Chapter 29: Chapter 29

I was a second away from cursing out the animated girl with her singing backpack and annoying map, when the phone rang. Since I found it tiring to remember each and every person's number, I answered timidly, preparing to hang up if it was someone I didn't know. "Hello?"

"Carson?"

"Yeah...?"

"Hi."

I smiled. "What do you want, Katrina?"

"Nothing, just wanted to say hi since I'm dead bored. What are you doing?"

My expression fell once I looked up to find that the girl and her magic backpack started singing again. "Watching what parents are torturing their kids with."

"You're watching parents give their kids purple medicine?"

"No." I couldn't help but let out a small laugh at her surprising tone.  "That wacky channel on TV where they only show pre-school stuff."

"Oh." She had paused, but something about my situation amused her. With a snicker, she continued with, "Blue's Clues or Barney?"

The urge to fling the remote at the screen became overwhelming. "Dora the Explorer is pissing me off."

Katrina let out another chuckle. "Then why are you watching it?"

"Because my Dad left in his car to meet my mom at my grandma's house while I was at school. They won't get back in an hour, and my Dad set the parental controls to not show anything over G. Dora was the only thing I actually recognized out of the entire guide."

She laughed again. It was obvious my Dad's paranoia entertained her, as it did me. But watching a non-stop marathon of something I've grown out of so many years ago didn't necessarily motivate me to finish any homework sitting on my lap. If anything it made me draw more horrifying stick figures in the corners, and that was bad. For my health, I mean.

I pulled away from the phone, hearing something clatter on the other end. "Katrina—"

Startled to find that the noise had been on my end, I quickly turned my head to the window, barely catching sight of a couple of birds flying past. Their movement made the leaves from the tree next to Daren's old room hit the window.

"Carson?"

I narrowed my eyes, pushing my books off my lap and climbing off the bed. "Hang on a minute, the sky is falling."

As I approached the window, I let my hand drop to my side along with the phone. The late afternoon sun peeked over the neighbor's house, still giving light to the house as if it were still one rather than five in the afternoon.

I raised the phone back to my ear, lifting my other hand to turn the knob to lock the window. "Never mind, the damn birds—Jesus Christ!"

All while jumping away from the window, the phone flew from my hand, landing on the floor with a disorienting sound. My eyes darted straight at the window, and my history of near heart attacks seemed to remind me exactly why I jumped away.

Across the window was not a bird, no, but a vile creature that possessed blue eyes, and had a vicious tendency to drive any person insane. If it weren't for the look on my face, Jesse would have smiled at me from the other side of the window, I just knew it.

With a scowl that lasted a long minute at the detection of déjà vu, I unhitched the lock and flung open the window. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you," he grunted, taking advantage – didn't he always? –by throwing himself through the window before I slammed it on him.

I would have swallowed what I felt at the moment and helped him up, but the maddening girl on TV sang the backpack song again. As he stood up, he didn't mutter a word, and only gave off a look that seemed to match one of amusement and confusion.

My eye twitched. I didn't know whether to laugh or to scream. Once Jesse caught my gaze, I reacted. "You saw, you conquered, now can you leave?"

I didn't seem to notice that I let my hand point to my door as I spoke. But Jesse sure did. "You mean...through the front door?"

I paused. "I—"

"Are your parents even here?"

"Uh—"

"Because I didn't see a car outside besides yours."

"They're—"

"They're not, are they?" He made an expression that seemed to resemble Daren's, when he had found someone out in the world who still had a Nintendo 64 – a discovery. Or maybe Jesse was just annoyed to find he could have used the front door rather than risking his life and climbing up a fence to reach a second story window. Either way, he seemed taken aback.

Leaving me to process that there was no other option but to grab that fancy jacket of his and push him out the window, he brushed passed me in a rush. I whirled around, watching him open the door and peer out. "Hello? Hello, hello? Is anyone else here? Carson's parents? People? Hello—!"

"They're not here."

He turned toward me and smiled, though it seemed like he already knew that no one besides us were present.

Of course Jesse would know if my parents weren't here. Jesse would always know if any parents were in a girl's house or not. "Good." He stepped out, a smirk plastered on his face. "I was starting to get worried."

Liar.

I stepped over my phone, seeing for myself that the battery had popped out and shut off the power. I didn't waste any time on it though, I quickly scurried past my doorframe and ran to catch up with Jesse.

Taking the last step on the stairs, I heard a faint rattle in the kitchen. As I was about to run in, my eyes landed on the window beside the front door that gave off a good view of the driveway, and at once, my heart began to pound. Never had I felt so nervous, so afraid of being caught red handed.

I let out a strangled sigh as I turned into the kitchen archway. It had been my feeble attempt to calm myself down, but it didn't appear to work at all. "You have to leave!"

