Elzina
I
Comfort zone.
I always follow the rules of it, never went out of my way to be lauded by someone. But it all changed.
Not for someone. But the one.
And to be honest I had no choice as I had the gun swaddled under my clutch, glasses perched upon the bridge of my nose stoically and sole of the feet married to the ground in stance.
I squint, feeling the alienated weight of sight aid I keep my gaze transfixed on the red target mark encircled by black rings.
"You look so cute" my lips fidgets, as I will it to stay put. Not to get distracted by the comment "In that hot nerdy kind of way"
Don't look away.
"And the tight jeans on you" a soft sexy hiss of praise, even the ear piece that vacummed the sounds did nothing to wash it off. That brings me to a conclusion that Alex was screaming it aloud. That was the only possibility as I was able to hear it.
I pretend I do not.
"But I prefer you without them on-"
I pull the trigger. Loud bang echoes and I basically yelp in surprise as I did it without a heed. Unprepared and distracted by what he was going on about.
"Alex" I whine, but the one glimpse at the off target hole punched by my delivery, I growl out "You'll regret this so much"
Shifting to the attentive boy I glare, he stood few feets away from me with the star bucks drink in hand , he smirks and brings the straw to his pink lips and sucks in. I melt.
"What if I want to regret"
I blush even though I don't ponder much of what he wants to imply.
"You are never going to let me be good at this" I sigh adjusting the glasses sniffing. It was a week ago when Ian gave me a run through of what my shares holds and what my role play was. And it turns out, it's a lot. And completely diverse of everything I had learnt and understood till the date.
I was clueless.
I felt like a rabbit condensed by a lions den. And was being appointed to go hunting with them with me as the leader.
They told me, it's my future. They advised me to start working on it. I had no mentor. But it turns out Alex had one during his time, it was his father. Leonard White apparently had trained Alex, making him now a valid candidate to teach me.
"Thomas, a brief to represent corporation?" Mr. White said in not so much of a request manner.
And when he blankly began to blurt out the various list of how the empire runs, that includes the collateral, debt consolidation, gross profit and even the balance sheets numbers that he remembered for some odd reason. The room went quite for a minute.
And then Ian cleared his throat radically giving Leonard white a sharp look.
"Are you sure you raised him as human. He sounds like a retired finance assistant with no enthusiasm for life" I hear him mutter.
But I was too wrapped up by the cute wink Alex passed me from the other side of conference room accompanied by a gentle wicked smile.
Retired finance assistant huh.
It was evident that we have much more ways to be with each other than to just get married.
As elated I was to learn learn something new, no one had the fact slipped in course of our previous meet. The fact that I had to train my mind to asses the reliability of weapons. To learn its usage and mechanics in generals.
Not a problem it was. Not until Alex had a sly gesture in mind to make it just that.
Problematic.
"You know" Alex as of at the moment walks up to me, the coffee he dumps by as he passes. I swallow the dryness in my trachea. Those blue icy eyes are never less hot on me these days. Each day it sparked with more familiarity and mischief.
Yes he made it straight indirectly that we won't go far until we are married.
But that didn't seem to stop him from making moves that makes his ideas after that day, much. Much more clear. And to think that it was the night a month ago in Brooklyn, and I still wasn't able to get over it makes me drown in severe coats of blush.
"I don't think I am willing to have you learn this early like other things you do" I sense him behind me as he airily says, then slides his hands lazily through my arms either side. Taking his time to do so he slowly coils those long fingers around my wrist. Guiding it up to the position as he tugs me slightly, causing my back to press up against his chest. I feel him bury his chin down my shoulder as his nose nuzzles against the crook of my neck.
"I won't be able to do this every time I teach you. Do I?" he whispers as the feathery kiss almost knocks my knees.
"Against the rule" hoarse and dry, layered with daze I pathetically voice out. In a second I was turned and pushed up roughly against the glass wall of the range cabin. His fading smirk would have been of relief if it wasn't in the wake of his eyes boldly on me. With a metallic shuffle the gun falls to the floor.
The hand that was encased on my shoulder slips lower to the side, until it was by my waist.
My breathing ragged as I place my palm upon his strong chest. The button up did nothing but innocently teased me about the idea of what laid beneath.
There was just something so crazy about the thought of mere intimacy with the person you love. To know that each touch, kiss and gaze hold more promise and meaning of its own. And with Alex, he used words and eyes to convey it all. They were more sensuous then the thing itself.
