Chapter 30: Chapter 30

“You were right.”

The books I had taken the time to neatly arrange toppled over inside my locker, creating a very, very loud sound throughout the hallway. Hastily, gathering everything I needed, I shut the door before anything fell out. Some notion actually made me believe I would see Jesse then.

When I turned and recognized a pair of green eyes instead, my pulse began to race.

Several responses clicked on in my head, but I figured the clueless one portrayed my confusion. “About what?”

“Everything,” Kale said, almost in a trance. “Jesse, I mean. The revenge crap and…her.”

My nails scratched along the bindings of my books, only because I still sensed a bit of fury wrapped around Jesse’s name when he said it. I didn’t question it though, because really, I had no reason to. “Hmm.”

“I even think it’s behind me.” The skeptical look I gave him seemed to make him reconsider his words. “Or at least, I hope it is.”

Staring at him then, I noticed that the black button up shirt he wore fit him nicely. Were it not for the fact that the sleeves were pulled up to his elbows, I would have said he was dressed up, but it was a casual look that made me feel unsettled all the same.

“That’s why I want to apologize to him.”

Whoa. My earlier skepticism vanished, replaced by pure doubt.“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

While clearly thinking it through, he shook his head slightly, crossed his arms, and leaned back against the lockers. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I don’t know…I mean, think about it. It sounds absolutely insane.

He chuckled darkly. “Insane is carrying around a grudge for four years, not thinking about how it affects me, but how I’m going to get even.”

We met each other’s gazes. I gaped at him, but it had been just a reaction to his words, stricken and awed at how he could say it as if greeting a relative. His gaze on the other hand seemed to be timid, almost as if he just said the wrong thing.

Which was why he switched up his expression, putting on a smile I couldn’t tell was real or fake – it even bothered me that it was a smile I had to question. “At least, that’s what I used to think…”

“Hmm,” I let out again. Suspicion started to rise, but it immediately died down. If Kale wanted to make peace, then I was in no position to object. It had been what I wanted, after all. “Then, um, tell me how it goes.”

“I don’t think I’ll need to,” he said, a little too casually.

I frowned. “Why not?”

“Because I want you to go with me.”

“Now that is insane.”

“How so? You seem to know more about him than any other person here. It’ll be perfect if you were there.”

Well. I knew one thing for sure. Even after attempting to avoid Jesse the whole day so Kale wouldn’t think I was close to him anymore, was not fooling him – or anyone for that matter.

My face fell, failure emanating around me.

“I…I don’t even know where he is…” I’d reduced myself to making excuses. Thankfully, I was pretty good at pulling it off. “The last time I saw him was around…two days ago, he hasn’t talked to me since then. I probably haven’t even crossed his mind at all, to be honest.”

Kale smiled. What bothered me this time was that it wasn’t the kind that emitted humor or had any good intentions behind it. I suddenly felt like I was being excluded from some sick joke. “I can see why.”

Something behind me seemed to catch his attention, making his eyes instantly light up.

I turned, following his gaze to a girl walking our way. She was thin, somewhat tall, and had wickedly curly strawberry blonde hair. Her expression when she reached Kale made the excluded feeling return.

“Hey Kale.” A flirty smile crossed her features. “There’s a party today, at Jesse’s house. You going?”

My eyes lit up this time. Jesse’s name rolling of her tongue was like a slap in the face, instantly making me alert.

Kale hadn’t answered, but looked to me. “Now we know where he’ll be.”

“Oh. You’re going, too?” I glanced up to see she had been speaking to me. And again, like Kale, there was an eerie look in her eyes and a strange note in her voice.

A wave of bewilderment washed over me.

“I don’t think I can—”

“Of course she will,” said Kale, interrupting me. “Why wouldn’t she?”

“Mmm.” The girl put on a tight smile, and then shot Kale a look. It screamed something but I couldn’t figure it out. “I’ll see you two there, then.”

She walked off. After watching as she disappeared around the corner of the hall, I turned to Kale, desperately fighting the urge to scowl. “Is this all really necessary?”

