Chapter 41: 16: A Week of Silence

SHAY

It’s been a week since Shay’s world crumbled.

A week since she lost her unborn child.

A week since her last conversation with her husband.

A week since she last spoke to her twins.

A week since they accused her of being a terrible mother.

For a week, Shay has been confined to her bed.

She’s replayed every conversation, every moment of that fateful day, wondering if she could have done anything differently. She didn’t fully comprehend the doctor’s explanation for the miscarriage, but she knew that no answer would ease her pain.

She’s spent a week in solitude, grateful for Josephine’s understanding. Josephine has been a superhero, working overtime to care for the twins and baby Nate, while also looking after Shay.

Shay wasn’t even sure if the twins were attending school. She was too consumed by her grief to care.

The first night, Shay sought refuge in her studio, but soon surrendered it to Ethan. The following day, she dragged herself to bed, only leaving to use the bathroom and to pump breast milk for baby Nate.

The first two days were filled with tears. After that, she felt numb, useless.

Her mind was a broken record, replaying her failures as a mother. Her depression was a heavy weight, and she couldn’t see a way out.

Adam tried to reach out to her, kissing her goodnight and attempting to engage her in conversation. But Shay was lost in her own world, consumed by guilt and despair, staring at her sonogram.

~Knock knock~.

She ignored the knock at the door, closing her eyes and sighing softly.

“Mama?”

“Mom?”

Hearing her twins’ voices, she opened her eyes. She hadn’t seen them since that day.

They entered the room cautiously, their eyes focused on her. Slowly sitting up, Shay leaned against the headrest as they climbed onto the bed.

“Are you okay, Mama?” Liam asked.

“Yes, baby,” she lied. She hated lying to her children, but she didn’t want them to worry about her.

They should be focused on school, not their mother’s grief.

“How are you feeling?” Eli asked.

“You don’t need to worry about me. I’m just a little under the weather,” Shay reassured them. They nodded in unison, accepting her explanation.

“We miss you, Mama,” Liam said, his lips quivering. Shay managed a small smile, cupping his cheek before doing the same to Eli.

“I love you both,” she said, her eyes welling up with tears.

“I’m sorry, mom,” Eli apologized. Shay’s eyes darted to him, then softened.

“I’m sorry too, Mama,” Liam echoed. Shay’s heart clenched, but she managed a sad smile and shook her head.

“It’s okay,” she said, opening her arms. “Come here.”

They understood immediately, crawling to her sides and resting their heads on her chest. Shay missed her children.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t around for the past few days. Mama just needed some time to herself,” Shay confessed, her guilt resurfacing. She felt like she had let her family down.

Holding her twins close, she realized how much she missed them. She kissed the tops of their heads, tightening her grip around them.

“Have you guys eaten dinner?” she asked, trying to change the subject.

“We were hoping you could join us,” Eli suggested. Shay chuckled softly and nodded.

“I’ll join you guys for dinner,” she agreed. “What did Jo cook?”

“Ethan brought food home, and Jo left two hours ago,” Eli informed her. Shay’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Wait, then who’s taking care of Nate?” Shay asked, suddenly alert.

“Adam is with the baby,” Liam answered. Shay nodded, relieved.

“Okay, let me shower and I’ll be down in fifteen minutes,” Shay promised. The twins nodded excitedly and left the room, leaving Shay alone once again.

With a heavy heart, Shay forced herself out of bed and into the bathroom. She knew she couldn’t continue like this.

A week of isolation was enough. She had to be there for her children. She had to raise them, educate them, feed them, care for them.

Shay stripped off her clothes and stepped into the shower. The water revived her aching muscles. She had spent a week in bed, only getting up to use the bathroom and pump breast milk.

She knew she couldn’t continue like this.

After a quick shower, Shay put on her favorite sweatpants and a sports bra. She tied her wet hair into a loose bun, not caring about her appearance.

As she descended the stairs, Shay felt out of place in her own home. The house was a mess, toys and items scattered everywhere. She had never seen it like this, but she couldn’t blame Jo or the twins.

Raising twins and a newborn was a challenge.

Entering the dining room, Shay locked eyes with Ethan. Her heart skipped a beat.

She quickly looked away, focusing on the food on the table. The twins were already seated, eagerly waiting for dinner. Shay forced a smile and turned around, hearing footsteps behind her.

