But that can wait until tomorrow.
Yeah, how long until youâll be here? I write.
I dig through the dresser and grab a blue sleeveless shirt that Hardin once told me looks nice on me. Iâll have to wear jeans; otherwise Iâll look like an idiot sitting in this bedroom in a dress. I wonder what heâll be wearing. Will his hair be pushed back like it was yesterday? Was his party boring without me and he wanted to see me instead? He really is changing and I love him for it.
Why am I so giddy?
Thirty minutes.
I rush to the bathroom to brush the popcorn kernels from my teeth. I shouldnât be kissing him, should I? It is his birthday . . . one kiss wonât be so bad, and letâs be honest: he deserves a kiss for all the effort heâs put into this so far. One kiss wonât hurt anything Iâm trying to do.
I touch up my makeup and run the hairbrush through my hair before pulling it into a ponytail. I clearly have no sense of judgment where Hardin is involved, but Iâll scold myself tomorrow. I know he doesnât do much for birthdays, but I want this one to be differentâI want him to know that his birthday is important.
I grab the gift I bought and begin to wrap it quickly. The paper I bought is covered in music notes and would make a good book cover. Iâm getting nervous and sidetracked even though I shouldnât be.
Okay, see you soon, I send, and head downstairs after scribbling his name on the small gift tag.
Karen is dancing to an old Luther Vandross song, and I canât help but laugh when she turns around with flushed cheeks. âSorry, I didnât know you were there,â she says, clearly embarrassed.
âI love this song. My father used to play it all the time,â I tell her, and she smiles.
âHe has good taste, then.â
âHe did.â I smile at the somewhat decent memory of my father twirling me around the kitchen . . . before the sun fell and he gave my mother a black eye for the first time.
âSo what are you up to tonight? Landonâs at the library again,â she tells me, though I already knew.
âI was actually going to see if you could help me make a cake or something for Hardin. Itâs his birthday and heâs going to be here in about a half hour.â I canât help but smile.
âHe is? Well, of course, we can make a quick sheet cake . . . or actually, letâs do a two-layer circle cake. What does he like better, chocolate or vanilla?â
âChocolate cake and chocolate icing,â I tell her. No matter how much I feel I donât know him sometimes, I know him better than I think I know myself.
âOkay, get the pans out for me?â she asks, and I jump to it.
Thirty minutes later Iâm waiting for the cake to cool the rest of the way so that we can ice it before Hardin gets here. Karen has dug out some old candles; she could only find a one and a three, but I know heâll find humor in that.
I walk to the living room and look out the window to see if heâs here yet, but the driveway is empty. Heâs probably just running a little late. Itâs only been forty-five minutes.
âKenâll be home in an hour or so, he had a dinner with some colleagues. Being a terrible person, I claimed to have a stomachache. I just hate those dinners.â She laughs and I giggle as I attempt to smooth the chocolate icing along the edges of the cake.
âI donât blame you,â I tell her and place the numbers on the top of the cake.
After arranging them to say thirty-one, I decide to have them say thirteen instead. Karen and I laugh at the corny candles and I struggle with the thick icing to write Hardinâs name below the candles.
âIt looks . . . nice,â she lies.
I cringe at my terrible icing skills. âItâs the thought that counts. Or at least it better be . . .â
âHeâll love it,â Karen assures me before heading upstairs so Hardin and I can have some privacy when he gets here.
Itâs now been an hour since he texted, and Iâm sitting in the kitchen alone waiting for him to show. I want to call him, but if he isnât coming he should be the one to call me and tell me.
Heâll come. It was his idea to come, anyway. He will come.
Chapter one hundred and six
HARDIN
For a third time, Nate tries to hand me his cup. âCâmon, man. Just one drink, itâs your twenty-first birthday, dudeâitâs illegal not to!â
Because it will get me out of here smoother, I finally relent. âFine, one drink. But thatâs it.â
Smiling, he pulls his cup back and grabs the bottle of liquor out of Tristanâs hand. âOkay, then. At least have a proper one,â he says.
I roll my eyes before taking a swig of the dark liquid. âAll right, thatâs all. Now you can leave me alone,â I tell him, and he nods in agreement.
I head to the kitchen to get another cup of water, and Zed, of all fucking people, stops me. âHere,â he says, handing me my phone. âYou left it on the couch when you got up.â
Then he wanders back into the living room.
Chapter one hundred and seven
TESSA
After two hours, I leave the cake on the counter and head upstairs to take my makeup off and change back into my pajamas. This is what happens every single time I let myself give him another chance. Reality smacks me in the face.
I really thought he was coming; Iâm so foolish. I was downstairs baking him a cake . . . God, Iâm an idiot.
I grab my headphones before I allow myself to cry again. The music pours into my ears as I lie back on the bed and do my best to not be too hard on myself. He acted so different last nightâmostly in a good way, but I do miss his perverted and rude remarks that I always pretend to hate but secretly love.