After a long night speaking with Jared, listening to my wolf beg and plead for me to be with her mate. I couldn't help but let her whimpers and cries fall on my death ears. I knew it was hard for her to admit that she had failed to convince me to give Jacob a chance but everything happens for a reason.
Me returning to the pack wasn't about me finding happiness with Jacob or even reconnecting with my family. It was about me helping the pack listen to the truth, making things right, challenging Jacob to be accountable for his actions. So many lies and conspiracies ran through this pack and all of that needed to be set free.
I had lived a happy life without my wolf and if she was to disappear I can't imagine my life being any different. My heart ached for my wolf out of sympathy for it wasn't her fault yet she was being punished. The human in me just could not forgive Jacob for his sins. His sins could have been rectified years ago, yet he caused me and everyone in this pack some type of pain.
My heart would never be able to look at him, without seeing what he did with my twin sister. No matter what he says, it was his decision to engage with that relationship. No one forced his hand chose her over me. He didn't to accept that his decisions and choices have consequences. Years ago, maybe it was fate for us to be together but we were different people now. Rather than growing together, we grew separately. Who knows what life would have been if he had listened to the Goddess rather than listening to rumours.
I couldn't solely blame it on Jacob because I should have spoken up sooner. I should have requested an inquiry into my sisters actions, but I was scared. Scared that my sister would have framed me more than she already had done. My gut instinct at the time was to run and because of how my mother reacted I could see that my gut instinct was right. My mother would have never let Leanne take the fall, she would protect her like a good mother would. It was a shame she forgot she had another daughter.
The Elder's would be arriving soon and I knew I needed to find Jacob and talk to him before they arrived. I wouldn't let him find out my decision in front of others. I didn't have to guess where he was, for I knew where he lingered on his own, escaping the whispers and looks of disgust from pack members.
I scurried along the outskirts of the pack and found him at the place where our demise began. There is the clearing where the grass was the greenest and the flowers were blooming, he sat on the ground. His head laying on his knees as his fingers traced through the forest floor. His shoulders were hunched over in defeat. I couldn't see his face but I could clearly see that he was caught up in his wolf's pain.
I quietly stepped through the clearing and sat down next to him. The sun was shining, the sky was clear. It was a perfect day with the light breeze that whispered through the tree's, the rustling of leafs. I could hear his faint breathing and the heat radiate off his body as his hair flew between the light breeze.
"Why are you here?" Jacob whispered into his knees.
"I could ask you the same thing." I sighed.
"I come here a lot. I always have since you left." Jacob stated. "This was the beginning of the end."
"Jacob, we never even had a beginning for us to end." I replied.
He let out a maniacal laugh, it was filled with pain and agony. The part of me that cared was strangling me. The guilt of my decision was hitting me. Even though I had nothing to feel guilty for. My decisions were a reaction of his choices. I couldn't help but feel pain for the wolf inside of him.
"I suppose your right." He sighed.
The silence was excruciatingly painful. I knew that I didn't have to tell him what my decision was for he could already sense it. I didn't know if it was my behaviour towards him or whether his wolf had told him what was going to happen. Either way, no matter how much I acted like I didn't care or was heartless. Deep down I cared.
"You know, I'm sorry and if it makes a difference, my choice isn't just because of you Jacob." I sadly explained.
"You don't have to lie to make me feel better you know." He scoffed at my words.
"Jacob, it isn't just you that has led to this decision. I haven't lied to you before and I am not going to start now." I explain.
"You haven't lied? What about in the Elevator when you acted like you didn't know me?" He muttered.
"Technically, I didn't lie. I just omitted the truth and tell you my original identity. It's not my fault you didn't recognise me." I retorted. "I mean come on my twin sister has been here for the last eight years, I know I have changed but not that much, you can still see our similarities. Only one of us is sane and the other is deranged." I lightly laughed.
He shook his head in disbelief. "You know it isn't really the time for joking matters?"
"Hey, it's either I laugh or I cry. No offence but you really don't deserve any more of my tears." I say with a small smile.
He sighs as he pushed back on his hands and looks up to the sky. His skin is kissed gently by the sun, even with my wolf quiet in the back of my mind. I can't help but admire his features, his chiselled jaw, his high cheekbones, his hair which is tussled like he just got out of bed. I feel my wolf enjoy the glance I am giving of her mate, I feel her memorise every crook and crease that has befallen on his face.
"You know, as much as I can't be with you. I'm proud of you. You may feel ashamed of reporting yourself to the Elders, but doing that takes true bravery. You accepted punishment when other Alpha's would never admit their faults. You did something that no other Alpha would do. You may think your actions bring shame to you, but in years to come people will come to realise what you did was to right your wrongs." I explain.
Tears slowly gather in the corner of his eyes. "If you think that then why won't you give me a chance, give us a chance." He whispers.
I exhale deeply. "Maybe if we had more time. It's not just you who abandoned me Jacob. I had no pack, no family and I lived without my wolf for eight years. I lost so much in such a short time." I say with a sad smile. "Like I said it's not you I'm angry at. My wolf only resurfaced when we met in the Elevator, I felt betrayed by her. I felt like I was only good enough because you were back in my life. It made me feel worthless as a human. Like I wasn't worth anything." A small tear escaped my eye as I admitted my deepest and darkest fears.
"All we have Jacob is what if's. What if you didn't reject me? What if I never left? What if my sister's actions were uncovered sooner? What if my mother wasn't such a bitch?" I shook my head. "No matter what we do, no matter what we say, all that shit happened. As much as I would like to change what has happened in the past, I can't." I shake my head.
"But we could have a future. We could make new memories." His voice cracks as the words escape his lips.
"Maybe we could. Maybe we couldn't. We just don't have time to do those things. Being marked and mated with you is a huge step. The truth is we don't know each other, we never have. You thought I was something so vile, you thought I was a traitor. By the time you found out who I was, I was already gone and a different person. Both of us had changed. I came the Ice Queen, when once upon a time I would have sacrificed everything I am and everything I owned for the people I loved."
"I sacrificed my mate for a sister who hated me. I sacrificed my childhood for a sister so that my mother wouldn't be heartbroken. I sacrificed so much for someone who didn't do the same. Our past would always taint our future Jacob. I would always look at you and wonder if you looked at my sister, I would always wonder did you kiss my sister like that, I would always question whether you made love to my sister like this. It's not just because she's my sister, but it is because you chose someone over me."
He choked down his sobs at my words. "Tell me Jacob if the shoe was on the other foot, if I had mated your twin brother how would you feel?"
His silence was all I needed. I knew the hammer hit the nail on the head. He understood what I was saying, he understood that our bad memories were still there, that we didn't know each other. We were strangers that shared a bond that was not by choice. It was true that we could have a future, but we just didn't have the time to get to know each other. My wolf's time was coming to an end and what she was asking me to do was something that I couldn't commit to.
Being marked and mated was something that every pup dreamed of but the realities of it was it took away my free will. My free will to choose who I love. If we had more time maybe we could have gotten to know each other more, maybe we could have lived happily, but that was a fairytale and well this was real life.
"For what it's worth. I do understand." Jacob whispered. "I hope you know that letting you go will always be my biggest mistake. If I could go back, I would do everything differently."
"I know and so would I." I say as I grasp his hand. I lace my fingers through his and for the first time I allow myself to enjoy the sparks that race up and down my arm. My wolf sadly sighs and I feel her eyes close in the back of my mind.
It's at this moment that I feel those sparks begin to faintly disappear. Jacob looks at me with tears rolling down his cheeks. I give him a sad smile and look into his eyes as I feel my wolf take her last few breaths knowing that we were both at a point of no return.