Jesse glanced up from what seemed to be the note my Dad left on the refrigerator. After studying me, he made a look of disappointment. "Why? I just got here."

"Because if my Dad sees you..." There were no words to describe the massacre my Dad would have if he saw any male species in here beside him and Daren. "It's the slaughterhouse for you and a convent for me."

"That's a little extreme, don't you think?"

My arm came up, a finger pointing directly to the note in his hand. "He's going to be here any minute."

"Well..." He looked back down at the note, his face scrunched up as if he didn't even understand the messy handwriting. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

I let my shoulders relax. I spun on my heel, and turned toward the front door.  It would be wise at this point to just scream on the porch.

"Oh, c'mon Carson. I need to talk to you anyway."

The sincere tone in his voice made me look over my shoulder. "About what?"

He hesitated, and after what seemed to be long enough without a response, I continued for the door.

"I talked to my therapist," he blurted out.

I stopped this time, suddenly beginning to think he was the same level as disturbed as me to see a therapist.  I turned around to face him. The look I gave him was more apprehensive than I hoped for. "Therapist?"

He paused, a heavy sigh following afterwards. "Whatever, my Mom." I relaxed a bit. "And she says...that I hate that I like you."

I didn't know what I found more flattering: the fact that he went to his Mom for advice, or the fact that he asked her for advice about me.

Biting my lip – a thing I was doing as a bad habit by now – I moved back toward the counter across from him. "The feeling's mutual."

"But she says, that in order for me to feel like that – you must not really like me."

"Not to question your mother's intelligence, but that's one thing she's wrong about." I hadn't meant to respond so quickly, but her advice actually struck out to me as insulting.

"Really?" Dropping the note on the counter, he made his way toward me again. I took a step back, wary of him, especially after yesterday. He was still near me, but if he attempted another kiss, I would have a clearing to make a suicide dive through the back door's window.

"You like me?" There were two things bothering me when he asked that: the deceitful edge in his eyes, and the hopeful smile playing on his lips.

I cursed myself for noticing both.

Nonetheless, it was my turn to hesitate. If I said no, then whether I wanted to or not, I'd be choosing a side. But if I said yes, then I know for a fact that I wouldn't be siding with Kale – who, might I add, the evil diabolic side of me was siding with.

Damn.

"Sure." My voice broke.

"Then go out with me."

I flinched. "No."

"Why not?"

"Because..." Kale seemed to flitter through my mind again, and I began to wonder what I would have answered with if he weren't involved. Before it had been me just not liking Jesse the same way, but now...the tiniest bit of good in me would have made me say yes, but only if Kale weren't involved and my judgment wasn't clouded. "Because I won't say yes, so...move on."

"And how do you suggest I do that?"

"I don't know. Find another girl. Do what you do best."

"But what if I want to do what I do best, with someone I want to do best with?"

My nose scrunched up. "Ew."

If it weren't for the topic at hand, I swear, he would have laughed.

But seeing as though the topic was crossing into dangerous waters, I had moved away from him, aiming for going back to the front door. I would have succeeded, but he struck his hand out, and placed it over mine so that I stayed beside him. It wasn't rough, but the sudden movement caused me to jump in alarm. I was a second away from cursing him out and grabbing a frying pan from the stove, but another tendency Jesse had was to make me freeze on the spot with little to no effort.

"I kissed you."

The violence in my system faded away. "I know..."

"Well..." His eyes studied my features. I had to glance away before I turned red, which he would undoubtedly cast off as blushing. "Doesn't that change anything?"

"Yes..."

"Like what?"

Lots of things, I would have answered. But I didn't say it aloud, because I knew him well enough to know he would ask why, and I was in no position to elaborate. "Like how you have to leave. Now."

He let go of me, but narrowed his eyes and stubbornly remained standing where he was. "Don't change the subject."

"I just did."

"You can't avoid it forever."

"And what if I can?" I held my head high. "What are you going to do about it?"

I chewed over any response he would have made, which was to either threaten me with something disgustingly promiscuous or actually say something heartfelt that was disgusting to everyone and anyone but me.

He didn't do neither.

"What am I going to do about it?" He mused to himself, looking away.

I suddenly became worried, but reassurance followed when I remembered I could still make it if I made a dash for the window behind me.

With something I was too familiar with in his eyes, I suddenly needed to know I was jumping through glass for the greater good.

"J..." I started. Swallowing once, I remained vigilant and continued, "Jesse—" I was cut off before I could finish. He had found a way to snake an arm around my waist and shove me forward. Something within me leaped at that moment, but in panic rather than anything else. It died down though, because Jesse twisted, and instead held me against the counter with both of his hands on either side of me.