Those green eyes seemed to be dancing. He was excited, and again, I felt completely in the dark. “Of course.” He held out his arm, a courteous gesture that didn’t seem the least bit of friendly, at least in that moment. “Walk you to class?”

*

Katrina wasn’t in her seat when the tardy bell rang. Fifteen minutes into the class, I finally came to the conclusion that she didn’t come to school. And it upset me knowing it was probably because of me.

After eying the clock and Katrina’s empty seat the whole forty-five minutes, I suddenly felt the need to see her. After witnessing her reaction to seeing Jesse in my house yesterday, I began to wonder if she even listened to me. What if she thought I slept with him or something?

She wouldn’t assume that, could she? She’s known me for so long. She grew out of the Barbie era with me and was even there when I developed my slight abrasive attitude. Something as small as Jesse being in my house couldn’t possibly—

The last bell rung, and at the sound, I sprang from my seat.

Ducking behind the class as they crowded the door, I tried to make a run for it before Kale could see me. Much to my misfortune though, my slick plan on escaping was not carried through.

There was an urge to raise my hands in defeat when I walked out and a person who was leaning against the wall stepped away and cut me off. But…it was sort of spiffy when I remembered Kale had been wearing black, not a navy t-shirt.

Even though it only happened in the span of a millisecond, I then realized who it was when I met the person’s eyes.

Jesse pushed away from the wall, shooting a genuine smile at a couple of girls and guys who greeted him as they walked passed. When he looked back to me, his relaxed composure just got that more…relaxed. “Hey.”

Jesse’s voice could have shot me. There was nothing wrong with it – but hearing him made me think of Kale, and thinking of Kale while I was talking to Jesse made me feel dirty.

“Hi.”

Giving me a long stare that seemed to cloud my judgment, Jesse stuffed his hands into his jacket. “So there’s a party, or so I hear.”

“Yeah, yours.”

“They said that.” He shrugged, looking bored. “I don’t know why though.”

I arched an eyebrow. “What do you mean you don’t know why?”

Jesse had looked away, glancing at the people passing by us in the crowded hall. I didn’t seem to notice that they were all greeting him. “They didn’t necessarily explain to me why there was a party.”

“And you don’t know why, even though it’s being held at your house?”

“Mhm.”

“Why didn’t you tell them it was just a rumor? That there wasn’t actually a party at all?”

“Didn’t think to. I just went along with it.” Of course he did. Suddenly, something seemed to spark his interest. He leaned toward me. “Are you by any chance, going?”

“No.” Katrina seemed to be my first priority now. A party – no matter whose – wasn’t about to stop me from seeing my best friend and demanding an explanation as to why she missed school.

Jesse frowned. “Why not?”

“Because I have to go check on someone.”

“Oh.” There was no need for elaboration. Like me, we both seemed to recall that Katrina had all but ran away from us yesterday, still sweating from the quarter of a mile she had traveled to get to my house. “She didn’t show today?”

I shook my head.

Jesse sighed, running a hand through his dark hair. “Well…I should go then. Only God knows what these people have done to my house by now.”

A reply was on my tongue, ready to protest that the last bell had barely just rung and nobody could have possibly got there already, but I let it die down. Another reply was there too, one revolving around Kale and him wanting to say sorry, but it died down also. If I were to do that, Jesse would no doubt ask why I was fraternizing with Kale, and informing him about the revenge stuff I’d almost nearly agreed to wouldn’t plead my case.

When Kale went through with apologizing, I’d tell Jesse everything.

I let out a ghost of a smile, looking down as he continued passed me.

Be careful, I thought.

**

Looking back up, I hoisted my bag higher on my shoulder and walked on. My plan was to go through the back of the school, travel all the way around it, and make a suicide dive for my car in the parking lot before Kale could reach me.