She saw Adam holding Nate.

“Natey,” she cooed, reaching out to hold her baby.

Nate reached out his tiny arms, his smile lighting up his face.

“Honey,” Adam called.

“God, I’ve missed you,” Shay cooed, cradling baby Nate in her arms. She showered him with affection, oblivious to her husband’s presence.

Nate responded with a gummy smile, his lips smacking together as he drooled. She peppered his chubby cheeks with kisses, holding him close.

She was hit with a wave of realization—she had missed her children so much. A pang of regret washed over her for mentally checking out for so long. She made a silent promise to herself that she wouldn’t let it happen again.

With Nate nestled in her arms, Shay took a seat at the table, paying no mind to Adam and Ethan. As everyone began to eat, she gently bounced Nate on her leg, feeding herself with her free hand.

Ethan and Adam sat in an awkward silence, but she didn’t ask why. She didn’t want to deal with it.

“Have you boys been going to school?” Shay asked the twins, her gaze shifting between them.

They both nodded in response.

“Ethan’s been taking us,” Eli chimed in, his mouth full of food.

“He brings us back home, too,” Liam added, finishing his twin’s sentence.

Shay nodded, surprised that Ethan had taken on the role.

She had assumed Adam would be the one handling it all, but she didn’t question it. Instead, she met Ethan’s gaze once more.

“Thank you for looking after them,” she said, her gratitude directed at Ethan.

He simply nodded and offered a small smile in return.

The rest of the dinner went smoothly. The boys filled her in on what she had missed, sharing random stories and updates.

Adam remained silent, not attempting to engage with her.

Ethan was the same, only speaking to the twins.

After dinner, the twins helped Adam clean up before heading off to bed. Shay breastfed Nate for the first time in a week, then put him to sleep.

As she tidied up the house, she noticed Ethan retreating back into her studio.

Things weren’t normal, but it was as close as they could get for now. Until she could resolve her issues with Adam, things were bound to be a bit off.

“Goodnight, my loves,” Shay said, tucking the twins into bed.

“I’m sorry for what I said, Mom,” Eli apologized.

Shay gave him a soft smile, understanding what he was referring to, and shook her head.

“It’s okay,” she reassured him gently.

“Were you hurt, Mama?” Liam asked hesitantly.

“We didn’t mean to,” he added in a small voice.

“We really didn’t mean to,” Eli echoed.

“Did we cause the baby to die?” Liam asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“No, no, no,” Shay immediately denied, her eyes softening as she looked at them. “It had nothing to do with you, okay? Now don’t worry about it and go to bed,” she insisted.

She didn’t want them to carry any guilt or worry about what had happened. It was best if they moved on sooner rather than later.

She was still numb, and discussing it was painful.

It was getting harder to hide her pain from the twins as they grew older and more observant.

“Mom,” Eli whined.

“Go to sleep. We can talk more about this tomorrow,” Shay insisted.

“Goodnight, Mom.”

“Goodnight, Mama.”

“I love you both, no matter what,” Shay said, kissing their foreheads. She got up and dimmed the lights before leaving the room.

As she returned to her room, Shay felt a chill run down her spine. She shrugged it off and climbed into bed.

Adam was in the shower when she entered, and she still wasn’t speaking to him.

She was angry with him.

A week of silence had only fueled her anger. She was angry about a lot of things, but mostly at him.

Angry that he wasn’t there when she needed him.

Angry that he couldn’t explain himself. She had been replaying conversations in her head, things she wanted to yell at him.

She craved a change.

Their relationship used to be different. He was kind, loving, everything she had ever dreamed of.

But now, he was different. Adam was more secretive, hiding things.

She knew she could be part of the problem. Things had started to change when Ethan reentered their lives, but Adam had been more than welcoming to him.

Adam emerged from the shower, a towel wrapped around his waist. “How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Just stop with the nice act,” Shay snapped.

He sighed and began pacing in front of the bed.

“Jesus Christ! Why can’t you just be normal?” Adam exploded.

“Where were you when Eli was hurt? Where were you when I needed you? Why are you always away, unreachable?” Shay demanded, her voice filled with conviction.

“Just let it go already! It’s in the past. I’m a good husband, I love you, I take care of your kids, I do everything for you! Why can’t you just let the little things go?” Adam yelled back at her.