He held his face close to mine. "Kiss me and I'll leave."

My eyes widened, remembering yesterday immediately. "No thank you."

"Then I'm staying."

"You can't, I'll call the cops."

"Not with me blocking you."

If it weren't for the need to respond quickly, I would have cursed myself repeatedly for being so slow. If I had been thinking straight, by now I would be out the window and screaming. "My parents will be here, they'll call 'em for me."

He faltered. I was close to smiling wide and declaring victory, but his deviant smile made the color in my face drain away. "Then I'll tell them we got to third base."

"You wouldn't," I hissed.

"Oh, I would." The smooth and calm way he responded snapped a vein.

My eyes darted to the phone behind him. If I could just distract him I could make a break for it. It won't take all the time in the world just to dial three little numbers. How do I distract him though?

"Oh my God," I whispered, eying the empty couch through the hallway.

"Now, now, I know there's nothing there, and you do too."

My expression fell again. I stomped my foot like a child. "Please, just go!"

"Please just stop asking!"

"What if I said I'll go out with you then?"

He relaxed his arms, but it only made him that much closer to me. "I'd say it only be because I'm forcing you, and not because you want to."

"Aren't you always forcing me?"

He paused. "Well when you say it like that, it makes me sound like a—"

"I'm serious this time."

An expression crossed his face, but it wasn't one that I've seen before. It was almost as if he wanted to believe me, but knew I was lying. And to be honest, I didn't even know myself. The need to play I-don't-like-you again vanished with what he was threatening me with, and with someone as temperamental and paranoid as my Dad, it was something I wasn't willing to risk.

After a long moment of watching him deliberate – my heart racing the entire time – he pushed away from me, hesitantly though. "If you're willing to cross that line just because of your Dad, then I should leave then."

I should have felt relieved, free even. But the damn feeling in my stomach made me think otherwise. Jesse turned, his embrace fading as he put more space between us. And oddly, my voice spoke before I could hold it in. "Jesse?"

At the edge of the archway, he turned to me, his blue eyes bright in this light. He didn't answer, but the way he stared at me seemed to answer for him.

My mouth opened, but this time, no sound came out.

Son of a bitch. Why couldn't I say it? I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to demand why he screwed Kale over. I wanted to yell at him for all the things he's put me through. I wanted to punch him for taking advantage of all the girls in his past. And I wanted to do all that while pushing him out the back door.

Because a loud knock on the front door made us both jump.

His eyes widened, and he froze up, not knowing what to do. "Shit," he let out.

I shuffled forward, grabbing his arm and pulling him behind me – away from the windows. Unfortunately for me, I had frozen up also, debating on going for the door or pushing Jesse out the back before I did.

An even louder bang hit the door again, and I ran forward without thinking. Swinging the door open...Katrina stood there.

She was panting, large bits of pieces of hair clung to her face, and beads of sweat stained her cheeks. With my heart racing faster than ever, I couldn't even put a word in before she started panicking. "Are you okay? What happened? Your phone cut me off before I heard screaming, so I ran over here. Is someone still in the house? Should I go call the cops? Or am I too late? Oh my God, Carson, did they try to—?"

"Katrina!" She quieted down, waiting for me to continue. With a huge sigh of relief, I caught my breath and hoped my heart would slow down. "What—no one is here. It was just—" I cut myself off.

Her eyebrows furrowed. "Just what?"

"Just..." Jesse. "The birds. They hit the window and I dropped the phone. I didn't mean to get you so worried – I would have called back, but...my Dad called first."

She seemed to relax somewhat, but something behind me caught her interest. Her eyes widened and her panting stopped altogether.

I looked behind me and saw Jesse in the hallway in front of the stairs, catching my eye as if he still didn't know what to do. I let out a nervous laugh, before swallowing loudly. "He...uh...it's not what you think."

Katrina didn't seem fazed by that, which began to worry me if she was breathing or not. Ever since I had met Jesse, I didn't recall Katrina actually meeting or coming face to face with him. He'd threatened me once to ask her out, but I didn't believe he actually knew her. Watching Katrina's reaction when she spotted him, I couldn't figure out why she'd react like that.

After glancing away awkwardly, Jesse finally directing his gaze to her. "Are you okay...?"

She let out a breath as soon as he spoke, and began breathing normally again. "Yeah." She glanced at me, still with wide eyes. "Are you okay?"

I didn't find the hidden meaning until I thought about it. "Yes, I'm fine. Nothing happened, he just...wanted to say hi."

Because honestly, why else would Jesse break into my house for?

"Okay...I should go then..." She turned before I could say something.

"Wait, Katrina!" She stopped at the bottom of the steps. "Don't you need a ride? Look at yourself, you're about to faint."

