Elaine
Open ground with wide field fence surrounding us. That's were he bought me after the dinner in a posh A lister restaurant, the kind were even thinking inside your own brain felt expensive and classic.
And not to forget the reserved secluded section in large outing structure that he had made sure to bribe the manager of, since the first encounter of denial by the same man because of the rush hour was over powered by the sentence
"For two, under Thomas White"
And the white part did the job.
It made the poor manager, hard to manage to the no reservation, no dinner posture. Instead he took us to the balcony, A circular outing with the most beautiful satin and curtained décor I had ever witnessed live. The candles and flowers and everything that would pass as the most romantic atmosphere one could brisk out.
And I look down at my attire to see the most casual and undately cloth ever.
I mean a cocktail dress or even a gown couldn't have surpassed the elegance of it. And here I was, stood out in this place like the Wolverine inside a big pink frilly ballet school.
The comparison in my head was funny so I giggle.
Snapping his head in my direction Alex looks at me calculatively.
"You don't like it? if not we'll go to some other place. I know this- where are you going?"
I pull the chair and plop myself down. Crossing the legs I look at him. The boy who could make a grown up man wither with fear with his mere name, rambling around with hesitation at the giggle of an seventeen year old girl.
"Take a seat" I gesture as he squints his eyes with a small smile curving his lips, like as if he should've expected something unexpected from me.
His walks to the chair and even the act of him making himself comfortable in it was a segment of art. The closer you inspect the more perfect he looks.
Alexander White wasn't aware how different he was than others, But to see him handle the fork and knife and eat with such delicacy and manliness was unconscious to him. It made him so naturally ornate.
After my little survey, I focused back on my own platter once it was served, the one he chose for me since I could barely pronounce the name of the food in menu. For the first five minute we spent trying to correct it.
And the dinner went something like this.
"stop looking at me, isn't it you who was always against the idea of someone watching the other one eat to be uncomfortable" I mumble pointing the edge of the knife at him, then looking down to help the dice of chicken casserole a La Normande into my mouth. Trying not to moan at the flavors that filled my taste buds, I lift my gaze up to look at him while chewing slowly.
To see if he had reacted according to my statement.
But no.
There was that smile again, unconscious and weighed. The hot kind, that made my cheeks feel hotter than the edibles in my plate.
Without looking down he forks his own helping, yet the gaze remained glued to my face, strong and unbothered. So I try another card.
"Four thousand eight hundred and twenty six Americans died chocking on their food as of last year. Reason, not concentrating on their food"
For a second his lips pulls down as he nods, as if he was impressed by the number. Hoping he got the idea behind it. I almost resume eating again, half way to swallow it when-
"If watching such a sexy girl before I die, and if it's the last thing I see. I don't mind actually"
Then it was me who chocked.
From then on it was more of an red faced Elaine Winters and a smirking Alex White morphing into a kid throwing tantrums even after her stomach was full and a complaining mother who insisted that the girl should eat more and that he was not blind to unsee the weight she had lost over the past months.
"You skip meals Elaine. You think I don't see it?" He added while gesturing at my plate, motioning me to finish up the contents that he graciously served me again once I was already done with my second helping.
Let's say he didn't take no for an answer.
And now we stood in the open field, with trees surrounding us either ways, the citys skyline a bright glow at far sight. The prettiest view of a busy life in a the moment of such serenity. An alienation with a view of life just a couple mile from us.
"How has the city been treating you so far?" He asks, his gaze lined firm on ahead. I follow the same vision shrugging. Thinking the events that had led me here, and the place that had taken me further. Where i now know who I am.
But the one person that stood beside me, with me was something that garnered most part of my memories. So I answer him with a smile.
"Let's say, I've finally found a place where I think I belong"
"With me?" he chuckles humoring himself, turning to look at me as I raise a brow at him.
"Keep dreaming about that" I click my tongue mockingly.
"In fact I do. And Ah-" he closes his eyes placing a hand on his chest for the effect as my eyes go wide "What dreams they are"
Hitting him on arm I wrinkle my nose as he cracks a laugh, his blue orbs raising livelier by the second.
"Stop having flirt flakes for morning. If you keep this up I might have to rethink about my choices"
He scoffs sarcastically. Meanwhile I look around rubbing my hands together and hopefully not slipping up cooing at him. That will surely piss off the man in him.
