âThereâs one problem with that little âhope.â I donât want you to touch me ever again,â I snarl out, penetrating him with my glare.
Itâs the second wave of anger, even though Iâm beginning to see that maybe, partially, he isnât lying to me. He still made me believe he would; he scared me.
I canât be sure he would have stopped, and for those few seconds of panic, before I blacked out, I was utterly afraid of him. You never do that to your bond.
âYouâre upset and angry with me. Baby, I would never do that. I swear on the bloodline of my pack. It was killing me to push you that far, and I almost gave in because I couldnât stomach hurting you like that.
âI had to see, I had to force your hand, and now look at you standing there, poised for a second round like a seasoned warrior.
âYou werenât that girl yesterday. Youâre changing. Coming into your true form and adapting as you do.â He looks almost proud, but it tears through me, igniting the wrong bomb.
âChanging? Iâm FUCKING furious with you! Iâm REACTING because youâre a sick, twisted bastard who laid his goddamn hands on me in the worst kind of way.
âI canât ever know for sure if you stopped. I only have your word. And nothing you say means shit to me now!â I scream at him, not caring if everyone in this house hears me blow a fuse and go nuclear.
What heâs done is unforgivable. If we werenât so far on this side of the house, Iâm sure a dozen Santos would have been in here already to see what the chaos and noise from this prominent battle zone were all about.
âYou can trust me. I would never do anything to hurt you that way.â Colton goes for endearing and submissively calm. Itâs the wrong thing to say entirely, as Iâm already volcanic. He makes me erupt.
âTRUST?! Like I trusted the Santos to care for their own when our people didnât come home? Like I trusted you to stand for me and honor our bond when we were imprinted?
âLike I trusted you to be alone with me in a fucking bedroom and not try to defile my fucking body?! Trust, Colton? Youâve denied meâlet me down more than once in our lifetime.
âYou fall at every hurdle the second Daddy says NO. Maybe Carmen has the right idea, and youâre not someone I should ever trust.
âLook at how you discard women and pick them up as you fancy. Youâre weak. Youâre no alpha. Always in your fatherâs shadow. ~You~ are the last wolf I would ever trust or choose to bond myself to. Not after this!â
My words hit him hard, and his face closes up, the muscles in his jaw tensing as his eyes dart to the floor, trying to conceal the wounds I just inflicted upon his heart, but I donât care.
He has done nothing to prove I can trust him, and imprinting stupidly made me think I could. You donât insult a maleâs pride and ego, and definitely not his strength.
Especially not an alpha, but Colton has not been a man for me. Heâs been a boy doing what heâs told and denying what the Fates asked of him.
âCarmen slept with someone else, one of my brothers of Santo. She said it was out of heartbreak and anger to make me feel the pain Iâd inflicted on her.
âSo no, I didnât just discard her. I had to swallow all of that and stick to my commitment. I made my choice, but she kept using us as a reason to punish me while conveniently forgetting her sins.
âHer jealousy and mistrust are her guilt. The imprinting didnât make me indifferent to herâshe did.
âShe wasnât fighting the bond or the lure of the Fates as I was; she was trying to wound me, and that, Lorey, is something you never do to a mate.
âThatâs why I canât feel anything for her anymore. Itâs why weâre not dating. I found out after the forest, and since then, I havenât been able to feel anything but disdain for her.â
His pained, low-toned words momentarily silence me and my anger, not expecting that mouthful or the knowledge a femme would betray a mate with his pack brother.
Thatâs all kinds of messed up, and I canât believe he is only telling me now, even if his heart is no longer invested.
It would crush an alphaâs pride and ego to have been played like that. It could dent his respect in the pack, especially if he never took out any act of revenge on his pack brother to balance the scales.
By lycanthrope law, he should have publicly shamed her and punished her and his pack brother. Instead, he was still trying to fix everything.
With my rage fizzing out and my logical brain easing in to calm my impulse to wreak havoc on him, I slump onto the floor, completely exhausted, and pull my ripped sheets around me to self-console.
My head is a blur of what he just said, some weird sympathy for him, even if I should still hate his very bones.
âShow me. Prove it⦠that you neverâ¦â I canât look at him. The storm has blown out of my sails, and Iâm tired, but he knows what Iâm asking and cautiously walks to me.
Slowly and surely, he keeps his eyes on me as though he expects me to turn and go for him at any second.
I can sense his apprehension, which gives me a hint that maybe some of what he said was true. Something made him afraid, something happened between us, and he is still wary and ready to defend himself if needed.
He reaches out when he gets close enough and touches his fingers to my temple so gently I barely feel it as he slides down to his knees, bringing his mind to mine, and projects the memory I am missing.
I close my eyes and let it flood my mind.
Itâs as he says. After I blacked out, there was a moment of pause when he stopped, pulled my face to him from the pillows, and looked me over, aware I was no longer responding.