I had my hopes up for him just waiting there at Jesse’s house for me,  and when he realized I wouldn’t show up, he’d go and do what he had to do by himself. Me being there wasn’t that important. Besides, if he asked later, I’d say I had other things to do. I wouldn’t be lying…my best friend was more important than a party and a rivalry I mistakenly gotten myself into. I mean, of course I’d—

Crap.

“Carson!” Kale was with a group of friends in the back of the school, off to the side just as I emerged from the double doors. I noticed him putting out a cigarette hastily once he saw me. “You’re going already?”

My luck sucks. I tightened my lips, trying to come up with a plausible lie. “Um…no, well, my car messed up. I’m just going to uh, walk home. Sorry.”

He smiled, making those green eyes of his glint. “Nonsense, I’ll drive you to Jesse’s.”

“I can’t go after all, after I get home, I have to uh, meet someone.”

“Uh well…” Kale stood up, towering over me. “It’s not like saying sorry is going to take an hour or anything. We’ll get this over with and you can go.”

Though the words came off as an order, it seemed to leave a little room for argument. I cursed myself for not taking it. Feeling intimidated in the presence of Kale was not fair.

Hearing over his words though, he was right. I’ll see to it he apologizes to Jesse and see Katrina. It probably won’t take long at all.

“Okay.” I let out a tight smile, knowing all of this would have been avoided if I just ran like hell. “I’ll go with you.”

***

I held the handle of the door, abruptly hesitant.

Jesse’s house wasn’t a medieval castle or a pristine and elegant mansion, but it came damn well close to both. It had the whole done deal – what, with the long drapes and giant two-story windows, a big door, and lush trees that were undoubtedly planted in the 1950’s. But all in all, although the house gave off the impression that it was peaceful, the cars parked and ditched everywhere threw off the vibe.

“So what happens if we can’t find him in all this chaos?” I asked. It had been a question I was aching to get off my chest throughout the whole ride. With a bit of distractions, Kale and I ended up arriving at nearly dusk. The house most likely wasn’t as crowded when the last bell had rung, but it sure as hell was now.

I was already beginning to wonder how long the neighbors would take to call the cops to file a noise complaint. Jesse’s house was set in a neighborhood where most doctors and lawyers lived, so I didn’t think long.

“Well…it’s not so much if we won’t find him, because he’s bound to be here.” Kale cut the engine, leaning forward in his seat and gazing at the house also. He didn’t seem to be impressed by it at all though. “It’s just where we’ll find him.”

Catching on, I turned to him, scowling. His assumption made me think he wasn’t in any way ready to say sorry at all, which only aggravated me.

He smiled, unfazed. “What I meant, was – I mean, look at the house, there’s about a hundred places he could be.”

My eye twitched, but I didn’t disagree. Jesse could be in the backyard, the garage, a corner in the house, sitting by a pool if there were one, or maybe…his room…

I grimaced. “Are you sure about this, Kale?”

“Don’t look so worried.” He played with the keys in his hands, opening his door. “What’s the worst that can happen?”

The worst?

After waiting a second once he shut his door and made his way around the truck, I finally mustered up the remnants of my courage and opened my door, peering up at the roof of the house. Thankfully, there wasn’t anyone jumping off – yet.

Kale closed my door for me once I moved away. He then began to walk ahead of me, but turned to me when he realized I wasn’t following. “You okay, Carson?”

I clenched my fist – my only outlet to my anxiety besides biting my lip – and found that my nails had bit into my hand. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

If he recognized the uneasy tone in my voice, he made no sign in showing it. He turned back around and walked up to the door, following an already swaying couple. Eventually following him, I found that he had paused at the doorway, leaving enough room for me to pass him.

For one, the same thing was happening in every room: people pretending to know how to dance and couples lounging on nearby furniture. I found that I had scooted away from Kale, for fear Jesse might pop up and get the wrong idea.

“Now what?” I asked, eying the twists and turns throughout the hallway.

“We look for him,” Kale said, reaching behind him and snatching my hand before I could move away. He didn’t drag me, per se, but he did pull me with him as if he knew the house from the back of his hand.