His hand stays there, but I felt them tighten as his eyes falls to my lips.
Mine was no better ,we leaned.
And then the phone rang.
Flinching we both part as Alex curses under his breath. He appeared almost nauseous as he even went far as to blink rapidly to clear his vision when he checked the caller Id.
"Shit"
"What?" I frown as his lips rolls inside as he rechecks his wrist watch. And with hurried eyes looks up at me.
"We are late for the graduation"
Graduation. That was the only and probably the most singular reason I was back in stuart this time. No hidden motives or no spy impulse to find a lawyer. Pure intention. Education.
But it also meant.
"What if they hate me" jumpy I enquire as Alex gave me the look that one would give to a toddler if he wanted to know about how are babies made. It was blank, it was calculative and it almost screamed as if what I proposed was ridiculous.
"Why would they?" his upper lip quirks as if he was confused. I swear he at times acted like he was raised in a lab with robotics than in human world.
I sigh striding in towards the cafeteria. The eyes of few gawking and surprised students on us.
They all know. I wasn't Elaine anymore. Media made sure of that. According to Mike I was the kind of personality in stuart now that every parent wanted their kids to be friends with. He then gagged saying how stupid that sounded. I made sure his head received the knock from my knuckle.
"Stop worrying so much. You'll lose your appetite for breakfast" the witty response from Alex made me glare at his face.
With that I step in, the uniform was same. The pony, no different. My backpack was more worn out than before. I wasn't giving up on it.
But the silence that I was welcomed with. Was not old.
The chatters, clatters and even the mildest of misty rumble from the mixer inside the cooking area subsided. It was like my existence was a button and when I pressed a step forward it muted it all.
Frowning my fist clenches. I scan my surrounding, it meets a pair or two. I kept them fixated on one guy who smirked. When I raised a brow he choked on his drink.
Teenagers should really stop acting like know it all scums. And more importantly they should keep eating. Doing better things. Changing the world or stuffs like that. And not stare at a girl as she walked.
I know Alex was a step behind me. He was used to this.
It was funny how life changes. Mine flipped. Once the bystanders raked me with hostility and disgust. And today I was just the symbol of wealth and power that they would either want to become or stay away because of fear.
We humans are just so selfish.
"Chingu?" my eyes goes wide a fraction as I whirl, almost snapping my neck in process. Lee stood there, his grin so big, so wide that it looked painful for his face.
"Lee" I chirp. He was smiling. It was positive.
"Chingu" he repeats, taking a step forward discarding his tray of food as immediately a lanky boy from side holds it down for him.
And then we were hugging. I felt my legs leave the ground as he hoists me up with a throaty laugh. Faintly an irritated voice coldly pointed lee out that hugs weren't necessary. But none of us cared.
"I thought I would never be able to see you" putting me back on feet he pinches my nose as I giggle. But suddenly his face morphs into seriousness "I am sorry about what happened that night. I was so use less"
The warmth laces my heart as I genuinely smile. Grateful of such friend.
"I am sorry" I say. There was no need for explanation as to why.
"Its okay" his lips thins down as he hugs me from side. Patting the top of my head. The usual old way as I sigh. "We understand"
We.
That word gave me chills. In a good way.
The distinct voices of students whispering, munching and basically not being a mannequin was the sign that our reunion was not being watched as crucially as it was a while ago.
Relieved we slowly fall on step, Alex soon joining us, suddenly bored. With me feeling squished in between these two I let my eyes wander, specific to the area where I once occasionally and mostly use to sit in.
And there were they, Hailey and Edmund. An easy smile on their faces, though the glint of smile on Hailey's appeared much alien. It was genuine. I had to agree that she was damn cute when she acted her age.
Not a surprise that it took Edmund years to see through her. She was too neutral.
It was grueling to not profoundly sink in a breath of nostalgia. This academy served me for a couple of month as of now I was already missing the days I missed.
"Glad to have you back" Hailey got up and embraced me into a placid hug as I blinked away the stray wetness smiling. Edmund was next. Calling me the lazy sloth that went on hibernation for months.
But the breaking point was when they addressed me as Elzina. There was not a hint of awkwardness, nor was subtle diss. But pure normalcy.
They may not know the entire truth, but enough to accept the fact that I did what I did in order to keep me safe.
That day, at the very moment. I fell in love with my name.
I began loving myself, because to be grateful for what you have. The love starts from within self.