His voice was laced with concern, asking if I was okay and trying to rouse me, genuinely afraid heâd hurt me or pushed me too far and that maybe he had stopped me from being able to get air.
He turned me over carefully, checked my breathing, leaned in, and tried to stroke my face to wake me, saying my name softly.
Itâs like I stopped and became vacant, and there were long seconds of no response from me. He released his hold on me, panic rising inside him.
Afraid he had done something to me, he checked my pulse, stroked my face again, and tried to shake me, whispering my name softly.
He didnât do anything more to hurt me, just wanted to bring me around.
When it looked like he started moving to pull me up to sit, drenched in concern, I exploded, transforming in a blink, like heâd woken the dormant beast.
My wolf form seemed to combust out of nowhere; my eyes snapped open, burning red with the rage of Lucifer, and then all hell broke loose, just like he said it did.
I was out for his blood, relentless, and I donât recognize myself in the memory.
I cringe as the pictures and images show me wounding him in ways an average wolf would never have healed from.
I was on him, after him, rolling around as he tried to battle me off without actually trying to hurt me. I bit him, clawed him, and savagely ripped at him, over and over.
I wouldnât stop, and he was rightâhis power was no match for mine. He had to heal as fast as I was inflicting savagery to stay breathing.
I was a tornado of hatred that was not willing to give in, delivering a thundering blow, eliciting a yelp from him, so high-pitched it hurts even in memory, my ears wincing at the sound.
My claws sank into his chest, an inch from his heart, which I guess is where I was aiming before my wolf gave up.
Unable to stay in form when it was still so new for me and took so much stamina, I slumped onto the floor, all ability zapped out as I transformed back to human form, passing out in a useless huddle.
Colton crawled from under me, sliding his torn body out while yanking my talons from his chest. Bleeding out and groaning, he struggled to the wall to turn and save himself.
I awoke to find him back as a man, recovering. Thatâs where my memory rejoins to what I woke up to.
I have no words, and when he lets me go and sits back on his haunches, I can feel the relief swarming my way that he knows I canât deny what I saw.
We canât twist or alter the memories; he didnât lie to me at all. I saw for myself that what he said was true. I canât deny it in any way.
I sit in stunned silence and let it sink in. Iâm so hyper-aware of his presence, sensitive, but emotionally all over the place and unsure how to feel.
âImagine what you could do when you harness it and train to fight.â His words are hushed, his hand coming up to touch my cheek gently, but I cringe away from him.
Iâm still on high alert and wary but also submerged in shame at what I saw myself do. I didnât recognize that wolf as any connection to me. She was feral and relentless and insanely wild.
This is why they never allow us to turn if we canât control ourselves.
âI could have killed you. I tried to kill you,â I utter in broken shame, my voice shaking and raspy as it all filters through, steeped in feelings of severe guilt.
I canât look at him, but he leans in, sliding his hand under my face softly, tilts my chin up, and meets my eyes with his, a smile on that handsome face that shows no anger at what I did.
âThe Fates wouldnât give me a mate I canât handle. Besides, if I died, you would have too, and we could have been together in the afterlife to carry on without all this drama.â
That cheeky smirk hits his face, mixed with relief that Iâm finally calming down, and a little too cocky that heâs winning me over.
I canât help the tiny ghost of a smile that twinges on my lips, a little annoyed that he always seems to be able to draw me out like this.
I have no words, and as Iâm about to say something more, his face falls, and that serious tone kicks in, cutting into our conversation hastily.
âTheyâve called all wolves to the great hall immediately.â He drops his hand from my jaw and jumps to his feet in naked glory.
I avert my eyes, suddenly aware of this and instantly shy. He has your typical alpha package going on, and itâs not exactly easy not to look at.
Generally, the males have something to be proud of, and Colton is no exception.
My face reddens, heat rising on my cheeks, and I huddle myself in, still recovering from this shitstorm we just put ourselves through.
And now Iâm blushing to my core because I ogled him and realized heâs well-endowed.
I wait for him to leave, hoping to pull myself together with a bit of headspace and try not to check out his ass, but he pauses when he sees I make no effort to follow.
âThat means you too. My goal is to have you initiated into this pack, Lorey. No matter what it takes. My father canât keep denying us if youâre accepted.
âWe need to have a plan⦠steps to being together. I donât want to keep going through the emptiness of the last weeks and denying this between us. What I said in the forestâI was wrong.â
He shrugs as if heâs reciting some bland speech and not altering everything I thought was happening in the last weeks of agonizing life.
My eyes dart to him, shocked, yet not. Deep down, I guess I knew this was his motive and his feelings on where we should end up. Iâm just not so sure anymore.
The words I said in anger still ring true, and my heart tells me that a bond should be stronger than his fatherâs command. I canât shift that disappointment in him because I feel like he was too quick to give me up.