And also as I wondered aloud.
"What is it that you bought me here for? Other than the panoramic view of the night I really am looking forward to figure out that productive thing were you talking about" he nods solemnly and asks me for a minute.
He walks back to the car as I tilt my face to side to see what he was doing.
Yawning the trunk open he grabs a shovel.
Only he can produce out a shovel from Lamborghini and make it look like the sword of a brave knight.
With a golden box in other hand he came and stood in the position he was before.
"What are these?" not wasting more of my brain cells I ask frowning as he hands me over the golden package.
"Cigarettes" he grumbles lowly walking to the side were the smooth concrete ended and wet patch of land began to host the fenced trees. I followed him still confused.
I almost bump into him when he stops and turns back to me, his face clearly amused at my reaction.
"Today, I lose something and you gain" both my eyes raised in question I see him sigh a smile.
"I decide to quit smoking today" he takes a step closer to me until he was near enough for me to feel the pulse of my own heart at the proximity. With the unoccupied hand he caresses my cheek gently looking at me in the eyes as he says, his voice a notch over a whisper. Breathy but determined.
"I quit my addiction because I've have found another"
Closing my eyes I felt a smile play over my lips.
When I open them I see the same kind on his. The moment was too beautiful so I do the one thing that I could.
Ask the logical question.
"Why the shovel?"
He blinks for a while and moves his hand down to feel it. Like he almost forgot he had it under his clutch.
"I-I am giving it a funeral. Burying them for the last time" he licks his lips as I nod impressed. "Beside I think you'll love to see it go down since you loathed it from day one" he eyes the box with a kind remorse.
And then with one glance at my encouraging feature, it dissolves into relaxation.
I realize for once that even though he seem to have grown up way earlier than his age. We all had that crazy kid part of our head which will always crawl up now and then.
"Is this the last of your stocks?"
"Every last bit of it"
I observe the size of it.
"A months?"
Biting his lips he narrows his eyes sheepishly.
"A Week's" he mumbles as I felt my eyes go big. But composed when I saw how much of me judging him would affect his resolution.
"It's okay, I'll help you. I promise" I lace my fingers with his assuring him as he takes a deep breath.
Then he digs down the earth, as I chuck the box in. closing it up into a levelled ground we stand there in silence.
"I am so proud of you" I grin as I stomp upon it once with high adrenaline in my veins.
"Thank you" he tips his head as I push his chin to the side and peck his cheeks.
When I grin at him as he slowly turns to look at me, it quite entertained me to see such clean state of dazed shadow on his face. But still in such state he was well verse with his demanding nature.
"I would rather" he dabs his lips with his index "prefer it here"
Sniffing, I squint my eyes in thinking.
"You had fish for dinner"
"I had a mint tea later, don't forget the complimentary refreshments." Like counting he stretches out his fingers as he listed out each. And then satisfied he looks at me dead in the eyes "I came prepared"
This might as well be the most blunt date in the history of blunt dates.
"I just applied a coat of my Chapstick" I then pretend to examine my nails as he wait, with his hot stare on me all while.
"Such a tease" I hear him whisper under his breath before he subjugates over his own willingness and pulls me to him. Doing the one thing the he wanted from me.
And let me get this straight. He could serve as the official brand ambassador of mints and justify it like no one else can.
"So. Fishy?" he asks breathily.
We both break out laughing.
Alone, careless and together.
"Now the gaining part" he says as he whirls me into a hug, with my back to his chest. Sliding his hand down my arm he lifts up my palm and drops something on it.
I examine the electronic fob, which was no doubt was his car key.
"Today is your first official driving lesson" he declares with the essence of slight exhilaration in his tone.
I take a moment to think about it. Then I takes a peek at his black car, which appeared as if it has been treated at the Japanese spa everyday.
Unhealtily clean and shiney.
"What if I crash it?" I pucker my lips at the possibility.
"Take a look around, there is no place you could even if you want to" huffing I silently agree to his offer. Since he had planned this with such detail, and it would be fun to learn in general.
An hour later I already had it all figured out, well most of the part as Alex kept giving me input about road safety measures even though we weren't even in road to begin with.