The engine of Alex's Lamborghini purrs to life.
"We are late to our own graduation ceremony?" He focuses on road as i rest my back to the seater, my knees lazily pushes as it tucks to the dash board.
"I studied there since kindergarten you know" he adds the fact "Edmund and I"
Impressed I look at him, still eyes on road as he honked frowning. Nothing moved. The road was jammed.
"I thought you said that you'll keep track of time" I sigh tugging at the loose thread from the ripped portion of my jeans. The exposed skin of my knees glows as the warm sun rays penetrates through the glass.
"You really can't blame me" perilously he turns to look at me for more than a second, before a sneaky smirk curls over his lips as he resumes.
With heated cheeks I pull the black rimmed glass off my face, pretty much convinced that Alex had always been into nerdy fantasy by the way he grinned when the doctor had prescribed me a temporary far sight aid. He looked like a child in Christmas. Not to forget the obese period he took deciding the frame that suited me.
Even NASA won't be much invested in sending a man to mars with the seriousness he treated the job with.
"I am not exactly going to wear this all the time" I muse.
"Don't worry" detecting the raw teasing tone I prepare to be hit by his grave thoughts "I know when I'll make you wear that"
I give up. There was no excruciating way I could ever get used to what he implied. The boy was too much.
The silence swirled deafeningly as my hot cheeks desperately tried to adapt a healthy temperature.
"So" he begins, catching my attention simultaneously as his free hand vanishes inside his jacket while the other wheeled. There was a shuffle as his fingers probably came into contact with the content.
Pulling out, he places a weightless envelope on my lap as I, fixated watch his movements. My head falls a I pick it up, inspecting. I Suck in a deep breath as my eyes registers the cursive Harvard logo.
Ripping open the edge I unfold the letter, each line causing my stomach to flip sweetly. The overwhelming tears blurring it as I grin.
"You-you did this?" I squeak "applied?" sniffing I watch him smile, the smooth run of the vehicle left paused in another packed road as he shifts his entire attention on me.
A flick of his brown hair loosely falls on his fore head making his messy hair, help make the mess of me. His blue eyes shone like the crystal sea, light yet compelling.
"And you got accepted" proud, a single emotion was all his utterance eloped with. Petrified, all of a sudden i sneak a glimpse at the letter.
"What? Aren't you happy?" his fingers interlaces with mine.
"I am" I admit, but my throat dry. He notices it as well "But what about you?"
He merely cages me with his gaze, somehow sharp and soft at the same time.
Then he laughs. The beat of my heart rises increasingly at his mirth. In contrary, I frown.
"Share the joke. I want to laugh too" I deadpanned. This seem to stable him up as he shakes his head, still that arrogant smile on.
"You thought I was going to let you go there alone?" his index touches the tip of my nose as I raise a brow in question. He should stop treating me with adoration owing to the countless innuendos he blesses me with. But no, Alexander White knows how to balance both. He is devilish that way.
But as if a spark of electricity ventured my brain cell, I stopped with my inner monologue as his words submerges its possible meaning.
"Wait" my eyes goes wide, as his head tilts in I am listening go on manner. "You got in too?"
His lips purses, It's pinkness amplifies.
"Ah the faith you have in me" he voices aloud, his gaze peering at me through his long lashes. "I may not have had the privilege to be a genius in all the existing field. But economic and evolutionary biology is something I rule. Well, as far as someone of my age could. So Harvard wanted a piece of me since my GPA is-"
I don't let him finish- not even bothered to give him his moment.
I knew exactly how to shut those lips up.
My lips trembled, not because it was freezing. But I was thinking too much. Oddly it was a cold night. It had poured down heavily few hours ago as the earthly scent filled my room. My old room despite of million protest by Alex that I should change, I kept it. It had way too much memory and if it's the last month I stay. I stay where it all began.
Getting up I slip out, shutting the door behind. My flip flops sternly slapping across the concreate as I walked. I had no idea where I was going, but well aware that I got out without the robe and now was too lazy to go back and get it.
Hugging myself I step out, bed of neatly trimmed grass damp against the sole. I had been here just once, out of anger when Alex had dropped my phone in water. It's seems so long ago.
Elite's backyard that hosted a lone plank of stone bench was now occupied by someone. It was rough to trace who, credits to darkness, but the whiff of smoke made me curious before I could decide to leave this place.
"Clarissa?" it had been a week since I returned, and the same amount of period I was left wondering about her absence. But not tonight.
