I woke up drenched in sweat. The first thing my senses picked up was the clock-- an old thing in the hallway, ticking away the time. One the hour, every hour, it rang out, but right now all it did was tick. I noticed how cold I was, how the blanket I had used that night had fallen to the floor. I was wet-- sweat drenched my forehead. My breathing was labored and my heart was racing... Soft snores came from the floor in front of the blue television screen. Keon.
I couldn't remember what I was dreaming about, but I felt a hole inside me-- it was a creature gnawing at my heart, and it made me feel these raw, confusing emotions I couldn't put a name to. Maybe darkness. Maybe.
I found myself feeling nervous and fearful, so all I wanted was Josh. It wasn't a sexual thing, or a loving thing, or even a friendship thing-- it was a need for human comfort, warmth. I felt like a little kid, rushing off to her mother's room in the middle of the night, looking for comfort. He was all I had left.
When I entered the room, the stark contrast to the blue-tinted living room cleared my senses a bit, but not much. Silence. Darkness. A neatly made bed with a neatly tucked away Josh sleeping on his back. Keon could be described as a "messy sleeper"-- the kind of person who drooled and twisted his body in weird pretzel like shapes-- but Josh was a neat sleeper, the kind who could manage a sleeping mask if he wanted to. My guys, complete opposites as per usual.
I found myself crawling into bed, and as soon as the comforter shook Josh's eyes fluttered open; unfortunately, upon seeing it was only me, they shuttered back close. I felt a tenderness toward him, a bird in my pregnant stomach. I sighed, kissed him softly, and snuggled into his chest. Warmth. I was going to be safe.
***
The next morning, when I emerged from Josh's bedroom with Josh in tow, I was relieved to see Keon asleep on the floor, now wrapped in my blanket. I couldn't help but chuckle. Josh, who had woken up and promptly slumped off to the bathroom without so much as a "hello" joined me where I stood and saw me eyeing Keon.
"He's so much like you. You sleep like such a weirdo. Ya practically beat me up at night," joked Josh, making me laugh. After so much, he still retained a sense of humor, that kind of charming and handsome quality that attracted me to him in the first place.
I rolled my eyes, smacked his chest lightly, but didn't respond as I moved into the living room. Sitting down on the couch, I flipped through a magazine while Josh made coffee silently, and pondered over the events.
After our discussion on the porch, Keon and I buckled down to business before watching a Disney movie marathon. My favorite, of course, was Beauty and the Beast, as sometimes I pretty much felt like the less-French embodiment of Belle, but Keon liked Lion King the best, mostly because it reminded him of Hamlet. I had asked Josh to join us, but he declined, then went off to his room to smoke cigarettes and watch the last football game of the season (which, unfortunately, was a game on television that consisted of two of the six remaining high school football teams). Despite all the craziness of the last week, everything felt normal for once-- I was simply watching my favorite movies with my new friend while my only real family left hung out in the other room.
Perfectly enough, Keon made everything all the better. There was no worry- no worrying that he was alone, scared, or missing me. For once everything felt like it fell into place. For one night, I was simply able to just be happy.
Even with me sneaking into bed (quite romantically I might add) much of the calmness and normaliness remained; partly, I suspected, because of Keon's presence. Unfortunately, though, it was soon broken as Josh decided to cook eggs. Of course, I promptly ran to the bathroom and vomited my guts out.
"Well that sounded like fun," said Keon when I returned to the kitchen. There he sat on the island, with Josh, both of them eating eggs like they were besties. Huh. Weird.
"You're up," I commented. Hesitantly, I crossed the kitchen, my hand resting on my belly as I ventured toward an apple, which to me seemed like the only thing my stomach could possibly handle.
"You were pretty loud," smirked Josh, making Keon laugh. I furrowed my brow and sat at the island, taking a bite of my apple and then sticking out my tongue.
