"Mother?" I asked, hearing the fear in my own voice as soon as I spoke. My mind was racing already, regrets and worries and questions all flying about at once.
What had happened? Why was she crying? What had I said to Elizabeth last that day- she had embraced me, telling me how much she loved me and how grateful she was for me. Had she done something foolish? Oh, please, please, tell me she hadn't done something sinfully foolish- something that would take her out of this world forever. Where was my sister now- had they called for a doctor? Was there a use for a doctor?
Once Mother caught sight of me, she let out a wail, bolting from Miss Lancing's arms and pulling me to her. She squeezed me tightly for a moment, then pulled back, holding me at arms-length and shaking me. "Where is your sister? Amelia, where is Elizabeth?"
"I- I don't know." I stammered, still bewildered and terrified. "Mother, what is happening? Why-"
"Where is she?" Mother demanded, shaking me harder- painfully. I cringed away, trying to hold back tears, though they were not from the pain. I was panicking now, and I could hear my heartbeat pounding in my own ears as I desperately tried to understand what had happened to my sister and why nobody seemed to be doing anything about it.
Miss Lancing was suddenly there, pulling Mother off of me. Mother thrashed in her hold, shrieking hysterically. "Release me! Release me, Amelia is my daughter, you won't take her from me!"
My governess was firm, though, standing between myself and Mother. "I am not taking her from you," Miss Lancing told Mother gently, but with a firmness in her tone that I was familiar with. She had never used it on anyone but Elizabeth and I, though. And certainly not my parents. "But I cannot allow you to harm her. You are not well-"
"She is my daughter!" Mother repeated, still sounding far from lucid. "You are just a servant, you cannot tell me what to do! This is my home- mine! I can fire you and send you away from here. You will not tear me from the only daughter I have left!"
Her words had me growing more frantic- what did she mean, the only daughter she had left?
My eyes met Thomas' and he saw my terror. Through his concrete frown, he managed to get words out. "Amelia, Elizabeth is alive. She is unharmed."
Mother wailed. "Unharmed? Who knows what shall happen to her? She could be beaten, raped, imprisoned, whipped at the stocks! My child-"
"Mummy, stop!" I was crying now, too, and I was quite sure I had never referred to Mother as 'Mummy'.
It seemed to snap her out of whatever mania-induced loop she was trapped in, though, because as her eyes met mine, and then Miss Lancing's, she seemed to realize exactly what she was doing and saying. Her gaze moved to the marks her nails had left on my arms, and then to the protective stance Miss Lancing had taken in front of me, despite being shorter and more slender than Mother.
"Dear God," Mother cried, swaying as she weeped quietly. Miss Lancing caught Mother under her arms as she fell, gently guiding her to the floor and leaning her against the stair railing as Mother moaned, "My child. My child-"
"What has happened?" I demanded, my voice still heavy with tears, despite not yet knowing what I was grieving. "Where the hell is my sister?"
Nobody scolded me for my language. Nobody said a word. And I would not tolerate that. Not now- not with this.
"Where is she?" I shouted, stalking up to Michael and yanking him away from Thomas. I gripped him by the front of his shirt. "Where has Elizabeth gone, Michael? You are her twin so you must know- where is she?"
Michael opened his mouth to speak, and then bit down on his lip, as if about to cry. Michael had so rarely ever cried- even in childhood. He took a deep breath and tried again, and with my waning patience, I was close to slapping him. Perhaps that would bring him out of what stupid, idiotic shock caused his foolish silence.
"She has run away," Michael managed, his voice breaking on the last word.
I released him and stepped back, trying to understand. "Run away? No she hasn't. Where would she go?"
"Amelia," Thomas said gravely- his voice, at least, was steady. I turned to face him. "She has run away with Felix- Eli. They intend to elope."
I stared at him, my jaw agape. "No."
No, certainly that was not true. Elizabeth was my sister- my closest confidant. And Eli was one of my very oldest friends- yes, they had taken to being around each other quite often, and alright, Elizabeth often tended to lean a bit close to him or whisper to him. But that did not mean anything. They both loved me, and I loved them. Surely they would have told me of such a thing? Surely Elizabeth would have told me if she had fallen in love with Eli.
Right?
"Thomas, you must be mistaken," I insisted. "Elizabeth would not... her and Eli would never..."
"She left a note." Michael said gruffly, shoving a piece of paper into my hand. "A note for you. We found it when we checked your room for her- she left it on your pillow. It says they have been in love since before she came of age. That she feared she would be forced to marry Count Robert, and that she could not tolerate a marriage for status when she has felt the truest of love. She said your opinion is the one she is most frightened of because above all else she does not want you to feel betrayed or hurt. It is all right there- read it."
Indeed, there was a note in my hand. And it did read ðð ðð®ðªð»ð®ð¼ð½ ðð»ð²ð®ð·ð ðªð·ð ð¢ð²ð¼ð½ð®ð». But I did not read any further. I did not get the chance before the world went dark around me, and my legs gave out from beneath me.