She doesn't turn, she had her neck craned, as if captivated by the starry sky.
"Are you going to stand there the whole night? I don't mind if you sit beside" familiar, distinct and witty her proposition was the last straw, by given chance I did as she said.
Sat beside her.
Her curly hair was gathered in a neat bun, her dark washed leather jacket kept her warm while I shivered mildly in night dress.
"You smoke?" mentally I curse inside. That wasn't something to be asked.
Hazel brown eyes meets mine, a sigh escapes her lips as the lip ring glistens. Her face gives away nothing. Usual.
"Alex and I didn't had much people who sacrificed their time for us. We thought each other ways to keep ourselves occupied. A packet of cigarette was the first thing he bought for me. Then, just more of it" my shoulder slouches as she goes back, a drag more.
"I am sorry" guilt coarsed, my apology hangs in air for long unattended. And then-
"Dad told me" the way she said it was void of daughterly emotions like when she used to root for her father's support. A few months had changed her, or she was just this way and I was too blind to see it. Too preoccupied by my own world.
"Told what?" with clammy fingers I tug at the shirt, trying to stretch its hem past mid tighs. A nervous gesture
She drags another whiff, I clear my throat at the sting. Holding back the cough in order to not be impolite to her habits. No matter how bad it was, if Alex gave up on it. She'll find a reason too one day.
"I know a little more than what others does. It's surprising that a girl who is tearing up because of a harmless reefer- has been through hell" despite of the lack of stress in her voice, the sympathetic smile was evident.
Clarissa may not have given me the entirety of candidness for me to call her my friend. But she was someone who one can look forward to, she may look like she doesn't care. But it's all a mask.
There was silence. None of us moved or emerged with a conversation. Cold but calm. Until-
"Ring?"
"Hmm" confused I look at her to see her eyes terse on the hand upon my lap. A raised brow and naughty smirk perked her lips. Blushing I touch it with my thumb, twirling it.
A faint chuckle kisses the air "Impatient white boy" Is all she says. I join in her smile.
A couple of minutes later she dabs the bud to death on the stone getting up. Adjusting her jacket she turns.
"Have a feeling you came here for some alone time. See you tomorrow then Elzina" she states through her shoulder and walks away. The heavy beat of her boots loud once, dissolves. Then it was just me.
Or so I thought. A couple of minutes later when I decided to call it a night is when i spot a shadow. The feel of eyes on me. The grass crackles as my feet buries in between them.
"Who's that?" for a second there was no answer. But neither did the silhouette sauntered or hesitated. Instead it ceased lurking near the entrance pillar and took its leisure time stepping out.
"Guess I am not the only night owl here" scarlet shrugs, the flimsy satin robe tied facilely against her body. Her face gets accentuated with each step she takes, until my eyes adjusts to her presence as whole.
"But turns out you'll always remain the only creep I've ever met"
My controlled snap earns me a dry laugh from her. Frowning I move to leave when-
"You seriously aren't the one I expected" her cunning simper makes me sigh in tiredness.
"The nosey one. Just as I believed you to be" I may have met scarlet a couple of times the least, but that never stopped me from judging her. She was the only person I've ever disliked so much to do that. Despite I don't have a solid reason as to why.
"He thought the same too" she spits the terms gently, I know who she addressed by he.
Rolling my eyes I hug myself tighter. The ill fitted shirt wrinkles as I gather some fabric by my waist.
"I am not here to cause a wreck Winston. Just to let you know that I admire you" that had me as I frowned. Like a switch her posture morphed into an awkward genuineness rather than vile hostility. Or I failed to see past through her till today.
"What do you mean by that?" estimating the need of the moment I ask.
Crossing her arms to her chest I sense her sagged breaths, but that doesn't afflict the confidence in her eyes.
"I will be honest with you. You scared me with the whole Elaine- Elzina fiasco"
Good. I thought.
But I realized I scared myself with it too. But kept quiet to see where she was actually going with this.
"You are powerful Winston. But you are wise, I know you would never do something reckless or evil in spite of the substantial influence you have. Girls in this academy are envious, but they are stupid to realize that it's good that you are not providing them any attention, its for their own good" a step forward as we stood the same height. Her green eyes liquid and deep. Humoring with dark dry loneliness. I feel pity for her. Only a bit. "You are broken, too sharp for preppy people like us. You are mess Winston. But you turned out beautiful. You saved Alex. You deserve good. I am only here to wish you luck.
