Alex
My thoughts devolves into a crumpling mess. Half an hour next to her and I was already fighting a battle that no doubt was the result of my own stupidity. The couch would have been the best decision tonight. And to sleep on it, a wise action.
The darkness wasn't so frozen, as the streaks of night light cracked through the windows. Bathing the tension within the fore walls of my room with teasing forlorn.
She wasn't asleep yet, a peek through the corner told me she mirrored the same posture as mine. Her gaze to the ceiling. Wide awake.
"Your shirt. Where is it from?" with confident venture I ask, to wipe out the quiet dense atmosphere.
Her style of dressing had always been experimental, from large hoodies to jump suits. Dress to lethargically patterned drape tops, she has been with Diana enough to invest in varieties. Modest and trendy.
But had enough sense to don in the worn out regalia when Summersville had treated her with indifference.
It was like she was ready for the show, and didn't cared that they made her misery an aspect of their enjoyment. The thought alone had my fists in clenches. I wish them all a devastating future until they realize just how pathetic they actually are.
But Elzina had a norm, she wasn't afraid anymore. Elaine was the quiet storm who only spoke with her eyes. Elzina, was a hurricane. She wasn't forgiving.
It was like two people at once. And she balances her humble heart and dire ferocity so well. The symbolism was the complete flip by the kind she dresses now.
May be she is getting comfortable by the days spent with me.
Or she was just trying to kill me.
"Wal-Mart" her answer was like a delicate caress in silence. But I detected a hint of peachy smile in her utterance "Miss working there?"
A chuckle escapes as I wonder about my working days, short lived.
Do i? Do I miss punching in the receipt and counting down the bills? Smiling at the one who frowned, wishing them a good day when I consistently wanted to dunk there head in a large jar of mayonnaise? Do I miss it?
"No" sighing I run a hand across my head "It was torturous. I am not a people's person if you haven't noticed yet"
She laughs at the forced sarcasm. But then it fades into saddened Sigh.
"What's wrong?" quick to notice the mood shift I ask.
"we are still awake"
Silence.
"Alexa" picking my code the virtual assistant pings to life with a fading blue halo on the night table "Time?"
Two forty nine
Robotic and sharp she answers. Not fatigued like us.
Silence again.
"What are you thinking?" I ask, my voice catching on with sudden boldness.
"Nothing" she mutters, her tone a low uncertain rumble.
"Liar" I drawl out, a smile forms on my face. Inclining my head to side as I watch her, my ear pressed up against the cushion.
"What are you thinking?" striking me with her annoyed query she frowns, her vision still glued to the top. The frustration evident. Almost funny, but not when I was going through the exact same thing.
"A lot actually" I admit. Giving up on something that was futile to even try covering up. Why not just be shameless, she was mine. And it's going to be that way. Forever.
"uh- really?" she turns, meeting me in the eyes. A fraction of doubt in them. Her soft cheeks glows, its smoothness more pure than the earliest of snow. The gentle kind she had her lower lip in a bite, confused. Awakes a hurl of storm within me, and yet she was there, being the divinity of calmness.
"I want to kiss you"
Her body reacts, as mine shuts down. Hers didn't showed excitement or nervousness. It was the fidgeting breath that parted her lips in the wake of my words. My body shuts down, but instinct doesn't. When she closes her eyes with an onset of sweet little smile. I find myself moving, the sound of my night shirt shuffling against the forgotten comforter were the only sound.
The silence was deadly. But the fascination that it provided wasn't. Pulling her into an embrace felt like holding on to life, and the thought of kissing her was like breathing.
So I do just that.
I lost count of the beats my heart endured as I captured her soft lips with all I had. Her addictive fragrance, her small frame, and the curve of her waist where my hand held her as the other weaved its path among the silky curtains of her hair, it all digressed me into nothingness and then into something complete.
And the faint sound of her ecstasy. It drove me crazy.
This girl will be the death of me.
Breaking the touch, for the much needed breather, I move down to the nape of her neck. Not compromising to be away from her a second more my teeth grazes the sensitive skin as i pull her shirt lower exposing more of her shoulder. The small kisses turns into a daunting nibble as I reach her ear.
The breathy whisper of her moans makes me smile against her.
My hand on accord grabs her wrist and pins them above her head, the move sinks her more into the soft mattress as her back arches.
I had never been this close to a girl before. And to know that despite of impossibility I wanted her closer made me realize how stubborn and demanding I was.
"Sometimes I think it's really unhealthy-" resting my forehead against her I say in an undertone. My voice thick with uncoated emotions and vulnerability "-so unsafe to think of how much I want you"
Blinking open her eyes, she brings her hand to the back of my head. Her fingers caresses my hair playfully as she cranes her position. Awarding me with an unjustified peck. Leaving me, wanting more.
"I want you too" she whispers, tilting as she tried to read me. Even in such flustered state, her eyes held the wisdom that I'll never be able to fathom.
I know she could see past through me. The paranoia, the consistent hidden specks of what I was hiding from her. She suspects it all.
She Weighs the depth of what I meant by unhealthy.
She wasn't questioning it.
She was waiting. Just the way I waited for her.
"You are perfect" I found myself saying as she closes her eyes, I feel her body go stiff. With a frown I place my palm on her cheek,
"Are you okay?" worried sick I watch as she blinks away some unshed tears.
"I am not-not perfect Alex" she almost chokes on her words as I frown. But when I felt her hand move down and fist a handful of her shirt by her waist. As if she hated what it concealed beneath.