Suddenly, I was towed through a break in the wall. Inside was a room decorated to appear like a bar. I nearly sighed in relief to find that the alcohol cabinets were locked, but it appeared one of them wasn’t, and was well close to being cleaned out.

A guy sitting on a stool talking to a girl seemed to grab Kale’s attention, and he walked up to him, pulling me along.

“Dalton?” Kale asked.

The guy - or should I say, Dalton - turned away from the girl he was with, not glancing at Kale, but instead at me. He had sandy hair that was a shade darker than Kale’s, and possessed gray eyes that appeared a little too menacing for my taste. “Glad to see you’re going through with it, Kaleb,” he said.

“Me too.” Kale’s voice had gone rigid. “Have you seen him anywhere?”

“Who?” There was a sour note in Dalton’s voice that made it seem as if he were acting dumb. I glanced at Kale at the detection.

“You know who.”

Dalton smiled, turning back for a second to retrieve a beer the girl he was with had just gotten for him. “He was with Farrah a while ago.”

“Do you know where they are now?” I asked, unthinkingly.

The girl that had been sitting beside him leaned over the counter to retrieve something from her purse that looked suspiciously like more alcohol. Dalton spared her a glance and turned his gaze to me. Although I hadn’t even spoken to him before this moment, it already seemed like he knew a lot about me – judging by the way his long stare sent chills up my arms. “They split when the crowd got here. I could have sworn I saw Farrah pass by here a couple minutes ago, but I don’t know where Jesse is.”

I looked away, praying Jesse would just stumble through the archway – with a girl or not, it didn’t matter. I just wanted Kale to say sorry so I could haul my ass out of here.

“We’d better keep looking then,” I heard Kale say. I followed him out to the hallway, but only ended up testing our reflexes and managing to neatly dodge a group of people in nothing but sheets running by. “Damn it.”

As I was about to continue down the hall, Kale stopped. After meeting my gaze, he pulled out a phone from his pocket. He read something on the screen that made his nonchalant expression change to one of excitement. The change drove me to ask, “What is it?”

He looked up, the expression instantly fading as if he didn’t even know he had produced it. “Nothing, um, a friend of mine saw Jesse. Through there.”

I walked around a corner, bypassing a kitchen, a living room, and emerging into a wide area cleared out with more than enough people hanging around. Standing off to the side, it appeared as if so many people were dancing, but it was only a mirage – while few were actually busting a move, many were swaying to the music and talking at the same time.

“There.”

I looked up. There was a staircase, which wasn’t at all surprising with the house being more than two-stories, and on it, against the railing was Jesse. He was looking over the party from above, with what appeared to be an empty beer bottle dangling from his fingers. The bottle wasn’t what made me tilt my head in curiosity though.

It was the dazed look on his face.

Was he drunk?

As I was about to make my way through the crowd though, Jesse started looking around, apparently searching the room. I highly resisted waving my hands in the air to grab his attention.

But him seeing me with Kale wouldn’t necessarily give off the right impression if I weren’t next to him to explain. Ducking, I took a step forward, but a hand closed around my arm. “Wait.”

I turned, holding back a scowl. “Why? He’s right there.”

“I know that, Carson.” Kale glanced at me, before turning back to where Jesse was, suddenly wide-eyed. “Look.”

Turning back to Jesse, I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. He was still lounging against the railing. The only movement he made was to run a hand through his hair. I shrugged. “What? He’s just—”

Then I saw what Kale meant. The girl who had come up to us in the hallway earlier had made her way up the stairs, her eyes set on Jesse.

One of the first things I saw, were the two beers in – who I would assume was Farrah, by what Dalton said – her hands. As soon as Jesse realized she was there, he regarded her with that easily pulled off smile of his, and took the bottle she held out to him.

Although he appeared drunk, I still couldn’t stand the way he looked at her – as if getting completely wasted together was something they did everyday – it drove me on the verge of wanting to throw the lamp beside me at them.

When Farrah moved closer to Jesse, it was like I started walking to them before I even thought to.

