Robert and I stayed in the garden for what must have been near half an hour before he decided it was best he take his leave- he worried that someone may come out to check on me, and find us in the compromising position of his arm resting atop my shoulder. Still, it took several minutes to actually pull apart from each other when I leaned in for a goodbye kiss, seeming unable to resist, and Robert suddenly deepened the kiss, apparently having a hard time with restraint, as well.
I was not about to complain, though.
After a few lingering touches, Robert finally turned, loping his way towards the back part of the garden so he would not be spotted walking out the front. He would have to make the short jump over the fence, but it would mean we would not be questioned.
Just to be safe, I lingered for a few minutes, sitting on the bench and holding the book open in my lap in case anybody wandered upon me. As expected, nobody came to look for me, and I was a bit disappointed that Robert and I had not taken advantage of all of the time we could have had together.
The house was much the same as it had been when I stepped out- Thomas was still seated at the desk, and the sound of Susanna playing the piano was still echoing through the Front Parlor as I made my way up the stairs.
How strange it was that, as my world secretly shifted and changed so dramatically, everyone in the house remained exactly the same and entirely unaware.
Just as I went to open the door to my bedroom- the bedroom that I found a bit depressing now that I did not share the space with my sister- a door further down the hallway opened.
John's head popped out of Michael's room, and from how prompt he was to wave me over, I assumed he had heard me coming up the stairs and come to call for me, anyway. I released the doorknob to my own room and made my way a few feet over, allowing John to pull me into Michael's bedroom.
"Look at this," John insisted, rushing me by the arm over to Michael's bed. My brother had stripped all the bedding off of his mattress so as to not lose any of the small metal pieces he had scattered about, and he was holding a simple-looking box with a wind-up dial.
Michael was gentle with the box in his hand, and though he looked tired, there was a smile on his face. He had thrown himself into his 'invention' the past several days, seeming to use his work as a distraction from the distress our family had suddenly been thrust into. And since John had been Michael's partner in this mad invention scheme, he had been here day and night, as well.
My brother wound up the dial on the side of the box several times, and then released it, and a simple melody began to play. I expected it to begin to slow after a minute or so, but the melody stretched on and on.
"We have it timed at six minutes and thirteen seconds," John said proudly. I turned to face him as he spoke. "Which is several minutes longer than any other music box can play.
I reached forward, brushing a finger gently against the box. It was not lined with gold or intricately painted, as the most prized music boxed tended to be, but that did not take away from the amazing feat of it. It truly was a diamond in the rough. "It's incredible. Even the most expensive of music boxes never surpass a minute- and even that may be a stretch."
Music boxes were in great demand; They were the only way to hear a song unless you wanted to hire a live band or create a melody yourself. So a music box that could play for several minutes- that could supply music as entertainment without needing to be constantly attended and re-wound- would indeed be revolutionary.
"Perhaps we could use electricity to produce one that plays even longer," John suggested, coming to sit beside Michael on the bed and take the box from him- already, he was moving on to his next creation, it seemed. "You have heard of Benjamin Franklin, of course- he theorizes of an electrical charge. There is a fairly new invention called a Telegraph, which utilizes static electricity. And that fellow whom lives in Lancashire- oh, what is his name...?"
"William Sturgeon," Michael tacked on helpfully. "The one who found he could utilize electricity with magnets- you may be on to something there. If we can create a magnetic force that is self-sustaining, perhaps we could create a music box that can play without being wound more than once after magnets have been set..."
As the boys went back and forth, I decided that the name Benjamin Franklin was very familiar- I had read a book on him, once, I was fairly sure- he had died only a decade or two before my birth... perhaps a few more. I had never paid much attention to such histories. But I knew nothing of the sciences they were speaking of. I supposed that was yet another aspect that was taught to boys rather than girls.
"Michael, when shall you find the time to do all this?" I teased, nudging my brother's arm. "Certainly it is only a matter of time before Mother begins fussing over your attendance at balls and gatherings. Though men tend to wed at a bit of a later age than women, surely you do not think she will let you off entirely?"
My jest fell short as Michael frowned, and he seemed to find the view out the window very interesting as he suddenly shifted his gaze away. My smile fell away, too, as I watched my brother try to think up a reply.
My brother was an impulsive person. It was rare a topic was so serious that he felt the need to think at great length before responding- especially to me.
"I am not sure I intend to wed," Michael finally said, the words coming slowly and very calculated. "I think I should like to move away from the city- out to the countryside. Perhaps that will be enough to keep the spies from trying to steal the ideas that John and I come up with- it shall be a huge deal, you know, sister."