"Don't" I warn her, she purses her lips to stop the sobs as she tries to look away. But my hold on her prevented it. "If you think that some scar that you think of as imperfections will change the way I love you. Then you don't know me at all Elzina"
"For me they are the sign of how brave you are. You survived it all. They are not flaws, that's what I think and even you can't make me think otherwise" shifting to the side, I pull her close. Snuggling she lays her head upon my chest as her free arm held me. "I never liked calling you my girlfriend-" I confess the deepest of my thoughts as my hand caresses her shoulder "- and even now I am selfish as I wait for the day to make you rightfully mine. And when that day comes I'll show you just how beautiful you truely are"
A slight shiver of her body was all I needed that she believed me. That how much it affected her. I was worse since it barely required for her to speak to get a reaction from me as I descend by the feel of her.
"I love you so much" she whispers, the relief and grateful in her tone so vice it held my heart caged.
I don't answer her, instead my hold on her goes tight as moment seeps by. Second into minutes and her restlessness into even breaths as she falls asleep on my arms.
Curled up like a fragile broken fairy.
Into the night I tried to sleep, but when the disturbed frown crowned her features I wasn't able to unsee it.
The way she flexed her fingers in air, and the low gasps of cry made me a broken man again. We both were broken. I thought as steadied her hands back to my chest, I don't wake her up. I wait for it to pass.
Sleep makes the courageous weak, and dreams from tainted memories was the edge of vulnerability.
And to see someone you love go through it and helpless to do anything about it.
It destroys you.
â¢â¢
Time was precious.
And the time I get to spent doing something beneficial was more admirable.
But, sitting with my dress shoes occasionally busy as it taps down upon the sparkling marbled white flooring of Airport terminal was pure waste of it. Dotted with passengers the hall hosted groups of them.
We were among the list too.
Though the Elites privet jet did provide us privacy once inside, even it won't help us with the custom procedure.
Scowling I watch a kid who stuck her tongue out at me. For no reason.
I raised my brow intimidatingly having no clue of what goes on and over a possible three year old girl's psychology.
Apparently a lot.
Wrinkling her nose the little blonde girl gags. Squinting my eyes I scoff, taking her action to heart. She was nothing like Ashley. My sister was sweet, this was vile. I knew most kids were. Ashley was an exception.
"Are you seriously trying to scare her off?" lazily I smile, looking at an amused Elzina with her barely living tattered tab on her lap.
"So someone finally took time for her lonely, forgotten man from reading a highly interesting article about helium balloons?" All the flustered moments from last night vanquished as she smiled mockingly.
"If I had to choose between spending time with you and binge watching Game of Thrones. I'd go for the latter" Her jab was intended to be offensive. But I picked up something else entirely. It was quite a surprise.
"You watch Game of Thrones?"
At that her lips purses in line as she shrugs. As if it was her second nature.
"Who doesn't" she rolls her eyes, before she levels the tab to her face.
"Well. I don't" I whisper to myself letting my head fall. But she seem to hear it. and the way she reacted-
"What did you say?" her head snaps in my direction as alarmed I look at her. "You haven't?" her voice raises an octave high, even her eyes goes wide dramatically.
"Is it that big of a deal?" causally straightening my jacket I sit up, trying to look unaffected while inside I rigorously attempted to figure out what went wrong.
She turns her gaze to the floor and takes a deep intake of breath before muttering "Mike was right. I might just be marrying the wrong person"
"Mike said what?" it was my turn to hold my breath. But she wheels the conversation away. A sneaky move, but mike, the one I fed tuna sandwiches to, has some unshed hospitality to witness.
"So-" she clears her throat "you don't watch shows? Or Movies?"
The tip of my tongue grazes the inside of my cheek as I go through the options. She was basically a wizard at everything. And I, even failed as a normal teenager who diverts his time in entertainment. Especially when I answer with-
"Not exactly"
She blinks. And settles for a breathy blank "oh"
"I do watch classic at times. If that counts" I offer as she nods with her deep thinking mode on. Distracted.
"No wonder you are so allergic to humans. You don't even watch them through screen." She concludes as sudden soft giggle resoundes as I found myself smiling to it.
Though our movie nights conspired of us dozing off or me being dazed. I was aware of her perked up interest to those stuffs. But I never conjured it to be this serious.
I guess I have a to do list once we land at Orlando.
Watch Game of Thrones.
"Ms. Winston and Mr. White you both can board the flight now" we both simultaneously look up to see Oliver with his sunkissed skin and literally sun like smile. He was like Lee, and to see that he was a giant body guard with kids and family made me worry if Lee will grow up similar to this comic dude too.
Behind him Mason glared at the back of Oliver's head. It was evident who Elzina liked more when she got up and hugged Oliver.
This was the last she'll see of them.
They were not coming with us.
But an advise from Mason was surely going to stick with me.
It was today morning when we left Brooklyn, I met him by the car.
With ease as if he handled the feather of a fly he carried the luggage. To be honest I was glad Elzina wasn't watching this as he already gave the masculinity in me a great good grimace.
It was then when he blurted out out of nowhere,
"If a girl says No. It's a no. when she says yes it's a yes. Never disagree with her kid. Mark my advice it'll keep you safe"
With that still echoing in mind we began to move, Mason gave me a small smile as I returned.
As we walked the distance, I noticed the lazy way her shoulder slouched.
Somethings never change.
Nudging her with elbow I grab her attention. I motion her to hop on the baggage carrier, her eyes literally sparkles as she rips of the back pack from her and throws it in, she makes herself comfortable later. Even goes as far to fold her legs and lean her back to the side bar as I wheeled it.
Aware of the attention on us we moved. None of us cared. We have been through much and in our world there was no niche for judgements and envy.
I pull out my sun glasses with free hand, sliding it on my face I watch as the runway nears.
The sun shines bright and the wind playful to our departure.
Once back in the city, our city.
Everything was going to be alright.
I'll make it right.
***