âThat was so funny; sheâs funny when sheâs drunk, too. And when she cusses itâs so funny. Itâs like hearing my Nan cuss.â Logan laughs along with Nate.
âWould you two just shut the fuck up about her, already? Sheâs not coming.â
âAll right, calm down, would you?â Nate asks with a smile.
I wish the two of them hadnât put together a party for me, because I wanted to spend my birthday with Tessa. I donât really give a shit about birthdays, but I wanted to see her. I know she doesnât have shit to do, she just doesnât want to be around my friendsânot that I blame her.
âIs something going on with you and Zed?â Nate asks as we head to class.
âYeah, heâs a dick and wonât stay away from Tessa. Why?â
âIâm just wondering because I saw Tessa going into the environmental-whatever-the-fuck-itâs-called building and I thought it was weird . . .â Nate tells me.
âWhen was this?â
âLike two days ago. Monday, I think.â
âAre you . . .â But I stop midsentence because I know heâs serious.
Goddammit, Tessa, what part of âstay the fuck away from Zedâ do you not understand?
âYou donât care if he comes, though, right? Because we already told everybody and I donât want to uninvite anyone,â Nate says; heâs always been the nice one out of our group.
âI donât give a shit. Heâs not the one fucking her, I am,â I tell him and he laughs. If he only knew what was actually going on.
Nate and Logan leave me in front of the athletic building, and I have to admit Iâm anxious to see Tessa. I wonder how she wore her hair today and if sheâll be in those pants that I love so much.
What the fuck? It still blows my mind the way I think about the dumbest shit. Months ago, if youâd told me Iâd be daydreaming about the way some girl was wearing her hair, I would have knocked your teeth out. And yet here I am hoping that Tessaâs pulled hers back so I can see her face.
LATER, I CANâT BELIEVE Iâm back at the frat house again. It feels like ages ago that I lived here. I donât miss it at all, but I donât exactly love living in that apartment alone either.
This year has been fucking insane. I really canât believe Iâm twenty-one now and will be finished with university next year. My mum kept crying on the phone earlier about how Iâm growing up too quickly, and I ended up hanging up on her because she just wouldnât stop. In my defense, I was somewhat polite about it, acting as if my phone was about to die the whole conversation.
The house is packed, the street is lined with cars, and I wonder who the fuck-all these people are that are here for my birthday. I know the party isnât totally for me. Itâs just an excuse to throw a big-ass party, but still. Just as I begin to wish Tessa were here, I spot Mollyâs hideous pink hair and Iâm glad Tessa didnât come.
âThereâs the birthday boy.â She smiles and walks into the house before me.
âScott!â Tristan calls from the kitchen; heâs already been drinking, I can tell.
âWhereâs Tessa?â Steph asks.
All of my friends are standing in a small circle basically staring me down as I try to think of something on the spot. The last thing I need is for them to know Iâm trying to persuade her to come back to me.
âWait . . . more importantly, where the hell are your rings?â Steph puts her hand under my chin and tilts my head to examine me like Iâm a fucking lab rat.
âGet off,â I groan and pull away from her.
âHoly shit! Youâre turning into one of them,â Molly says and points to a group of preppy douche bags across the room.
âNo, Iâm not.â I glare at her.
She cackles and presses on: âYes, you are! She told you to take them out, didnât she?â
âNo, she didnât, I took them out because I fucking felt like it. Mind your own damn business,â I snap, and she rolls her eyes.
âWhatever you say.â She walks away, thank God.
âIgnore her. Anyway, is Tessa coming?â Steph asks me, and I shake my head. âWell, I miss her! I wish she would hang out more.â She takes a drink from her red cup.
âMe, too,â I say under my breath and fill a cup with water.
Much to my misery, the music and voices get louder as the night goes on. Everyone is wasted before eight oâclock. I still havenât decided if I want to drink or not. I went a long time without drinking until that night at my fatherâs when I destroyed all of Karenâs china. I used to go through these lame-ass parties without drinking . . . well, for the most part. I barely remember my early college days, bottle after bottle, slut after slutâitâs a blur, and Iâm glad. Shit didnât make sense before Tessa came around.
I find a spot on the couch next to Tristan and zone out to thoughts of Tessa while my friends play another dumb-ass drinking game.
Chapter one hundred and five
TESSA
Hey, the text from Hardin reads.
The butterflies that appear in my stomach are ridiculous.
Howâs your party? I send, and shove another handful of popcorn into my mouth. Iâve been staring at the screen of my e-reader for two hours straight, and I need a break.
Lame. Can I come over? he responds.
I nearly jump off the bed. I made the decision earlier after spending hours finding a decent gift for him that my âspaceâ can wait until after his birthday. I donât care how needy or pathetic that is. If he chooses to spend time with me over his friends, Iâll take it. He really is trying and I need to acknowledge that; granted, we need to discuss his not wanting a future with me and how that will affect my career.