I sat carefully on the edge of the bed, avoiding all the little bits of metal from the materials the boys had used to create a music box. "Michael, that is silly. You and John can create a business- with trademark secrets, and trusted employees, there should be little risk of such things getting out. And, truly, do you not wish to stay in the city where such things can be sold with more ease? Besides, I am a bit weary of you living alone, so far away. Do you truly never wish to find love?"
Too late, I realized that perhaps I had said too much. Just like my brother, I had never expressed interest in marriage- would he find it strange that I now thought it was something worth looking for? Would he inquire as to whom had won my affections and changed my view?
Through a stroke of luck, Michael did not immediately begin to interrogate me. But when I saw the scowl on his face, I rather wished that he had, because I found myself growing even more anxious as I took in his expression and wondered what may have caused it. "What is it, brother? Why are you so troubled?"
Michael sighed, rubbing a hand over his face as he looked out the window once more. Then his gaze moved to John, who was still sitting beside him on the bed. I wondered if it would be very rude of me to ask John to excuse us- clearly whatever Michael was trying to say was a private matter.
Just as I decided to ask John to step out for a moment, Michael spoke. "I did not say I wish to live alone," He told me cautiously, his stare focused upon my own face unwaveringly. "Nor that I do not intend to find-"
Again, Michael paused, taking a shaking breath in. Then, as if he had steeled himself, he sat up a bit straighter. "Nor that I have not found love."
I watched in confusion as my brother's hand slowly trailed across the bed, gripping John's.
It took me several seconds to process what my brother was trying to tell me. Then several more to truly understand what such a thing would mean for them.
I felt myself pale, my gaze locked on their interlaced fingers. I could not even bring myself to look up at their expressions, though I heard the staggered breath that John let out.
For several moments, I floundered, my mouth opening and closing like a fish struggling to breathe. Indeed, it seemed that the air had escaped me, leaving me incapable of inhaling or gasping or speaking.
"Michael," I finally choked out, forcing my eyes up to the faces of my brother and best friend- the two boys I had adored most since childhood. They both had their gazes locked on me now, waiting with eyes that were guarded- and perhaps a bit fearful- for my response. I did my best to speak clearly through the tightness in my throat. "They- they could imprison you for such a thing... whip you- hang you even. You- you cannot-"
"Amelia," My brother said, sounding desperate and exhausted and pleading all at once. I clamped my mouth shut, waiting for his words, waiting for anything that could fix this. "Amelia... Sister. I love him."
I gripped the end of the bed as if it was the only thing keeping me from sliding to the floor- perhaps it was. The room seemed to be spinning a bit.
"Michael, they shall kill you." I repeated- what else was there to say? What else could I say? How was I to protect him from something like this? I was frightened and stunned and heartbroken for them all at the same time.
This could not be. It simply could not be. It would cost them their lives.
Michael did not speak again. He did not try to justify his actions or feelings as he watched me struggle with my own. He just kept a firm grip on John, seeming to be trying to bring comfort to my best friend, who looked terrified, and perhaps even wounded, by my reaction.
Seeing the dread in my best friend's gaze made me feel immediate remorse. He had never looked at me in such a way; never once, in all of our years together- since we were mere toddlers begging for scraps side-by-side on the streets- had John ever felt unsafe or persecuted in my presence.
Never. Even as a child, I had always promised John safety and acceptance and solace. I was not doing that now- I was hurting him. And that was entirely unacceptable.
The world may judge them. I would not. All I could do was love them as well as I could and as long as I could. If they understood the risk, the danger, then that was a choice I simply could not make for them. All I could do was stand beside them and support them in any way I could.
In this moment, that meant standing and walking around the bed to pull my best friend into a hug.
"You must be careful," I cautioned, though I was certain they already knew this. I waited until I felt John's tenseness melt away in my hold, and for him to wrap his arms around me in return, before I went on. "The world we live in is a cruel one. An oppressive one. Should anyone ever find out..."
"Nobody shall," Michael assured me, smiling thankfully at me as he saw the fear melt away from John. "To the world, we shall always be business partners. I will even buy land with two separate houses so we may say that we live in our own homes and just visit each other often due to work."
He already had it all planned out- of course he did. Michael had always been one for battle strategies. It was just a shame we lived in a world where he had to plan out such strategies simply to live in peace.
My gaze moved back to the little music box in my brother's hold. "When?"
Michael understood the question. He exhaled as he thought, bringing his hand up and running it through his hair. "I'm not sure now, with everything else going on. When we know Elizabeth is safe, or at least when Mother settles down. I will not feel just in leaving, if I am not certain of my family's wellbeing. Especially with the intent to head off so far..."