She was going to respond, but Jesse came up from behind me, making her silent again. "I was leaving anyway, I could drive you, if you want—"

"No. I can walk." To be fair, I kind of admired that she stuck to her words. Though as much as I wanted to protest, her tone silenced me, and I couldn't bring myself to get my car keys and go after her. Even if I did, my Dad would be home and I'd be in a world of explaining if I wasn't here when he showed.

Jesse shifted forward, beside me, following my gaze to where Katrina walked away. "What was that about?"

"I don't know."

"Do you think she'll be okay?"

"I don't know."

"Does she think I deflowered you or something?"

"I don't know," I repeated.

As Katrina disappeared through the neighborhoods, Jesse and I stood there for a while. What fell on us wasn't the kind of uncomfortable silence where neither of us knew what to say or do, it was a bit more than that. It felt as if he didn't want to leave at all, watching him made that oh so clear.

Somehow, we managed to hold out sitting on the front steps. The silence still hung in the air, but for once there wasn't any bickering or obnoxious talking that ended up in me getting mad. But a silence I was okay with, a silence I didn't know Jesse could pull off.

And I admit it.

I kind of liked it.

***

-Kale-

I stared at the girl in front of me, my eyes trying to find any flaws in the way her soft hair cascaded down her back and in the way she stood. After a minute, I nodded silently to myself in approval. She didn't look anything like the train wreck she resembled the day before.

"This isn't going to work, Kale," a voice suddenly interrupted my scrutinizing. I turned away from the girl—whose name was Farrah—and turned to Dalton, who was sitting behind me on the bleachers of the football field.

Farrah stopped running her hands through her hair to look at him also, and spoke before I could reply to him. "What makes you say that?"

"It isn't going to change anything," he said with the roll of his eyes. "This is about that girl—Carson, was it? If Jesse wants her, he's going to have her. It's going to happen whether you two like it or not."

I eyed him. "Whoever said this was completely about her?"

My brother paused, not catching on. "Well she's the reason why you're doing this, isn't it? I mean, if you don't want her, then what's the point?"

"You know why I'm doing this."

Dalton sighed. "She was a kid," he said. "But most importantly, you were a kid. Did you honestly think an eighth grader would make such a commitment to one guy for the rest of her school life?"

His words sent the same kind of uncomfortable twist in my gut I always got when I heard my back story played out in such a way, but I managed to hide that when I said, "If she'd left me for anyone else, I wouldn't have made it such a big deal. Besides, he's still doing it, and I think it's about time someone does something about it."

"Oh," Dalton let out with a smug smile. "Because it's Carson he's doing it to now."

"No, you idiot," I snapped. "After she does what I told her, then I could care less what happens to her."

"Are you sure about that?"

I stared at Dalton for a long while before his smile made me start to scowl. I reached behind me and wrapped my hands around Farrah's wrist. "Go to hell, Dalton," I spat at him, turning around and towing Farrah with me.

After escaping from the football field and nearing the school building, Farrah turned to me, a frown etching onto her transformed face. "Is he right?" she asked. "You like her, don't you?"

It took a great effort to hide my annoyance from showing on my face, so I put on a tight smile and turned away while I said, "No. Besides, it doesn't even matter. You know what you have to do."

After a few seconds of struggling to catch up to my long strides, she nodded. "Yeah, you're right."

I released her once we were standing at the doors of the school, and remained watching after her as she made her way through the throng of students by the doors by herself—receiving curious stares while she did—and entered the school. Once she disappeared inside the bulding, I turned away from her and looked toward the parking lot, eying the spot Jesse usually parked his car with disdain.

This time, I thought to myself. This time I'll win.

***

-Carson.-

I shoved my books into my bag and hoisted it over my shoulder. I flinched a little at the weight, and reminded myself to visit my locker before I go to class.

As I shut the door to my car and faced out toward the school, two people seemed to stand out. Not because I didn't know anyone else, but because their appearances tended to stay branded in my head.

Jesse was off to the side of the school, within a large group of girls and boys from where I could see. And hanging around near the front steps, was Kale, sitting near a guy who I couldn't see clearly from the distance I was standing. All I could see was that he had brilliant blond hair, since he was facing away from me.

I bit my lip, again, and dropped my gaze.

Maneuvering around the car, I made my way towards the back of the school.

It'd be best if I avoided both of them. What I was beginning to hope for was that Kale would realize he was wrong, and see for himself that I wasn't as close to Jesse as he thought.

The only thing that bothered me was that I had to lie to him now. To show him I wasn't close to Jesse.

When even I knew I was.

Along with the thundering ache in the back of my head...today felt different in a way. I didn't know if it was because I was going soft or because I was preparing to get lectured for not finishing any homework, either way, it felt strange.

And it scared the hell out of me.