It was a new day in a place that I no longer belonged, last night's barbecue was just an example of how I didn't fit in here. People's stares did nothing but make me feel uncomfortable. The confrontation with my parents just made me hate them more than I already did. They were so concerned by their golden child that they didn't realise they were hurting me even more. It seemed like they wanted to ignore the fact that Leanne tried to kill me.
Leanne had already taken so much from me, yet it didn't seem enough. I couldn't understand her need to murder me, even after all the pain she caused me I saw no reason to cause her bodily harm. She had everything at her fingertips for years but it still wasn't enough. My thoughts were plagued with all the pain and misery that she had caused. Jacob was oblivious to the mess that she had created.
Leanne had left a trail of bodies behind her. Xavier's brother was infatuated with her, that his mate had killed her son. Xavier and Jacob were battling a war that had resulted in numerous pack members death. Both men were hurting because of one woman's sick and twisted games. I laid in bed and rubbed my temples hoping that it would soothe the headache that was pounding.
I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to stop the mess that Leanne had created. All I knew was that I couldn't leave this place without cleaning her mess up. The longer I spent in the pack, the more my wolf was pushing through the barriers that I had carefully constructed. I didn't know how long I could push her back in my mind. I know she didn't deserve the treatment I was giving her but I couldn't let her take the reigns.
I didn't trust my wolf. She had abandoned me when I was already alone and betrayed by my mate and my family. Eight years changes a lot of people. Memories fluttered across my mind of when she wanted me to fight for our mate, she was determined that we could make Jacob see sense. She was hopelessly in love with our mate and she would forgive him no matter what. Even as our sister claimed her child was his, she was happy to accept them and care for them like her own. She didn't see the complications behind this. Jacob had denied our mateship, he didn't even acknowledge to the pack that he had found his true mate, he had lied and kept us a dirty secret. It was when we were on our own that he had rejected us and told us his intention to take our sister as his mate.
Despite being human for the last eight years, I could feel my wolf pushing to the surface, I could feel her claws scratching through my mind to let her be free, to let her run wild. It was a part of me that I had forgotten but not missed. I closed my eyes and for the first time in years I decided to speak to that part of me that I wished would disappear.
"What do you want?" I called out to my wolf.
"A run. I am desperate, it has been years." My wolf pleaded.
"I don't trust you to let you run free, you are still too obsessed with our mate." I explained.
She huffed in frustration. I could sense her innate need to brush against her mate, to feel his touch, to kiss him endlessly. It was these feelings that I was trying to avoid. Her feelings were resonating to the human part of me, the part of me that has been in control for the last eight years.
"I promise not to contact him while we are in wolf form. I promise not to do anything with him. Just please let me run free for a while. You can feel how much I need it. I know deep down you miss running in wolf form. Please, I won't ask for anything else, just a regular run." She begged.
I exhaled deeply, thinking about her request. She replayed memories from the past when I used to run through thick forest and I would feel the dirt beneath my paws. The cool breeze that would ripple through my fur. I couldn't deny her words were true. It had been years since I had last transformed. I closed my eyes and prayed that she could control herself that she wouldn't let me down like she had previously done.
I gave her a quick nod in response. It was then that her excitement and elation ran through our withered bond. I quickly threw on my training bra and leggings. I didn't bother with shoes as I knew I wouldn't need them. It was early in the morning and there was not a sound through the pack house. My ears were alert and I could tell that everyone was still asleep. The sun had yet to rise and I knew that this would be the best time to have a run that would be undisturbed.
My footwork was light as a I sneaked down the stairs and through the living room. I went to the large sliding back doors which was were the barbecue was held last night. I opened them up and a cool breeze lightly caressed my skin. I took in a deep breath and started walking through the grass where there was a light dew glistening. I briskly walked to the shrubbery and stripped off my clothing.
I stood there in my birthday suit and for the first time in over eight years I started to transform. The pain vibrated through my body, my bones ached as they began to crack. Never have I felt pain like this. The tears flowed out of my eyes, there was no control over my emotions as my breathing became laboured. I don't know how long I was withering away on the forest floor, my skin covered in a thick layer of sweat as my body shook and contorted.
Suddenly there was relief, a calmness washed over me. The light breeze tickled the fur that had replaced my skin. I felt my wolf stretch her limbs, it felt like she was in an never ending slumber. I felt her emotions mix with mine. Although I was anxious at being in my wolf form, her excitement overwhelmed me.
She quickly jumped to her paws, she was prancing from foot to foot. I could feel there was a slight sway to her movements, it was like she was trying to find her footing. It wasn't long till she was steady and she sprinted off through the pack grounds. She dashed through the ground, she ducked under branches, the leaves on the floor crinkled as her paws pattered across the land. The breeze through her coat was refreshing, the run she paced was nothing but exhilarating. She didn't speak but she did pant. It had been years since she was let free from the cage that we had both placed her in.
It wasn't before long that she came to a clearing in the pack lands. The grass was greenest here, it was the first place I saw flowers that were in bloom. She sighed in contentment as she chucked her belly to the floor and rolled in the grass. Internally I was laughing, I was happy that she was sated with her run. As she closed my eyes, I let her enjoy the small bit of blooming nature she had found. For the first time, both me and my wolf were happy and in tune.