Far indeed. To ever live a peaceful life of happiness together, Michael and John would need to be far out in the coutryside, away from the eyes of even the odd wanderer.
I had already lost Elizabeth and Eli. Now, it seemed, it was only a matter of time before John and Michael pulled away from me, too.
But I wanted them to be happy. Just like Elizabeth. Just like, I hoped, I could be one day. So I reached in for another hug, this time pulling both of them in, so neither could take note of the tears growing in my eyes.
How happy I was for them. How hopeful. How sad. How absolutely terrified.
And how confused I was, at all of those emotions somehow being able to exist all together.
Once I was certain I had no more lingering tears that may cause them to feel guilt, I pulled away. "You must promise to visit- at least once a month. I will visit you just as often- perhaps more, if it is permitted."
Michael smiled back, and I saw the tenseness I had not noticed before leave him. "Of course, Amelia."
I shook my head, astounded by the gall of us all. Elizabeth had run off to elope with a boy far beneath her status. I was making off to private quarters to enrapture myself with the kisses of my sister's intended. Michael and John would soon be off to hide away their love affair which, unlike mine or Elizabeth's, could never be fixed in the eyes of society by marriage.
They would never be able to marry at all, of course.
I shook my head, and despite myself, a laugh escaped me. "What a lot we are- do you think all families are so scandalous in secret, or just us?"
Michael surged forward, gripping me in a hug that lifted me off my feet. I wheezed a bit, caught off-guard by the tightness of his hold, and he laughed at the sound as he set me back down.
"I do not know of other families, Amelia, but I am everlastingly grateful that you are part of mine." Again, my brother pulled me into another hug, though this one did not seem to come with the intent to suffocate me. "We shall be careful- I swear to you. You musn't worry over us, alright?"
I shook my head, pulling away. "Michael, you throw knives at trees and ride horses backwards to amuse yourself. I have no choice but to worry about you."
"We shall only tell those we trust implicitly," He promised me, seeming gleeful to speak of it now that his secret was in the open- at least with me. "We shall never put the family in harm's way. Only those we know to be safe shall know."
I nodded, relaxing a bit. They had kept it from me, despite my closeness to them both, so surely keeping it from outsiders should be easy enough. "Alright. Well, you two go on and... do whatever it is you do in here."
My eyes flew between them suspiciously as I suddenly wondered how much of their 'invention' time had actually been spent inventing. As I turned to take my leave, though, my brother called my name, and I turned to see him sitting just beside John again, their arms brushing against each other. "Yes?"
Michael smiled at me once more, reaching for the music box. "Thank you for being one of the safe ones."
**************************
"Lottie, stop- good God," I grumbled, pacing anxiously below the tree that the little girl had climbed into.
Lottie was more than forty feet off of the ground, dangling precariously by one leg from a thin branch. She did not care that her dress billowed out around her head as she hung upside-down, nor that the branch she clung to was bending at an odd angle.
I hovered just below, planning to catch her if she fell, while also knowing we would both likely be gravely injured in such an instance. Even her tiny body would cause a huge impact coming from such a height.
"One moment, I can almost reach!" Lottie called down- the weeks had melted away much of her timidness towards me, and though I should have been grateful for that, I found myself more frustrated at her unwillingness to obey.
The branch bent even further, and I winced, waiting for it to break. It did not, and while I was glad, I was not going to risk it any longer. I reached forward and grasped at the low branch Lottie had pulled herself on to several minutes earlier, heaving myself up into the tree.
As I climbed up, my hair- which was mostly pulled back- caught on protruding twigs and came loose. My dress caught on a sharp piece of the larger branch I was pulling myself onto, and I huffed when I heard the rip. Having stopped by the school on my way home from church, I was still in my Sunday dress.
First I was going to save Lottie. Then I was going to kill her myself.
Though I grew weary as the branches thinned, I managed to make it high enough in the tree that I was now only a foot below Lottie. I reached up, cupping my hand towards her. "Give it to me."
Lottie shook her head. "I am doing it!"
"Lottie, you cannot reach the nest from that branch! Give me the bird!"
Though she glared at me, Lottie finally obeyed, gently dropping the tiny robin chick into my palm. I reached as far as I could, straining to reach the nest. I managed well enough, and was able to safely place the bird back where it had come from.
"Well done!" Lottie cheered, grinning down at the little bird chirping away in the nest just below her. "Do you think he will be alright now?"
"Yes," I responded, reaching for her arm. "Now come down."
Though I did not truly know the fate of the little bird, whom did not even have the sense to stay in its nest, I did have to give it the benefit of the doubt when it came to survival- after all, it was only palm-sized, and had somehow lived through a 40-foot drop with no injuries.
