Elaine
The lack of self confidence reached it's soaring heights as soon as I made the decision, almost a push, shove and a warning stare down of knock his door or I'll break it down for a better cause by Edmund later I stood here alone. Edmund left when he heard a loud crash from his own dorm, probably Lee in action.
Rubbing my hands together I try to ease the shooting nerves, and when I was assured that quitting was not an option I raised my knuckles to his door and knocked. No response.
I waited for a minute and one more after another knock. With a short dejected sigh I turn to leave, throwing all such mustered will power out of my body entirely. And that's when the lock decides to be clicked open.
With now stripped of every senses that I would've reacted on a certain way in his presence, I intellectually blink biting my lower lip to stop from blurting out the first thing that came into my head as I saw him.
Hot.
No amount of visual imagery and fantasy could prepare any girl to watch this side of Alex and not become tongue tied, weak on their knees and haywired by their own wild thoughts.
The white towel hung loosely over his neck while his damp wet hair that was matted to his fore head brought out the intensity of his blue eyes, he wore a simple black shirt, it's sleeve folded revealing his veiny forearms, he did the justice to his outfit better than any universal model could've. And don't even get me started on those lips, the humidity of a steam bath and the sensitivity of the skin that had brought out such a phenomenal shade and possible softness.
It was illegal.
Too dazed by the appearance I failed to direct my focus towards what he was saying in general.
"-the delay, was taking a shower" pursing my lips in distaste I look at him, now aware of the sharp smirk his face had.
My eyes widened a bit, the beats of my heart erratic and my conscience face palming her forehead.
Well, I did checked him out in the way I never did before. What was happening to me? I whine inside my head.
You are growing up.
Before I could let my own debate with my conscience takes hold of me, and I forget my presence here and his entirely, I shift on my heels to look at him completely.
"Alex i-"
"Come in" he says moving to the side, pulling the door ajar with him. With my head low, and curtaining the burns of blush with my hair I slowly take countable steps inside.
The sound of aperture closes shut behind me with a clink. Slowly breathing from my mouth I look up, quite surprised to see the large area that covered his room unlike mine. Dark black and grey walls, ceiling to floor windows, an adjoined green house, large LED screen mounted on wall and furniture that looked like they came straight out of a homestyle magazine. Aligned, supervised and administered to perfection. Like him.
I had never been to anyone else's dorm before except for Riley's, and was aware that every one had their own customized chambers in Elite and Edmund only shares his with Lee to help him with his night adventures. But to know Alex lived here, just beside mine with an approximate of seventy five percent more luxury than the others from even the academy was depressive.
One because it symbolized how powerful he was.
Two, because I deliriously was aware that I share the same position as him.
The status that made him different than others, was equally mine. It wrecked us both. Alienated us, damaged us.
How is all this mightiness even impressive in ways when you can't even have a good night's sleep because of it?
In a second I could trade them all for the little that makes me happy than a lot that makes me miserable. But was he the same? Does he suffer the suffocation of from such hollowness of an empire?
I turn back to look at him in the eye, his shoulders relaxed, eyes haunted but in control, a person whose even shadow would invade someone calm thinking.
No. He had embraced such life that it was not two separate entities anymore. Unlike me, he had lived this, became this.
"Nice room" I shrug complimenting, looking around with the feel of his gaze on me.
"Never thought I would see you here" he says. With a crown of frown I look at him, he brings the edge of the towel and dries the back of his head. "Not tonight at least"
"Why?" with sharp stare I watch him as he shakes his head, untangling the towel and neatly walking to the holder, and with extreme sleekness hangs it after two folds.
"You both seem to be having a good time up there, that Is until I interrupted" with his back to me still he says, in other circumstance I would've knocked some dialects for him to tame his jealous head, but the way said it, rather like a fact had my gut coiling more to understand him.
Why do I have to fall for the living definition of complication?
"Yes we did. Like friends should" burring the heels beneath the soft plush of rug I emphasized on the term that clarified my present relationship with Edmund.
"Good" he sighs running his fingers across his hair, the dampness darkening his white edges in a sleek manner. His actions enhanced the irritation in me ten fold as I scowled, running low on patience.
"Good? Is that all you got to say?" my vexed inquisition buys me his attention as he shifts on his heels, but never turns full way to face me, instead he glances at me through his shoulder and pins me with a stare that spoke a hundred of words, but none that I could understand.
He was acting strange. Stranger than usual. And it scared more than it should.
"Say something" I whisper tiredly, how should I begin when he won't let me feel at ease.
He walks away, to the glass panel and pushes it, it mechanically squeaks in a soft tone as he steps out into the green house, since it was indoor my vision could barely pick up it's interior apart from a mild silhouette, but when Alex blindly reached for a lever beside and towed it down did my eyes felt deceived for a second.
Numerous golden hues blinked alive from the corners igniting the natural wonder in such a prolific view that I felt its beauty seep into the air, the damp smell of earth, the soft rustles of leaves, the mild body of concealed water beneath and the planks to support the visitors. Everything way too captivating. Way too beautiful.
He stood there, his head held up, shoulder squared in an unconscious pride, I couldn't see his face but I know it held a masked uncertainity as he waited for me to say something.
But I couldn't, I was speechless. I have been living countable steps away from such beauty and was unaware of it. Just how much more of him do I not know?.
"It's getting late, you should go. Get some rest" his voice gave away nothing, neither coldness nor anger. And the subtle twitch of my nose indicated that it was me who would writhe in anger tonight if he kept this up. His nonchalance.
"You can't tell me where I should be" I retort fisting my hands on side.
"I can, you are in my room"
At that a pang of grim hurt coarsed through me, was it all? Is this how he wanted me back? to push me over the edge again?.