"Oh, leave her alone. He totally woke me up when he finished cooking, you're fine princess," said Keon. I rolled my eyes, remembering how last night, after I explained in length how Belle and I were pretty much the same person, Keon felt the need to dub me princess. I hated it! It sounded so condescending.
"Princess? Oh, I like that," agreed Josh with a big grin. After shoving some more eggs in his mouth (boys...), he spoke again "Damn right she's the princess. You should see how much food she makes me buy her when I go to the supermarket!"
"Hey!" I defended "I'm feeding three separate people here, ya ass!" At this, Keon and Josh broke out laughing, and I couldn't help but join along. We went on like this for quite some time, and Josh and I lingered in the kitchen, still talking to Keon as he volunteered to do the dishes.
"Yeah, so that's why I don't tell everyone I read. After the whole incident at the sophomore football game, I kinda kept that to myself," said Josh, finishing a story. Keon tutted, rinsing off a dish and then handing it to me to dry.
"Well that sucks, why are the popular kids so crazy? Reading is like my favorite thing in the whole world," said Keon.
"I second that," I piped in. Keon and I shared a little smile, making me feel all warm and happy inside. While Josh responded, I couldn't help but get lost in my mind, wondering about how good I felt. Everything felt so warm, so comfortable, in a way that I hadn't experienced since my mom passed. The word was on the tip of my tongue, but I just couldn't catch it.
"You hated that class too?! Man, I thought maybe I was just stupid or something," Josh said to Keon. I had no idea what I was talking about, as I had just tuned back into the conversation, so I simply nodded in response.
"Yeah, I mean, how many times do they expect us to write a five paragraph essay? The only place you ever do that is school," said Keon. Josh's eyes widened, and he began to wave his hands up and down animatedly.
"Exactly! I mean, I've never even written a college application letter before, how do they expect me to do that in a couple of years after the babies come?" said Josh.
"Yeah, I know. So wait, does that mean you and Adira will be sticking around here after highschool ends?" asked Keon. Sadly, Josh and I nodded in unison.
"Yeah, we kind of have to," I said, looking down at my stomach. For a moment, we had silence, but then Keon gave a small chuckle.
"Well, at least you can assure you'll have a fabulous ocean view. Seriously, most of the remaining schools are in the Midwest. No one likes to live in the Midwest," said Keon. Josh shook his head and chuckled, then met my eyes while pointing a thumb at Keon.
"I like him. He needs to come over more often," said Josh.
That was it! Home! The word I was looking for was home. When Keon was there, it felt like I was finally home. It all made sense now-- I knew what I had to do.
"Well, maybe he should move in," I said. This made both the guys laugh, but when Keon went to hand me a dish, I didn't take it.
"Guys, I'm serious. Look, Keon--" I turned to face him, but upon meeting his confused gaze, I began to feel nervous. Still, I went on, knowing that I was on to something "Keon. You said some.. stuff, to me, that indicated you were lonely. If you moved in here, that would totally fix that! And Josh--" Now I turned to look at Josh who, like the smooth man he was, was simply leaning against the counter, arms crossed, glancing between Keon and I "Keon could help us once the babies came. Lord knows we could use all the help we could get. And on top of that, he and I can do homework together, and he doesn't have to travel so far to visit, and overall it would just make this big mansion a little less empty. Don't you think?"
As I spoke the words, I knew them to be true. Home. A real home. We could, all three of us, build a little community together-- a little community of broken hearts, lost dreams, and ghosts of loved ones, but a community nonetheless. They had to agree to this. I had never felt so loved since my mother left, so I had to hold onto this no matter how ridiculous.
For a moment Josh shook his head, but when I noted that there was something off about his smile, my stomach dropped. Oh no. Oh no no no. This was a stupid idea-- I knew it.