My focus was more on Lottie's survival, though, and I held her arm firmly as I helped her down. She had not been able to reach the nest from the heavier branch I was standing on, and had somehow scrambled even further up in the tree, trying to reach the nest from above. I held her tightly as I pulled her down to the branch I stood on, not sure how she had even made it up so high- it seemed impossible that she had reached so far when even I could hardly reach her to pull her back down.
Still very high up, I went first, directing the little girl as we went. "Put your foot here first, and then grab on to that little branch just near your head. No, Lottie- the other side of your head."
Just as I was close to getting Lottie to the branch I was on about a quarter of the way down the tree, there was a call from beneath us. "What on earth are you two doing?"
Lottie and I both went still, looking down. Robert stood below us, a little girl at his side- she looked to be perhaps eight years of age, but I had never seen her at the school before.
"A rescue mission," I called down, pointing upwards towards the nest full of little peeping beaks. Then I grinned, meeting Robert's gaze. "A robin."
Robert tried to hide his smile at the casual reference to his nickname in front of others. "Well you two are not robins, so please take care coming down- you've no wings to catch you when you fall."
Yet another private reference between us- I had said those same words to him when we had ventured off to the old Factory I had spent so much of my youth in.
Lottie glowered down at Robert, sitting down on the branch and crossing her ankles. "I shall do no such thing! You turn away at once!"
It took a moment for me to understand what she was implying- she was worried he may see up her dress as she climbed down. Embarrassed, I brought my legs a bit closer together, as well, knowing it did little good as the wind blew at the flowing, formal fabric I had worn for church.
"Lottie, the back of your dress is still up near your shoulders," I informed her- it had gotten caught there after she had hung upside-down on the branch.
She glanced up, seeing that I was correct and that her pantylettes were entirely exposed, anyway. "Oh," She mumbled, not seeming all that embarrassed as she yanked it back down. I should have known- she did not truly care if he saw, as she was far too young to concern herself with modesty. She just wanted to play the part of formal Lady. It was a game to her.
As if to prove my point, Lottie waved her fingers in a theatrical wave. "Now you may not look. Turn around!"
Robert smiled in amusement, but obeyed, turning his back to us. The little girl beside him kept her gaze on us, looking eager to see us make our way through the maze of branches and leaves.
I was not fooled by Robert's display, though- I saw him peeking through his fingers, making certain we made our way down safely. I even saw him shift his stance, once, prepared to lunge for Lottie when the branch she was holding snapped beneath her weight and I was not fast enough to catch hold of her wrist. She caught herself on the next branch down, though, and continued to climb down as if it had never happened. She never noticed the way Robert had been ready to catch her, if needed.
When Lottie made it to the ground, she lunged immediately for the small girl just beside Robert, pulling her into a hug. "Hello, Emily!"
The girl- Emily, I supposed- looked a bit uncomfortable in the hold. She eyed Robert, who raised his eyebrows at her, and she then sighed and returned the embrace. "Hello, Charlotte."
Lottie pulled back, scrunching up her nose. "I told you, I am called Lottie."
"But your name is Charlotte."
"But I am called Lottie."
Robert nudged Emily, and she glanced up. He nodded towards Lottie. "Emily, be polite and call her as she wishes."
Emily sighed, glaring at the ground. She looked back up at Robert, though, and saw the firm look on his face. She was quick to agree, then. "Yes, Sir."
Catching my gaze, Robert gestured to the child. "Lady Amelia, this is Emily, my youngest sister- the one that stays in my household. Due to my move here to London, she has been staying with me at the school in the time that I was left in charge while your Father attended to your Mother. Lottie took a liking to her. Emily- this is Lady Amelia."
I decided that I should have known she was Robert's sister- they had the same green eyes, as well as the same dark curls. I could see that she had been raised in privilege and wealth, from the deep and proper curtsy she offered me in greeting.
"Hello, Emily," I said, smiling down at her. "That is a very pretty dress."
She beamed at me, and I decided she had likely been hoping I would notice. She swirled it around, the pink fabric dancing about at the movement. It certainly stood out among the pale blue and white simplicity of the school-uniform Lottie and all of the other boarding children wore. "Thank you, Lady Amelia! It is new!"
At Robert's pointed glance, she quickly amended, "Well, the dress is not new. But I added the lace at the edges. My governess taught me how just before she was given leave because we were coming here."
At this, I felt sympathetic for the little girl- a governess was the one whom raised the child. In addition to both of her parents having passed, she had also lost the woman she relied on most when she had come here with Robert. But she looked happy enough to be at her brother's side.