**********************
"Do you feel well?" Miss Lancing asked, dabbing the cool cloth against my forehead.
I exhaled, closing my eyes and fighting back nausea. "No, Miss. But it isn't because I fainted."
She sighed. "I know, Darling. I know this is overwhelming. But we must be glad for what we have and count our blessings now- we must be grateful that Elizabeth is alive and uninjured. And we must be grateful that your brother caught you before your head hit the floor."
I made a face, knowing that if circumstances had not been what they were, Michael would have been going on about making the catch of the Century. Though I, of course, had not been conscious to see it, Miss Lancing had informed me of how my brother had dove across the floor, bruising a rib in his efforts to catch my head before it slammed against the decorative metal armor near the door of the Parlor. He feared it would have killed me, Miss Lancing said.
"Michael is a good brother," I said quietly, accepting the tea she handed me. Down the hall, I could hear Mother's muffled voice as she continued to grieve. Father was home, now, keeping watch over Mother in her fragile state while Robert kept watch over the charity school. "But Elizabeth is a good sister, as well. I do not understand how she could..."
I did not finish my sentence. Undeniably, I was hurt by my sister's actions. I understood the desire to marry for love- certainly even more so now that I had come to know Robert. But even if I had never met Robert, if I had never felt such desire myself, how could she not have come to me? How could she have kept such a thing from me? I told her everything.
Well... no, not everything, I supposed. Had I not kept my interest in Robert a secret? Had I not done everything I could to be alone with him? Was that not a similar crime- to have a secret love, to give into temptation with them?
Perhaps I was no better. But that did not take away the pain as I glanced towards my sister's bed, and she was not there.
"Will she come back?" I asked Miss Lancing, tears in my eyes once more.
Miss Lancing frowned slightly, pulling my blankets up around me. "Well, Darling... you must understand, what Elizabeth is doing is... well, unlawful. She left without an escort. She shall be married with a false witness, and without your father's blessing. If they are to... consummate their marriage, it may be viewed as legally immoral under such circumstances."
A woman roaming without an escort could be fined- but one out after dark, alone with an unrelated man, could be punished far more severely. An improper marriage could lead to jail time, and sex out of wedlock carried a penalty of a whipping. A real whipping- not like the kind we had been dealt in childhood, with straps or little nursery canes.
A real whip. Real blood. Real scars. The thought of such permanent marks on my sister's perfect, pale skin left me feeling ill.
"But Father would offer his blessing," I insisted. "If they came back, he would approve the marriage to ensure Elizabeth's safety. Then it would not be an improper marriage, and could not be considered... false consummation."
"I believe you are right," Miss Lancing said gently. "But have you considered that perhaps Elizabeth does not wish to come back to this place? Everyone here knows Felix's status. Though he was properly educated in the charity school, he is not of noble blood, and he has no living family. If Elizabeth were to return to London, she may struggle to return to the same social circle. She would never be viewed the same. Can you not see the appeal she may feel at starting over somewhere else, where nobody knows her by name?"
I eyed Miss Lancing suspiciously. "Do you know something I don't know?"
She smiled, sitting on the edge of my bed and running her thumb over my cheek. "I raised you girls. I have known you essentially your whole life, Amelia. I know every phase you have ever been through. I know each of your cries and what they mean. I know all of your hopes and goals and dreams. I know you, and I know Elizabeth. And I know that Elizabeth is not only a strong, smart girl, but a passionate girl. And I know she would do anything for those she loves. And if she truly loves this boy, then why would she not leave for him? Why would she not give up the wealth and status and social standing? Elizabeth has always liked the money and balls and gowns, Amelia, but she has only every truly loved those she considers her family. All I want is for you girls to be happy- and if Elizabeth has found her happiness, and it happens to be her flying far and free, then I shall simply love her from afar. She knows she is loved here, and knows that she may always spread her wings to fly back the same way she spread them to leave."
Miss Lancing gave me a few moments to let that sink in. It took a few minutes for me to find my voice. "Would... would you feel the same if I were to do something like that?"
My governess stopped to consider my question, and I was grateful that she was not just saying the first thing that came to mind. "I will always support you in three things, Amelia- I want you to be safe, healthy, and happy. I do all I can to ensure your safety. I do all I can to ensure you are healthy. But, when the time comes, my Dear, you alone must be the one to make the choice as to what makes you happy. Just do not allow yourself to forget that you have siblings and parents and family and friends about you whom make you happy, as well. It does not always have to be one, single person. I'm sure you can find enough room in your heart for all of us, as well as Lord Robert."
"Yes, Mi-" My words cut off as I processed the last thing she had said. She knew? How? Nobody knew- I had told nobody! Surely Charlotte had not said anything? But then how-?
Miss Lancing chuckled at me as my mouth hung open, leaning down to kiss my forehead and move the candle from the bedside table.
"Your entire life, Amelia," She reminded me kindly, sparing me a final glance as she turned and made her way out of the bedroom, leaving me alone with my sister's empty bed.