I swallow, her penetrating gaze intense and too naked. I've never seen someone with such versatility before.
"He won't invite me to the wedding" she shrugs with a tight lipped smile. A wave a sparse sadness fills in.
"I will" it was out. I know it was me who said it. Though I didn't wanted to. Like a hidden honesty that I wasn't aware of.
"Don't bother" beaming at the regret on my face she pats my shoulder "I leave the states as soon as I graduate. You both will never see me again. I promise"
My heart falls as I lick my lips, I barely got to know a girl I despised so much. To be rendered with reality that she was far better than what I had compiled about her. To know that the feisty, complicated red head will never be seen again.
"Best of luck scarlet" i say, but as an after thought I add "I hope you find happiness"
"I will" then her meticulous eyes falls low, her brow perks up. "You really have changed a lot"
Scowling I stood there confused.
"Give hard time to your soon to be husband Elzina. He deserves every bit the pay back for putting you through hell. But also- Don't ever leave that boy. He'd die without you and i have better job to do then going around picking up his pieces and stitching him up again. And Lord do would I do it because I have a thing for messed up souls"
"Over here" Jared screams from a rather cramped direction as soon as the car pulls up the unguarded academy's back door. Half run, half jog and no walk leaves me breathless. Alex helps me slip into the maroon graduation gown that Jared had been waiting for us with. He pulls his own and frowns at the hat.
"Is this a necessity?"
Groaning I snatch it from him, pulling atop of his head I proceed to do the same with mine.
"Wait" jumping at the loud shrill I whirl to notice Riley with similar coat. Much more prepared. Her make up on point while-
"Birds nest huh?" I was given no hindrance to grasp her jab as she pat's down my strands to decency, helping me with the hat next.
"It was the air" my blood flow collapses furiously as we begin to walk. She juts her nose out in mock.
"Yeah right. I most certainly believe you" I don't bother arguing. Taming Riley had been the worst of task for Mike and i.
It drained us of all the energy and life until Mike pondered deeply and came upon a hideous plan to force her into accepting our apology.
In zeal and commitment I happened to eliminate the word force and regret it the second next when we stood outside of her dorm door. Mike lovingly crouched on one of his knees and opened the bag case he carried here.
Absorbing the shock my eyes goes wide, he must be desperate to follow such a poisonous way to win her back.
Only that when Riley opened the door to a stunned me and a kneeling Mike with a python slung over his shoulder in a cuddle wrap.
Like a responsible human.
She screamed.
Others who came out to find out the reason behind a banshee wail soon joined her.
We later joined Nana in her office. It was not for a cup of coffee unfortunately.
"Just because I have forgiven you doesn't mean Mike is off the hook so easily" she growls as I nod solemnly, ducking in as I try to find my seat.
Behind I hear Alex thank Jared for his help. Except that he called him Jordon.
"Your seat is in front smarty pants. For some reason Alex is next to you" she whispers as I breath in relief. She indeed had it all covered up.
Taking our seat, I do an inner victory cheer up as intro begins.
Edmund winded up reciting the whole annual life of stuart, that has apparently been a dream or something like that. Clarissa the valedictorian came up next, she had her hair straightened and dangerously suited the stance of what she was. The top student vibe she emitted was so cool.
My ranking was same as her. But she had been here longer. And she deserved the recognition, especially when her eyes searched for her dad and found him amongst the crowd. Ian looked so proud.
But higher was the pride of Lee.
It was yesterday when I retired from girls washroom. I saw a pair of shiny shoes, I look up to spot Lee. With a sheet clutched within both his hands. A beaming smile and ever rosy cheeks.
"you scared me" I said warningly. It barely made his aura flinch.
"I passed chingu" were the sole sentence he whispered as he slapped his result in my palm.
It felt like yesterday when I had first met and tutored him. we were strangers then. Today we part as friends.
Diplomas were received, smiles were exchanged, hugs were traded and tears were shed.
I stood there not being able to believe how beautiful my life has turned out in such short span of time.
"Assemble up people, it's picture time. Let me end my presidential duties today in peace" Edmund claps up an authoritative pat to the candidate near to him.
His shoulders squared when everyone roars his name, calling him the best leader ever. He even teared up as Hailey hugged.
I could only imagine their emotions. For others high school was just hell. But to them Stuart had been their home. For them high school had been fun.
They broke barriers. They lived different.