And I would have made it to them, if Kale hadn’t caught my arm and demanded, “What are you doing?”

“Going to get him.” Desperate logic struck me. “She’s probably just one of his friends, what’s the big deal?”

I started to turn back for the stairs, but Kale caught up, holding my shoulders and spinning me around to face him. “I know her, Carson – you saw her at school earlier.” If I didn’t know any better I would have accused him of stalling. “If he’s hanging around her it must not mean anything good. We should just go.”

“What? Don’t even talk like that, Jesse wouldn’t do anything with her.”

“He’s already drinking with her,” he retorted.

“So let me stop him!”

“Does it even matter if you do? Obviously he’s not thinking of you while he’s off with other girls, otherwise he would do it himself!”

Ouch.

My pride begged me to make a comeback, but I knew he was right. Kale looked away from me, blind as to how his response affected me. His gaze traveled back to the staircase, green eyes blazing with excitement and intensity and expectancy and suddenly—

Fear?

“What—?” I saw it now.

Farrah tossed her light hair once, and moved way, way too close to Jesse. He was with his back against the railing, facing her, but slouched a bit so that he was nearly slumped over. Farrah didn’t seem to mind his condition though.

Her hand reached up and cupped his chin, lifting his face to hers. And she kissed him. It didn’t seem to be enough to make me choke on my oxygen, but when I saw him respond to her, it made me freeze.

He was kissing her back.

Or, at least I thought he was.

He looked far too drowsy to process what he was doing. Nonetheless though, I had a pretty good feeling he knew who he was making out with. I would never admit I was jealous, but in that moment – no matter how drunk he looked – I was pretty pissed.

Forced upon or not, he kissed me before, and it infuriated me that I was once in Farrah’s position – regardless of the scenario. Another girl was kissing Jesse, and this time, it wasn’t me.

Jesse’s relationship and mine wasn’t solid or labeled, but considering how long he’s been bothering me, I would have expected him to be a bit more loyal. Luckily, when I decided to come with Kale, I envisioned so many scenarios in my head – this being one of them, no matter how much I resented it. But seeing it for real, happening in front of me, it caught me off guard.

Reluctantly, I glanced at Kale, who appeared to have gone pale. He turned to me when he acknowledged my stare, and as I paid closer attention, I noticed his eyes were filled with hatred. After a short minute, he shook his head, and glared up at the staircase.

Pushing my hair away from my face, I followed his gaze.

Farrah gulped down the bottle in her hands and set it down on the railing behind Jesse, then moved closer to him and grabbed his hand. I thought – at least by now – that he’d have enough sense to refuse, but he didn’t. He set his bottle right alongside hers and let her lead him through the hallway that cut off from my view.

As they both disappeared through the hall, I was left there, with Kale beside me, staring at the empty space as if I just imagined all of what I just witnessed.

I didn’t know if Kale had been holding me the whole time, but suddenly, I felt his hands on my shoulders from behind me. “Let’s go. This was a bad idea.”

When Kale grabbed my hand, I flinched, but didn’t object as he led me back to the front door.

“Who is she?” I asked him once we were outside.

“A friend of mine.”

“Is this the first time she’s done something like that?”

In the car, Kale waited until the truck revved a while before answering, but even then, it wasn’t the simple yes or no answer I’d wanted. “She’s kind of known for it.”

“Does it always work?” Translation: ‘Do you think she’ll end up sleeping with Jesse?'

Those green eyes met mine, and I felt a pang of ridicule. The feeling was unbearable. “Yeah.”

***

“Bad habit.”

Kale let out a ring of smoke when he pulled away from his cigarette, watching it contaminate the air in a daze. “It’s like my own therapy – a weird way to look at it sure, but…it calms me down to a point where I’m not thinking so much.”

I almost asked him for one, but thought better of it.

Silence filled the two benches across from each other on the pathway. The park was filled with the distant light of the lampposts through the thick patches of trees around Kale and I, and if I was correct, I could make out the sound of laughter – couples strolling in the park at night. Disorienting as it was, I didn’t let myself get bothered by it.

