Chapter 23: Chapter 23

I was confused. I wasn't bipolar, or anything related to being mental. I was just confused – to the highest possible extent.

When I reminded myself that I didn't like Jesse, it felt as if I were lying to myself. As if I were in denial even. But wanting to vomit when he hugged me, or smiling when he kissed me – regardless as to where – confused the hell out of me. Was I happy or not?

I shouldn't be, since I knew better – I should have always known better.

I pulled aside the curtains beside my dresser, seeing white cotton looking snow cover the grass outside. There obviously wasn't enough to make a snowman, as I hoped for. And to add to that, there wasn't even enough to cancel school today, which I hoped for also.

Turning around to face the room, my eyes landed on Jesse's jacket. Hanging from my desk chair, looking warm enough to sleep in.

I didn't sleep in it, but God, did I wish I would've.

Sighing, I picked up my bag, snatched Jesse's jacket off the desk chair, and walked out the door.

Passing the archway of the kitchen, I said a quick farewell to my parents. My dad had been covered behind a giant newspaper. I knew him well enough by now to say he could care less about the news, but focused on the Garfield comics as if they were the only reason he read the newspaper in the first place. All the while, my mom seemed to be experimenting with the stove, and jumped about a foot in the air when something popped inside the skillet.

When I showed up to school, the first thing I did was head straight to Jesse's locker. The last thing I wanted to do was bother him while he was in the bubble of his friends, just to throw him back his jacket.

As I walked through the halls, I heard a giggle erupt from one of the classrooms. I turned around to see where exactly the source had come from, being nosy as to who it was also. But when the sound didn't come up again, I turned back around to look in front of me, though with my lack of processing things quickly, I clashed right into the wall.

I looked up, as my bag fell to the floor and my stuff fell out, only to see that it was far from a wall – and far from being Jesse.

"Oh my God, I'm sorry," I blurted out. Kneeling down to gather my belongings, I expected him to disregard me in my regular outfit, and walk past me. But instead, he knelt in front of me and helped.

"You changed." I looked up at the sound of his voice. "Yesterday was just a phase, I assume?"

I let out a wary smile. "You can say that."

When I stuffed the remainder of my papers into my bag and stood up, I realized he had one – extending his hand out for me to grab it. I reached over and tried to pull it, but he wouldn't let go.

"I saw Jesse and you after school yesterday." He stood up also, a small smile taking form on his lips.

At the mention of Jesse's name, I looked down. "Good to know."

I made an attempt at pulling the paper again, but failed miserably. "So does it mean that you two are a—?"

Instantly, I shifted my gaze up to him. "No. And quite frankly, I don't believe it's any of your—"

"Well, I think it's everyone's business as to who Prince Charming is dating."

I recalled his name as Kale, remembering how cocky the tone of his voice seemed to be. His beige hair seemed to be darker than the last time I saw it, but I'd bet it was just because of the snow. "He's most likely dating someone, but it sure as hell isn't me."

"That's getting hard to believe, judging by how you two act together."

I glanced down at the paper between us, and then took the big step and released it. It might have been my homework, but I didn't care anymore.

Though as I tried to walk past him quickly, a hand clasped around my arm, stopping me. I turned to him, slight shock written on my features.

My first instinct would have been to whack him with my bag, but controlling my anger was something I had to work on. With Jesse around it almost seemed impossible, but I barely managed.

Barely.

"Just wondering, but did you ever tell your brother I asked for him?"

A clear mask of annoyance took hold of my features.

"Yes. And he said that if you touched his sister again, he'd kill you."

His eyes widened, and just as he was about to let go of me, a new voice made us jump apart.

"Carson—" We both turned to the end of the hallway. The first thing I saw was Jesse's expression, utter bewilderment being the word to describe it. The second thing I noticed...was the black leather jacket he was wearing. He crossed his arms at the sight of Kale before me, and glanced at me questioningly. "What's going on?"

I didn't intend on speaking at the same time as Kale, but it happened nevertheless. "Nothing."

Jesse squinted his eyes at me. "Uh huh."

Kale shifted, with a small smile on his face, before handing me my paper finally, and scooting out of the way. "I'll see you later, Carson."

The deathly glare I shot him would have shattered the most strongest glass, but when he disappeared, I turned back to Jesse – relaxed at last. A wide smile took hold of my lips at the sight of him.

I easily noticed the expression he developed when he saw I did that.

"Good morning," I greeted him nicely, and brought out his jacket, whacking him with it on his chest.

Just as I was going to release it and leave it up to him to grab it, he let it drop to the floor, and held my hand in place instead.

So much for the 'be nice to Jesse and hit him' charade.

"Did I miss something?"

I shrugged, not attempting at pulling my hand back until I spoke. "Nope."

"So you already knew him? Since when?"

Again, I shrugged – acting innocent, not as if there was anything to be guilty about. "He's a friend of my brother's, I don't know."

He released me, sighing in annoyance. "What a tool."

I ignored that, for now at least. It was his tone that had me wanting to laugh – hysterically.

It was moments like these that often got me confused though – moments where I wanted to laugh at him, but wouldn't let my pride let me, since the thought of smiling because of him was demeaning – at least to me.

And I had no idea why I thought like that. From either being a heartless person, or a self absorbed being – I had no idea.

I guess it was just the satisfaction he'd get for making me smile – knowing it was a hard mission to accomplish, especially for him.

"Talking to me makes him a tool?" I kept my eyes on his face, watching how his expression seemed to have changed.

He blanked out for a second. "Well...yeah. Yeah it does."

"I don't think he should be of your concern anyway."

"Why not?"

"Because," I started, walking backwards slowly. "A boyfriend is obligated to be concerned, if Kale were to be talking to his girlfriend."

He paused. "So then...I should be concerned then, because you're my—"

My entire expression dropped. "I'm not your girlfriend."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

He sighed in frustration. "Why are you so goddamn stubborn?"

I sighed the same way he did, mimicking his tone. "Why are you so goddamn persistent?"

"Even after yesterday, you're going to start up with this again?"

I tightened my lips into a hard line. "Nothing happened yesterday."

He smirked, crossing his arms. "Nothing? Not even the part where I—"

"Yes, that was nothing, so drop it." My stare had become a glare in a matter of seconds. I turned around, beginning to stomp off to class.

I heard him shuffle for a second behind me, and I stopped at the sight of the jacket I hit him with being flung around as he darted in front of me. "If you honestly believe it was nothing, then you're stupid."

My eyes widened. Instinct took in, and I backed away from him. "If you honestly believe it was something, then you're pathetic."

He smiled.

"Then I guess I'm pathetic." The smile faded, and he leaned forward – until he was right in my face. "I kissed you, and you know it."

"No you didn't," I roughly pushed him away, making him stumble back a few steps. "It was just you trying to pull a fast one."

His eyes turned cold. "I like you, Carson – and no offense, but you're really starting to piss me off."

I crossed my arms. "Good. Then I'm doing my job."

"Oh, give up. Plan A or B – or whatever hundred plans you had never worked, and won't everwork," he said harshly. For the first time in a long time, he actually seemed mad. "You're wasting your time trying to get rid of me."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He didn't smile, or even show any sign of doing so. "You're not an idiot, I'm sure you can figure it out."

Before I could respond at all, he turned away and walked off.