If he thinks that he can get rid of me so easily, the he's wrong. It was my feelings that was at stake now. And he can't do as he wills anymore.
After a long pause, I ask the one question that I should've asked a long time ago.
"What's your problem Alex?"
Like a switch his body goes stiff, he turns from where he stood and looks at me, breathing heavily as if his control had gave up on containing what he concealed for so long.
Anger.
But it didn't constitute my will enough to re evaluate my choices.
"My problem?" he says as his eyes goes distant for a second as if recalling what they were "my problem is me Elaine" he adds looking at me, a self loathe so high that it made my insides shiver with percussion.
"What are you talking about? There is nothing wrong with you" I try to reason with him as he shakes his head in denial even before I could finish saying it.
"Don't lie to yourself Elaine" he chuckles, the sides of his eyes crinkling in tasteless mock to himself "if there was nothing wrong with me you won't be standing so far away from me" he uses his hands pointing at him, then at me like throwing a Frisbee, in an act to magnify our distance out.
"Alex-" I take a step forward as he motions me to stop with the same hand. I don't sympathize with him, because that would be the last thing he would want from me, I know him that much.
Instead I stare him down with all of my strength, to make him realize how wrong he has got it all. Like every time he does.
"You think I don't see the way you try to hide yourself at my presence. Or the way I scare you just by the manner I look at you. " he says it with every fiber of his body, his voice so deep and sincere. Crude enough to know how much he believes in them.
"You love me Elaine. But you don't trust me" barely above a whisper, and tired, that's how he sounded.
Lost, confused and filled with self hate.
Though half of the thing he said wasn't wrong, it was more righteous than I would like to admit. But despite this all, I know there was always something about him that I'll look up to.
Because I love him with all his imperfections. And the tiniest of the correction he brings in him, for me. was and will be the greatest of gift he could ever give me.
And today, I'll make him know just that. Feel how similar we are.
With that I confidently walk to him, the marble floor trades for the wooden plates beneath my feet in a rough exterior. I don't look away from him, my face a mask of cruel blankness, but determination as he frown down at me once I stood before him.
For the first time he tries to steal his glance away from me instead of me doing the alternate, but try being the futile attempt by his part as I grab him by the collar and pull him down to my height. I don't wait for his reaction as I seal our lips together.
His body goes stern as I circle one of my arm around his neck pulling him closer, kissing him softly but surely.
Speaking the thousand different words that I would never say, with the touch. But the foremost being the trust.
He hardly gathers himself as I move back smiling.
His chest heaves, the glow from around us was consumed by the darkness within his eyes. With want. With need.
"You still think I am afraid of you?" I bite my lower lip, raising a brow in question as he watches me still in a state of composed daze.
But answers by grabbing me by the waist, the abrupt action causes a squeak to bubble in my throat. But it gets shut by the kiss he rewards me with. A deed anything but naive. In sync, in passion.
I almost stumble at the force of it, if it wasn't for his hold, I clench the fabric of his shirt at the side and he fists the back of my hair groaning lowly.
A subtle sound of moan escapes my lips as I felt his teeth graze my low lip, morphing them later into a gentle bite.
We pull away breathing heavily, gasping for air and drowning in each other's gaze. Serene and peaceful.
"Say something" It was him this time who whispered, as his hand tamed my hair that he made a tangle of, yet not once looking away from me.
"I am not giving up on you, ever" I say in all honesty as he smiles, I don't know if it was a trick of light or anything but I spotted a glisten of something raw in his, almost as if he was tearing up.
So I do the next best thing to lighten up the mood. By saying something that'll haunt me for a while. For life if he decides on it.
"I am not letting you go because trust me you are an awesome kisser" his eyes squints down for a second as he gets hold of what I said, then his chest starts to vibrate with a short breathy laugh.
"How do you do it?" He asks, still his hold on my waist. Still close.
"Do what?"
"Look so innocent and outspoken at the same time?" He pinches my nose with his free hand as I swat them away frowning. Tired of being called that term so many times.
Yes I was inexperienced and quite a party pooper at times. But it doesn't mean that I would never grow up.
For god sake I have read and seen Game of Thrones. And had dealt with the shades of a billionaire with mood swings drastic than the way he changes his hair colour.
That constitutes a major of maturity in itself.
"You really think you were the only one who ever checked me out?" I admit my eyes falling to the lips of his, now swollen, more inviting.
But suddenly feeling shy I look away, but he grips me by the chin and turns me to him.
There was not tease or mock in his gesture as he smiles, making this moment the comfiest of all.
"I am all yours, you don't have to look away" he tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear as I sigh in contentment. Resting my head to his chest.
My eyes taking in a closer look of the beauty he had created. I don't have to ask him why he had an indoor garden with veils of leaves covering the brick walls and exotic flowers blooming into life. It was his haven, his treasure.
But by the way he held me now, I bet this place must be envious of me.
I chuckle at my own silly thought.
"What happened?" He asked almost concerned and curious.
"This place is beautiful" I say closing my eyes to memorize the rustle of water from fall beside, the rhythm.
"Not more than you" he says in a matter of factly tone as I roll my eyes.
I frown when he leans to the side, I shuffle to a straighter pose as I watch him pluck a healthy white tulip from a bunch of collective group.
Gnawing the inside of his cheek in concentration, an action which made his jawline much more prominent he slides the pedicle of the flower over the hair right above the tip of my ears.
Form afar the schools church bell rings again, A twelve times for mid night. The dawn of a new day. A new beginning.
But Alex surprisingly had other thing in mind as he cups my cheeks and kisses my forehead. Angling his face so that now his cheeks grazed mine, he softly whispers to my ear.
"Happy valentines day"
***