was but, yes, it's also driven because of what we now

share... loss of our mothers in a horrific way. And the loss of her pack when they left her, the loss of

her family. Its complex and deeper than any of those singular things and partly because, since I

became Luna, this care, this need to look after and comfort my people is as natural as breathing. I

feel guilt towards her, because of my part in taking her mate from her on top of everything. I can’

fight it, and it doesn't differentiate between people, even with our pasts. Colton told me it was the

marking that did it, brought up all those necessary Luna gifts that were bestowed upon me the

second I was his mate, to be a better leader, and I can't switch it off. I care, because I'm meant to.

"Juan blamed me.... He punished me in that damn box.... for weeks! I failed to do what he wanted

me to do, and his son left and mated up with you. I had one job that I didn't do, and Juan, well, we

all know how crazy he is. If it wasn't for others in the pack and my mom getting me out, reasoning

for my release...... I would still be there while my father didn't give a shit about what he did to me.”

It's almost shrill as she hits an emotional peak and then inhales to calm herself down, gripping the

wheel, shifting in her seat harshly, gritting her teeth, and the tears that wash down her cheek are

swiped away aggressively.

"He put you in an isolation tank?" I blanche at her words, tensing enough that Meadow shifts in her

sleep at my sudden reaction and murmurs before settling back down again. I'm shocked that Juan

would see fit to punish her for something she had no control over.

"He did... and he made sure I felt pain every single day for disobeying him. He only let me heal

when my life depended on it, because he didn't want his new toy to die and give him nothing to

torture anymore. He had nowhere else to vent. Colton gone, half the pack too, his prisoners at his

secret lab.... All he had were the people who opposed him, and the femme who failed to do what he

demanded. Juan's sick in the head on a level we never truly comprehended!" The pain in her voice

goes far beyond bitterness and for a second I feel a flash of the hatred, resentment and the

lingering pain from what she endured with this man.

"He tortured you, for Colton...for me...?" I feel sick to my stomach knowing the depths of agony she

endured while we were oblivious in our new life and barely gave her a second thought. Never would

we have guessed that after being the losing one in this scenario that she would still carry the weight

of our consequences in such horrifying ways.

"If I had known what would happen, I would've left when the rest did, but my mom.... She needed

me." Her words come out softer, broken somehow and she stifles a wavering sob coming up from

the depths. The intensity of her heartache finally coming out to show face and it hammers through

my soul. She's suffered because of what we did.

"Carmen, I'm so sorry." I can't even begin to understand what she has been through and to look at

her, you would never know. The wall is up again and growing taller before my eyes, the fierce is on

show once again and her only focus in all of this was her mother's safety. The final blow when the

fates let her die. No wonder she thinks she's cursed or somehow being punished by the higher

powers.

"Yeah well, you didn’t turn us away. At least her last hours were not there, not around that toxic man

and his minions. She got to experience the pack one more time, a safe place and genuine love

before she did what she did."

"So, the rumors about how he is treating the people.” I interject, breathing heavily as all this swirls

around my brain and her hands clench and unclench as we get back up to speed in a new flow of

faster traffic. I can feel her inner battle as her mind tells her that vulnerability is a weakness, while

her heart begs to be allowed to grieve. Conflict thick around her.

"Juan likes to exert his dominance on anyone who doesn't march to the beat of his drum. Others

were in the tanks for punishment when I was. It was one of them who came back for me, convinced

the guards it wasn't right to do this to our own pack, and finally Juan got bored of using me to vent

and stopped coming to the cells. I was lying when I said I left the mountain for only my mom's

sake.... I got us out because I knew it was only a matter of time before I ended up back in there. Juan

was getting more controlling as the weeks passed. Anyone who even looked like they were

questioning his orders were shackled and dragged to the cells and he was going to notice

eventually that I wasn't where he left me. I was having to hide all the time, stay out of sight; luckily

my father never came home, ever.”

"I don't know what to say. We never knew that it was like that back there for you, for all of them. We

never imagined he would torture his own." I sit, dazed, looking at her face, watching the still almost

tough expression as she forces herself to not really breakdown in front of me, and I'm awed. I

thought I was tough with everything I got through in my lifetime, but Carmen is a whole other level.

"He tried to kill his own son and slaughtered any who helped him that didn't leave... what do you

think he's capable of?" It's a matter of fact retort, no hint of nasty, yet it has the same effect and

sucker punches me in the gut, rendering me breathless. I inhale sharply and turn away as the shock

reverberates around my skull. This is the first real confirmation that Juan killed wolves after the split,

none of the others ever came out and would truthfully tell Colton that some perished, probably for

fear he would go back there and rage a second war and lose more of our kind. He suspected but he

wasn't sure, and it seemed no one wanted him to carry the guilt by being honest either. He was

their savior, their alpha, and they kept it from him because they knew how he would take the news

that many died for helping him. I wonder how many held this, or maybe suspected.

"We never knew.” I whisper and squeeze Meadows sleeping form a little tighter. Needing physical

touch to comfort me and ground my spiraling emotions as the guilt eats away heavily at my heart.

"You wouldn.t.... he wasn't exactly public about it. Those he ended, were taken down in the cells and

he burned their bodies to clean up the mess under his cloak of deceit. The people only assumed

they were kept there, or they ran after you when being freed. I'm guessing the ones who got here

after figured it out when they didn't find them waiting, or maybe they think they are all still locked

up in the cells. Who knows. I just saw too many die when I was down there, and always wondered

why he never killed me too.”

"Your father... you're his only legacy, even if he has nothing to do with you. Juan is all about

bloodline, so despite your father not really wanting you, he wouldn't remove his beta's chance of a

future. Juan's twisted like that." I say it so numbly, like the logical part of my brain can still pull

together thoughts while my emotional side is in chaos, choking on revelations and inwardly crying

for our people.

"Maybe...but what good am 1? I never imprinted when I turned and I've seen every male in our pack

since, and it never happened. I thought I found love, and it wasn't real. I don't think there's anyone

out there that wants to be stuck with this and my father only had his sights set on me mating to

Juan's offspring.” Carmen's factual statement makes me bleed for her, Instantly upset for her own

lack of worth, especially when I used to feel the same way and know how counterproductive it can

be to your mental state.

"Don't talk like that. We're one pack, in many. There's a wolf out there and maybe you just haven't

found him yet... the fates, they don't leave us alone... They always have a plan!" I hasten.

"Yes they do! Radar has been pining for Sierra for over a decade....I can guess he still is now she's

alive and here. The fates don't give a shit about mateless wolves as long as their 'plan’ is steaming

ahead and going how they want it to. The casualties, like me, they get left on the sidelines as

unimportant.”

"I used to think like you. I used to believe I was alone and there was no one out there who gave any

kind of crap about me. That I was worthless and invisible. I endured pain, I broke with heartache,

and grief, but I kept going. If someone like me can find love, and family, and belonging, then you

can too. Don't close your heart to hope." It sounds like I'm begging her to not give up, my tone soft

yet high, because everyone has to hold onto something or else they lose their way in life. This is why

she isn't afraid to die; every tiny bright thing she ever held onto is now snubbed out.

Carmen shakes her head, finally turning sad eyes to me and a bittersweet smile laced with sarcasm

takes over her flawless face. A haunting look, that is so detached yet cold and I truly wish she would

experience one kindness in life that could make a difference to her.

"You forget, Luna. I'm not some prophesied half vamp whose destined to lead a people. I'm half

human, from a family that is now gone.... No one needs me, no great destiny... I'm not part of this

story and if I had one of my own, it would have happened before now."000000