"Louise, are you ready to speak to me properly?" She whimpered in my mind.
I knew she was hesitant in asking that question. She didn't want to ruin the happiness that had resonated through our bond, I could feel her fear that I would reject her again and place her in the back of my mind.
"I suppose we should speak shouldn't we?" I sighed.
I felt a smile grace her face. "You don't snap at me for calling you Louise. Thank you."
"It's okay, I guess I can't run from you as much as I would like to." I replied.
"Louise, I didn't mean to abandon you. I was hurt our mate left us and chose Leanne over us. We were never fully accepted at the pack and it wasn't just you that was rejected by their family and pack. When you made the decision to leave, I knew that me being in the back of your mind wouldn't help you move forward and make a life for yourself." She whimpered.
A part of me understood what she tried to do. Without her being in the forefront of my mind I was able to create an empire for myself. I didn't have to focus on being a part of a pack. Jacob wouldn't linger in my mind. I was able to date and build new relationships. In a selfish way, her leaving allowed her to mourn the loss of her pack and mate. I just wished that she gave me a warning and told me her plans. I spent the years believing that she was dead and she wouldn't return.
"I do wish you told me your intentions." I exhaled deeply.
"I know and I made mistakes. I'm sorry for not being there for you, but I promise I am here for you now." She was filled with determination.
"I know I am going to hate your answer but what about our mate? He is the reason you first came to me." I responded.
She hesitated, I could feel her weariness through our shattered bond which was slowly being pieced back together. The transformation from human to wolf was slowly allowing our connection to become stronger and more durable. I felt us becoming one again.
"I don't know Louise. Regardless, nothing has changed. He is our mate. There is no such thing as second chances." She replied sadly. "I know you dislike him and to be honest his human side is an ass." I chucked at her response. "However, his wolf is nothing but good. I am sad that his wolf is attached to that human. His human is not worthy of being an Alpha, he lacks honesty, good decision making and leadership skills." She finishes.
To be honest, I am really shocked by her response. Her initial reaction to Jacob was that our mate was in front of us but this time her reaction was logical and for the first time I didn't hate speaking to her. I felt like she was on our side and what she said was nothing but truthful.
"What do you want to do?" I hesitantly asked.
"I won't lie to you and say that I don't want to be with our mate because I do. However, his human side doesn't deserve you. Louise have you noticed the changes to the pack since we were last here?" She asks.
I thought about what she said and there was a lot of changes. The land that was once covered in fresh grass, thick bushy trees and blooming flowers was now dried out with nimble branches that had no life growing on them. There were less children running around, the pack members who were once strong and intimidating now looked weak. Structural everything was the same, but everything was different.
"I can see your thoughts, you notice how our pack is falling apart?" My wolf responds.
"Why do you call it our pack? We were never accepted here, we were never made Luna." I say with a shake of my head.
"Just because we were never officially made Luna through a ceremony does not mean that we are not a Luna. We were born for the role. It is our birthright. No one can change that, not even Jacob. Whether you want to accept it or not. The Goddess gifted us with this pack. Just because the wolves did not see us as worthy does not mean the Goddess thought the same." She explains.
"You can't deny the connection you feel with the land, with the pack members." Immediately my thoughts went to my family and how they have treated me. My wolf interrupts my thoughts. "I'm not talking about your birth family. You can't deny the connection and relationships you built in a short time. I'm talking about the Beta and Gamma. There is a fondness between you all."
I thought about Benji and his mate, how he easily accepted me as his sister by bond. The Gamma and his mate who were nothing but welcoming. Even Jacob, as much as I hated it, the connection to want him to do better and be better was there.
"Do you know why this place where we stand is filled with life and blooming with flowers?" I shook my head. "This is where Jacob rejected you, this is where he denied you your his birth right. He had no idea what curse he was bringing to the land. He had no idea that his actions would cause you so much pain. He had no idea what his actions would cause his pack. He was young, arrogant and thought he could pave his own way." She explains.
"He had no idea what wrath would be brought on himself and the pack. His wolf has communicated with me since we arrived." I growl in anger at her betrayal for speaking with him. "Stop, I promise I didn't speak with him, I simply let his thoughts reach my ear. His wolf told me that he searched for you a week after you left. He never stopped once, even though he thought he was expecting a pup with your sister. He never gave up on you." She sighed out.
"I don't even know how I'm meant to feel about that? I mean if my sister's pup was alive would he have even wanted me? What was the point in bringing me back if I would just have to watch him play happy families with my sister?" I retorted. What did she think I was some time of sadist?
"Our sister is an evil bitch and her acts would have caught up with her, with us being here or away from the pack. We were made for Jacob and his wolf, our roles are to help our mates be better people. Already since you have been here, you have questioned and challenged Jacob at every step. I am not telling you to accept him, I am asking you to think about the pack. The pack do not deserve to suffer. You can help them."
I huff at her response. I know I have the ability to help but do I really want to aid the people that turned their back on me? Can I really return to this place and call it home once again? With parents who are hell bent on protecting a sister that wants me dead? A mate who won't be honest and accountable for his decisions? I know I have the resources and skills to make this pack what it once was.
"I'll think about what you've said." I grumble out.