After a bit more chatting about her dress, Robert pointed the girls over to the swing attached to a large oak tree. "Go on and play, girls."
Lottie dragged a less-than eager Emily off to play, and Robert chuckled as they went.
"Emily is very uncomfortable with other children," He admitted, walking with me over to a bench where we could see them. "The house we grew up in is far out from others, and after our Parent's died, I was a recluse for a while. It was selfish of me, really- it impacted her, as well. Lottie adores her, and I'm hoping she will soon give in and accept having a friend."
I smiled as Lottie's bubbling laughter echoed all the way across the field to us. "It would be hard to not give in to Lottie's charm. She has opened up so much these past few weeks."
Robert frowned. "Yes- at times. She still grows quiet when we go near the garden- she is still frightened at the thought of all of the children who were buried there. And your Father told me that she still cries each night, and asks the older girls if she may sleep with them. Some nights they take pity on her, but other nights your Father must assign her to a bed with another girl. It is leading to her being bullied here."
At my frown, Robert rushed to reassure me. "Your Father handles it, of course, Amelia. He does all he can to avoid the children picking on one another."
"Of course." His words did little to ease my worries. In childhood, I had been the only girl frequently taking shelter with the other children in the Factory. As was a given with large groups of children, there had been some bullying- name-calling, shoving, and even little scuffles had been very normal. As the only girl, I had known that I was both more vulnerable and smaller, so I had made up for it with a fiery temper, sharp mouth, and readiness for any physical struggle. I had been bold and fierce, and made any connections that I could to be certain that I had friends who would jump in and take my side to even the odds if I ever found myself in a real fight.
But this was different. Lottie was not at all daring in social situations, nor unmoving. She was prone to tears, and preferred to hide away or shrink into herself at the first signs of confrontation. Lottie was not only one of the youngest children here, but the smallest and the most sensitive.
So then what would bullying mean to her? What happened if the tormenting escalated beyond words, and she was unwilling to defend herself, or unable to make friends to side with her? What would that mean for this shy, weary, child who was so prone to tears and timidness? Such reactions would only make those intimidating her do it more often- that was the entire reason I had forced myself to be so brave and forward in childhood.
Wanting to distract me, Robert grinned. "She is already coming along as a little lady- did you hear how she told me to turn around?"
I laughed, as well, though I stored my worries away for later. I would need to come back to them. "She did not truly care- she just wanted to play pretend for a bit. The little girls like to play 'Lady' the same way they play 'House.'"
Robert smirked, leaning back. "I know she does not care- I believe it was Lottie who took off her dress in front of everyone at breakfast the first day I was here, demanding a different one and saying that she was tired of the same old blue and white."
My unexpected laughter almost choked me, this time- that was a story I had not yet heard. "She did not!"
Looking very proud of having stopped my worrying, Robert nodded, glancing across the field with a grin. "She did- threw it right to the ground, stomped on it, and demanded something green- she said she was feeling very much like a tree that day."
I sighed, leaning my head against Robert, forgetting to play the part of formal lady whom he was not courting. "Oh, I adore Lottie."
"I do, as well," He agreed, smiling at the girls as Emily finally lost her formality and began chasing Lottie around the garden as they began a game of tag. "And, on top of everything else, it seems she is a little monkey. We may need to cut down every tree on the property that is above five feet."
I rolled my eyes at him, though I was prepared to fight to the death for the trees- a child simply needed the experience of sitting against a large trunk as they read or played. "Why? So a gentleman such as you cannot look up her dress?"
Robert turned to me, a playful glint in his eye. "It was not her dress I was concerned with."
I laughed again, smacking his arm. "You better not have!"
"I rather like the color lavender, anyway. "
Though I did not recall the color of undergarments I had pulled on that morning, thus could not know if he was simply jesting with me, I smacked him again. "Some gentleman!"
He ducked his face slightly, and lowered his voice. "Gentleman? When did I ever claim to be such a thing? Was it when I was disparaging your innocence in the garden with such a scandalous meeting? Or perhaps when we were running about in abandoned factories?"
I glanced away, looking towards the garden. The other children had all made their ways inside- Lottie had only lingered behind because she had spotted the bird. Nobody else was about.
"You know," I told Robert, leaning slightly towards him. "I do think I would be willing to be scandalized again."
He followed my gaze to the large bushes of the garden, then glanced off towards the girls. They were making their way inside now. Once they were out of sight, he gripped my hand, pulling me towards the privacy that the shrubs offered.
But as soon as we made the sharp turn leading around the fountain, we ran directly into someone. And Robert's hand was still gripping mine as the eyes fell upon us.