"Adira, that's all fine and dandy, but you are failing to address the elephant in the room. Remember what I said earlier about new rules? Keon, man, don't take this the wrong way, but let me just be real here a second," Josh said. Keon's eyes widened and him and I shared a nervous glance before Josh, brazenly, went on. As he spoke, Josh paced around the room with confidence, fiddling with jars and other decorations as he spoke, as to avoid my gaze.
Immediately, my mind began to scramble like the eggs the boys had just consumed. Josh, in all his confidence, still had an air of importance-- something equally terrifying as it is exciting. He was about to talk about something I'm sure I did not want to talk about. But still, I listened, still clinging to the hope that I could get them both on board with this crazy idea of home.
"First, I'm going to address something obvious. Adira, you've made it very clear we moved a little too fast in our relationship, and after a few mishaps, I can see that you're probably right. I mean, we're almost seventeen now, soon we will be eighteen. I need to admit my mistakes..." Josh paused, shook his head, and looked down at the salsa jar in his hand. Setting it back down, he resumed his pacing "But then you met Keon, and I've seen how much he's helped you through that. Keon, man, thank you for taking care of her while I was off being a douche." Keon looked at me, as if asking for permission to accept a compliment, but I kept my gaze fixated on Josh. I hadn't ever heard him speak so formally in my life-- it was like he was a bad actor performing in the middle school drama club. He had planned this. He had figured out all this before. But why? Just to tell me what I already know? Or was he trying to show me how much he'd grown and try to claim me back? My mind raced as I watched him, looking for any indication for as to what he meant. What he said next, though, shocked me.
"It's completely obvious that you guys have the hots for each other. And Adira? Well, I mean, it's pretty obvious she also has the hots for me too," at this, Josh gave a goofy eye waggle, so it was hard to be sure if he was serious or not. Wait, what? I mean, I knew that he had been preoccupied about the romance stuff, but was this really the time to talk about it? What was he getting on about? My nervous glance quickened, going between Josh and Keon, but yet flinging back and forth so fast, I couldn't seem to get a read on either of them.
What the hell was going on?
"A few years ago, this would have been a problem. We had rules then. Adults. Families were chosen, not created through a generating system created by high schools, of all places. The whole thing of family is being redefined," said Josh. Finally, he paused in his tracks, took a sigh, and then turned to face me and Keon, who were completely frozen. I even still had the dish towel hanging limply in my hand.
My heart quickened. Oh no. What was he going to say?
"All I'm getting at here is that, life is too short to really give a shit anymore. I've been through hell and back. Adira, you know all about that and Keon, I'll tell ya some day. But right now, all of this petty drama is depressing the crap out of me. So here's my proposal."
Proposal? Wait, what?!
"Adira, darling, I love you. And if you want to bone me and Keon, as long as he's cool with it, I really don't care," finished Josh.
Silence. Stunned silence. If I could have, safely, I would have thrown a faint to avoid even trying to broach what any of this meant.
But one thing I knew for sure-- Josh was crazy, bonafied crazy, sixty five different shades of looney tunes, off his rocker, mentally ill cra--
"Sure, I mean, why not," said Keon.
A/N-- Okay, I guess I'm out now. This is not your typical romance story. When I began this book, I was going to use Keon as a throw away character, but for me, he has grown into so much more than that and I have grown as a writer. Guys, this story is still a romance-- but I refuse to stick to any defined formula. Take that as you will. The next chapter is going to be the end of this book, but don't worry, I will be doing a sequel to continue on this story I am so passionate about.
But still, take this as your warning chapter. If you do not like Keon, or Adira, as many of my comments have been about lately, you really don't need to keep reading. They aren't going away. Also, if you are looking for cliche, this is not the book for you.
For those of you who stick around, though, I commend and love you. Because of all of you, I have a fighting chance of getting this book published. Guys, I could graduate college a published author, if I work hard enough. I couldn't have done it without all you.
And finally, I would like to thank my editor. You know who you are.
On a lighter note, I think I'll post a picture of my fiance today. Don't worry, I only have one. <3