He also informed me that it was Lee who had taught him and Edmund at the age of twelve, that made my patriotic being frown in the wake of breached laws. Then I remembered who ruled us now, and it evened my opinion.
"You learn so quick" he says it as if it's almost was a negative thing.
I mere shrug picking up a speed a little higher than before.
"How am I suppose to keep up with things that could keep up your interest intact?" He leans against the passenger seat boldly demanding a solution from me.
To me, what he said in his bluntness was more than anything I could've asked from him. We both lacked at the rules of dating. Heck to date we never even called whatever it was a date. It was just us.
He had no filter and I, was worse. We say what we feel or hide it entirely if we couldn't. There was no in between.
And I wanted him to know that his presence was enough and there was nothing more I ask of him.
I stop the car and mirror his position, but a little more relaxed to get my point across.
"I don't always go after things that aren't discovered Alex. If I were of that kind I would've graduated college by now" he chuckles as I smile, just by seeing him smile. They were contagious and too precious to not be grateful about. To just be the reason behind it. "Sometimes I want to let it all go and live too. Like everyone else" I add genuinely, but His mind seem to loiter in entire dark direction as I felt his aura and eyes do just that. Turn Dark.
I felt my throat go dry as I gulp in some smoothness into it.
His lips parts slightly as he visibly breaths through them, and before I know he was leaning to my side.
Startled we both jump blinking when a mobile vibrates from the dashboard. It was my phone which I had left by the passenger compartment.
A second earlier before Alex could pick it up, my eyes falls upon the Callers ID.
It was Ian.
Like a bolt of light I pull my body up and grab the phone, almost brushing our hands in process because he was that close to picking it up.
He frowns at my abrupt actions as I plop down on seat. Sliding the call to red and texting him that I was busy. I sigh in short relief.
"I am sorry about tha-" I pause as I turn to look at him, he wasn't watching me anymore. Instead his gaze went low were my-
I suck in a deep ragged breath as I look down at myself, at the exact spot where his eyes rested.
The haste had caused the black shirt to rile up, baring the part of me that I would do anything to hide. The skin. The scars.
Fisting the hem I try to pull them lower. But my body went stone cold as he grabbed my wrist.
I don't fight it.
Not when he raises it higher, stopping right at the beginning of my ribs.
I close my eyes when I felt his touch on them, cold but some how warm.
Freak. That's what scarlet had called me.
Will he see me in a different light after this?
"Who?"
When I looked at him, he had the most lethal and destructive emotions embracing his features. I smile sadly at his query.
"Me" I say it so low that I was surprised that he even heard that. After a sensible lapse it dawns on him as he realizes what it meant. His eyes softens, the anger dissolving into understanding. Not pity or sympathy.
I yank the fabric, covering my flaws up as he slowly pulls his hand away. Giving me the time to compose as we sit in silence.
"It's okay if you think I am crazy, It's fi-"
"I don't" his snaps his head in my direction with a look of supreme warning. Like it hurts him to think that I even assumed that.
"I just wanted to feel something else other than the voices in my head" I whisper, now the tears falling freely.
His gaze studies my pain carefully as he wipes the trails with his thumb softly.
"I have them too" his lips parts and then closes, as if recalling the wordless pain with it "The scars"
Those words halts the growing urge of mine to be anywhere else but here, under his radar. So exposed and vulnerable.
I wait still, my heart hammering at his utterance.
As if he read the doubts in my head, he looks away.
Entwining my fingers with his, I compress the hold. Feel the way as his did the same with mine.
"It was my father"
I wish my senses wouldn't have reacted that way it did, erratic beats of hearts and the feeling of a churning stomach.
He grits his teeth not looking at me even once, like he was embarrassed.
"You don't have to if-"
"No" he cuts me off "I don't have to. I want to"
Caressing small circles at the back of his hand with my thumb I watch him get used to the support. I was there, for him. Just the way he was for me.
"Sometimes it was because he wanted to teach me morals, and other, it was just his drunk self. The wrath from his expectations not being met or plain lack of discipline" heaving a breath with rapid blinks of his eyes he looked at me "It went on till I was twelve and then it stopped all together"
He clamps his jaw shut, so tight that I could see the mild strain of his nerve.
And I wasn't able to wrap my head around a single emotion, it was a wreck. A hurricane of wild and vile bitterness surged through them. It ached for him, but havocs the image of Leonard White I had weaved my thoughts to be.