They were blessed and I was too, to have people like them surround me.
Packed in front of the high building for the year portrait, i feel Alex hand inch next to me. The camera goes off, a hurricane of cheers erupts, hats thrown on air rains down around us. But Alex and I had our head tipped. Our hat alienatedly still on as we exchanged smiles.
Our hands holding each other.
Our gaze drinking in the beauty of what we experienced together. But in the end what we did.
We made it.
II
If Rules of a relationship was to understand the troubles of the man you love.
Then I failed ridiculously at that. I had been busy feeling the bliss and euphoria, while Alex had been surreptitiously distracted for the most part of it. but I did confronted him later.
"Is it okay if we skip graduation party?" was all he requested. To me his comfort was more than anything I could ask for. I had agreed without the blink of an eye. But drenched into nonchalance when I hadn't realized the intensity of how forced his smile was at that time.
But later when he knocked at my room, his hair dishelleved and clothes of equal state. I reached for his hand.
"What's wrong?" momentarily I forgot where I stood. It was our last day in dorm. And the things that I had been packing laid sprawled across the floor and bed.
He pushes his hairs back, his chest heaves as he looks at me.
"i-I want you to meet someone" pained and haunted. My stomach churned at the sound of it.
I don't pry, there was so much running through my head during the ride while he drove. It made me shut my eyes and breath through mouth to keep my nerves in check as u looked outside the window.
The silence was like the sign of something evil. It kept increasing manifold.
"Hospital?" I ask, reading the lavish sign. I don't receive a response. Not even when I follow him to the elevator. He presses the button to a floor without a glace, as if it had been a cycle for him.
Anxiety bleeds through me. The kind I had forgotten I was capable of hosting. When Alex stops by the iron door with tinted glass circle his jaw tightens. Confusion that slithered into my head vanishes the moment he pulls at the lever and takes a step in. holding the door open, paving a way for me to mimic his movements.
I leave him standing there, my eyes trails from him to the woman in bed. Countless aids and monitors by her side, stuck to her skin. Unlike Alex she had golden blonde hair that rested in messy ringlets upon her shoulder. Her skin a shade of inhumane paleness, her frame unhealthily thin.
"Is she your?" I let it hang, incomplete. I could feel him close up to me.
"Keira"
The introduction was hard and rough, like it was painful for him.
"What happened to her?"
"She tried to commit suicide" I look up at him turning, only to witness the intensity of what he said blemished across his face.
"Alex" torn between comforting him or being curiously shocked I bring my hand to his cheeks. Under my skin I felt the strain of his stern remorse. I know she was a big part of his life, i know what it's like to loose someone as such "I am so sorry"
"I was the reason" he anything but declares as my body stiffens. His gaze slowly drawls from Keira white to me. "I fought with her that night. She asked me to forgive her. I didn't"
My heart went out for him. My hand falls to take his. But he was faster as he holds mine in vice grip. Almost in a gesture as if afraid of letting go.
"There's something else Elzina. Something that I should have told you long ago. The day we met in New York" His drowns me with his pinned up gaze, but more importantly I soak in the darkness that came with it.
Silently I let him continue.
When my insides wanted him to stop.
Each snippet proving how his innocent fear of losing me had kept him from giving me the hope that I have been dying to yearn for years.
"How could you?" I whimper may hand twists in an effort to free itself from his hold. My bones felt the pressure of his demanding grip as he refused to let go.
"I am sorry, please understand I was scared" his plead falls on deaf ears as fuming I yank it back.
"Understand what Alex? That you have been fooling me around when you were aware that your aunt and Father knows who is behind my parents death" by now I was screaming, insensitive to the room and atmosphere I was in "I would have understood your struggles Alex" gnawing at the insides of my cheeks I softly add. Defeated and damaged. "If you had even tried to understand mine"
"I did dammit" I flinch at the sudden out burst as his features softens, he moves to hold me as I motion him to stop right where he was.
Silence.
The ticks from cardiac screen.
"Is this why you asked me to marry you? So that you could-"
"Oh god No"
"_trap me"
Closing my eyes my lips trembles. Suddenly all his commitments a con. A person that complicated every fiber of what I had figured out.
How did this night turned out this way? I should have known that today was too beautiful to be true.
When I open them I don't wait. Walking around I go for the door, he wretches me back and roughly pushes me against the door. Then his lips crashes against mine, his masculine hold on my wrist so dauntless that it began hurting as I whimpered.