It was about nine by now, which meant the sun was long gone and the moon was right above us. It didn’t occur to me that I’d forgotten about Katrina – and my parents’ curfew rule.

“I guess you were right,” I said at last.

Kale turned his eyes to me, studying my slumped posture before speaking. “I shouldn’t have brought you there.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“It’s not yours either,” he replied quickly. “It’s his.”

“I never thought he’d do that – well, in a way I did, after Lauren and that cheerleader I saw with him when I first met him. He…” It was difficult to describe what he did in words. “He played with them, and after that, when I knew, he even played with—”

“Hey.” Kale put out his cigarette – in record timing, might I add – and crossed the pathway from his bench to mine. “What he did to them is different; he broke it off with them and didn’t hesitate to tell them why. With you he didn’t. He doesn’t know you saw what he did back there.”

“What does it matter? When he’s – finished with that girl, it’s just going to make him remember why he’s spending all his time on me. It might not happen now, but Monday, he’ll break it off with me, you can count on it.”

Kale sighed, eying the empty space beside me for a while before taking it. “Last time I checked, there has to be something before he can break anything off.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s simple, Carson.” Kale leaned forward, and although he was moving no closer to me, I still couldn’t help but incline my body away from him. “Does he, by any chance, have the justice to say you’re his girlfriend – and vise versa?”

“Well – no, I mean – no, I don’t…” My fumble through words seemed to amuse Kale, which made him smile. “Wha—? Where are you going with this?”

“Nowhere. I’m just letting you know, it’d kind of make sense if, I don’t know…if Jesse were to break it off, why don’t you do it first? Hell, get revenge if there’s time.”

I shot up from my seat, suddenly appalled. “I thought you were done with revenge, Kale.”

He stood up also, more slowly at that, and like at school earlier, he seemed to tower over me. “I was, honestly, but seeing you when he did that…”

I stayed silent.

“…It just reminded me that he’s just not the type of person one should be apologizing to.”

In a way, I could see the logic behind his words, but it still bothered me that Kale could switch from wanting to apologize so badly to wanting to get revenge on Jesse so abruptly. And although his words contained reason, I was still having trouble processing them. Revenge on Jesse? “I don’t know, Kale…”

“Two birds, one stone.” He moved toward me this time. “We can both get back at him. Come on, Carson, you sure as hell don’t deserve what he did to you.”

The worst part was that I couldn’t exactly run away from Kale. Not only would that label me a coward, but I’d also be running away from what just happened an hour ago. Quite frankly though, there was no need for revenge when Jesse was never mine to begin with, but it still hurt. If I’d given in a month ago, would he have done what he did today? Or worse?

In deep thought, with Kale close in front of me, an intrusive laughter shot out from behind me. When I had a chance to see who it was, I realized it was a girl around my age. Her arm was laced around a guy’s, both of them glancing curiously at Kale and I as they passed. With Kale standing the way he was, and me looking so deep in thought, I wouldn’t be surprised if they thought he was begging me to say yes to a marriage proposal.

When they disappeared through the trees ahead of me, I turned back to Kale. “How?”

He smiled. “We’ll get to telling him that he bores you, and that you moved on to someone else.”

“But…that’s what he does.”

“That’s the point.”

I swallowed. “I don’t think that plan is foolproof, considering he might want to know who it is I’ve moved on with.”

Kale moved close again, but ended up proving my suspicions true by reaching for my hand. “That’s when I come in.”

My gaze stayed on his hand.

“What do you say?” His voice didn’t contain any of the menacing sounds in it, it came out pleading – begging, even.

I knew I was jumping into something I shouldn’t have ever gotten involved with in the first place, but it hurt. It would have been smart to think it through longer, sure, but in that moment, in a state of weakness I haven’t been in a long time, I found myself replying blinded.

“Okay,” I said quietly. I lifted my eyes away from his hand, meeting his gaze. “I’ll help you get back him – at Jesse.”