For the first time in my life I wanted to see someone destroyed. To do it myself if not.
Alex had a lost leer on his face when he opened his mouth again. To justify something that I would've never asked him to justify.
"I never chose to be like this Elaine. I don't even know how I became this. I am so sorry" I don't think about the uncomfortable posture we sat in when I pull him into a hug, even before he could finish his sentence.
The sincerity and desperation placid yet unclad.
He embraces me equally tighter. Molding and mending our broken self into completion.
It felt like healing.
"Will you do me a favor Alex?" I croak snuggling over the collar, to his neck.
"Anything" he breaths. His voice so close, sending a shiver of something really pleasant in me.
"Do hold me back from punching this father of yours if I ever happened to meet him" he chuckles as I frown in all seriousness, as I shift to look at his face.
He rests his forehead on mine, closing his eyes with a smile.
The one I know for sure that he does when only I am around. That is when we haven't messed up. It made me feel special.
He's spoiling you.
So I let him.
That's until I fish out the question that has been nagging me since days.
"Alex"
He hums asking me to proceed as I move away, missing his touch already, he frowns opening his eyes to inspect what was wrong.
"Why's April and Aiden here? Did something happened again?"
He doesn't seem to be surprised at my question. Instead he asks me to do something that confused me to my extreme.
"Elaine. Will you be honest with me if I ask you something?"
I Nod uncertainly, the word honesty clouding my head already.
"What is it?"
"It's not me they are trying to look out for" I scowl deeper as he fixes me with a stare, as if trying to read through my soul "They are here for you"
Still perplexed I mere watch him.
"The accident that happened in town, I had someone look after the case and-" he pauses, as he watches me with unreadable look. It doesn't take me long to put a theory together as my hands go numb with sweat and cold. And then he alomost proves me right "It turns out that_"
"It happened because of me" barely thinking straight I blurt out, significantly struggling for air as I shake my head useless denial, rolling my lips inside to stop from breaking down as I felt the sting of tears.
Alex was immediate to react, as he brought his hand to my back and caressed calm soothing circles to tame me, before I could go into a full blown panicked attack.
When he was assured that I won't slip out of control he cupped my cheeks with both his hands as he made me look at him.
Making me alert that I just couldn't zone down the lane of self blame.
"Don't you dare think that way" he stresses angrily "It was no one's fault"
"But it was someone's" bitterly I emphasize the term, squinting my eyes in agony I try to move. But he firms his hold on my cheeks, leaving no room for me to act.
"Who is it?" He asks as I gulp feeling the seldom lose of string in my head.
"I don't know" I admit in honesty.
He stops for a split second, and then something seem to fit right in place as his eyes sparks up with intensity.
"But you were aware that someone could do this?" It sounded more of a figurative statement than question.
I take time, to think of it.
The fear that made me change so much. To even have me cower away from my own identity.
To morph me into Elaine from Elzina.
And then I nod slowly for an answer.
A stream of anger coarses through me as I meet his gaze with varied emotions. All the mustered helplessness that had caused the numbness, blunt and raw in them.
I know what he would see in them.
Plead. Death. Betrayal. Ressurection and broken pieces.
Pieces of Elzina.
He pulls away watching me intently.
Silence.
The traces of moments we shared all tormented by the one we were having now. The time when made us aware that we don't have the normal life or love like everyone else does.
"I'll wait" is all he says. I felt like pulling my hairs out in frustration. He can't be so willing to trust me so much.
He can't be so nice to me and make me suffer.
For once I wanted him to ask me of my lies and force the truth out of me. Before I explode or worse. Drown.
"If you wanted to tell me, you would've long time ago. But whatever this is, it's not enough to for me to give up trying. I'll do anything that it takes for you to start trusting me"
"I trust you" I stress it, desperately trying to make him realise with my futile attempt.
He smiles which doesn't reach his eyes.
"I know. And that's why I want you to trust me with your protection. I am not going to let anything happen to you" he waits to see if I would oblige.
And when I lazily smile with a nod, the day wearing on me and the weigh of secret shredding the little energy I had left.
"We are going to be fine"Â he says and then he adds the one last word that I never believed in. But when he said it, it felt like the most powerful deal of trust earned in the world.
"I promise"
***