He had none of it as his other hand coils by my neck, pulsing our heat into a wild kiss.
"Don't do this" he breaths, murmurs breaking the kiss. I push him away.
He barely budges but when the click of lock resonates we both move aside as the door yawns open. A doctor in his mid fifties with sleek card pad on his hand watches us surprised.
He acknowledges Alex in instant but his gaze lingers on me before he nods with a formal acknowledgement.
"I wasn't expecting you to visit today Alex" he says, before his smile contorts into seriousness as he reads something down "But I was about to call you anyways. There's something I have to inform you about"
Alex merely waits when-
"It will be better if it's just family" though he looked as if he'd rather be smashing his fist into a wall. He had no choice but to go. The doctor leaves as Alex looks at me. I meet his gaze with equal ferocity.
Inferno.
"Stay" he orders.
I look away. He knows better than to push me more.
I don't try to make a move even after he leaves. I know i wished to Cower away the hurt, be alone for a while.
Sniffing i barricade the stinging ache in my throat.
It demands me to break the brave stance i had. But to no avail did my pride lets me have the moment.
I was becoming like these people.
But yet i hurts like old times. Oh god, it does.
My phone vibrates serving a distraction, my fingers cold upon the screen as i swipe Nathans call to green acceptance.
"Hello?"
"El. Meet me right. now." I forget to speak for a while. His urgent tone recides a new form of dread to crawl through my veins.
"What is it?" Hoarse, fatigued but alert i ask. I only hear his breathing and ragged attempts at forming a sentence.
"It's about Alex" he finally spills.
"Where are you?" I could imagine his perplexed frown as i answered him in a beat. Like i was itching to hear him say that.
Not thinking twice i leave as Nathan stops his black truck an intersecting street away. The road was deserted and a ample more destroyed and hollow was my comprehensive mind.
Nathan had his back leaned by the cars door while one of his knees bent with his sole planted to the metal surface.
Up-close, in vivid clear street light he looked not a notch less than a boy with the most worn out shadow i have ever seen on him.
It ardently screamed the contentment i began to feel in my life. I hated how i had forgotten the ones who made it possible.
"Why were you at the hospital?" He asks looking clueless. With a slight wrinkle of his nose.
"I'll tell you later. What is it about him?" Giving up on concealing, my voice cracks.
Then i felt him move to hug me. I grab onto him like a child as the tears pour out.
"What did he do this time?" He snarls, it hardly sounded like Nathan anymore. The loathe in his tone seemed so old. Like he had washed and tamed it for for the sake of me till now.
It sends a shiver down my spine. But his next words were worse. It didn't made any sense. Yet it began as an implication of something insane.
I wasn't prepared for it.
"I should have listened to the advise. I was told i was far more better for you than Alexander"
The collapse of his utterance engulfs me as i part from the embrace taking a confused step back.
"Wh-what?" The weak stutter dies as i look into the darkened state of his eyes. His face, cold and blank. Painted with animosity. "Advise of who?"
Successfully i ask the boy,
Not my friend. A stranger.
He smirks, his penetrating gaze taking in my paranoid self in a devilish manner. The placid breeze contrary to the situation flutters his hair by his forehead.
My heart trashes inside, my hands useless fist by my side.
"Someone El, who is responsible for every single tragedy in your life. Someone who is as crazy as me-" he takes a low, predatory step forward. The weak gravel stone crunches beneath as i retreat a tremble one back. "-And Some one who i have no choice but to work for"
Edging. I was in the brink of losing my mind. But i know he wasn't joking. Not with that look on his face.
Never have i so desperately dotted for a scream to tear through air with sweat matted face. Waking up on my bed, and calling the trauma a night mare.
Nothing as such happened.
There was nothing he found out about Alex.
This was his forsaken confession.
And the result of my overbearing trust on him. The sole reason why i was not able to move an inch despite the warning bells as i stood with my helpless eyes trained on him.
He was suppose to be my friend. Not traitor.
Traitor. The whisper of such harsh remark rogues my lifeless trace. The heels of my shoes curves, too late it was when his hand angrily grips my wrist.
My back collides to his chest as my call for help muffles into breathy lament.
A fleecy cloth covers half of my face.
My lungs burns as i do my best to cease the act of inhaling.
The alertness of my senses swamps into mush.
I know it was futile as my concsiousness slips. Still I conflit to hold on.
But body gives up.
I give up.
***